If it's OK with you!

"I have always believed that whatever good or bad fortune may come our way we can always give it meaning and transform it into something of value."– Hermann Hesse

I want to slap myself for crying in front of a group of people last night. The karaoke party was so much fun, and indeed these people have come to be my closest friends in Dubai. They've shown me nothing but kindness, and I appreciate every single thing they've done to make my life easier here. But the time has come to say goodbye, and just as I thought, it would take more that just a timid wave before I finally leave them. But I didn't have doubts about leaving, now that I got what I've always wanted. I guess I'll never know why, for every single wonderful thing that happens to me, grief always tries to make its way into the celebration.

Bridget Jones's realization was very true. When one part of your life starts to pick up and prove to be very promising, another part of it falls spectacularly apart. And I've always experienced that. There's even a pattern. Say, for four months my life would go stagnant, no events to be happy or sad about, and out of nowhere something comes up. Something really good, and before I can even have the chance to say "YAY!", something else will happen and I get completely crazy and confused. I don't care much about Yin and Yang, that philosophy about equilibrium in everything, even in the life of a twenty-something woman who's just really a minute detail in the world, but it seems to be thriving in my life and I cannot run away from it, even if I train every day and have muscles on my thighs.

Why can't that force that runs lives just spread out the events in mine. One major event per month, just to keep me sane, so I can focus on each event and have time to figure out what to do. But no, it really has to be this way, two or three life-changing so I can go nuts several times in a year.

But in my struggle to be an optimist, I just glide through these events like I'm in full control of the situation. Optimism, escapism. Whatever you call it. I just try not to think of the bad stuff, really. And even if they give me sleepless nights I still say to myself that Ill be ok, that in a few days, or weeks, or months, it will all be over, and I'll be ok.

So I guess yeah, I'll be okay again. If it's ok with you.