Giving In

Elaine and I had a short chat about “giving in”.

Girls like to give ultimatums and keep on soliciting all sorts of reactions from guys, but the moment guys decide to pull away upon deeming a situation hopeless or too complicated for them, that’s it. They won’t take the bait.

And why do we give these ultimatums? Because we want to know the real score. We don’t want to be kept in the dark, and we want to be able to tell ourselves that we have done our part to revive or maintain something, and this justifies the need for the guys’ efforts. It’s your turn, buddy. I’ve done enough and I’m tired of it.

But are we ever tired of it? As long as they don’t say yes or no, as long as we are being kept in the dark, we’ll never stop. I found myself trying to achieve closure with two men in the past, and it wasn’t a nice feeling. Just as I was opening my doors and readying myself for something more serious, they kind of just shrugged and walked away. I felt like a walking symbol of trouble. Don’t go there, there’s a lunatic with huge thighs waiting to trap you. She might even LOVE you.

And so we do not only give an ultimatum to guys. Eventually we give the same to ourselves, if we fail to get any kind of response from them. And so “If you are really giving up on this, just say so, and that’s the end” becomes “if he doesn’t reply by tomorrow noon he can forget it, I’m giving up on this.” And then we extend our deadline. Tomorrow noon becomes next week, or our birthday, or some time in 2008. Unless a guy opens his mouth and lets a short “no” escape from it, a girl is bound to pursue the matter, if only for good old peace of mind.

But what happens when a guy decides to keep quiet forever? A girl can’t live her life trying to make him speak up. And so we move on. That’s the most beautiful part of it, don’t you think? We move on and on and on until we find something not necessarily better, but something that suits us, something that’s right, that’s not too much for us to handle, and eventually we deem it perfect. But we never really see that unless we get past the “giving in” stage.

And so I wish girls would not have to ask, demand, or even beg for anything. But if she does, I’m sure the whole world understands that more than anything, she just wants to feel better about herself and be given the thumbs up to move on. Completely.

And what happens if after ages of waiting, after moving on and having another shot at happiness, a girl finds her past love coming back to her and pursuing her again? That’s hard. Hopefully by that time the girl has found something that she is happier with, and she wouldn’t have to fall into the trap again. No giving in. That part is over.

Back to work.