Brokeback Mountain

Watching Brokeback Mountain last night left me depressed. Colin described it as "thought-provoking". Then he said something, something I kept at the back of my mind for the longest time. Hand on his chest, he uttered, "I don't know if I will ever find someone..."

People go on with their lives --- working 5 days a week (in my case six), paying the bills, going out to dinners ---- like zombies, when all they really want is to share their life with someone, so life is a little less lonely. I really wanted to explore my emotions as well as Colin's, I wanted to talk about it more, but I didn't want him to sleep with a heavy heart, so I just said good night and assured him that tomorrow would be better. That tomorrow is today, and it sort of is. He wore his tie, I slipped my shoes on, an we headed off to work.

I know that after some time, that funky feeling will make its way right in the middle of what I'm doing and thinking and feeling, and nights will be colder, people will look lonelier and jokes will be cornier again. Just like Jack and Ennis in the movie. They move on with their lives, have families and try to forget, but they never do. They always go back to the infamous mountain to relive their glory days. They try, try for many many years to stand being apart, but they end up screwing up their own lives and families.

So that's what happens when you put if off for a long time. Whether you have someone or not in your life, it's bound to destroy you sooner or later. What to do?

I don't know, and that's what's making me want to forget about it.
I don't know what to do about it.
I don't know why we all have to feel it, and i don't know how to make it go away for good.
For the timebeing, I just blog.