worth the weight

I don’t know why I’m falling into the girly newsletter trap.
I open my emails, and my inbox is flooded with subjects like “How to Lose Weight and Keep It Off”, “How to Treat Depression”, “Are You A Good Kisser?”, and --- this one is my personal favorite --- “Why Men Do That”.
I know that the writers just reword their old articles, more or less these articles have the same content, and yet I can’t help opening those emails. One. By one. By one.

So far I’ve learned that grapefruit and kiwi are good for weight-watchers, and I need to take in 1,250 calories a day and do thirty minutes of exercise in order to lose weight.
I also need to count calories all the time and keep in mind that there are 9 calories in one gram of fat, and there are only 4 in a gram of carbs.
And if I think I am overweight I must immediately see a nutritionist so he can plan my meals and reprimand me for being a bad girl in the kitchen.
If I get really depressed because of my weight, I must see a therapist.
Turn to my friends when I feel lonely instead of depending on that big bag of chips to make me happy.
Keep a food journal.
Drink light beer. It has only one third of the calories in most ladies drinks.
Multiply my weight in pounds by 15, and that’s the number of calories I need to consume to maintain my current weight, or if I want to lose a few pounds, I must consume 500 fewer calories a day and do 30 minutes of moderate exercise.
I need to wear low and narrow V necklines to create an illusion of slenderness. Wear tops with breast pockets to create an illusion of breasts --- yes, they are an illusion in my case.
And the list goes on and on.

But these random things actually come in handy.
Last weekend I didn’t buy popcorn when we watched a movie.
And I attended tae bo class.
And I now take long walks instead of sitting my ass off every single evening.
I now forgive myself for those late-night French fries, Long Island and karaoke nights and do better the next day.
I drink lots of water and lessened smoking.
I really did.

And I’m slowly on the way to doing something really important.
And I’m learning to love my body. I love my body.
It’s pear-shaped, it’s not perfect. Oh Lord knows it’s not perfect… but it’s mine.
I don’t want to lose an arm to realize how important it is for me.

Then again I could lose a few pounds. Maybe five.