Wednesday, December 28, 2005

happy new year!

relaxing week.
i received a phone call from a good friend,
my friend fifi and i will spend the night in a hotel,
get a facial in a nice derma clinic,
and i am losing a few pounds.
just as i had planned.

and what i haven't planned yet
are pleasant surprises for me,
i can feel it.

i didn't feel this way at the start of the holiday season.
i was afraid to go through it because i saw no reason
to celebrate, have a week off from work, and not have anthing to do.
it was 3:30 in the morning, and i did everything to sleep.
i even told my self that if i continued being awake at such an ungodly hour,
i would end up like emily rose.
but nothing put me to sleep.
until i saw my bedside table.
it didn't look like a bedside table.
it was a heap of junk.
cords, mugs, bottles of perfumes, scripts,
unfinished snacks, one-month old cigarettes,
unused sanitary napkins displaced from their wrappers,
christmas gifts, makeup, pouches, and clean panties.
i was trying to find my pen so i could write in my journal,
but i would never find it unless i cleaned the mess.
so i got up, sorted my stuff on the bedside table,
and felt sooo satisfied that i turned to my closet
and did the same thing.

now my bedside table has a mug from my friend ria that holds
markers and pens, a picture of me, kath and lis that kath gave me for christmas,
a clay guitar the size of my thumb given by my aunt who's now in new york,
my journal, and the book i'm currently reading.

the book i'm reading is Break Up Diaries, lent by Lenni.
She said to read it immediately. That was in July.
now i'm actually enjoying the book.

and of course my bedside table is where my ipod mini rests,
when i'm not listening to aegis' BAKIT?
i love that song. listen to it.

it's hard not to love anything right now.
too happy to see the imperfections of the world.
i better keep my bedside table clean and free of junk.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

don't stop the fun

"I make the most of all that comes and the least of all that goes."
– Sara Teasdale


after a whole year of going out on dates and a short-lived relationship, i am forced to think of my emotional status. i may be very frustrated, bordering on cynical even, but i know that there is one consistent thing about me: i still see life as a children's party. it's still fun, and people come to celebrate with you and make you feel happy, and get goodies and play games. And when they leave, you know there are other guests coming. just entertain them, but never force the fun.

i have tried my best to make a relationship work, to "celebrate" our togetherness and sustain the fun. but the time finally came when my guest had to leave, and that's okay. i said goodbye and see you soon. but the party never stops.

cheers!

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

sci fi wasabi by cibo matto

What’s up b? wa-sa-bi
I’m searchin’ the city for sci-fi wasabi
The start button has been pushed already
Obi-wan kenobi is waiting for me in union square
My wheel needs repair. the bike lane’s glowing all over the city
My bike ’specializes’ in the nitty-gritty
New york city never had equality, it’s reality, economic duality
Where are my amenities
Tell me my sanity
Ain’t no analogy for individuality,
I got immunity from multiplicity
That’s how we do it. we got your harmony.
Where’s you’re identity?
Our name is stereotype with an a
I got to get the shit straight
Your vision of stupidity’s made of vanity
Keep your quality up in the sky
There is a hole on broadway, no control, it’s in my way
I feel no goal. where is my soul?
I got no reset for this game
A.o.k. gotta find an alley anyway
My hair turns grey day by day
Don’t erase your points, you’ve got your pace
Don’t waste your days, get your innerspace
Don’t give me chase, I’m at st. marks place
Feeling stromboli, not ravioli
I’m charging my energy fresh as a daisy
Biologically let your system know what’s up
Here comes your twin hopper
Yuka honda knows her water - ’pass the volvic’
No wonder her fingers are smooth like butter
It’s specific. no mind traffic
Cibo matto 1999!
I’m miho hatori straight outta purgatori
Ai? ai? alright?
I’m passing on your right
Don’t be snobby with me
Not aioli, surely not moby
Obi-wan kenobi told me in the lobby
Technically I’m free and I can find the key
Our name is stereotype with an a
I’ve got to get the shit straight. can you relate, my mate?
Don’t be late, my gate is open
Downtown still sends me up in the sky

LET ME SLEEP

THINKING IS MORE EXHAUSTING THAN RUNNING AROUND THE OFFICE. AND IT'S NOT A GOOD THING FOR ME.

i find myself getting tired at around 9pm, trying to sleep at around 11pm, and actually sleeping at 330am. once i am in bed, i suddenly get restless. sex and the city season 1 episodes, books about horoscopes and break ups and filipino culture, trying to get through to fifi on the phone, writing in my journal, playing the guitar, cigarette after cigarette, waiting for text messages to come in, anything to keep my mind off emptiness! i am physically tired but my mind wanders and it ignores its curfew.

i am on a yuletide vacation but my mind never stops working.
and it's just like any other day at work: i wake up with eyebags, extra bad breath and a headache.

Monday, December 19, 2005

girls rule, boys drool!

A friend told me that it takes half the time of the duration of relationship to actually recover from it. my relationship lasted four months, so in two months' time i should be over everything. what is its purpose? is it a mourning period? is it to spend time by myself to make up for the four months of being with someone?

whatever it's about, i don't follow that. those four months were easily replaced by four coupons. yup, four coupons that say: LYE AND JEL'S FEEL-GOOD GIFT FOR ZEENA: GIRLS RULE, BOYS DROOL!
The first coupon entitles me to a free Starbucks drink of my choice effective this month.
The second one entitles me to free dinner at my favorite restaurant, Cafe Breton, in January. The third is a free entrance at any videoke joint this February!
And come March, they have a surprise for me that I can't wait to see!
Four months of happines with two of the best friends I can ever have. They've got me covered for the yuletide, valentine and graduation season! : )

They say that happiness comes from within, and only you can heal yourself.
But it wouldn't hurt to have Jel and Lye around to give me something to start with.
Now that's one way to get over a break up fast! Thanks guys! Love yah!

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Friday, December 16, 2005

"Ruin and recovering are both from within." -epictetus

"It is well for the heart to be naive and the mind not to be."
– Anatole France

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
– Albert Einstein

"Everything comes to him who hustles while he waits."
– Thomas A. Edison

"Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for truth."
– Benjamin Disraeli

"Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit."
– e. e. cummings

"Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm."
– Sir Winston Churchill

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us."
– Helen Keller

"Do not be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment."
– Ralph Waldo Emerson

"I'm a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it."
– Thomas Jefferson

"None of us will ever accomplish anything excellent or commanding except when he listens to this whisper which is heard by him alone."
– Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Great things are not done by impulse, but by a series of small things brought together."
– Vincent van Gogh

"Facing it — always facing it — that's the way to get through. Face it!"
– Joseph Conrad

"It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end."
– Ursula K. Le Guin

"Life loves to be taken by the lapel and told: 'I'm with you kid. Let's go.'"
– Maya Angelou

"In every person who comes near you look for what is good and strong; honor that; try to imitate it, and your faults will drop off like dead leaves when their time comes."
– John Ruskin

"None will improve your lot if you yourself do not."
– Bertolt Brecht

"Self-reverence, self-knowledge, self-control. These three alone lead to sovereign power."
– Alfred Tennyson

"One day in retrospect the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful."
– Sigmund Freud

"No one can really pull you up very high — you lose your grip on the rope. But on your own two feet you can climb mountains."
– Louis Brandeis

"Pain is a part of being alive, and we need to learn that. Pain does not last forever, nor is it necessarily unbeatable, and we need to be taught that."
– Harold Kushner

"Put your heart, mind, intellect, and soul even to your smallest acts. This is the secret of success."
– Swami Sivananda Saraswati

"Most people are so busy knocking themselves out trying to do everything they think they should do, they never get around to do what they want to do."
– Kathleen Winsor

"I just kept on doing what everyone starts out doing. The real question is, why did other people stop?"
– William Stafford

"Believe that you can do it, under any circumstances. Because if you believe you can, then you really will. That belief just keeps you searching for the answers, then pretty soon you get it."
– Wally "Famous" Amos

"What is important is to keep learning, to enjoy challenge, and to tolerate ambiguity. In the end there are no certain answers."
– Matina Horner

"We arrive at the truth, not by the reason only, but also by the heart."
– Blaise Pascal

"Living well and beautifully and justly are all one thing."
– Socrates

"There can be no happiness if the things we believe in are different from the things we do."
– Freya Stark

"It is necessary to try to surpass oneself always; this occupation ought to last as long as life."
– Queen Christina

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

leftovers, anyone?

no two people are alike.
that's why all pairs in this world are likely to clash in more ways than one.
but despite this fact, many pairs are happy.
genuinely happy.
how do they do it?

three years ago, i saw a music video on MTV.
the artist was ninna pearson,
vocalist of the cardigans.
she called herself ACAMP
and released a solo album.
the song on MTV was called
"Song for the Leftovers".
I loved it.

Don't we perceive ourselves
as leftovers, people who
have loved and lost and now
wandering?
But this song makes sure
that leftovers are bound to cross paths.
And be happy together.

I still cringed at the thought of
being a leftover.
But that's a different way to look
at myself.
hehe.

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SONG FOR THE LEFTOVERS
ACAMP

The night is on the edge now
Hanging low against the tide
The world is at it's best now
When the loveless ones collide
It's a long night
A beautiful night
And we're the first leftovers
Of the night

I'm thinking about the last times
And the people i had to hurt
I wonder why they couldn't touch
And why i never gave it up
You weren't hard to find
You didn't run and hide
We were the first leftovers
Of the night, of the night

The silence is a burden
When you don't really want to talk
I'm trying really hard now
To set alight my sleepy heart
We made a pretty sight
It seems we've found some pride
In being the first leftovers
Of the night, of the night

And everything is alright now
Everything is alright now
Everything is alright

You're not what i was after
But i'm happy with what i found
To dream of new beginnings
When the end is all around
I think you're alright
You qualify
For being my...Supernova

It's a gambling life
A lonely strife
But i think we're the best leftovers
Of the night, of the night

And everything is alright now
Oh, everything is alright now
Everything is alright

Monday, December 12, 2005

HOW CAN YOU TELL IF A WOMAN IS STRONG?

go ahead, answer this question.
i'd love to hear from you.

one saturday night...

saturday night with high school friends.
after months of waiting, it happened.
cookie said to show up at mcdo katipunan at 6PM.

so at 4:30 PM I took a shower, rummaged through my closet
for a decent-looking top, put on red lipstick and velvet black mascara,
adorned my neck with elegant chunky jewelry, and blowdried my hair.
by 5:45 I was hailing a cab to katipunan.

6 PM at mcdo. no familiar face in sight.
one yosi later... wala pa rin. shet.
i put my ipod on repeat mode,
so madonna sang "hung up" like there was no tomorrow.

quarter to 7. cookie showed up.
sporty sporty cookie in sneakers and jeans.
we went to cantina.
she had a beer, i had green tea.
she tried to cheer me up.
i tried to look happy, but i couldn't.
my mind was flying everywhere.
love love love.
sigh.

8PM and it was still me and cookie.
she wanted interaction,
or at least a reaction from me.
so she told me about daddy ed.
she said she had already received a sign from above
that daddy ed was finally home in heaven.
good news, cookie. kiss!

830PM. terri came. kat too.
we were already four.
banter banter.
kat and terri had gifts for us.
kat gave me a picture of me, her and fifi
and a picture holder.
terri gave me a fabulous green bracelet
and a funky case from team manila.
banter banter.

then nikko arrived.
all the way from ateneo rockwell.
she looked tired from commuting.
then wyson, from gateway.
we played a game which i started.
2 pitchers of zombie.
1 glass for each girl.
out of 300 plus batchmates,
we must name one when our turn came.

it was a simple game.
but it relived our high school days!
an avalanche of anecdotes.
fast facts about each batchmate.
one mention of any random name
would crack us up endlessly.
not that we were making fun of them.
the nostalgia was just overwhelming.
cherilyn manalo.
hazel imperial.
robin perlas.
mary grace bucton.
deisree cagampan.
pinky villarba.
mery dela paz.
genevieve david.

hahaha.
drunken laughter.
hahaha.

then some high school boys approached us.
they were throwing a party for their friend.
they invited us to have free drinks at burgundy.
not exactly free. we had to pay P25.
we didn't go.

goodbyes, goodbyes.
at 1230 it was just wys, fifi and me.
we decided to go to eastwood
for super early breakfast.
upon arriving there we were
magnetized by the tiangge stalls.
five minutes into checking out their stuff,
wys realized she lost her phone.
a super expensive XDA phone.
we went back to cantina.
the management kept her phone after all.
wys offered them a reward or P1000.
the management refused to accept it.
wow. good people on katipunan avenue.
thank God.

chiara arrived.
we all went back to eastwood
to finally have breakfast.
eat all you can for P80.
that's when i became perky,
throwing punchlines like
they were a heap of palitaw
that couldn't be consumed by
four famished women.
my fault.
i was so giddy i must have piled on
a hundred in one plate and served them
to my girlfriends.
it turned out,
we didn't finish our palitaw.
we had to pay for an extra plate
for the untouched ones.

coffee at starbucks.
banter banter.
antok antok.
bye bye bye bye.
wys and i shared a cab.
fifi and chiara shared a cab.
4 am.

they made my day.
yeah, saturdays are for lovers.
lovers of fun.
and what better way to have fun
than be in the company of
your most precious friends.

terri, have a safe trip!
kat, say hi to the kids for me!
wys, yes i will have my lungs checked.
cookie, no bad vibes at all.
nikko, yes i owe you the full account of what happened.
chiara, good luck with your episodes.
charm, miss yah!
fifi, wake up!!!
love you guys!

Thursday, December 08, 2005

break up, make up

break up, make up.
it's a vicious cycle.
it tests a person's character.
it comes with living.
albert einstein once said
that a person who has never
made any mistake
hasn't done anything at all.
then i must have done
a million things at 23.
not to say that i have achieved
a million things.
and that's okay.
break up, make up.

right now i just want to
forget about the break up part.

make up, make up.
sounds better.
my favorite brand is mac.
what's yours?

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

no time for weeping

i realized that i have a choice.
i can either sulk in a corner or gallop to my own bliss.
the latter sounds better.
i will not have time to mourn or regret.
i will be too busy thanking people who only want the best for me.
i will be too busy spending time with the people who also have time for me.
i will be too busy appreciating everything and everyone else around me.
i will be too busy cherishing the relief this decision has given me.
i will be too busy applying concealer.
too busy, too busy, too busy.
no time for weeping.

Monday, December 05, 2005

where am i?

exactly 12mn.
fifi's office.

my ipod's dead and so is my night.

they say that if a woman is really pissed or sad, she should get a pedicure, and she would feel better. well, i had a manicure and a pedicure and that didn't stop me from feeling this way.

i should have a drink or two tonight.
cocktails for a sad girl.
classic.

i'm sooo scared that if i went home i'd burst into big fat tears.
i'm getting fat already, so fat tears from a fat girl spell overkill.

i wish i had a fat wallet. if i did? i'd go to the beach and have some fun alone.
check in in a hotel and stay there for 24 hours.

lalalalala. nothing else to write about.
next time i'll make sure to write about happy things.

some of my days end with a bang.
this one ended with a wham bam bam and then some.

meet me in the morning

everything but the girl

Meet me in the morning
I'll have the motor running
Down icy lanes, under a glass blue sky
This is living
This is living
I haven't come to be a stranger
I haven't come to break your home
I haven't come to harm your children
I've come to be your love
Don't let the grass grow under your feet
The sands of time keep running
For now at last I'm down on the street
With the engine running

Meet me in the evening
I'll have the log fire burning
Down frosty lanes, under a darkening sky
This is living
This is living
I haven't come to be a stranger
I haven't come to break your home
I haven't come to harm your children
I've come to be your love

Sunday, December 04, 2005

pick me up from work

pick me up from work
so we can dine out
and have cocktails

pick me up from work
so we can have beer
and a videoke session

pick me up from work
so we can have coffee
and talk for hours

pick me up from work
so i can see you
never mind eating

pick me up from work.
just pick me up from work.

Saturday, December 03, 2005

wanted

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DO YOU KNOW THIS MAN?
LAST SEEN IN MANILA WITHIN THE LAST 24 HOURS.
THIN, PLAYFUL, SLEEPYHEAD.
OWNS A DEFECTIVE PHONE.
FED BY HIS SISTER EVERY LATE AFTERNOON.
PLAYS TONG-ITS UNTIL THE BREAK OF DAWN.
PLEASE REPLY TO THIS IF YOU HAVE ANY INFORMATION ABOUT HIM.
REWARD: HIM!

my scans by the black eyed printscanner

whatcha gonna do with all that scans?
im gonna cc cc them, cc them to EPs now!

i go to work on sunday
i have to coz i get paid
to scan the sunday paper
but i can do that later

first ill check my blog, blog
checking out the tags, tags
coz im a PC hog, hog
and no one else is here to say

"can i check my email?
check my check my email?"
you can check but you can't type
coz if you type
i'll get a boljak
no no boljak, you don't want no boljak
nono boljak, you don't want no boljak

so don't push away my chair, boy
you're busy, i don't care, boy
i'm just trying to work, boy
and do my scans

my scans
my scans, my scans, my scans
my scans, my scans, my scans
my giant broadsheet scans
EPs, check 'em out!