Day One

Yes, I have gained 5kg and I am undeniably chubby. I canNOT tell you how sad I am feeling right now, that my weight suddenly decided to climb the scale without even giving me a warning.

HI ZEENA, YOU'RE TURNING INTO AN ELEPHANT.
DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO BEFORE COLIN'S WEIGHING SCALE BREAKS DOWN.

In a span of three months, I have no idea what happened, but 103 lbs became 111, and if I don't do something about it, in August, I will use my own lard to make my birthday cake.

So yesterday was the perfect day to start changing a few things in my routine. Hmmm let's see. I sipped some slimming tea while watching Desperate Housewives with my friends, did the laundry, washed the dishes etc etc etc...

...and decided to take out my anti-fat ammunition that a friend gave me: the legendary skip rope.

My pals were very supportive. They went out into the frontyard for moral support (never mind the fact that they were chain-smoking). They made sure that I skipped 200 times, walked 3 rounds around the neighborhood, and sweated like a pig. And since now I LOOK like one, I REALLY sweated like one.

But yesterday was only Day One.
What if Day Two never happens?
I look at my thighs and I just want to break down. Really. I canNOT have possibly have thighs this big! Maybe if I stabbed them, two other people would start walking out singing their hymn of independence.
This scary thought made me decide:
I better push through with Day Two.
Which is later. 200 skips or more.


Better yet, I hope that Day Two is Day One for my time of the month.
Because this can't be ALL fats. Maybe it's mostly water.
Maybe when I have my period already I won't bloat so much that my face suffers from edema.

Or maybe it's partially gas?
Maybe when I get home and just fart for 2 straight hours I'd be really thin and light.

I'm fat, and I know YOU don't have a problem with that, but I do.

And... well, if you can just help me?