Suddenly life is much harder than a few months ago, and I only knew a world that taught made me into this kind of person. And I am glad that I was there for 23 solid years, because I believe that those years are the reason I'm still standing here (not without varicose veins).

Always, when I look at things for the first time, they seem peculiar and irrelevant to me, no matter how spectacular they are. So now I can appreciate the beauty of Dubai more than ever, because I have lived here long enough to have memories. SO the city lights are more dazzling, some people are more evil, and our house is cozier.

I know that sometimes it's really hard to be completely independent, in many different levels. On the financial level, I guess I'm ok and still have some money to get by. On the emotional side, it's hard to aim for complete independence, because I know that I cannot afford to live alone and be 100 % happy. No one can. But still such is my aim in the hope of avoiding to get hurt. Relationships, whether with a lover, a family member or a dear friend, are forever volatile. A single word said or unsaid can break them up. So can a single gesture, a single decision, and so on and so forth. And just like that, you're alone again.

And so that's what makes life harder now than a few months ago. Sometimes I feel so lonely I feel like a geisha, except that I didn't auction off my virginity and I hate talking to drunk men. A geisha does not know any other world, and some geisha have no friends at all, because they are too busy working for their fame, and for their okiyas. I just want live happily, like a non-geisha. Sorry, I've been reading Memoirs for quite a while now, and the story's picking up and it's given me sleepless nights.

Tomorrow it will be better when I wake up. NOt to say that I won't feel alone anymore, but at least I'm alive?