Star ng Pasko, ABS-CBN Christmas Station ID (Exclusive on www.abs-cbn.com)

Happy new year everyone!
I decided to end 2009 and start 2010 by retaking history class through the excellent writing of Stanley Karnow. I didn't know Philippine history could be so interesting.
In Our Image is indeed a trip down memory lane, when Cory and democracy were the rage.
It seems that the two are making a comeback these days, and the evidence is printed on the shirts of mallrats who weren't even born yet when EDSA happened.
"The Filipino is worth dying for."
"Ninoy for President."
"Your vote counts."
So I wanted to find out why this is so, among other things.
Manila is indeed a complex city that you cannot describe in one word. Not even a sentence.
Even after 27 years of witnessing its evolution, I still can't believe it's come to this -- brimming with life in some parts, and impoverished beyond belief in others.
Shopping is definitely part of our culture.
Not to mention tambay.
And even though mine is scattered all over the world, family is still number one.
We are narcissists and friendly faces, meandering on the streets filled with smog and pleasantness.
We are conservative and audacious, leaving our family to see the world and seek a better life.
I can go on and on to illustrate how complex my peeps are, but I intend to just end this now by saying that the only thing that runs this city is the over-flowing love that we have for one another.
That I know, but the thing that stirs my curiosity is the series of events that led us to where we are today. And the answer lies in centuries of colonial rule and - as a result - a web of contradicting values and cultures that are now present in one great place I call home.
Karnow is a great teacher.
He answers my questions day by day, page by page.

Photobooth PIctures at THE Wedding

The photobooth was only one of the coolest things about the wedding.
Congratulations Terri and Cris!
The program was awesome. Haha thank you, thank you.
The 151 killed everyone, thanks to Wys and Wong.
Plus I made a number of guests happy with my brownies.
All in all, we had an amazing evening.
I wish I didn't have to go cross-eyed drunk at midnight.
I really wanted to stay up much later and finish the second round with the rest.
But my eyes betrayed me and I just had to say good bye and good night and retreat to Room 01.
But I did wake up at 3 AM to listen to Kath talk about how much she loved Carlo.
Over a super-sized quarter pounder meal. Yuck.

I'm the Hotter Sister

Taken from Zoe's brand new DSi that I gave her for Christmas.
So that, and the fact that everyone else thinks so, make me the hotter sister.

December 2009 With My Gigs

Here's to endless nights of laughter and genuine friendship.
I love you my gigolos!

Manila has turned me into a drinking machine.
I forgot how cheap drinks were in my Manila!
The other night with the gigs, I had two Jacks, three tequila shots and two San Mig Lights.
Plus all the pica pica - squid, fishballs, liempo and chicken.
Each of us had to pay only 500 pesos. That's around 35 dirhams.
And we had extra change for coffee.
That is so crazy.
I want to kiss our soil.

Butch's Birthday

Me and Tin rocking it. What were we singing? Oh, Carly Simon's Nobody Does It Better. LOL.

Happy birthday Butch! Pansit Atbp.

I know. I am so beneath myself. And at the same time I am awesome.

Karaoke Show hosted by Sherry

Something happened here. It sent us on our knees and backs and butts. Something Sherry said about Darwin's preferred sexual partners.

What is it with rains and romcoms? I am starting to fall in love with every single leading man in the chick flicks I've been watching all weekend! Drizzle and dreamboats go together, not without a cup of hot chocolate. The only time I left the bed was during tequila time at Butch's. The rest of the time I was cuddling myself while watching fake DVDs and How I Met Your Mother episodes.

There's Neil Patrick Harris, who's gay but so what, Jason Segel who happens to be a gentle giant with a musical background, Justin Bartha, Bradley Cooper, Josh Radnor and Paul Rudd.

So going back to my non-Hollywood life in the slums of Dubai, I think I am going to have a ball under the covers every single night until I fly out. Thanks to the rain and YouTube.

If a 100% confirmed straight man suddenly announces to the whole wide world wide web that he did not date a ladyboy in South East Asia, is there reason not to believe him? That's a thought.
Also, would wearing stockings this winter make me look like an elf or an SM lady? That's another thought.
And finally, if my medication goes out of control, fucks up my bloodstream and makes its way into my brain and drives me insane, would I ever write and produce a decent factual report again?

My Favorite Preview Cover

I know it's an old issue, but nothing has really beaten this one in my opinion.

Gretchen, Claudine, Judy Ann and Ruffa.

Classic.

Martial Law Down South? Say What?

Great. Martial law has been declared down south, where the thugs at. So what are the repercussions? More government control, repressed civilian sentiment, and the possibility of more guerillas rising up to the present administration. Oh and did I mention sad, sad tourism figures? A lot of foreigners like the South. Mountains, beaches, friendly faces. Not anymore. And as our bad rap snowballs, it's possible that they will also stop going to Cebu, or Baguio, or Palawan. Guillaume is in Coron right now and claims to enjoy his stay. There are thousands like him who keep coming back to our beloved archipelago because they know they can fly back to their countries alive; it's really not that bad in the Philippines. But I'm afraid that we blew our chances of getting new tourists to come. Those who have just seen us on the map and are still considering exploring our islands probably crossed us out and are contemplating going to Bali or Phuket instead. Well done. And that is why I am indifferent to the so-called democracy that we are supposedly proud of. And that is why I am abroad, working my butt off. The only good thing about this is, Noynoy and Bongbong are both questioning the motive behind the declaration of martial law. And that means PGMA will have more sleepless nights. Welcome to my world, Gloria.

Rakrakan 2009. Attending a rock concert at my age brings back so many memories of being a groupie once in my life. I was tear gassed. A dozen jobless, no-shower rock and rollers felt me up in the moshpit. We followed a rock band to their houses on EDSA (and lost them). I brought my little sister to a heavy metal gig just to have an excuse to stay backstage. It was a chunk of my college life that I should not be proud of but secretly enjoyed! I loved it. I loved wearing jeans and sneakers and headbanging to angry music. I loved meeting up with my friends right before a gig and planning how we could infiltrate backstage activity. I loved looking for ways to circumvent entrance fees and bouncers. I loved having enough money for two San Mig Lights and looking for a ride home smelling like male perspiration. It won't happen tonight, but at least I get to listen to original Filipino music.

The irony of it all is, you are there, and I am here. You are heading somewhere, I am staying here. You are heading south, I will be up north. When I land, you leave. It's cool. At least we are not stepping on each other's toes. Let's just think of it as a dance that requires distance. Space... so we can glide freely across the floor and eventually sway face to face. And I think I deserve a nice dip in the end, like those gay guys do when they dance the tango. Bow.

Nothing but smiles!
I love it!
Sunny mornings.
Like a Nescafe TV ad.
How things quickly turn around.

Outliers

My current reading list includes this one by Malcolm Gladwell.

I was introduced to Gladwell's works by my good friend Ayadh, who is fond of psychoanalysis and self-help.

Outliers attempts to find out why some people are successful and why some are not.

He plucks out mainstream examples from the cream of the crop across the spectrum and discusses how each of them has climed the ladder of success faster than others, and why some people have been left behind in the race.

So why are some people successful?

According to the book, all people start out equal.

Whether you're a hockey player, a computer whiz or a musician, the moment you take interest in your craft, you have an equal chance as everyone to make it.

But as luck would have it, some people get more opportunities than others.

Opportunities are doors opening for you to explore what's inside that mansion.

Bill Gates took interest in computer programming, but during his teenage years, it was hard to gain access to computers.

Luckily, a university near his house had a computer available 24/7, and he would sneak out of his house in the wee hours to practice programming.

Even though there was a limit to the number of hours every person could use the computer, with a little decoding fueled by his drive to keep on programming, he was able to sit in front of the computer for hours on end.

The Beatles. There were countless of bands in their era, but what did the Beatles have that others didn't?

Gigs at a Hamburg night club.

They were required to play there for more than a hundred nights straight, each night consisting of hours of playing different genres.

Those gigs made them more confident to face a massive crowd, gave them lots of practice and exposure and a record label that took off.

Bill Gates and The Beatles had something in common, and that is the opportunity to practice. Practice, practice, practice.

Their brains and talent wouldn't make the cut.

According to the book, Gates and The Beatles spent ten thousand hours of their lives perfecting their craft before they became phenomenal.

A study shows that it takes a minimum of ten thousand hours before mastery kicks in.

Then you can hold on to your seats and see a new star rising.

I have never done anything for ten thousand hours.

I was doing lots of different things when I was young that I wasn't able to focus on one.

Is it too late?

Milan Kundera Quotes

Time to revisit an old favorite. Milan Kundera is complicated, screwed up even, and has a lot of emotional issues that he can verbalize in a way that stabs my heart like a knife sharpened by the devil.

Here's a toast to you Kundera, for the thoughs you made me ponder and the truths that you discovered about myself. (at this point, our glasses clink)

Eroticism is like a dance: one always leads the other.

Happiness is the longing for repetition.

How goodness heightens beauty!

Optimism is the opium of the people.

People are going deaf because music is played louder and louder, but because they're going deaf, it has to be played louder still.

Anyone whose goal is 'something higher' must expect someday to suffer vertigo. What is vertigo? Fear of falling? No, Vertigo is something other than fear of falling. It is the voice of the emptiness below us which tempts and lures us, it is the desire to fall, against which, terrified, we defend ourselves.

Pull the Plug

Overheat
Dimming light
Flicker, not spark
Wide eyes in the dark
Sliver
Search for power
Short circuit
Voltage limit
Jumpstart
Fuse dead
Will you just shrug
Or pull the plug?

Debts, Goals and More

Dubai World has announced it would request a six month debt payment extension for its $58 billion dollar debt. Fair enough. Even though there are clear-cut rules to lending and contracts were signed in the beginning, what is written on paper may not always materialize. Everything is an assumption.
My take on that is yes, the extension shoould be granted. It's not the first time in history that a conglomerate is unable to pay off its loans on time, and it's no surprise, given the economic situation, no matter what press releases and optimists say.
It's a holiday, so I will let my brain take a back seat and let my emotions run free like a fool, because I'm girly like that. So why give leeway? Because we all make mistakes and we deserve a second chance in everything. Any delay caused by an unfortunate series of events that got out of hand is of course a hassle to the parties awaiting results or payments or a mere update. It's agonizing and it brings about insecurity and hostility.
But if the borrower is transparent and takes reassuring steps towards a sound alternative payment plan, I don't see why things can't work out.
Let's drop the borrower-debtor situation and zoom out to the big picture. Let's talk about ourselves. Each person has a vision, whether short-term or long-term. And that vision is backed by the belief that that happy place he sees in his head will soon take place in real life at the right time. So he works on it and makes it happen. He sets a deadline and is determined to beat it!
But there are obstacles. Unexpected events, people in his way, or bad weather. So he buys time. He allows himself more time but never takes his eyes off the light at the end of the tunnel. So he gets there, slowly but surely, and he feels his adrenaline pump up when his goals begin to take shape.
Or there is an alternative ending to it. He may lose sight of his goals. Consequently he may not find the strength to carry on, and may likely waste away. Which in my book is NOT an option. It is simply not.
Each of us has a personal battle. We are both the borrower and the lender. We owe ourselves our future. And we patiently wait for ourselves to reach it. We give and take to ourselves by allowing grace periods to right the wrong and clean up our mess. We give ourselves a pat on the back when we meet our deadlines. We reprimand ourselves when we falter. Then we get back on our feet.
And the last five words of the last sentence are the most important thing I have written in this entry so far.
Like, I can dive into a pool of shit, swim there all day, but at the end of the day I can towel it all off and take a long hot bath.

I love power naps!

The Fat Game

Lis and I took a walk by the creek to get some fresh air and fuel our fear of getting fat. We played a little game that required us to call each other "fat" names. So she called me Dabiana and I called her Lard Ass. She called me Miss Piggy and I called her Big Momma. You get the picture.
It was so much fun. We got a high out of the whole fat name calling thing that we didn't want to stop. We're both online right now and she just called me Rolly Polly Porker Belly. Wow. Original. I tried my best to come up with something. Miss Pork Rind 2009. It's an endorphin-boosting exercise.


Try it.
You're so fat trying you can't procreate.
You're so fat you ate your fiancee.
You're so fat you don't need tampons, your thighs do all the absorbing.
You're so fat your fingers stick together when you type.
You're so fat you're tempted to cook yourself.
You're so fat you can fly like a giant balloon.
You're so fat you look like a sofa when seated.
When standing, you look like a fridge.
You're so fat you are the capital of your country.
You're so fat you need a whole year to poop.
You're so fat you can never be phat.
You're so fat like that yo!

How I Met Your Mother

This comedy series is basically a very long story told by a father to his kids about how he met their mother. It's the fourth season and still we don't know how. The main character, Ted (who is the dad in the future), was engaged and heartbroken and single and attached so many times that the excitement leading to how he really met his future wife is escalating. And I am itching to find out.

I never really found out how my father met my mother. We never had that chat. I don't think I want to know. It's just a fleeting moment that led to my birth and now that I'm all grown up to backtrack, I won't. I just feel that something that ended tragically and was buried six feet underground some fourteen years ago does not deserve another glimpse.

But here's the good news. Someday I will become a mother and I hope that my story will be so fondly remembered by my children, their children and the children of their children. I want it to be a well-told, unbelievably kickass love story that it will become a legacy and possibly become a smashing hit comedy series. And I get to star in it.

PokerFace (acoustic live) Lady GaGa HD

Remembering the Old Me

The nice thing about going back home is that it is also revisiting my past self. I get to open my old journals, rummage through my old stuff, use my old brands of shampoo and soap and smoke at the desk where I used to hide my cigarettes from Mama Becky. I get to watch my favorite decade-old romantic comedies, such as The Sweetest Thing, Along Came Polly and 50 First Dates. And I get to use our landline phone that emits more static sound than the voice of the person on the other line.
The old me likes a hot cup of taho with extra sago when everybody else is having tapsilog at Edong's. She sneaks out of a brainstorming meeting to meet her boyfriend at the border of the Metro. She likes to have a San Mig Strong Ice before going home from work. She keeps an apple in her bag just in case she gets hungry. The old me buys cigarettes per piece and smokes them throughout the day. She likes smoking under the watershed when it rains, while saying hello to acquaintances holding their umbrellas and hailing cabs in front of the ELJ building. The old me likes to crack a joke or two with a good friend while listening to crap music on the office computer. She likes eating other people's leftover food.
The old me likes road trips. With high school friends, it's got to be Cookie's house in Tagaytay. With college friends, Puerto Galera. She likes boys. Smiling at them, talking to them, holding their hands and pinching them hard. She likes girls too. Well, as friends. She likes it when things happen spontaneously, especially on pay day after work.
The old me is moody at times and would hide under the office table to avoid pleasantries with people. When in the mood, she is playful and likes talking to superiors with chocolate in her teeth. She likes taking pictures with people's butts.
The old me is not complicated at all. She doesn't always get what she wants but doesn't fuss over it. She lets go of things not meant for her gracefully and with the hope that something better will come along.
I am not sure if I will come to terms with the old me when I'm back home again. Maybe the tangible reminders of my old self have been thrown away by our new house help, or eaten by termites, or simply too deeply buried under dust to be retrieved. But it would be nice just to say hi and ask how she's been. She might be wondering how the new me is.
Well, the new me is not exactly different.
A little stronger, a little wiser.
A little more serious, a little more refined.
A little more cautious, a little more inquisitive.
A little more responsible, a little more fair.
Just a little.
I don't want to lose touch with my old self.
I love the old me!
When I look at my old picture, I think, "I was pretty badass."

For G

You're simply amazing. It was one of the most peaceful, amicable endings I have had in my entire life, and you deserve a big round of applause. Until now you have managed to retain my respect and I salute you for that. And even though we're miles apart, I still feel your concern for me. You have given me reason to believe that it's possible to find good people in the world. No hang ups, no deceit, just pure companionship filled with love and understanding. And yes, we will still see each other. Another place, another time. The only thing that will change is the absence of complication. I won't test your temper; you won't tell me what to do. I won't complain about the way you do things; you won't tell me to get my act together. We will see eye to eye and hold hands, like old friends. I know that I will always have you. And you will always have me. Amen.

Good Times - Edie Brickell

Would You Take Body Image Advice From A Pretty Woman? | Never Say Diet

Would You Take Body Image Advice From A Pretty Woman? Never Say Diet

Satruday Night

I have been watching the HBO Sports series in the build up to the Manny Pacquiao - Miguel Cotto fight.
Each fighter's story was told with so much depth that it succeeded in touching my heart.
I was moved to tears.
One of the most memorable things that were said in the series was this:

Long after Saturday night, what would be remembered?
How many years they lived?
How many rounds they fought?
Or what happened in that small handfull of moments that really mattered?

For the two boxers, Saturday night was the big fight.
It could mean a different thing to every person.
Could be the night they won the lottery, met their spouse, or had that life-changing hair cut.
I've had so many memorable Saturday nights, with handfulls of moments that brought happiness and sadness in my life.
Some of them I chose to bury deep in my pocket, some I still hold in my hand.

I once told a person that Saturday is for lovers.
Now I realize it's not really that exclusive.
It's for those who wish to beat the doldrums and do something bold.
And I hope that I will soon have an eventful Saturday night to shake up my life.

You know what? I was daydreaming of being the female Manny Pacquiao.
But then I realized, I don't wanna be Manny.
I wanna be Freddie Roach.
He's dealt with a lot of champion boxers and won't take any of their shit.
In short, he's an excellent trainer, mentor and friend.
With those qualities of his, he produced the world's best in the arena.
I'm Freddie.
Now if I can find my Floyd and my Manny.
Ok, my Manny is Aimee.
Aimee oks lang ikaw si Manny?

Portishead - glory box

Manny Pacquiao on Jimmy Kimmel Live PART 1

This was so much fun to watch.
I love Manny.
I'm sure he loves me too.

Rico Blanco - Your Universe

Antukin - Rico Blanco (Official Music Video)

Thanks Mae... you're right.
He's brilliant, and this song is so true.

HBO Sports: 24/7 Pacquiao Cotto Episode #1 (HBO)

Watch the other parts on Youtube. Excellent Sports feature.

Pacquiao Wins Again!

Of course Pacquiao won!

It's his 50th victory.

And he is now a five-weight, five-time world champion.

Not the best-looking guy on the planet.

But someone to be very proud of for Filipinos.

A product of the slums, the supposedly more hopeless part of any city in any country.

A person who didn't have the funding but had enough resources to fuel his passion.

An inspiration to those who weren't blessed with good looks and a trust fund but had the energy and determination that took him all the way to prestige and unimaginable wealth.

We're all boxers.

We fight, we bleed, we try to win.

But some people get knocked out in the early rounds.

Some simply refuse to.

They just keep on going.

Keep on going.

That's the only way to know your limits.

If you win, congratulations, your life is upgraded a notch.

And winning is addictive and contagious, mind you.

It will keep on happening and it will cause others to do the same.

That's why some refuse to give up until they're on top.

But if you lose, better luck next time.

The fight is finished, but there's another one coming up.

So keep your gloves on.

Those who stick it out until the end are usually the ones who have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

That's a thought.

For Aimee: Reasons to Eat Healthy

Aimee is the one on the right side, wearing the tube top with a hole on each side to create an illusion of a smaller waist. It worked then, but now I don't think holes on a tube top can do the trick.

Aimee has become so happy with her single life and successful career that she has forgotten to take care of her body, munching on lard and having as much rice as she can take in.



I think it's disgusting and this has got to stop, especially after feeling the effects of staying in shape and eating healthy. So I have made it a point to help her.

Here are some of the reasons to eat healthy. I made this list to motivate Aims and push her to get out there and let her fats evaporate into thin air. If these don't help, that means she is a pathetic porker and will never ever have the chance to perform a sexy dance in front of thousands of people.

1. Pooping won't be a chore anymore, but a very intense and gratifying human experience.

2. You will look like a female human being again.

3. You'll fit through your the doors of your office.

4. You won't have to make fun of yourself all the time and cry in your room later.

5. You won't have to worry about diabetes, hypertension, smelly sweat, a dark neck and gout.

6. You will have the right to bash your former flame, who according to you now looks like King Coopa from Mario Brothers.

7. You will finally fit into your tiny clothes. Remember, you used to wear next-to-nothing outfits in college?

8. Beach outing won't be scary anymore.

9. You will feel fresh and light in the morning. No snoring in the middle of the night, no more dreams of becoming the Marshmallow Lady, and most importantly, no more loud farts.

10. You will get laid again! Yay! So throw your dildo away and get thin.

Is There An Easy Way To Do Anything?

Last year I received this book as a present, and I didn't really bother to read it.

Until recently.

Someone swore by the book, saying he quit smoking right after he put the book down.

He said it uses the principles of hypnosis and is guaranteed to make even the worst chain smoker refuse to light up again.

The author, Carr, was a long-time chain smoker, consuming as many as 100 cigarettes a day.

The book is pretty easy on the reader.

It says I can even smoke away while flipping its pages.

The important thing is to read it from cover to cover.

And then it's up to me.

The reason my copy had been lying around the flat collecting dust for over a year is simple.

I didn't want to quit.

I was enjoying it.

I loved it.

But as my lungs and other body parts showed symptoms of defiance and disagreement with my mentality, I realized that maybe it was time to get rid of the magic stick.

The moment I opened the book, I got really scared.

What if I was fated to end up as one of the few who didn't give up after reading the book?

Would that mean I'm a hopeless loser?

What if my nicotine addiction is greater than my will power?

What if in the end, I choose to accept the fact that the world is twisted, that authorities choose to sleep with tobacco corporations and the consumers are willing victims of this whole shit?

What if the book doesn't work on me?

But all my what ifs will be assuaged onlly if I try it out.

And that's exactly what I am doing right now.

Maybe I was sick in the head all this time, and it's time to repair my brain.

And maybe the book will help.

If not with my smoking, maybe with other areas of my life.

That's how you learn about yourself right?

Try it out.

And all the what ifs and maybes will go away, no matter how things turn out.

Try it out.

Ok time for a fag.

Today I interviewed a bunch of UAE nationals about their career prospects.
They are all so lucky.
Jobs await them even before they step out of college.
Companies are eager to employ them to up their Emiratization numbers.
We used to have that kind of thing earlier this century.
What a big joke.
Now we're spread all over the world and don't have plans of going back home to work.

Speaking of work, I am so bored.
There's no breaking news, just my skin breaking out.
There's no big event, just my big fat ass stuck to the chair.
There's no extraordinary person to interview, just my extraordinary dislike for idleness in the office.
I am so bored.

Speaking of work, I am going to work out later.
It's high time I flush the McDonalds gunk out of my system.

Ali G FBI interview

I had McDonalds and I feel sick.
Sonia gave me this herbal laxative.
Will use it tonight.
Also will disinfect the toilet.
And try to sleep without wrinkling my face.
Hi Aims!

Gigs' Night Out Minus Nikko, Me and Fifi

I miss my gigs and San Mig Light.

Happy birthday Charm and Kath!

Aimee's Future Husband

This is going to be Aimee's future husband.

And I don't think I will be at her wedding.

Love you Aims!

The Rebound

I watched this movie last evening.

Chick flick, no doubt.

But very realistic.

Love the guy though.

There are guys like that in this world?

And if I'm gonna have kids, they better be like the kids in the movie.

I would raise them uptown but will make sure they can talk like black people.

That would be hilarious.

I don't know why I wore a really big bra today.
I don't even know why I own a really big bra.
It feels really heavy.
Did I wake up with so much confidence that I thought my breasts were a cup bigger?
Or was I just too sleepy to care which underwear to wear?
That remains a mystery.
Hate big bras with wood-hard underwires and straps that kill my shoulders.
But need to endure this feeling until 6 PM.
Oh the problems we have in life.

CLOSER - DIDO

Are you kidding me?
There's a karaoke version of this song?
I love this song!
Reminds me of my first date in Dubai.
2006. Summer.
Roses, Breezers.
Fifi and her dance moves.
Single Colin, troubled Craig.
Fat Zeena.
What? It's been almost four years?

Barrio Fiesta Opens in Dubai

Barrio Fiesta, one of the Philippines' most popular Filipino restaurants, is opening in Dubai on Tuesday evening! Yesterday they served the Filipino press a sumptuous three-course meal that has ruined my diet but lifted my spirits. I felt at home with all that bagoong!

This is me and Ate Aysha. I just finished dinner when she and Khadijah arrived, so I kind of forced a smile despite the bloated feeling.

Ok. The food was amazing. The plates and the whole presentation will be changed on the opening night. Last night was just a trial thing. So in this picture, there's laing, tahong, sugpo, kare kare and sago gulaman. I had a little bit of some of them and too much of the Bacolod garlic rice, as well as the bagoong rice.

The press were invited and they all looked pleased with the food. I'm sure that on Tuesday, with the dazzling performance of a Filipino singing group, the traditional costumes of the servers, and the fiesta-inspired decorations in the restaurant, my peeps will love it!

I hope foreigners will try it out. It's a welcome change from the usual Pinoy restaurants every one is used to seeing on the streets of Karama and Deira.

New Cousin!

I have a new cousin! Tito Alex and his lovely wife just had their second baby boy, Roan. Alika now has a brother, and I now have millions of little cousins with contagious smiles all over the world. I have not even seen some of them, but I keep myself updated and look at their pictures all the time.
I heard Alika is a very friendly boy, and likes to smile a lot. Good. Tito Alex is very lucky to have two cute boys in his family.
I bet my aunts and uncles will never believe how much I've grown. Some of them haven't seen me in more than a decade. When I was as young as Alika, I didn't have cousins. I was the eldest. Now there's one born every year! One big happy family.
Even though I am in my late 20's, I still want to be able to play with my little cousins. When I see them, I am going to give them presents and make them laugh and just get them warmed up to the idea of having a really old cousin they've never seen before. Just the thought of them makes me feel young again. And playful and carefree. I've got to hang out with all of them before I get hitched. I don't want them to have nieces and nephews without even meeting me!

Aimee

My college friend Aimee has resurfaced.
I remember that she was very sad at one point in her life and complained about everything.
Now she is in a much better place and is able to utilize her talent and intelligence with a job she enjoys.
We got in touch again last week, and our conversations have never been more meaningful.
It was as if we were just having coffee as Seattles Katipunan on a late week night.
She offers me excellent advice and tells it like it is.
Plus she's offering bartending courses for nothing, and I think I will take one in December.
It's high time I reconnect with friends back home.
It is proving to be very beneficial.

Aimee thinks she's fat.
Maybe she is.
Porker.

Beck - Loser

2009

Chiara's email couldn't be more true.
2009 is a crazy year for all of us.

She's broken up with Randy after almost a decade.
Terri is getting married.
Cookie's house was almost destroyed by the flood.
Kath welcomed Carlo into her life and also suffered from the flood.
Wyson became a doctor.
Nikko became a lawyer.
Charm has quit her job to prepare for her migration to Canada.
Fifi started dating a guy other than her first boyfriend, but returned to the bastard anyway.
And me? One awesome holiday and one failed relationship.

It's amazing how each of us has a major story to tell this year.
It's usually this and that, blah blah, shits and giggles.
Maybe our lives have become too boring and needed to be shaken up.
This year definitely required more energy and thinking and support from the people we trust and love than I imagined.

My mom said that the Chinese believe that 2009 was going to be bad, because 9 is a very unlucky number.
I personally don't believe that.
It wasn't as if I lost my job (knock on wood) or a loved one (knock again).
I am healthy. I have my whole body intact and my whole life ahead of me.
And there is no lucky or unlucky.
There is only happiness, and it is our only choice.
Happiness or death.

At Terri's wedding, our speeches will be more meaningful.
The toast we will propose will be heartfelt.
And the laughter will be genuine.
2009 is crazy, but so are we.

Breast TLC: While You're In The Shower

Breast TLC: While You're In The Shower

Let's not be scared of breast cancer.
We can kick its ass.
But let's win the war before going to battle.
To all my girlfriends, take care of yourselves and be good to your bodies.
I'm one to talk.

Victory. Period.

(image courtesy of NY Times)

The New York Times reports that it is the first time in more than two decades that an American has won the New York City Marathon.

And that American goes by the name Meb Keflezighi.

Born in Eritrea, he moved to the US when he was 12, where he underwent a series of distance running programs.

In short, he is a product of American training, not discounting the fact that he has earned himself an American passport.

But academics opened room for debate on whether his victory is deserving of American celebration.

They argue that race is essential in Athletics.

Meb's African origin plays a big role in his triumph.

Many marathons are won by Africans.

I do not know how they are trained in their continent, but the number of winners from their region cannot be ignored.

It must have something to do with their racial make up.

But Meb is American and has been living the American dream since he moved to the US.

I think that if a person has made a decision to change his life and make a name for himself, with enough perseverance and faith, there is nothing that can prevent him from moving forward.

I assume that like all other immigrants, Meb's family left their country to give their son a better future, and here it is, in the form of a very prestigious accomsplishment.

I have many relatives who migrated to wealthier countries because of their desire to live a better life.

To stop worrying about healthcare, mortgage, education and other expenses that seem like luxuries in the Philippines.

And their decision must be respected by the rest of the world.

It is not an easy one.

In fact, it is painful.

They set off for good, fingers crossed that they will be given equal opportunities as a reward for the hard work they are willing to do.

As long as they are not harming anyone else and have good intentions, they have the right to succeed wherever they choose to settle.

I believe in the notion of a borderless society.

In fact, I believe it is not a mere concept anymore.

It is evident across the globe.

And those who are in denial will be left behind sooner or later.

My Favorite Things

Everyone has their own list of favorite things.
Things that make us tingle inside and glow on the outside.
They are tangible, and therefore cannot be dismissed as unreal or disproved.
They give us an irreversible sense of comfort that is hard to dispel when we're in the moment of appreciating them.
They are the things that we either bought, received from someone special, or found.
Some meaningful, some simply too cute to ignore.
Nevertheless, they are the ones that cheer us up and make us feel good.
What are your favorite things?
Here are mine:

1. My journal. I will never divulge my secrets on the internet for everyone to feast on, but when it comes to writing in my journal, I disclose every single detail of my life. And that is why I love it. It doesn't argue with me; it just listens. Swallows every painful or happy thought streaming from my mind down to the pencil, onto the paper. I've kept a journal since I was eleven. Sixteen years on, I am still as enthusiastic to jot down my life bit by bit as I was when I was in fifth grade.

2. My Our Daily Bread book. My mom gave it to me last year before I left for Dubai. Every day I read it to gain wisdom and inspiration so that I may live each life to the fullest. Equipped with the little blue book, I challenge life to challenge me. It's always helped me in making big decisions. And when I cannot make a decision, The One Up There makes ways to decide for me.

3. My iPod Mini. It's 750 songs that date back to 2004. 750 songs reminding me of different times in my life, especially when I was writing scripts for a TV show back home. It's got everything: Spice Girls, Placebo, Live, Fuel, Garbage, No Doubt, Ciudad, E-heads, Cynthia Alexander. It's got everything I need to get my through a long drive down Emirates Road.

4. My fan. I love fanning my face! It reminds me of Maria Clara and Sunday masses. I feel like a lady and I feel heavily guarded -- ironically, with such a feminine weapon. I would like to be as soft spoken and flawless as the traditional Filipina, but I can only fan my face.

5. A mixed CD. When I was in college one of my good friends said he was in love with me, and gave me a CD of songs that he liked, and maybe helped him tell how he felt towards me. A relationship between us never materialized, but I kept the CD and I've always listened to it. Beth Orton's Central Reservation (acoustic version) is one of the best tracks for me.

6. My phone. I need not say more, but I will. With it I can get in touch with the people I love, wherever they are in the world. Plus it makes me look busy when I am alone. If it weren't for it, I would probably be bored and homesick and drop dead eventually.

7. My milk salt spa. Scrubbing is very very therapeutic, especially when the grains smell great! My friends recommended a certain brand of scrub and I've been using it twice a week. I believe it improves blood circulation and makes my skin smoother, plus it makes me feel really good inside and out, knowing that I am taking care of myself and people are noticing.

Halloween 2009

The Hosts, Butch and Patrick
On the balcony with Snow White in the center

Miss Congeniality. Yup. That's what I went as.

Where's my donut?

It would have worked if I had longer legs like Sandra Bullock.

Happy and gay!

Mae the Vietnamese rice planter, Momzi the geisha, and Sherry, a cross between Chun Li and a leading Mano Po character.

Awesome Halloween party.
I went as Miss Congeniality.
Nice pink gown (which Fifi and Mae stitched up in three seconds).
A bejewelled tiara.
Boots.
A gun strapped to my thigh.
And of course. A donut.
I had to eat two donuts to complete my ensemble.
So I mingled with Chun Li, a geisha, Audrey Hepburn, Annie and a bunch of other fun people.
Not much drinking and smoking, which is good.
A but of dancing.
I loved the party.
It was a much needed break and a chance to go gay again.

Snow Patrol "You Could Be Happy" Animation

A cute interpretation of a meaningful song shared with us by Mae.

Time to clean my clutter.
Ok, first of all, my face.
These ugly zits are the result of sleepless nights and too much thinking.
Time to give my mind a rest and give my face a lift.
Second, my car.
Those scratches and dents should go.
I want my car to be in perfect condition, shiny and new, like a virgin.
Third, my work.
I haven't really paid much attention to stuff in the office.
Time to move my ass and get the ball rolling again.
Fourth, my health.
Yoga has been fun and I will do it again.
I am going to jog and swim again next week after work.
And of course, shoot some hoops.
My basketball has been itching to bounce back on the court!
And finally, my social life.
I have to make a few phone calls and explain why I haven't been around, or myself lately.
Time to open my doors again and say hello to everyone I have ignored for so long.
Time to clean my clutter.

Blink, and see the landscape that was given to you to feast your eyes on from a different angle
Breathe, and let go of all that air filled with thoughts and feelings that must leave at once
Bathe, and you shed the skin that has died along with the past and the fleeting present
Believe, in the impossible, the unthinkable, a path to the future that never crossed your mind

The Sweetest Thing

I used to watch this movie over and over again.
Moldy ass and more.
Hahahaha.

Southwest Airlines saved $100,000 just by deciding not to serve lemonade.
Wow.
If you know when and where to cut corners without making it obvious, you're a real winner.

The World

Today I was on a seaplane for a report I was doing.

The plane flew over the World Islands.

A glimpse of it triggered so many thoughts, emotions, tears.

You see, there is a story I have not told many people.

It all started on the World Islands over a year ago.

It was a very promising moment, but I did not think much of it.
I just knew that talking to him made me feel good.

Never did I imagine that it would grow so big, bigger than the World Islands, even bigger than the world itself.

It was as if the universe exploded and it was just the two of us.

And suddenly, just as swiftly as it began, it ended.

And as I found myself thousands of feet above the World Islands, I froze.

It was a chilling experience.

It was as if destiny commanded that the whole AK experience be concluded with another look at the World.

The world.

Maybe we were not bigger than the world.

Maybe we were just another couple that made the world believe that we could outdo it.

We couldn't.

Now I need to exist in this world without him.

Welcome to my world.

God knows I tried my best.
It was a long and painful fight.
It took the best of me, physically and emotionally.
I love myself and the people who love me.
And for their sake and mine, I have agreed to stop it.
Let it go.
It was beautiful, and it was fun, it was magical and very very challenging.
It was a test of patience and character.
It was certain, ambiguous, turbulent, intoxicating and fulfilling all the same time.
But maybe it was not meant to last.
It happened to teach me a lesson, which I hope I will realize soon.
It was meant to make me stronger, and test how much love I could give.
It was one of the experiences I have had that will really make a mark in my life.
It's not going to be an ugly scar.
It's going to be a tattoo that will always be there, a pretty reminder of what took place in those six wonderful months.
It will be hard to forget, but who says I need to?
I can keep it with me for as long as I want.
But I can keep it only to myself.

What I Could Have Become

Just joking. My family thought I had the potential to become the next Lea Salonga. At one point in my childhood. Until they realized... Nah. She is probably approaching 40 but she still looks great. Maybe I can aim to still look young when I turn 40 like her, but the voice? I think it's too late to work on that.

I like this song. This is where I got "forward, always forward", the title of my blog.

"What is important is to keep learning, to enjoy challenge, and to tolerate ambiguity. In the end there are no certain answers."
– Matina Horner

Garbage - Cup of Coffee

Skunk Anansie - Hedonism

Catatonia - Dead from the waist down

Theres no contracts binding
No bad scene beyond repair
But when youre dead from the waist down
You're too far gone to even care

Road Rage by Catatonia

If all you've got to do today is find peace of mind
Come round you can take a piece of mine

It's all over the front page, you give me road rage,
Racing through the best days

DON'T QUIT!

Kuya Ruel forwarded this to me via email.
I like it.

When things go wrong as they sometimes will
When the road you're trudging seems all up hill
When the funds are low and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh
When care is pressing you down a bit
Rest, if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer, with its twists and turns
As everyone of us sometimes learns
And many a failure turns about
When he/she might have won had he/she stuck it out
Don't give up though the pace seems slow
You may succeed with another blow.

Success is failure turned inside out
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt
And you never can tell how close you are
It may be near when it seems so far
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

"We arrive at the truth, not by the reason only, but also by the heart."
– Blaise Pascal

Fuck.
This is going to be a tough one.

"There can be no happiness if the things we believe in are different from the things we do."
– Freya Stark

I am so glad the week is almost over.
It's been good though.
Yoga, good sleep, zits zapped and no drama.
Less yosi, not a single drop of liquor, and a free facial.
One breaking news item and easy fluffy news.
New toiletries.
Lots and lotsa fruits and fish.
PMS over.
Period is moderate.
I am so glad this week is almost over.

"We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be."
– Kurt Vonnegut

I answered a survey online and it asked for my age. I belong to the 25-39 bracket and I hate it! I should belong to the 20-29 or 25-30. I should never ever be in the same age bracket as my uncles!

But like everything else I will take it with a grain of salt and breathe slow and count from one to ten with my eyes closed with Alesha Dixon. Fussing about a stupid survey will only make me look older and deserving to be in that stupid age bracket.

Obama: Don't Arrest Medical Marijuana Users

The Obama administration deems the apprehension of medical marijuana users a complete waste of time and efforts. As long as their usage is in compliance with state laws, they can keep on smoking away. This is actually a shining example of how the government is aligning federal law with state regulations, avoiding confusion among citizens. Thirteen states in the land of the free are ok to use ganja to cure certain illnesses and conditions. I am too lazy to do further research, but according to a medical marijuana website, it can cure beriberi, constipation, female weakness, gout, malaria, rheumatism, and absent-mindedness.
But also, this move by the government could create problems in California, where it is legal to use cannabis for treatment. As we all know, it is also home to a multi-million maryjane mob that Mexican cartels had instigated a long long time ago. So we have legitimate patients, and them junkies. Sickies and junkies coming together? Why not. They could create a new genre of music. Or go forth and multiply and produce sick junkie offspring. Cannabis in the mom's placenta, in the cookie jar, in the ketchup, on the coffee table. Not bad.

Moonpools and Caterpillars - Beep Beep Juan Dela Cruz

She has a funny accent but it's cool that she was able to sing this one! Where are they now???

Efren for CNN Hero of the Year

I watched this video on CNN after reading a forwarded email from a colleague, urging us to vote for a man named Efren Penaflorida. Here's what the mail said:

Each year, CNN gives $100,000 to the winner (from a field of ten finalists---winnowed from 9,000 nominees from all over the world) of its "Hero of the Year" award. This year, a 28-year-old Filipino, Efren Peñaflorida, made it to the top ten. (A panel of 12 well-known personalities from various fields picked the finalists. Colin Powell was among the judges this year). If Efren wins this year's award (based on how many votes he gets, which will depend on us), he will be able to expand his mobile school program for the children of the slums in the Philippines. What this young man is doing to improve the lives of the kids in the slums is truly inspiring.

Please vote for Efren. You can vote as many time as you want on this link:
http://edition.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/wayoflife/03/05/heroes.efren.penaflorida/index.html

Suppose he wins and uses the funds to expand his organization, making him able to transform the lives of more gang members and soften the hearts of hardened criminals throug hthe power of unconventional education. That means one less mugger in the back alleys, one less rapist at the bus stop, and one less person off the streets.

It's a win-win situation. You have until November 19.

One step forward, one step back
Always gray, never white or black
Locked inside, can't unpack
Driving down a dead-end track

Every toast and sip is poison
Concocted with deadly passion
Filled with doubt, devoid of reason
Suffering from loss of vision

Eleven minutes, seven years
More time to stretch your fears
More excuses in my ears
Stabbing me with dull shears

UP Quirks and Perks

My university is home to intellectuals, stoics, artists, athletes, athlete's foot, atheists, nerds, promdis and every other Pinoy stereotype you can possibly imagine.

More often than not we agree to disagree, whether it's a debate on gender issues or political correctness, but there are things that bind us, and making us perfect examples of the "unity amidst diversity" BS.

And these things do not exactly hold meaning to anything. They're just fun.

MANG LARRY'S ISAW

Chicken intestines may spell Hepatitis for the gastronomically sensitive, but for Isko and Iska, they are a palatable treat in between classes. Mang Larry has been around for ages and he managed to construct a small stall in the middle of an empty lot of land near Kalayaan Dorm and the Shopping Center. I hope it's still two pesos a piece.

LANTERN PARADE

Every year right before the Christmas holidays, every college goes out to the Academic Oval to showcase its artistic talents. Of course the fine arts people are always under the spotlight. But engineering and communication students don't do badly at all, most of the time.

OBLATION RUN

A well-known fraternity in our university hosts the Oblation Run. A group of frat neophites run around the campus naked for a cause. It could be freedom of speech this year, and a cry for increased government subsidy in the next. Whatever it is, the gays get the most fun, following the birds around to get a glimpse of you-know what. Not once did we see a shaven haven, FYI.

Anyone hungry? Try More Than A Billion.

The UN has said that global food shortage is worsening. A sixth of the world's population are possibly on their way to death as we speak. No shit.
I was saddened but not surprised by the fact that Asia and the Pacific has the largest number of hungry people - 642 million.
The possibility that an acquaintance or a distant relative of mine sits in a shack in a remote area in the Philippines, waiting for judgment day as their stomachs cry for nourishment, is chilling.
The numbers translate to reality, and the reality is scaring me.

Half the word away, things are plastic-fantastic.
Every table of every restaurant shamelessly displays half-eaten sandwiches and untouched salads.
In our own pantry, rice is spilled on the floor as if it were the last thing the world needs.
At my place, panic-bought fruits rot away in the fridge as I calmly smoke cigarette after cigarette on the balcony, my mind flying from mundane thoughts to matters of the heart, and back.

Though I am facing a lot of challenges in my life lately, I must consider myself lucky to be in a situation that does not require food aid. I can eat whenever I want, stay healthy and be sure that I will not die of starvation.

So now that world hunger has just been added to the list of my concerns in life, I have the moral obligation to help. And despite my meager savings and lowly status in this world, I am more than capable of reaching out to those in need. And I will.

Wyson and Cookie

Wys and Cux finally replied to me! I've always been in touch with Nikko, Charm and Terri through emails and Facebook, but Wys and Cux suddenly disappeared from the face of the earth. And they're back! I'm so happy! I love them!
We're usually the ones to plan nights out and road trips and karaoke sessions.

Cux sent us a loooong email about how her house was submerged in Ondoy waters... Provident was one of the badly flooded subdivisions in Marikina and I had been wondered how Cux was holding up. It turned out she is fine. She just wanted to be alone and not to leave home, traumatized by Ondoy. She saved her new drum set and she wants to come over to Wys' place with the rest of our friends (we call 'em gigolos, long story), and jam and drink the night away.

Wyson is alive too. She has been on duty at PGH and is seriously craving sleep. She's usually lazy to answer emails but I'm glad she visited my blog and left a comment.

So I hope we will continue our correspondence until I am finally with them in December, and I hope we'll go on a really long road trip and forget that I am just there for a weeks, Wys is now a doctor on call 24/7, and Cux ever had an "I wanna be alone" moment.

Finally, Final?

The word "final" has assumed a whole new different meaning to me just recently.
We've used and abused it, but we have never really gotten anywhere close to it.
Usually when things are final, they are never to be altered again and more often than not, they are put aside because there is nothing else we can do about them.
But I have been using that word for the past couple of weeks, and so is he, but we never get around to finalizing anything.
Hopefully things will be clear soon and "final" will be synonymous to "happy ending" and not as in "final destination".

Cyndi Lauper - Until You Come Back to Me (That's What I'm Gonna Do)

I bet this is Mama Becky's favorite version of this song.