Odd One . . . Alone

“The dread of loneliness is greater than the fear of bondage, so we get married.”
-Cyril Connolly

Yesterday afternoon I walked into the villa and found Mike getting ready to go the airport.
He was leaving for Australia to celebrate his 25th wedding anniversary with Judy, his wife. I couldn't help but envy the smile on his face when he was carrying his suitcase. It was raw, genuine, and screaming "Off to heaven! See you in two weeks, fuckers!"

Fifi didn't come home. She slept at a friend's house. Good for her. After working until 10 PM the whole week she deserved a FUN slumber party!

I did the laundry and put on Desperate Housewives Season Two. Phoned a cafeteria to have some food delivered. This was the life.

So at 7 in the evening Bree Vandekamp was slapping her mother-in-law in the face while I was enjoying my Mega Club sandwich and avocado shake. I was amused at how Bree managed to put a stop to Mrs. Vandekamp's excessive grieving.Who would mourn that loudly? Silly silly silly.

And I at that moment I realized that Colin too was not coming home. I was alone in the house, sitting pretty. Comfortable and well-rested, not minding anything or anyone else. Before I could shout "Hooray" out loud, something else came out of my mouth. Sobs. Loud, uncontrollable, I-want-my-mommy sobs.

I sobbed violently, fighting the speakers in each corner of the living room, fighting the climax of the second episode. Tears were on my fries and my feet were numb.

Why was I crying?

I thought I'd have a fun time with me, myself and I.

I didn't need a boyfriend to come over so we could make out before the "folks" went home.

I could use one night without Fifi, could I?

Why was I crying? I still have no idea.

Well, I guess it's scary to be alone sometimes.

It is.

But don't get me wrong, I still believe alone is better than married but miserable, or with a significant other who doesn't think you're significant.

What I need is a videoke night this weekend, and I swear I will NOT go home without geting drunk and doing something really stupid and reeking of alcohol. I will sing my favorite songs, the ones I have been humming in my head for weeks, I will fill myself with the best liqour in town and throw up in everyone's face. And I will make sure that the next morning I have a terrible headache and stinking breath.

That used to be the way I fought loneliness, Manila style.

And I believe it still is.

Let's do Dubai, Zeena!

There. Whew!