Just like the other night, when I was contemplating if I was a narcissist or a people pleaser, another puzzle worked its way into my mind.
Am I cynical or overly hopeful?
Jel told me that I kept on doing the same mistake, getting my unfounded hopes up high in the sky when there was nothing much to hope for. And why wouldn't I, when I had heard people promise me the world, and their eyes looked so sincere and I could only be just as dreamy-eyed.
And that had always been my impression on myself. The hopeful damsel in distress.
And I tried to change that. No, not tried, but I just suddenly shed off that trait and became someone else. I tried to be really cold so that no one, not even my loved ones, could see through me and therefore take advantage of my feelings.
That's why I was not suprised to hear Craig say that I was too cynical, the ultimate pessimist. My self-deprecating humor surely wasn't his sole premise for having such an opinion of me, or else I'd think that at his age, he still has not learned how to size up a person even after several nice meaningful conversation.
No it wasn't my sarcastic jokes that made him say that. He probably knows me well enough by now, and it just annoys me that he's right, that I'm this way. I want to be somewhere in the middle.
Is there such a thing?
I think so.
On my way there.
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