It's a fleeting thing.
I'm not talking about life.
Victory.
Yesterday I thought I lost a few pounds.
Now I've put them on again.
How the hell did that happen?
I just had non fat steamed milk in the evening!
Water weight perhaps.
Tomorrow I hope I shed them off again.
Saturday, September 30, 2006
VIRGIN STATE OF MIND by K's Choice
There's a chair in my head on which I used to sit
Took a pencil and I wrote the following on it
Now there's a key where my wonderful mouth used to be
Dig it up, throw it at me
Dig it up, throw it at me
Where can I run to, where can I hide
Who will I turn to now
I'm in a virgin state of mind
Got a knife to disengage the voids that I can't bear
To cut out words I've got written on my chair
Like do you think I'm sexy
Do you think I really care
Can I burn the mazes I grow
Can I, I don't think so
Can I burn the mazes I grow
Can I, I don't think so
Where can I run to, where can I hide
Who will I turn to now
I'm in a virgin state of mind
Virgin state of mind
Virgin state of mind
Virgin state of mind
Took a pencil and I wrote the following on it
Now there's a key where my wonderful mouth used to be
Dig it up, throw it at me
Dig it up, throw it at me
Where can I run to, where can I hide
Who will I turn to now
I'm in a virgin state of mind
Got a knife to disengage the voids that I can't bear
To cut out words I've got written on my chair
Like do you think I'm sexy
Do you think I really care
Can I burn the mazes I grow
Can I, I don't think so
Can I burn the mazes I grow
Can I, I don't think so
Where can I run to, where can I hide
Who will I turn to now
I'm in a virgin state of mind
Virgin state of mind
Virgin state of mind
Virgin state of mind
Friday, September 29, 2006
Easy Friday afternoon, Ben Folds Five and a cup of coffee.
Yesterday I was able to watch TFC and learned that the Philippines was once again hit by a typhoon called Milenyo.The streets were flooded, people were stranded, roofs were flying and Luzon's electricity got cut off. This morning I sent a text message to Mama, asking how they were. She replied immediately. She just came home from work and she didn't know when the power would get swtiched on again for the whole island. Plus our roof leaked bu they managed to fix it. Traffic, stuck at home, no classes, those kinds of things.
Kind of miss rainy days. There's something about enduring a calamity with the help of humor. That's what we've always done, and we've always managed. Plus there's champorado.
Oh well. Can't complain on a sunshiny unpredicatable day. I wonder what happens today.
Yesterday I was able to watch TFC and learned that the Philippines was once again hit by a typhoon called Milenyo.The streets were flooded, people were stranded, roofs were flying and Luzon's electricity got cut off. This morning I sent a text message to Mama, asking how they were. She replied immediately. She just came home from work and she didn't know when the power would get swtiched on again for the whole island. Plus our roof leaked bu they managed to fix it. Traffic, stuck at home, no classes, those kinds of things.
Kind of miss rainy days. There's something about enduring a calamity with the help of humor. That's what we've always done, and we've always managed. Plus there's champorado.
Oh well. Can't complain on a sunshiny unpredicatable day. I wonder what happens today.
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
I've recently noticed that I've been sluggish and and indifferent.
Several reasons: I still don't have a desk at work, but we were promised our own desks and PCs and chairs in two or three weeks; I am in the process of losing weight and want to slim down so badly because important holidays are coming up (like the channel launch and lots of other parties); I haven't been getting enought sleep and it's REALLY ticking me off; I feel that I don't have a life in Dubai.
Well, that's not exactly true. We had dinner at Rosario's this evening, and I do my evening walk every so often, and I am reading a good book by Milan Kundera (he's very good, it's like he reads my mind when I read his literature). Plus I have parties to attend and tasks to accomplish, and lots of work to do.
I go out a lot and have fun with other friends and I don't have much cash to spare but manage, mircaulously. I go out for coffee or dinner and once in a while splurge on a nice dress. I chat with my friends in Cali, Manila, Ontario, Timbuktu when I have time, especially on lull evenings, and I make sure that I have my occasional karaoke nights out, with some booze to go with my croaking. On the slowest of nights I sit home and watch any show, shave my legs, do my own pedicure and pick my nose.
Ok fuck it.
I'm a little lonely and I need a quick fix.
I want to learn salsa, go out of the country, meet someone new and lose weight.
But now all I have is a stomach ache, out of respect for Ramadan.
Several reasons: I still don't have a desk at work, but we were promised our own desks and PCs and chairs in two or three weeks; I am in the process of losing weight and want to slim down so badly because important holidays are coming up (like the channel launch and lots of other parties); I haven't been getting enought sleep and it's REALLY ticking me off; I feel that I don't have a life in Dubai.
Well, that's not exactly true. We had dinner at Rosario's this evening, and I do my evening walk every so often, and I am reading a good book by Milan Kundera (he's very good, it's like he reads my mind when I read his literature). Plus I have parties to attend and tasks to accomplish, and lots of work to do.
I go out a lot and have fun with other friends and I don't have much cash to spare but manage, mircaulously. I go out for coffee or dinner and once in a while splurge on a nice dress. I chat with my friends in Cali, Manila, Ontario, Timbuktu when I have time, especially on lull evenings, and I make sure that I have my occasional karaoke nights out, with some booze to go with my croaking. On the slowest of nights I sit home and watch any show, shave my legs, do my own pedicure and pick my nose.
Ok fuck it.
I'm a little lonely and I need a quick fix.
I want to learn salsa, go out of the country, meet someone new and lose weight.
But now all I have is a stomach ache, out of respect for Ramadan.
Monday, September 25, 2006
Work this week seems a little slow, but that's all right because I need the down time to adjust and observe and catch up on the things I didn't finish last week.
By the way this is a funnny site, for Dubaians, thought you might like to check it out:
desertidleness.blogspot.com
It talks about Jumeirah Janes, jacked up rents and assholes in the emirate.
I also want to go out on a date soon, because I have a dress that I've been wanting to wear (while it still fits).
And I can't believe how some people can lose touch just like that. If they have time to check their Friendsters everyday then I guess they're not too busy to send an SMS?
But I can believe you can make all the new friends you want here, but just a few will be there to get to know you better and spend time with you and actually listen to what you have to say.
You don't just tallk, really. You move. And you don't run away. You say goodbye properly.
By the way this is a funnny site, for Dubaians, thought you might like to check it out:
desertidleness.blogspot.com
It talks about Jumeirah Janes, jacked up rents and assholes in the emirate.
I also want to go out on a date soon, because I have a dress that I've been wanting to wear (while it still fits).
And I can't believe how some people can lose touch just like that. If they have time to check their Friendsters everyday then I guess they're not too busy to send an SMS?
But I can believe you can make all the new friends you want here, but just a few will be there to get to know you better and spend time with you and actually listen to what you have to say.
You don't just tallk, really. You move. And you don't run away. You say goodbye properly.
Sunday, September 24, 2006
never enough
I went walking with Fifi this evening.
Walked all the way from the backside of Fairmont to Starbucks Sheikh Zayed.
Past Crowne Plaza, past the Xerox bulding, Lifco, Nando's, Saint Cinnamon (now closed).
That was a good 30, 40 minutes of brisk walking.
And while the boys were gulping down venti cream-based chocolate shit,
I had a bottle of water and non fat steamed milk.
I was sweating and panting and felt really good.
And yet, when I went upstairs to use the rest room, and looked in the mirror,
my thighs and hips looked very angry I had to shush them by jogging for ten seconds before I finally gave myself permission to pee.
I've lost 2,3 pounds already. 10 more to go.
What I'm trying to say is, I realized for the nth time in my life that we are never contented with what we have. And while this is an annoying fact of life, it also motivates us to be the best we can be. And time and again, we outdo ourselves and want to become better and better.
Before we know it, we're sooo good at something, but of course we won't acknowledge that, because then we'll retire and lie low and soon think of ourselves as incompetent.
That's why we never stop. We just keep going.
So after writing this I don't think I'll stop working out in the near future.
I'll walk, I'll run, I'll skip rope, dance around the house. I won't stop.
Can't shame myself in my own blog, oh no not here.
Walked all the way from the backside of Fairmont to Starbucks Sheikh Zayed.
Past Crowne Plaza, past the Xerox bulding, Lifco, Nando's, Saint Cinnamon (now closed).
That was a good 30, 40 minutes of brisk walking.
And while the boys were gulping down venti cream-based chocolate shit,
I had a bottle of water and non fat steamed milk.
I was sweating and panting and felt really good.
And yet, when I went upstairs to use the rest room, and looked in the mirror,
my thighs and hips looked very angry I had to shush them by jogging for ten seconds before I finally gave myself permission to pee.
I've lost 2,3 pounds already. 10 more to go.
What I'm trying to say is, I realized for the nth time in my life that we are never contented with what we have. And while this is an annoying fact of life, it also motivates us to be the best we can be. And time and again, we outdo ourselves and want to become better and better.
Before we know it, we're sooo good at something, but of course we won't acknowledge that, because then we'll retire and lie low and soon think of ourselves as incompetent.
That's why we never stop. We just keep going.
So after writing this I don't think I'll stop working out in the near future.
I'll walk, I'll run, I'll skip rope, dance around the house. I won't stop.
Can't shame myself in my own blog, oh no not here.
Saturday, September 23, 2006
sweet
Two Thursdays ago my officemate cooked spaghetti in our kitchen, and our Aussie housemate Craig came home at the sight of us going around the kitchen --- chopping, boiling, frying, pouring stuff into pots. When the spaghetti was ready, I gave a plate to Craig, who looked like a hungry hippo by 8 PM. I warned him that the sauce was made Filipino-style, meaning it was a lot sweeter than the tomato-based spaghetti everyone else in the world was used to. So I watched him at he finished the plate, but to my disappointment, he didn't help himself to another serving.
Hmmm... yeah he didn't like our version of spaghetti, that had a little sugar in it. We Pinoys want to sweeten everything, from teas to pies to dishes. In the kitchen, sugar will always be present, and the absence of sugar will mean that whatever we make in the kichen will turn out too sour, too spicy, too salty, too bitter or bland.
I have to laugh at this thought. Yeah we lke sugar coating everything, not to say that it does us good. Maybe we just want to feel good and get that sugar high everyday. Clever.
This is why we don't have divorce in out country. We have a million dysfunctional families that choose to stay together. GO on trips together and have meals together like their problems will go away just like that. That's why women forgive their cheating husbands, and girlfriends always give their guys a second chance. We like to be the one to solve problems, to make it work, by just being happy freaks.
I think it's about time we lessen our sugar and start to acknowledge the true taste of every dish. Spaghetti sauce should be made with pure tomatoes, life should be lived with acceptance of the truth. That's the only way you can really live it to the fullest. BURP.
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Good things
Do you agree that all good things come to an end?
If they do, maybe they're not really good.
Maybe you're made to believe that they are,
so you'd have a hard time getting over them.
Maybe you're just trying to make them good,
otherwise you'd have nothing at all.
Think about it.
Good things never end.
Like friendships, however far you are from each other.
Like family, however different your views are.
Good things never end.
They may be interrupted, or a little delayed,
or a little slow in progress,
but to say goodbye is to say "I don't really like this."
So I'm never saying goodbye to things and places and people
that I know are good for me.
Yeah, maybe some things are really worth the wait.
But while I wait, I must remember that there are lots of other good thing also waiting for me.
Wow good things really never end.
Bring them on!
If they do, maybe they're not really good.
Maybe you're made to believe that they are,
so you'd have a hard time getting over them.
Maybe you're just trying to make them good,
otherwise you'd have nothing at all.
Think about it.
Good things never end.
Like friendships, however far you are from each other.
Like family, however different your views are.
Good things never end.
They may be interrupted, or a little delayed,
or a little slow in progress,
but to say goodbye is to say "I don't really like this."
So I'm never saying goodbye to things and places and people
that I know are good for me.
Yeah, maybe some things are really worth the wait.
But while I wait, I must remember that there are lots of other good thing also waiting for me.
Wow good things really never end.
Bring them on!
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
love life again
Now I feel good.
I love my job,
I love my free time,
I love time with Fifi,
I love hanging out with my old officemates,
I love my days off,
I love my clothes ( and Fifi's),
I love chatting with my friends on YM,
and of course, regular bowel movement.
I a few weeks I'll be 90 pounds,
and anyone who tries to get in the way with my happiness
will find himself waking up in the morning weighing 15 stone.
"When I do good, I feel good. When I do bad, I feel bad. And that is my religion."
– Abraham Lincoln
I love my job,
I love my free time,
I love time with Fifi,
I love hanging out with my old officemates,
I love my days off,
I love my clothes ( and Fifi's),
I love chatting with my friends on YM,
and of course, regular bowel movement.
I a few weeks I'll be 90 pounds,
and anyone who tries to get in the way with my happiness
will find himself waking up in the morning weighing 15 stone.
"When I do good, I feel good. When I do bad, I feel bad. And that is my religion."
– Abraham Lincoln
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Last Kish Trip Ever
The Kish trip was ok.
Less than 6 hours on the island, and getting the visa was just like getting tissue in the toilet, which was even a little harder in Iran.
So one problem solved.
Well I can't think of any problem right now,
except if Fifi wants to give me one, which I hope she doesn't. Hehehhe.
So yeah we wore a Muslim dress again and took a picture of myself and Fifi.
Fun fun fun. Not. That was the only thing to do, really.
I brought my bedtime reading and was at it for about 15 minutes,
ate crappy snacks from that coffeeshop at the airport,
ate half a pear, which reminded me that I was pear-shaped, and that got me depressed.
So I listened to Colin's iPod (which he gladly charged for our trip),
and lsitened to some tunes >>> I had a kick out of listening to Ben Folds Five's Song for the Dumped, and Dead from the Waist Down by Catatonia. D from the W Down was something to listen to on my way home form Kish, looking out the plane window, watching the plane slowly slice through the clouds.
So that's my day.
Less than 6 hours on the island, and getting the visa was just like getting tissue in the toilet, which was even a little harder in Iran.
So one problem solved.
Well I can't think of any problem right now,
except if Fifi wants to give me one, which I hope she doesn't. Hehehhe.
So yeah we wore a Muslim dress again and took a picture of myself and Fifi.
Fun fun fun. Not. That was the only thing to do, really.
I brought my bedtime reading and was at it for about 15 minutes,
ate crappy snacks from that coffeeshop at the airport,
ate half a pear, which reminded me that I was pear-shaped, and that got me depressed.
So I listened to Colin's iPod (which he gladly charged for our trip),
and lsitened to some tunes >>> I had a kick out of listening to Ben Folds Five's Song for the Dumped, and Dead from the Waist Down by Catatonia. D from the W Down was something to listen to on my way home form Kish, looking out the plane window, watching the plane slowly slice through the clouds.
So that's my day.
Monday, September 18, 2006
want me to kill you on your birthday?
hehehe. rosario and his wife connie at rosario's birthday party.
they're the sweetes couple, really.
rosario is indian and connie's filipina.
but they speak the universal languages of music and dance.
Rosario sings Lady in Red while Connie is forced to slow dance with him,
even if she never wore red to any of our parties before.
Now don't I look retarded in this picture.
Money for Food by Barbie's Cradle
Toodididoot Toodididoododo
Someones knocking at my door
But I'm too lazy for a political conversation
What now you know that i cant hear
What all the masses here and there like to buy
And you can't sing all you like
sing all you like
sing all you...
Cause people still need money for food
Maybe i should stay in school
And learn to make a living
Selling things that i don't love
Maybe singing is a luxury
And when you can't afford it someday
It's possible you'll starve
And you can't sing all you like
sing all you likesing all you...
Cause people still need money for food
If you happen to see me on the street
Would you please give me coins and a drink
Sing all you like
People still need people who have money
To give money for food
Someones knocking at my door
But I'm too lazy for a political conversation
What now you know that i cant hear
What all the masses here and there like to buy
And you can't sing all you like
sing all you like
sing all you...
Cause people still need money for food
Maybe i should stay in school
And learn to make a living
Selling things that i don't love
Maybe singing is a luxury
And when you can't afford it someday
It's possible you'll starve
And you can't sing all you like
sing all you likesing all you...
Cause people still need money for food
If you happen to see me on the street
Would you please give me coins and a drink
Sing all you like
People still need people who have money
To give money for food
OPM to an Aussie
Hi, can I just say something?
We're playuing a game called musical laptops.
Our broadband internet connection has brought us closer together.
(awww sniff)
Craig, Fifi and I have one notebook each, and we're just surfing away like maniacs.
So I plugged in my iPod and played Apo Hiking Society, even asked Craig if he didn't mind listening to Pinoy music, and he said no.
So I was singing this song called Paano, composed by Danny Javier,
and I was really enjoying singing along with him,
when Craig said "You don't even know the words."
Well, I just got one line wrong, thank you very much!
He's a bit cheeky but well, his company's always welcome.
For that we're torturing him some more by playing Lumang Tugtugin.
He's bobbing his head, but what does he really know about the song?
Hahhaha that cracked me up.
Actually it didn't. Want to sleep now.
Hi Kish, watch out for us.
We're playuing a game called musical laptops.
Our broadband internet connection has brought us closer together.
(awww sniff)
Craig, Fifi and I have one notebook each, and we're just surfing away like maniacs.
So I plugged in my iPod and played Apo Hiking Society, even asked Craig if he didn't mind listening to Pinoy music, and he said no.
So I was singing this song called Paano, composed by Danny Javier,
and I was really enjoying singing along with him,
when Craig said "You don't even know the words."
Well, I just got one line wrong, thank you very much!
He's a bit cheeky but well, his company's always welcome.
For that we're torturing him some more by playing Lumang Tugtugin.
He's bobbing his head, but what does he really know about the song?
Hahhaha that cracked me up.
Actually it didn't. Want to sleep now.
Hi Kish, watch out for us.
long day, zero balance
I like Dubai, but this is crazy.
I went to Al Qusais this morning, which is like Katipunan to Lagro.
I had trouble finding the Philippines Consulate, where I had to have my passport renewed.
When I finally did I was smelly and disoriented, but managed to get it done.
Then went to work in Media City, finished at 6PM,
went to my good friend to borrow money (yeah I know, I'll pay, yeah?),
then we went straight to Karama to claim my passport (just claimed it really, the kind of hi-and-bye meeting I really hate).
Our last stop was on Maktoum Road, at the travel agency, to work on our visas.
And so today I must have spent 450 AED, which is nothing to others really,
but it's almost 7000 Pesos, so when you put it that way it can really make me weak in the heart.
But the journey doesn't stop there.
Tomorrow we're going to Iran for visa run, and hopefully we get out of there as soon as possible, or else we'll have to spend more.
So much more that this week I must have spent enough money to feed ten Filipino families for a week. Now when put it that way it really sounds like I'm shitting everywhere.
I'll fix this soon, I proooooooooooooomise!
I went to Al Qusais this morning, which is like Katipunan to Lagro.
I had trouble finding the Philippines Consulate, where I had to have my passport renewed.
When I finally did I was smelly and disoriented, but managed to get it done.
Then went to work in Media City, finished at 6PM,
went to my good friend to borrow money (yeah I know, I'll pay, yeah?),
then we went straight to Karama to claim my passport (just claimed it really, the kind of hi-and-bye meeting I really hate).
Our last stop was on Maktoum Road, at the travel agency, to work on our visas.
And so today I must have spent 450 AED, which is nothing to others really,
but it's almost 7000 Pesos, so when you put it that way it can really make me weak in the heart.
But the journey doesn't stop there.
Tomorrow we're going to Iran for visa run, and hopefully we get out of there as soon as possible, or else we'll have to spend more.
So much more that this week I must have spent enough money to feed ten Filipino families for a week. Now when put it that way it really sounds like I'm shitting everywhere.
I'll fix this soon, I proooooooooooooomise!
Sunday, September 17, 2006
What's in a friendship?
Really.
I've never felt so bad in my life.
I've always thought we were in this together.
Looks like I have to make plans for myself.
Looking after another person does more harm than good.
No, I'm not exactly known as a martyr.
That's why I'm not being one in this particular situation.
I have to look after myself, or else I will go down,
and no one will be around to save me.
Really.
I've never felt so bad in my life.
I've always thought we were in this together.
Looks like I have to make plans for myself.
Looking after another person does more harm than good.
No, I'm not exactly known as a martyr.
That's why I'm not being one in this particular situation.
I have to look after myself, or else I will go down,
and no one will be around to save me.
Saturday, September 16, 2006
Last night was different.
Peaceful, in a weird kind of way.
This morning I had breakfast all by myself while reading the news.
Nothing special really.
Hot chocolate with marshmallows.
Went home, and now I'm sound tripping while chatting with Dianne and writing this entry.
Love my iPod.
Where Have All the Cowboys Gone? by Paula Cole.
Running by No Doubt.
Ye ye ye ye ye . . . .
After this will have my beauty rest.
Then spend lots of time in the bath tub and enjoy the scent of lavender oil.
Probably shave my legs. I'm no gorilla so I can do without shaving.
Maybe wax my upper lip. Nobody wants to see a female with a moustache!
Facial mask, a must. My mother sent me loads of beauty products that I can't wait to use.
Flawless. O diba Lorna Tolentino and Vicky Belo! (tama ba?)
And let's not forget my feet. They're not Cinderella's, so I have to work hard on them.
Scrub them silly it'd be a shame to say "dead skin" when I'm around.
I also plan to go jogging and getting on the jump rope again.
I wish I had a punching bag. That would stop me from roaming Diyafah, and punching random people in their stomachs.
And of course nap. A looooooooong peaceful nap that would send me straight to heaven.
And maybe have something healthy for dinner? Like Colin's bougainvillas?
Maybe last night's wine to cap the night.
I'm going to be soooooo ready for tomorrow you'll hardly think I suffered seven months in a sucky job.
Three things: beauty, energy, kickass performance.
The way I talk about my new job, you'd think I was appointed as the managing director.
And on that note, let me sign off now. Babayooo!
Peaceful, in a weird kind of way.
This morning I had breakfast all by myself while reading the news.
Nothing special really.
Hot chocolate with marshmallows.
Went home, and now I'm sound tripping while chatting with Dianne and writing this entry.
Love my iPod.
Where Have All the Cowboys Gone? by Paula Cole.
Running by No Doubt.
Ye ye ye ye ye . . . .
After this will have my beauty rest.
Then spend lots of time in the bath tub and enjoy the scent of lavender oil.
Probably shave my legs. I'm no gorilla so I can do without shaving.
Maybe wax my upper lip. Nobody wants to see a female with a moustache!
Facial mask, a must. My mother sent me loads of beauty products that I can't wait to use.
Flawless. O diba Lorna Tolentino and Vicky Belo! (tama ba?)
And let's not forget my feet. They're not Cinderella's, so I have to work hard on them.
Scrub them silly it'd be a shame to say "dead skin" when I'm around.
I also plan to go jogging and getting on the jump rope again.
I wish I had a punching bag. That would stop me from roaming Diyafah, and punching random people in their stomachs.
And of course nap. A looooooooong peaceful nap that would send me straight to heaven.
And maybe have something healthy for dinner? Like Colin's bougainvillas?
Maybe last night's wine to cap the night.
I'm going to be soooooo ready for tomorrow you'll hardly think I suffered seven months in a sucky job.
Three things: beauty, energy, kickass performance.
The way I talk about my new job, you'd think I was appointed as the managing director.
And on that note, let me sign off now. Babayooo!
Friday, September 15, 2006
My Friendsters
Productive Friday afternoon.
Bad hangover, the best breakfast (gotong kay sarap), and Apo Hiking Society.
Now I'm looking at some of my friends' Friendster profiles.
Nice pictures.
Here are my favorite ones:
Nomer deems it necessary that mundane moments of his life are captured. For that, ordering a dasilog has become so much more than merely satisfying his hunger.
Nothing special about Jacq's pic, really. Except for her photo caption:
Jingo's having loads of fun at work."C is for cookie, that's good enough for me."
This is Bheng, barely 100 lbs, but already has a huge fan base.He rocks. Literally.He used to have a problem with socializing, but in this picture you can see that he is more confident han ever.
This is Dan. He used to be Spider Dan, but changed his costume into this one. In my opinion he looks like a villain with a day job, struggling to pay his bills like the rest of us. 
Kat and her co-teachers I suppose. I thought she was handling pre-school kids, not children with special needs? She's the young Incredible. Isn't she adorable? Like the rest of us, teachers are just a bunch of loonies who just wish to have fun more than educate the younger generation.Thursday, September 14, 2006
PAANO by APO Hiking Society
paano mo malalaman
itong pag-ibig ko sa ‘yo
paano mo mararamdaman
ang tibok ng puso ko
kung lagi kang kinakabahan
na ika’y masasaktan
pangako ko, ang puso mo’y
hindi pakakawalan
paano mo maiintindihan
na ako’y nananabik
o, kelan ko kaya madarama
ang tamis ng iyong halik
kung lagi mong inaatrasan
ang sugod ng nagmamahal
sana nama’y pagbigyan mo’ng
hiling ng puso ko
subukan mong magmahal
o giliw ko
kakaibang ligayang matatamo
ang magmahal ng iba’y
di ko gagawin
pagka’t ikaw lang
tanging sasambahin
huwag ka nang mangagamba
pag-ibig ko’y ikaw
wala nang iba
A gross attempt at sweetness.
I love this song! : )
itong pag-ibig ko sa ‘yo
paano mo mararamdaman
ang tibok ng puso ko
kung lagi kang kinakabahan
na ika’y masasaktan
pangako ko, ang puso mo’y
hindi pakakawalan
paano mo maiintindihan
na ako’y nananabik
o, kelan ko kaya madarama
ang tamis ng iyong halik
kung lagi mong inaatrasan
ang sugod ng nagmamahal
sana nama’y pagbigyan mo’ng
hiling ng puso ko
subukan mong magmahal
o giliw ko
kakaibang ligayang matatamo
ang magmahal ng iba’y
di ko gagawin
pagka’t ikaw lang
tanging sasambahin
huwag ka nang mangagamba
pag-ibig ko’y ikaw
wala nang iba
A gross attempt at sweetness.
I love this song! : )
Mr. Cab Driver
Cab drivers in Dubai tick me off bigtime.
Three reasons (and counting)...
1. I NEVER understand what they're trying to say within the first minute of the trip.
2. They ALWAYS take the long way to wherever I am going. For them, traffic jam is a must.
3. They ask if I'm married, and when I freak out and say "no way, no how, not ever", they convince me that marriage is the ultimate goal of each person's life. As they say, "husband may have other girlfriend, but this is life my dear, krezi!". And if I say one more word relevant to finding happiness in being single, then I get a free prediction of my future: I will live miserably, alone, decay in a small box called Zeena's apartment, and be so lonely I forget to change my knickers for months. If I hear this from a cab driver again I'm going to think I deserve it.
Next time I'll walk, thank you very much.
Three reasons (and counting)...
1. I NEVER understand what they're trying to say within the first minute of the trip.
2. They ALWAYS take the long way to wherever I am going. For them, traffic jam is a must.
3. They ask if I'm married, and when I freak out and say "no way, no how, not ever", they convince me that marriage is the ultimate goal of each person's life. As they say, "husband may have other girlfriend, but this is life my dear, krezi!". And if I say one more word relevant to finding happiness in being single, then I get a free prediction of my future: I will live miserably, alone, decay in a small box called Zeena's apartment, and be so lonely I forget to change my knickers for months. If I hear this from a cab driver again I'm going to think I deserve it.
Next time I'll walk, thank you very much.
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
God never closes doors. Not gently, that is.
He bangs them. Bangs them shut so loudly you get deaf and can't hear anything fora while.
And then you wait for him to open that window.
But he doesn't. You've been waiting forever, and he doesn't do it.
Tick tock. He still doesn't do it, and you're running out of time.
Shit.
But then you remember that you don't really have to wait for Him to open the window.
DUH.
He never locked it.
It's always been open, and you just need to get up and part the curtains.
Part the curtains!!!!
He bangs them. Bangs them shut so loudly you get deaf and can't hear anything fora while.
And then you wait for him to open that window.
But he doesn't. You've been waiting forever, and he doesn't do it.
Tick tock. He still doesn't do it, and you're running out of time.
Shit.
But then you remember that you don't really have to wait for Him to open the window.
DUH.
He never locked it.
It's always been open, and you just need to get up and part the curtains.
Part the curtains!!!!
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
peace of mind
What is peace of mind?
1. When I get home from work after a two-hour bus ride, bladder ready so explode, and I find myself finally sitting in my throne --- the toilet bowl! Yahoo!
2. When I finally receive a phone call from the perfect company.
3. When I finally say goodbye and mean it.
4. When I am not in the mood and someone actually tries to get me in the mood.
Peace of mind is when I actually smile genuinely, with creases on my face, especially near my eyes.
1. When I get home from work after a two-hour bus ride, bladder ready so explode, and I find myself finally sitting in my throne --- the toilet bowl! Yahoo!
2. When I finally receive a phone call from the perfect company.
3. When I finally say goodbye and mean it.
4. When I am not in the mood and someone actually tries to get me in the mood.
Peace of mind is when I actually smile genuinely, with creases on my face, especially near my eyes.
pink jacket
The beginning of winter is proving to be very very interesting.I should get myself a nice pink jacket, and get cozy in it.
I never really liked pink jackets.
I used to think they looked tacky and didn't look good on me.
But hey they're easy on the eyes and they really just want to keep me warm.
Ok pink jacket. Will come to get you.
Just wait.
Monday, September 11, 2006
show me MY money!
Today I am unusually quiet.
I'm very tired of arguing. In the first place I shouldn't even defend myself.
I can't believe how some people can be so cruel.
I just really want to get what's mine and let go of the things that do not give me what I need.
To make things simple, I just realy want to get my money.
The wage I earned from working lilke a dog from 9 to 5 for a whole month.
With the occasional blogging of course.
I'm very tired of arguing. In the first place I shouldn't even defend myself.
I can't believe how some people can be so cruel.
I just really want to get what's mine and let go of the things that do not give me what I need.
To make things simple, I just realy want to get my money.
The wage I earned from working lilke a dog from 9 to 5 for a whole month.
With the occasional blogging of course.
Sunday, September 10, 2006
I used to give lots of people leeway, more than they'd asked for, because I really wanted to be considerate and look at all possibilities.
But it shouldn't really be that complicated, I realized.
That's why people end up getting so screwed, and they wonder what the hell happened, why are things falling apart even if they've been so kind and tried not to make mistakes.
It really doesn't work out that way.
It's either you mean something or you don't. And show it.
If you can't afford to do that, then say it.
And if you can't say it, do something about it.
If you can't do something about it, then you really didn't want this badly in the first place.
So to avoid neurosis I avoid being in the dark.
And to avoid being in the dark I trust my intuition.
So leeways are actually a way of prolonging the agony.
Ooh the suspense used to thrill me.
Now it just kills me. Ewww.
But it shouldn't really be that complicated, I realized.
That's why people end up getting so screwed, and they wonder what the hell happened, why are things falling apart even if they've been so kind and tried not to make mistakes.
It really doesn't work out that way.
It's either you mean something or you don't. And show it.
If you can't afford to do that, then say it.
And if you can't say it, do something about it.
If you can't do something about it, then you really didn't want this badly in the first place.
So to avoid neurosis I avoid being in the dark.
And to avoid being in the dark I trust my intuition.
So leeways are actually a way of prolonging the agony.
Ooh the suspense used to thrill me.
Now it just kills me. Ewww.
I'M BACK FROM OUTER SPACE
It's nice to do this again after several months.
It's become a hobby, really.
I actually caught myself off guard, smiling while reading these googled quotes.
They kind of inspired me to create some of my own.
Oh don't worry. I probably will.
“There are easier things in life than trying to find a nice guy...like nailing jelly to a tree for example”
“Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with.”
---Kathleen Mifsud
“There are two perfectly good men, one dead, and the other unborn”
----Chinese Proverbs quotes
Men want a woman whom they can turn on and off like a light switch.
----Ian Fleming
“A man does not mind being blamed for his faults, and being punished for them, and he patiently suffers much for them; but he becomes impatient if he is required to give them up”
----Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
“It is our job to make women unhappy with what they have.”
---B. Earl Puckett
“There are two things no man will admit he cannot do well: drive and make love”
The first time you buy a house you see how pretty the paint is and buy it. The second time you look to see if the basement has termites. It's the same with men.
----Lupe Velez
A gentleman is simply a patient wolf.
----Lana Turner
It's become a hobby, really.
I actually caught myself off guard, smiling while reading these googled quotes.
They kind of inspired me to create some of my own.
Oh don't worry. I probably will.
“There are easier things in life than trying to find a nice guy...like nailing jelly to a tree for example”
“Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with.”
---Kathleen Mifsud
“There are two perfectly good men, one dead, and the other unborn”
----Chinese Proverbs quotes
Men want a woman whom they can turn on and off like a light switch.
----Ian Fleming
“A man does not mind being blamed for his faults, and being punished for them, and he patiently suffers much for them; but he becomes impatient if he is required to give them up”
----Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
“It is our job to make women unhappy with what they have.”
---B. Earl Puckett
“There are two things no man will admit he cannot do well: drive and make love”
The first time you buy a house you see how pretty the paint is and buy it. The second time you look to see if the basement has termites. It's the same with men.
----Lupe Velez
A gentleman is simply a patient wolf.
----Lana Turner
fifi_isdatmi: yup
fifi_isdatmi: Dubai is not the best place to look for the man of your dreams
fifi_isdatmi: I think
zinzin: haha thats putting it subtly
zinzin: if you really wanna fuck up your life find a boyfriend in dubai
zinzin: diba parang ganon
zinzin: of if you want to ruin someone's life, getting a lover is also a wise decision
fifi_isdatmi: Dubai is not the best place to look for the man of your dreams
fifi_isdatmi: I think
zinzin: haha thats putting it subtly
zinzin: if you really wanna fuck up your life find a boyfriend in dubai
zinzin: diba parang ganon
zinzin: of if you want to ruin someone's life, getting a lover is also a wise decision
Can I Be Bree?
Come to think of it. I've always wanted to look like Gabrielle Solis in Desperate Housewives, but the the strength of character and principles that Bree Vandekamp possesses are what I'd like to have in exchange for that sexy Latina look. I remembered her this morning, when I was getting ready for work. I was thinking, my friend's in deep shit, I'm stuck in a rut myself. . . oh good Lord. What would Bree Vandekamp do? Here are some of her most memorable lines in Desperate Housewives:Bree is compulsively fixing a button on Dr. Goldfine's jacket during their session
Dr. Goldfine: I'm sure Freud would not approve of this.
Bree: Oh, who cares what he thinks. I took psychology in college. We learned all about Freud. A miserable human being.
Dr. Goldfine: What makes you say that?
Bree: Well, think about it. He grew up in the late 1800s. There were no appliances back then. His mother had to do everything by hand, just backbreaking work from sunup to sundown, not to mention the countless other sacrifices she probably had to make to take care of her family. And what does he do? He grows up and becomes famous, peddling a theory that the problems of most adults can be traced back to something awful their mother has done. She must have felt so betrayed. He saw how hard she worked. He saw what she did for him. Did he even ever think to say thank you? I doubt it.
Bree: Danielle! How was school.
Danielle: It was okay.
Bree: Good. Where does Andrew keep his marijuana?
Rex has asked for a divorce in a family restaurant
Rex: Are we gonna talk about what I said?
Bree: If you think I'm gonna discuss the dissolution of my marriage in a place where the restrooms are labeled Chicks and Dudes, you are out of your mind.
Bree: [to Rex, in the hospital, after a heart attack] I know you still love me. Maisy told me. As of this moment, Rex, I am no longer your wife. I am going to find the most vindictive lawyer I can find. And together, we will eviscerate you. I will take away your money, your family, and your dignity. And I am thrilled you still love me. Because I want what's going to happen to you to hurt as much as humanly possible. I'm just so glad you didn't die before I told you that.
Rex: Look at you... going out?
Bree: Not that it's any of your business, but I have a date.
Rex: A date... what kind of date?
Bree: Rex, I don't want to say anything that might upset you. The doctor said any more stress could cause another heart attack.
[pause]
Bree: It's a romantic date with a single, attractive man and I intend to french the hell out of him.
Bree Van De Kamp: Reverend, I don't mean to criticize, but it sounds like you're giving up.
Reverend Sikes: Well, we can't force him on the path of righteousness. He himself has got to want to make the journey.
Bree Van De Kamp: Well, then, what do we do, just stand by while he starts dating boys?
[to Andrew]
Bree Van De Kamp: And by the way, the correct word is not "gay." It's "sodomy."
Rex Van De Kamp: We're in the middle of dinner.
Bree Van De Kamp: So?
Rex Van De Kamp: So, can you at least wait until desert before calling our son a sodomite?
Bree Van De Kamp: How you can sit there and be so casual is beyond me.
Rex Van De Kamp: For starters, I knew this dinner was a bad idea the moment you suggested it.
Bree Van De Kamp: Well, at least I'm trying to be pro-active!
Reverend Sikes: Please, there's no need to get upset.
Bree Van De Kamp: I am upset because there is a problem here and no-one seems to notice it but me.
Rex Van De Kamp: As far as I'm concerned, if Andrew is happy with who he is, then it is our job to support him!
[brief silence]
Bree Van De Kamp: [to Andrew] Your father is into S&M.
Rex Van De Kamp: Bree!
Bree Van De Kamp: He makes me beat him with a riding crop and I let him. It's no wonder you're perverted. Look who your parents are.
[Bree gets up and leaves]
Rex Van De Kamp: Excuse me.
[Rex leaves too]
Andrew Van De Kamp: [to Reverend Sikes] What a fun night. You know, we should really do this again sometime.
[watching an S&M video demonstration with Rex]
Bree Van De Kamp: What did your mother *do* to you?
Bree: [speaking to her son after she catches him in a strip club] Andrew, I'm curious. When you fantasize about this woman, do you ever stop to think how she came to be on this runway? That's someone's little girl. And that someone probably had a lot of dreams for her. Dreams that did not include a thong... and a pole...
[Bree has told Dr. Goldfine that she's going to ignore all her problems with Rex and stay with him]
Dr. Goldfine: Bree, how does this reconciliation have a chance if the two of you can't be honest about the innermost parts of your lives?
Bree: We're, um, WASPs, Dr. Goldfine. Not acknowledging the elephant in the room is what we do best.
Dr. Goldfine: You'd settle for that - a life filled with repression and denial?
Bree: And dinner parties. Don't forget the dinner parties.
[Bree has agreed to try "dominating" Rex]
Rex: If things do get too rough, we'll have a control word. If one of us says it, the other backs off immediately.
Bree: Okay. So what's our control word?
Rex: Well, lately I've been using "Philadelphia". What's wrong?
Bree: Well, it's just that my Aunt Fern lives in Philadelphia, and I don't want to be thinking about her while I'm spanking you with a leather strap.
Rex: Okay. Fine. You pick a control word.
Bree: Um, how about "Boise"?
Rex: "Boise"?
Bree: What's the matter with "Boise"?
Rex: We're going to be doing psychological role playing here, Bree, and a funny word like "Boise" would ruin the mood. We need something that sounds serious.
Bree: Hmm.
[sombre tone]
Bree: How about "Palestine"?
Rex: "Boise" will be just fine.
Bree: [to Rex] When is your midlife crisis going to end, because it's really starting to tick me off!
''Rex cries after he ejaculates.''
— Bree, when it's her turn to confide something embarrassing at a dinner party
Last night after meeting Fifi at the BBC building, I decided to go back to the office and go with my officemates. I didn't care where they wanted to go, or what they wanted to do, but it was wise to stay with them, because they exuded a sense of family, something I hadn't experienced in months.
I helped them write articles for the website, I finished maybe about ten articles in less than thirty minutes. Then we took pictures at the bus stop --- that was funny. And then we all headed to Salt and Pepper to have good ole Pinoy food. I didn't think I'd be sitting down with these people and eating arrozcaldo on a Saturday night, and surely I'm glad I was part of it.
And then the time came to go home. It was dreadful. I caught a cab with Pedro, and he dropped me off on his way home. As usual the house looked gloomy. folded the now-dry clothes I had washed the night before, and took them upstairs. Colin was just about to go to the toilet in his funky red boxers. We said goodnight, sleep tight etcetera etcetera.
In my room after going through that pre-bedtime beauty regimen of mine, I settled in bed with Coraline. The next pages were spookier than ever, and I wonder how Mr. Gaiman could think of such characters and events that a little girl encounters. Maybe the evil black button-eyed parents are a representation of something? You see, they look exactly like Coraline's, except for their eyes, their creepy cold hands and long fingers. They were also extraordinarily sweet to her, a complete opposite of her sarcastic, practical, nonchalant parents. That was actually what attracted Caroline to them. Maybe the fact that they're too good to be true --- cooking her favorite dishes, letting her play outside for as long as she wants to, giving her hugs and telling her they love her ---- is something to consider. Too-good-to-be-true people are, more often than not, the least genuine ones. The con artists, the heartbreakers, the pathological liars, the sweet-talkers, the ones with fucked up hopes that by lying and lying some more, they will get what they want.
I thought about that for a long time last night while staring at the ceiling. The book slowly made its way under my pillow, and I drifted to sleep.
Thinking about that brought me nowhere really. Good morning eyebags.
I helped them write articles for the website, I finished maybe about ten articles in less than thirty minutes. Then we took pictures at the bus stop --- that was funny. And then we all headed to Salt and Pepper to have good ole Pinoy food. I didn't think I'd be sitting down with these people and eating arrozcaldo on a Saturday night, and surely I'm glad I was part of it.
And then the time came to go home. It was dreadful. I caught a cab with Pedro, and he dropped me off on his way home. As usual the house looked gloomy. folded the now-dry clothes I had washed the night before, and took them upstairs. Colin was just about to go to the toilet in his funky red boxers. We said goodnight, sleep tight etcetera etcetera.
In my room after going through that pre-bedtime beauty regimen of mine, I settled in bed with Coraline. The next pages were spookier than ever, and I wonder how Mr. Gaiman could think of such characters and events that a little girl encounters. Maybe the evil black button-eyed parents are a representation of something? You see, they look exactly like Coraline's, except for their eyes, their creepy cold hands and long fingers. They were also extraordinarily sweet to her, a complete opposite of her sarcastic, practical, nonchalant parents. That was actually what attracted Caroline to them. Maybe the fact that they're too good to be true --- cooking her favorite dishes, letting her play outside for as long as she wants to, giving her hugs and telling her they love her ---- is something to consider. Too-good-to-be-true people are, more often than not, the least genuine ones. The con artists, the heartbreakers, the pathological liars, the sweet-talkers, the ones with fucked up hopes that by lying and lying some more, they will get what they want.
I thought about that for a long time last night while staring at the ceiling. The book slowly made its way under my pillow, and I drifted to sleep.
Thinking about that brought me nowhere really. Good morning eyebags.
Saturday, September 09, 2006
cologne bottle saves the day
This morningI buried my head in our big cabinet and found the cologne I used to use in Manila. It was a gift from a colleague, Candice. It was almost finished, and I splashed it onto my neck and arms. That scent brought back a lot of memories. A lot.
These are just a few things I remember with this super sweet whiff of warm sugar vanilla:
1. I remember going to work all dressed up, knowing that when work was over, we'd all head to have drinks or coffee, or watch a movie, or go to a karaoke bar. I remember hailing a cab for the Pinks, and clumsily getting inside, ever-so-excited to have a good time.
2. Me sleeping on the carpeted floor under the desks in the CDG office. I was usually idle between 3 and 7 PM, so I took the liberty of creating my own bed space, with the scanned newspapers as my sheets and pillows of course.
3. I remember going to Edong's with everyone, devouring tapsi and tofu and grilled chicken liver like there was no tomorrow.
4. I remember smoking on the helipad with X, Lye, Bridz, Bheng and the rest of the CDG smokers. That was a LOT of fun.
5. Baang Coffee with the Pinks and other CDG members. Banter, banter, laugh like hyenas, gossip, gossip. I miss being evil!
6. Boljak from ECS. Nuff said.
7. Night after night in the aquarium, trying to finish a concept that would make the bosses happy. Then finding out that it wasn't exactly what they needed.
8. Walking in the middle of the night on Tomas Morato with everyone. The videoke bars closed already but we didn't want to go home yet. So God knows what we did to entertain ourselves.
9. Chicos! Hahahaha! Happy Valentine to me and the Pinks!
10. Throwing all my dear friends surprise birthday parties. Plannig our surprise, giving them the best gifts in the world (led my party planner Jel my lab of course!).
Oh well. Splashing the last contents of that cologne bottle was very symbolic. I'm not letting go of the memories, silly. I think it's just my way of saying I miss them so much, and I want the memories to linger, because I badly badly need them to lately.
These are just a few things I remember with this super sweet whiff of warm sugar vanilla:
1. I remember going to work all dressed up, knowing that when work was over, we'd all head to have drinks or coffee, or watch a movie, or go to a karaoke bar. I remember hailing a cab for the Pinks, and clumsily getting inside, ever-so-excited to have a good time.
2. Me sleeping on the carpeted floor under the desks in the CDG office. I was usually idle between 3 and 7 PM, so I took the liberty of creating my own bed space, with the scanned newspapers as my sheets and pillows of course.
3. I remember going to Edong's with everyone, devouring tapsi and tofu and grilled chicken liver like there was no tomorrow.
4. I remember smoking on the helipad with X, Lye, Bridz, Bheng and the rest of the CDG smokers. That was a LOT of fun.
5. Baang Coffee with the Pinks and other CDG members. Banter, banter, laugh like hyenas, gossip, gossip. I miss being evil!
6. Boljak from ECS. Nuff said.
7. Night after night in the aquarium, trying to finish a concept that would make the bosses happy. Then finding out that it wasn't exactly what they needed.
8. Walking in the middle of the night on Tomas Morato with everyone. The videoke bars closed already but we didn't want to go home yet. So God knows what we did to entertain ourselves.
9. Chicos! Hahahaha! Happy Valentine to me and the Pinks!
10. Throwing all my dear friends surprise birthday parties. Plannig our surprise, giving them the best gifts in the world (led my party planner Jel my lab of course!).
Oh well. Splashing the last contents of that cologne bottle was very symbolic. I'm not letting go of the memories, silly. I think it's just my way of saying I miss them so much, and I want the memories to linger, because I badly badly need them to lately.
I lost 2 lbs. I checked this morning.
I'm flushing out all that water, thank heavens.
I'm flushing out all that water, and then some.
I'd like to be a hundred lbs or 47 kg by the end of the year.
Ok moving on to less important matters . . .
My sister wants me to buy her loads of stuff, like I came here to work my ass off so I could be her personal department store.
But that's okay, she's adorable and I love her so much.
Can't wait to go shopping for her!
My mother heard mass yesterday (Mother Mary's birthday) and offered thanksgiving to the church. She knows how happy I am to land this job. Can't wait to give her a hug.
I hope tomorrow is Wednesday. Another karaoke session! Does Hibiki sell Red Horse? That's going to be a big plus! I think Peter fell in love with that drink when he went to the Philippines for a short vacation. Danke!
I love Fifi and hope to see her soon. I know she's in terrible shape right now and I want to be there for her if she just allows me to. I'm trying so hard to not to curse but ... well, not TOO hard, therefore I am entitled to say fuck that person who gives her a hard time.
And when I'm not working, I want to spend time reading the books myt friends gave me, shopping with Fifi, going out with all my friends and meeting new people.
OK back to work now. Hehe.
I'm flushing out all that water, thank heavens.
I'm flushing out all that water, and then some.
I'd like to be a hundred lbs or 47 kg by the end of the year.
Ok moving on to less important matters . . .
My sister wants me to buy her loads of stuff, like I came here to work my ass off so I could be her personal department store.
But that's okay, she's adorable and I love her so much.
Can't wait to go shopping for her!
My mother heard mass yesterday (Mother Mary's birthday) and offered thanksgiving to the church. She knows how happy I am to land this job. Can't wait to give her a hug.
I hope tomorrow is Wednesday. Another karaoke session! Does Hibiki sell Red Horse? That's going to be a big plus! I think Peter fell in love with that drink when he went to the Philippines for a short vacation. Danke!
I love Fifi and hope to see her soon. I know she's in terrible shape right now and I want to be there for her if she just allows me to. I'm trying so hard to not to curse but ... well, not TOO hard, therefore I am entitled to say fuck that person who gives her a hard time.
And when I'm not working, I want to spend time reading the books myt friends gave me, shopping with Fifi, going out with all my friends and meeting new people.
OK back to work now. Hehe.
Several interesting signs you're dating a commitment phobic.
Get a load of this:
1.They usually have a history of short relationships and they may never have been married - there is often an excuse that they haven’t met the right woman, or they justify their history by saying they still have plenty of time to settle down as they can have children at any age. A favourite line is "someday".
2. They want a relationship but they also want freedom and space so they are often attracted to long distance relationships and busy independent women.
3. They are fast to move in on a woman they are attracted to, and they pursue ardently until they win the woman over.
4. These men are usually very affectionate and loving. This is because in their mind the relationship is not going to be long term, so they feel free to give affection and love, knowing it won’t be forever. It isn’t long though before they suddenly start rejecting the woman, by not ringing or not wanting to see her for days, or not including her in weekend arrangements etc. This is because they subtly want to give the woman the message that they don’t want a long term committed relationship.
5. Severe commitment phobics play the seduction/rejection game. They can’t make the decision to give totally to the relationship, but they can’t commit to walk away either. They feel trapped by both choices. They feel love for the woman when they don’t see her, but they want to run away when they become involved again.
6. They tend to treat the woman like a mistress rather than a real girlfriend.
7. They tend to limit the amount of time they spend with the women and treat her as a low priority.
8. They often choose women who are not the type of partner they are looking for, for example they may be much older, much younger, married, or they may have different interests. They use these differences as excuses to end relationships.
9. Severe commitment phobics avoid events or outings that may include the woman's family or friends.
10. They know an ongoing sexual relationship often leads to commitment so they choose to run when things start to head in that direction.
11. They like to feel in control and create time frames that suit them, often treating the woman like a puppet on a string.
12. When they get the feeling they need to run, their words and actions are full of mixed messages. They play mind games.
13. A commitment phobic won’t allow the relationship to grow and they have no intentions of ever doing so.
14. They can have a history of unavailability and inaccessibility .They can be hard to contact, and they are often unpredictable when it comes to returning phone calls. They can even avoid answering calls completely.
15. They lie, or they are evasive and secretive about where they are and what they are doing to create space.
16. They are often unreliable, late and sometimes they don’t turn up at all. They are like this with family and friends as well, although this is not the case in their working environment.
17. They are often unfaithful in relationships.
18. They can be overly committed to their work or to their children to avoid spending a lot of time with a woman.
19. They often choose to travel a lot for work, to play a lot of sport, or be involved in many projects to create distance.
20. These men know on some level that they are deceptive and cruel to women.
21. They usually end up behaving worse and worse, and they sabotage more and more because they want the woman to end the relationship as they feel too anxious and guilty to do so.
22. Severe commitment phobics can also suffer from claustrophobia and/or a personality disorder.
23. They deny being commitment phobics. They usually claim to not have had caused problems in their past relationships.
Get a load of this:
1.They usually have a history of short relationships and they may never have been married - there is often an excuse that they haven’t met the right woman, or they justify their history by saying they still have plenty of time to settle down as they can have children at any age. A favourite line is "someday".
2. They want a relationship but they also want freedom and space so they are often attracted to long distance relationships and busy independent women.
3. They are fast to move in on a woman they are attracted to, and they pursue ardently until they win the woman over.
4. These men are usually very affectionate and loving. This is because in their mind the relationship is not going to be long term, so they feel free to give affection and love, knowing it won’t be forever. It isn’t long though before they suddenly start rejecting the woman, by not ringing or not wanting to see her for days, or not including her in weekend arrangements etc. This is because they subtly want to give the woman the message that they don’t want a long term committed relationship.
5. Severe commitment phobics play the seduction/rejection game. They can’t make the decision to give totally to the relationship, but they can’t commit to walk away either. They feel trapped by both choices. They feel love for the woman when they don’t see her, but they want to run away when they become involved again.
6. They tend to treat the woman like a mistress rather than a real girlfriend.
7. They tend to limit the amount of time they spend with the women and treat her as a low priority.
8. They often choose women who are not the type of partner they are looking for, for example they may be much older, much younger, married, or they may have different interests. They use these differences as excuses to end relationships.
9. Severe commitment phobics avoid events or outings that may include the woman's family or friends.
10. They know an ongoing sexual relationship often leads to commitment so they choose to run when things start to head in that direction.
11. They like to feel in control and create time frames that suit them, often treating the woman like a puppet on a string.
12. When they get the feeling they need to run, their words and actions are full of mixed messages. They play mind games.
13. A commitment phobic won’t allow the relationship to grow and they have no intentions of ever doing so.
14. They can have a history of unavailability and inaccessibility .They can be hard to contact, and they are often unpredictable when it comes to returning phone calls. They can even avoid answering calls completely.
15. They lie, or they are evasive and secretive about where they are and what they are doing to create space.
16. They are often unreliable, late and sometimes they don’t turn up at all. They are like this with family and friends as well, although this is not the case in their working environment.
17. They are often unfaithful in relationships.
18. They can be overly committed to their work or to their children to avoid spending a lot of time with a woman.
19. They often choose to travel a lot for work, to play a lot of sport, or be involved in many projects to create distance.
20. These men know on some level that they are deceptive and cruel to women.
21. They usually end up behaving worse and worse, and they sabotage more and more because they want the woman to end the relationship as they feel too anxious and guilty to do so.
22. Severe commitment phobics can also suffer from claustrophobia and/or a personality disorder.
23. They deny being commitment phobics. They usually claim to not have had caused problems in their past relationships.
Geisha, Button-eyed People and Me. Are You Scared Yet?
On Wednesday night I finished Memoirs of a Geisha, and was a bit disappointed. I knew that it was a biography, but I didn't like the ending. Almost all her life Sayuri dreamsof the Chairman, to notice her, to be her danna (a sponsor, usually financially, for as long as the man wants). It turns out the Chairman likes her too, proposes to be her danna, and spends time with her, three of four nights a week. And somewhere in the novel Sayuri casually mentions that the Chairman is married. I think that she has lived a lonely life. Colorful, but ultimately lonely. That really made me sad and scared. More of scared, because of the fact that some people think they do not have a choice, and so they opt for the best thing within their reach, in order to live their lives "fully". I have always believed that going out of your comfort zone is the best way to see what else is in store for you --- something much better than what you have perceived to be the best, at least where you come from. And the thought that some people see no way out, well . . . just thinking about me frightens me silly. So I slept last Wednesday with a heart so heavy I fell off my bed.
Yesterday afternoon I started to read another novel, something by Neil Gaiman, called Coraline. It was pretty scary for a children's book. Imagine having "other parents" --- really evil counterparts of her own, with big black buttons for eyes ---- who want to keep you, and that's reason for them to trap your real parents inside a mirror. That's pretty scary.
Well, I find myself in a scary situation too. I have my period, and I am extremely grouchy. And I kind of figured out why I am this way. I may be grouchy, but I am always logical and able to see things clearly when it's my time of the month. I am almost sure that for a week, I become a little smarter. So last night I took the time to think about something, and it sort of gave me peace of mind. If someone is not certain about something, then he shouldn't be sweet-talking his way into your life, like opening the door to his life to you, and later on retreating, like he never meant to do any of those things. And so I put on my favorite sandals (my only functional pair) and went out to smell the fresh air that wasn't so humid anymore. I had coffee with a friend who was more than willing to give me a hug and hold my hand through all this. I went home still feeling pretty bad, but I read Coraline to sleep and I forgot all about my own horror story.
I had a dream last night. I was back home, preparing to do another brilliant monologue which, in my dream, I was so sure would make the people laugh and applaud like hell. Well, I went onstage and the people were just . . . noisy. They weren't even listening to me. Someone had to shush them to remind them of their rudeness, but to no avail. They weren't even interested to listen to me, even if I had a silly costume on --- large knickers and a pink wig, a huge blouse made of crepe paper, and a cowboy hat that didn't exactly salvage my outfit. That was fucked up.
I woke up sweating and panting and feeling really scared and weak, and I decided not to waste another minute feeling this way by taking a cold shower and finishing the laundry. I swear, one more scary incident and I'll have a heart attack.
And so I am at work again, reluctant to sit at my desk because of all the things to do that I don't want to do anymore, and the fact that I am a week away from leaving. Another scary thought.
See you in the ER, pal.
Yesterday afternoon I started to read another novel, something by Neil Gaiman, called Coraline. It was pretty scary for a children's book. Imagine having "other parents" --- really evil counterparts of her own, with big black buttons for eyes ---- who want to keep you, and that's reason for them to trap your real parents inside a mirror. That's pretty scary.
Well, I find myself in a scary situation too. I have my period, and I am extremely grouchy. And I kind of figured out why I am this way. I may be grouchy, but I am always logical and able to see things clearly when it's my time of the month. I am almost sure that for a week, I become a little smarter. So last night I took the time to think about something, and it sort of gave me peace of mind. If someone is not certain about something, then he shouldn't be sweet-talking his way into your life, like opening the door to his life to you, and later on retreating, like he never meant to do any of those things. And so I put on my favorite sandals (my only functional pair) and went out to smell the fresh air that wasn't so humid anymore. I had coffee with a friend who was more than willing to give me a hug and hold my hand through all this. I went home still feeling pretty bad, but I read Coraline to sleep and I forgot all about my own horror story.
I had a dream last night. I was back home, preparing to do another brilliant monologue which, in my dream, I was so sure would make the people laugh and applaud like hell. Well, I went onstage and the people were just . . . noisy. They weren't even listening to me. Someone had to shush them to remind them of their rudeness, but to no avail. They weren't even interested to listen to me, even if I had a silly costume on --- large knickers and a pink wig, a huge blouse made of crepe paper, and a cowboy hat that didn't exactly salvage my outfit. That was fucked up.
I woke up sweating and panting and feeling really scared and weak, and I decided not to waste another minute feeling this way by taking a cold shower and finishing the laundry. I swear, one more scary incident and I'll have a heart attack.
And so I am at work again, reluctant to sit at my desk because of all the things to do that I don't want to do anymore, and the fact that I am a week away from leaving. Another scary thought.
See you in the ER, pal.
Friday, September 08, 2006
If it's OK with you!
"I have always believed that whatever good or bad fortune may come our way we can always give it meaning and transform it into something of value."– Hermann Hesse
I want to slap myself for crying in front of a group of people last night. The karaoke party was so much fun, and indeed these people have come to be my closest friends in Dubai. They've shown me nothing but kindness, and I appreciate every single thing they've done to make my life easier here. But the time has come to say goodbye, and just as I thought, it would take more that just a timid wave before I finally leave them. But I didn't have doubts about leaving, now that I got what I've always wanted. I guess I'll never know why, for every single wonderful thing that happens to me, grief always tries to make its way into the celebration.
Bridget Jones's realization was very true. When one part of your life starts to pick up and prove to be very promising, another part of it falls spectacularly apart. And I've always experienced that. There's even a pattern. Say, for four months my life would go stagnant, no events to be happy or sad about, and out of nowhere something comes up. Something really good, and before I can even have the chance to say "YAY!", something else will happen and I get completely crazy and confused. I don't care much about Yin and Yang, that philosophy about equilibrium in everything, even in the life of a twenty-something woman who's just really a minute detail in the world, but it seems to be thriving in my life and I cannot run away from it, even if I train every day and have muscles on my thighs.
Why can't that force that runs lives just spread out the events in mine. One major event per month, just to keep me sane, so I can focus on each event and have time to figure out what to do. But no, it really has to be this way, two or three life-changing so I can go nuts several times in a year.
But in my struggle to be an optimist, I just glide through these events like I'm in full control of the situation. Optimism, escapism. Whatever you call it. I just try not to think of the bad stuff, really. And even if they give me sleepless nights I still say to myself that Ill be ok, that in a few days, or weeks, or months, it will all be over, and I'll be ok.
So I guess yeah, I'll be okay again. If it's ok with you.
I want to slap myself for crying in front of a group of people last night. The karaoke party was so much fun, and indeed these people have come to be my closest friends in Dubai. They've shown me nothing but kindness, and I appreciate every single thing they've done to make my life easier here. But the time has come to say goodbye, and just as I thought, it would take more that just a timid wave before I finally leave them. But I didn't have doubts about leaving, now that I got what I've always wanted. I guess I'll never know why, for every single wonderful thing that happens to me, grief always tries to make its way into the celebration.
Bridget Jones's realization was very true. When one part of your life starts to pick up and prove to be very promising, another part of it falls spectacularly apart. And I've always experienced that. There's even a pattern. Say, for four months my life would go stagnant, no events to be happy or sad about, and out of nowhere something comes up. Something really good, and before I can even have the chance to say "YAY!", something else will happen and I get completely crazy and confused. I don't care much about Yin and Yang, that philosophy about equilibrium in everything, even in the life of a twenty-something woman who's just really a minute detail in the world, but it seems to be thriving in my life and I cannot run away from it, even if I train every day and have muscles on my thighs.
Why can't that force that runs lives just spread out the events in mine. One major event per month, just to keep me sane, so I can focus on each event and have time to figure out what to do. But no, it really has to be this way, two or three life-changing so I can go nuts several times in a year.
But in my struggle to be an optimist, I just glide through these events like I'm in full control of the situation. Optimism, escapism. Whatever you call it. I just try not to think of the bad stuff, really. And even if they give me sleepless nights I still say to myself that Ill be ok, that in a few days, or weeks, or months, it will all be over, and I'll be ok.
So I guess yeah, I'll be okay again. If it's ok with you.
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Bored? Google!
Movie lines that made me smile this morning:
As Good As It Gets
Carol: When you first entered the restaurant, I thought you were handsome... and then, of course, you spoke.
Billy Madison
Billy: I always feel like an idiot..but I am an idiot so it kinda works out!
The Cable Guy
Chip: I learned the facts of life from watching The Facts of Life!
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Willy Wonka: Everything here is edible. I'm edible, but that my children is called cannibalism and it is frowned upon in most societies.
The 40 Year Old Virgin
Andy: I may not have had sex but I could fuck you up.
Dave: You know how I know you're gay?
Cal: Because you're gay so you can tell who the gay people are.
Not Another Teen Movie
Priscilla: You put the "suck" in "liposuction" You put the "ooo" in "jiu-jitsu" You put the "ism" in "This is all just a defense mechanism".
As Good As It Gets
Carol: When you first entered the restaurant, I thought you were handsome... and then, of course, you spoke.
Billy Madison
Billy: I always feel like an idiot..but I am an idiot so it kinda works out!
The Cable Guy
Chip: I learned the facts of life from watching The Facts of Life!
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Willy Wonka: Everything here is edible. I'm edible, but that my children is called cannibalism and it is frowned upon in most societies.
The 40 Year Old Virgin
Andy: I may not have had sex but I could fuck you up.
Dave: You know how I know you're gay?
Cal: Because you're gay so you can tell who the gay people are.
Not Another Teen Movie
Priscilla: You put the "suck" in "liposuction" You put the "ooo" in "jiu-jitsu" You put the "ism" in "This is all just a defense mechanism".
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
I did not sleep at all. How about that?
Either I was too fond of Memoirs of A Geisha, or I thought I was a geisha, restless after the war. Hahahaha. That's a little far-fetched.
But yeah it's true. Summer has been very unkind to us. From June to August we suffered so much financially and emotionally and even Fifi and I had a falling out, and I would like to think that the worst has come to pass.
Yesterday, before meeting up with Fifi after work, there was a sandstorm around our area. The air was brown and the wind hiked up our skirts and sand attacked our eyes. And yet, it was one of the easiest days we'd had in a long time. I would like to think that the sandstorm, an indication that summer is going to end soon, is symbolic for the end of our suffering, and the beginning of REALLY living. It surely couldn't just be sandstorm.
So even if I did not sleep, I didn't have trouble smiling in the morning. I prepared breakfast for Fifi and myself (which was a first, since she has always done that), and we goofed around in the front yard before getting ready for work.
I never thought I'd say this, but I'm looking forward to more sleepless nights.
Either I was too fond of Memoirs of A Geisha, or I thought I was a geisha, restless after the war. Hahahaha. That's a little far-fetched.
But yeah it's true. Summer has been very unkind to us. From June to August we suffered so much financially and emotionally and even Fifi and I had a falling out, and I would like to think that the worst has come to pass.
Yesterday, before meeting up with Fifi after work, there was a sandstorm around our area. The air was brown and the wind hiked up our skirts and sand attacked our eyes. And yet, it was one of the easiest days we'd had in a long time. I would like to think that the sandstorm, an indication that summer is going to end soon, is symbolic for the end of our suffering, and the beginning of REALLY living. It surely couldn't just be sandstorm.
So even if I did not sleep, I didn't have trouble smiling in the morning. I prepared breakfast for Fifi and myself (which was a first, since she has always done that), and we goofed around in the front yard before getting ready for work.
I never thought I'd say this, but I'm looking forward to more sleepless nights.
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
A lot of good things have been happening this week. A lot of new opportunities for growth and success, a lot of decisions I've never made before, and a lot of never-before-expored emotions I am now feeling all at once.
I am alien to these things, but I am glad that several friends of mine --- who I seldom had the chance to talk with --- have recently kept in touch to give me that familiar, warm fuzzy feeling I need to get through everything that's been happening.
1. Nikko sent me a long email, and we have been corresponding regularly. I hope that everything works out for her. I am willing to help her whatever it takes.
2. Jel and Elaine, two fabulous Pinks, went online and we just bantered like we always did back home. I felt a little disappointed at myself for not being able to assume a villain's character so I could relate to them. Apparently they're into that lately, and I think it's a great idea. Jel being Regina George in Mean Girls, Elaine being Kimmy My Best Friend's Wedding, and Lye being Edie Brit in Desperate Housewives. I'll think of something.
3. Jefp and I have exchanged emails and had a chat about his love life. I hope he gets over his problem, and ends up happy. And gay of course.
4. Dan posted a testimonial for me on Friendster. It's actually a song I've never heard before, but I liked the lyrics a lot. We've been emailing each other since, and I hope that he keeps me updated about his life. Being a rocker duuuude, I was touched by his emails and the fact that he just wants me to go home so we can celbrate our birthdays together and get drunk and sing until the break of dawn (yeah!). It will happen, doncha worry.
And so I continue to update myself on their live, because I want them to feel that I am just here, as near as possible, that they can whisper any secret to my ear, tell about how bad their day is, share with me their highs, or invite me to their gig. I don't find it hard to keep in touch with them while so many things are happening to me here. They make up most of the reason for my happiness this week.
I am alien to these things, but I am glad that several friends of mine --- who I seldom had the chance to talk with --- have recently kept in touch to give me that familiar, warm fuzzy feeling I need to get through everything that's been happening.
1. Nikko sent me a long email, and we have been corresponding regularly. I hope that everything works out for her. I am willing to help her whatever it takes.
2. Jel and Elaine, two fabulous Pinks, went online and we just bantered like we always did back home. I felt a little disappointed at myself for not being able to assume a villain's character so I could relate to them. Apparently they're into that lately, and I think it's a great idea. Jel being Regina George in Mean Girls, Elaine being Kimmy My Best Friend's Wedding, and Lye being Edie Brit in Desperate Housewives. I'll think of something.
3. Jefp and I have exchanged emails and had a chat about his love life. I hope he gets over his problem, and ends up happy. And gay of course.
4. Dan posted a testimonial for me on Friendster. It's actually a song I've never heard before, but I liked the lyrics a lot. We've been emailing each other since, and I hope that he keeps me updated about his life. Being a rocker duuuude, I was touched by his emails and the fact that he just wants me to go home so we can celbrate our birthdays together and get drunk and sing until the break of dawn (yeah!). It will happen, doncha worry.
And so I continue to update myself on their live, because I want them to feel that I am just here, as near as possible, that they can whisper any secret to my ear, tell about how bad their day is, share with me their highs, or invite me to their gig. I don't find it hard to keep in touch with them while so many things are happening to me here. They make up most of the reason for my happiness this week.
You can't live in a gray area forever. It's either you choose to do something or you don't.
You can't go back and forth and in the process and eventually just die from tiredness.
You must focus on something, and get it.
You can't just go on running around, thinking that you'll learn your lesson when the most turbulent of times roll around.
You can't go back and forth and in the process and eventually just die from tiredness.
You must focus on something, and get it.
You can't just go on running around, thinking that you'll learn your lesson when the most turbulent of times roll around.
Last night was a nice evening.
I arrived at home at around 6 PM, and nobody was there yet.
I went upstairs to rest awhile and read a magazine while enjoying my apple-lemon juice in bed. Interesting stuff about Suri Cruise and Carmen Elektra. Not.
I suddenly had the urge to make something for dinner, so I went downstairs and started to out together a decent meal. Chicken, mushrooms, peas, garlic, lotsa pepper, and vinegar. Plus a slice of pear for dessert.
I ate my Zeena-made dinner while watching Joey (that sitcom that stars Joey from Friends), and oddly, I don't remember ever feeling that peaceful in Dubai.
I tried to prolong the zen I had accidentally created by taking a walk around our neighborhood. I promised to do ten rounds, but after the first round I saw a dog and had I continued walking, I swear his hungry fangs would go after me. My thighs in particular.
So after just one and a half lousy rounds I headed straight to the bathroom to shower, and before going to bed I read a few pages of Memoirs of a Geisha.
Incidentally, I was already in the part where Sayuri goes back to being a geisha after the war. During the war, she had no choice but to abandon Gion to work for a wealthy family, making dyes for kimono. After the war, she rose again from being a peasant to what she had always loved doing. Back in Gion, back to being a glamorous Geisha, but never the same again.
I think I am in that point in my life.
Just a few more days or weeks and I will live my hey days again. This is exactly why I think I can be a legend like Sayuri, and I will live to tell my story when I'm 50 plus.
I am on my way to complete independence, and I am hoping that with that independence come peace of mind and happiness.
I arrived at home at around 6 PM, and nobody was there yet.
I went upstairs to rest awhile and read a magazine while enjoying my apple-lemon juice in bed. Interesting stuff about Suri Cruise and Carmen Elektra. Not.
I suddenly had the urge to make something for dinner, so I went downstairs and started to out together a decent meal. Chicken, mushrooms, peas, garlic, lotsa pepper, and vinegar. Plus a slice of pear for dessert.
I ate my Zeena-made dinner while watching Joey (that sitcom that stars Joey from Friends), and oddly, I don't remember ever feeling that peaceful in Dubai.
I tried to prolong the zen I had accidentally created by taking a walk around our neighborhood. I promised to do ten rounds, but after the first round I saw a dog and had I continued walking, I swear his hungry fangs would go after me. My thighs in particular.
So after just one and a half lousy rounds I headed straight to the bathroom to shower, and before going to bed I read a few pages of Memoirs of a Geisha.
Incidentally, I was already in the part where Sayuri goes back to being a geisha after the war. During the war, she had no choice but to abandon Gion to work for a wealthy family, making dyes for kimono. After the war, she rose again from being a peasant to what she had always loved doing. Back in Gion, back to being a glamorous Geisha, but never the same again.
I think I am in that point in my life.
Just a few more days or weeks and I will live my hey days again. This is exactly why I think I can be a legend like Sayuri, and I will live to tell my story when I'm 50 plus.
I am on my way to complete independence, and I am hoping that with that independence come peace of mind and happiness.
Monday, September 04, 2006
This week is proving to be very very interesting.
I am gradually going back to truly loving life, not thinking up excuses to love it.
I hope this goes on forever and ever.
I know that's quite impossible, but hoping for the impossible is free of charge, and therefore I can still pay my rent while smiling.
I am gradually going back to truly loving life, not thinking up excuses to love it.
I hope this goes on forever and ever.
I know that's quite impossible, but hoping for the impossible is free of charge, and therefore I can still pay my rent while smiling.
Everyone is saying goodbye to someone and hello to someone else.
I'm really not looking forward to goodbyes.
"See you later" sounds like a consolation, so no I don't want that either.
I want hellos everyday.
Hello, I thought about you today and I want to spend time with you soon.
Hello, I'm alive and not about to say goodbye.
Hello, who's this? Oh. I don't know you, I'm sorry.
I'm really not looking forward to goodbyes.
"See you later" sounds like a consolation, so no I don't want that either.
I want hellos everyday.
Hello, I thought about you today and I want to spend time with you soon.
Hello, I'm alive and not about to say goodbye.
Hello, who's this? Oh. I don't know you, I'm sorry.
let's get physical
I used to think that people must suffer in silence, and in the midst of such must do what they have to do and wait patiently for a better day. I had always believed in that, until I learned that some people can actually skip the suffering part and go straight to the happy field to frolick and sing songs of love and togetherness.
Me, I want to lose weight while nothing has happened yet. Though I think I'm seeing some progress in terms of my career and the way I perceive things in general, it wouldn't hurt to lose 5 kg while nothing is final yet. I have this crazy (but NOT unfounded) belief that my career and future in general depend on how I look, and will loo
k 10 years down the road. For that, I have realized (for the Nth time in my life) that I need an energy boost, and no, I cannot afford to buy RedBull everyday. So later I will have a date with the jumping rope, and I will find myself in my usual workout clothes and make sure that I sweat like a pig but feel like Eva Longoria. And then I will forget about how hard life is, because everyone knows that vigorous exercise causes your body to release endorphins.
So enough about me. When was the last time you exercised?
Me, I want to lose weight while nothing has happened yet. Though I think I'm seeing some progress in terms of my career and the way I perceive things in general, it wouldn't hurt to lose 5 kg while nothing is final yet. I have this crazy (but NOT unfounded) belief that my career and future in general depend on how I look, and will loo
k 10 years down the road. For that, I have realized (for the Nth time in my life) that I need an energy boost, and no, I cannot afford to buy RedBull everyday. So later I will have a date with the jumping rope, and I will find myself in my usual workout clothes and make sure that I sweat like a pig but feel like Eva Longoria. And then I will forget about how hard life is, because everyone knows that vigorous exercise causes your body to release endorphins.So enough about me. When was the last time you exercised?
Sunday, September 03, 2006
Suddenly life is much harder than a few months ago, and I only knew a world that taught made me into this kind of person. And I am glad that I was there for 23 solid years, because I believe that those years are the reason I'm still standing here (not without varicose veins).
Always, when I look at things for the first time, they seem peculiar and irrelevant to me, no matter how spectacular they are. So now I can appreciate the beauty of Dubai more than ever, because I have lived here long enough to have memories. SO the city lights are more dazzling, some people are more evil, and our house is cozier.
I know that sometimes it's really hard to be completely independent, in many different levels. On the financial level, I guess I'm ok and still have some money to get by. On the emotional side, it's hard to aim for complete independence, because I know that I cannot afford to live alone and be 100 % happy. No one can. But still such is my aim in the hope of avoiding to get hurt. Relationships, whether with a lover, a family member or a dear friend, are forever volatile. A single word said or unsaid can break them up. So can a single gesture, a single decision, and so on and so forth. And just like that, you're alone again.
And so that's what makes life harder now than a few months ago. Sometimes I feel so lonely I feel like a geisha, except that I didn't auction off my virginity and I hate talking to drunk men. A geisha does not know any other world, and some geisha have no friends at all, because they are too busy working for their fame, and for their okiyas. I just want live happily, like a non-geisha. Sorry, I've been reading Memoirs for quite a while now, and the story's picking up and it's given me sleepless nights.
Tomorrow it will be better when I wake up. NOt to say that I won't feel alone anymore, but at least I'm alive?
Always, when I look at things for the first time, they seem peculiar and irrelevant to me, no matter how spectacular they are. So now I can appreciate the beauty of Dubai more than ever, because I have lived here long enough to have memories. SO the city lights are more dazzling, some people are more evil, and our house is cozier.
I know that sometimes it's really hard to be completely independent, in many different levels. On the financial level, I guess I'm ok and still have some money to get by. On the emotional side, it's hard to aim for complete independence, because I know that I cannot afford to live alone and be 100 % happy. No one can. But still such is my aim in the hope of avoiding to get hurt. Relationships, whether with a lover, a family member or a dear friend, are forever volatile. A single word said or unsaid can break them up. So can a single gesture, a single decision, and so on and so forth. And just like that, you're alone again.
And so that's what makes life harder now than a few months ago. Sometimes I feel so lonely I feel like a geisha, except that I didn't auction off my virginity and I hate talking to drunk men. A geisha does not know any other world, and some geisha have no friends at all, because they are too busy working for their fame, and for their okiyas. I just want live happily, like a non-geisha. Sorry, I've been reading Memoirs for quite a while now, and the story's picking up and it's given me sleepless nights.
Tomorrow it will be better when I wake up. NOt to say that I won't feel alone anymore, but at least I'm alive?
Saturday, September 02, 2006
LOVE IN THE FIRST DEGREE
One of my favorite karaoke songs....
All together now!!!
Last night, I was dreaming
I was locked in a prison cell
When I woke up, I was screaming
Calling out your name
(bridge 1)
And the judge and the jury
They all put the blame on me
They wouldn't go for my story
They wouldn't hear my plea
(chorus)
Only you can set me free
'Cos I'm guilty
(guilty)
Guilty as a girl can be
Come on baby can't you see
I stand accused of love in the first degree
Guilty, of love in the first degree
Someday, I believe it You will come to my rescue
Unchain my heart you're keeping
And let me start anew
(bridge 2)
The hours pass so slowly
Since they've thrown away the key
Can't you see that I'm lonely
Won't you help me please
(chorus)
Guilty, of love in the first degree
Guilty, of love
Guilty, of love in
Guilty, of love
Guilty, of love in
Guilty, of love in the first degree
(bridge 1)
(chorus ad lib)
I was locked in a prison cell
When I woke up, I was screaming
Calling out your name
(bridge 1)
And the judge and the jury
They all put the blame on me
They wouldn't go for my story
They wouldn't hear my plea
(chorus)
Only you can set me free
'Cos I'm guilty
(guilty)
Guilty as a girl can be
Come on baby can't you see
I stand accused of love in the first degree
Guilty, of love in the first degree
Someday, I believe it You will come to my rescue
Unchain my heart you're keeping
And let me start anew
(bridge 2)
The hours pass so slowly
Since they've thrown away the key
Can't you see that I'm lonely
Won't you help me please
(chorus)
Guilty, of love in the first degree
Guilty, of love
Guilty, of love in
Guilty, of love
Guilty, of love in
Guilty, of love in the first degree
(bridge 1)
(chorus ad lib)
My mother suddenly sent me a text message telling me not to skip meals and to take care of my health. I was so puzzled by this, but I immediately texted back and assured her that I was well fed by my officemates. Coincidentally we just had lunch and I ate like a pig, devouring samosa, torta, hotdogs and luncheon meat all at the same time. Of course a loud and disgusting burp concluded lunch break --- it's my way of thankking my officemates for their kindness.
Anyway I later on found out that Mama felt the urge to warn me about my eating habits because she recently visited another fortune teller and that's what she told my mother, who would believe any kind os superstition, as the rest of my clan.
Anyway I just finished two chocolate bars!!! In less than 15 minutes! Do I have health issues or what!
Anyway I later on found out that Mama felt the urge to warn me about my eating habits because she recently visited another fortune teller and that's what she told my mother, who would believe any kind os superstition, as the rest of my clan.
Anyway I just finished two chocolate bars!!! In less than 15 minutes! Do I have health issues or what!
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