"Our real blessings often appear to us in the shape of pains, losses and disappointments, but let us have patience and we soon shall see them in their proper figures."
– Joseph Addison
– Joseph Addison
Sunday, April 30, 2006
Saturday, April 29, 2006
i'll just wait, i guess
will just wait, i guess
no need to rush things
i'm young
i'm allowed a few more hundred mistakes
but what happens
if i've used up my chances?
i can't ask for new ones
from whom?
no one gives a damn
will just wait, i guess
for people to pass by
while i sit quietly
almost like an angel
almost like your savior
but what happens
if i've exhausted all my goodness?
i can't just walk away
nowhere to go to
no one loves a loser
will just wait, i guess
not for another nameless face
to become another shameless man
while i am here
looking back
and everyone
is just floating around me
what happens if they've all gone away?
i can't just run after them
nowhere to go
no one loves a user
no need to rush things
i'm young
i'm allowed a few more hundred mistakes
but what happens
if i've used up my chances?
i can't ask for new ones
from whom?
no one gives a damn
will just wait, i guess
for people to pass by
while i sit quietly
almost like an angel
almost like your savior
but what happens
if i've exhausted all my goodness?
i can't just walk away
nowhere to go to
no one loves a loser
will just wait, i guess
not for another nameless face
to become another shameless man
while i am here
looking back
and everyone
is just floating around me
what happens if they've all gone away?
i can't just run after them
nowhere to go
no one loves a user
what sign whould i date?
| You Should Be With an Air Sign! |
 Your best match is a Gemini, Libra, or Aquarius Why? You crave excitement and playful banter Only an Air Sign can match your wit - and keep you on your toes As for fun, an Air Sign guy will show you plenty� with tons of surprises Just be sure to introduce him to some new playful experiences as well! |
what kind of ex am i?
| You Are an Indifferent Ex |
 You're not one of those girls who thinks about her exes - or even remembers them "Love 'em and Leave 'em" is your motto. And your break ups tend to be a clean break. It's a nice strategy to have, and guys appreciate your total lack of emotional baggage. But just a little reminder: it is okay to remember the good parts of your past, even with exes. |
my reputation. don't throw up!
| Your Reputation Is: Sweet Girl |
 While you're well known, there's nothing to worry about. You're reputation is mostly good - as good as any rep can be. |
The Scope of the Game
Just now, I suddenly remembered two conversations I had in the Philippines about Leos and Aquarians. One was with Sunny Rose, an Aquarian who was still hung up on her ex-boyfriend who was also an Aquarian. The other one was with Jefp, a fellow Leo who, at that time, like me, was having boyfriend trouble with an Aquarian.
Interesting how Aquarians and Leos get along. I don't have any problem dealing with a female Aquarian, but introduce me to a male Aquarian and my life will turn full-circle in days. It's a fact. I had been with three Aquarians, and they all made a mark in my life. Whatever that's supposed to mean!
Before I proceed, let me impart to you some information that might help (or complicate) how you form your opinions on Leos and Aquarians or how lovers with different signs get along in general. Not that you need to have an opinion, but .... hell, read this!
LEO
Glamorous Leo enjoys a thoroughgoing love of life and all its pleasures.
Enthusiasm, generosity and your sunny disposition inspires the affection of many friends and admirers, while turning those with less popular personalities green with envy. Though full of ambition and enthusiasm, Leo has to admit to a lazy streak and, given the opportunity, will take the easy way out, especially when a situation offers little fun or glory. This is something lazy, luxurious Leo needs to watch.
Your sexuality is powerful. The solar fire of the Sun rules your nature, so your whole personality is dynamic and attractive to others. There is no shortage of those who long to bask in your solar warmth!
You are supremely loyal and protective, so long as your rulership is acknowledged by the rest of the pride, but you do require appropriate ego-massage.
Anyone who wishes to make it with Leo must never undermine the leonine dignity, or they will surely suffer the claws of the cat.
A Leo woman thinks she is beautiful and often it’s really so.
AQUARIUS
Charming, exciting and unpredictable, yet somehow strangely detached from the proceedings, you are one of the zodiac's most eccentric personalities. You definitely look for the unusual and challenging, while at the same time seeking romance, tenderness and understanding in your relationships.
Your sex-drive is not unduly strong, but your need to explore and be stimulated sometimes gives others the impression that your desires are rampant!
You are a sucker for anything that breaks new ground. You are however able to view your body's activities in quite a detached light, something that partners find difficult to understand. Admirers should be aware of your need for experimentation and, from time to time, need for solitude to recharge your batteries.
COMPATIBILITY
LEO - AQUARIUS : Aquarius brings more color to sexual individuality of Leo and making love becomes more exciting. Leo is irritated that Aquarius is inclined to analyze everything. This influences self-esteem of Leo, who starts losing his usual self-assurance about his great power of sovereign. Besides, unfaithfulness of Aquarius in bed gets on Leos' nerves. A short romance is possible, but marriage is unreal, says compatibility horoscope Leo.
AQUARIUS - LEO : It may look like a promising alliance, but the result is hard to predict. The main problem is that Leo has a huge interest in physical side of relations, while Aquarius is more concerned about emotional communication. Aquarius can’t admire Leo in sex the way he needs. Both are independent. Aquarius will try to put an end to the leadership of Leo. Arousing easily, these two signs won’t stand up to serious relation.
Recalling my experiences, I can say that most of the above are true.
The first ever Aquarian man I had been with was stubborn, enjoyed his privacy, always insisted on initiating communication and never let me call him first, was hungry for sexual pleasure and relied to good ole me for a great conversation at his idle times. He has had very serious relationships but would always turn to me if they failed, and I had the last laugh, because until now I am single and free, and he is currently living with a girl he never loved, who has recently given birth to a baby girl. Wow, a not-so-happy family.
The second man was a disaster. He insisted that what we had was a perfect intimate relationship, but we only saw each other twice a month, we talked about mundane things and he never gave me a chance to discuss more substantial things with him. He wanted pleasure but never let me experience it. He was concerned about his image, therefore always going for what's new and never-before-seen, while I was just rolling my eyes in disbelief and shock that he was valuing something more than me. When I realized that he never would, I stormed out of the relationship, saving my ego.
Now I am dealing with another Aquarian, and initially I told myself that I had the choice between getting jaded and being afraid of dealing with the same thing and making the same mistakes again and again and again, AND being confident to face yet another "lover-cum-enemy", because I now had knowledge of Aquarians, and it would be much easier to pleasure them or hit them where it hurt. Well, I chose the latter. And now it has been the best Leo-Aquarian relationship I've had. And I can say that this laid-back set up was initiated by none other than myself, because I know by now that it's useless trying to expect something serious from Aquarians. I am finally enjoying the game, and I'm probably up to par with him in terms of level of emotion, or even ahead (yay!). That is, until he either gets tired of the situation or realizes that he can never ever control me in any way.And the amazing thing about it is, I cannot even feel the competition. I have always guarded my heart and told my self that love was a game that I should win, but now that doesn't matter. It's just a scrimmage, a good one. And I know that we may never get around to actually playing the real game. Maybe that's the REAL secret to making this work.
Water can either put out or fuel fire.
Well, if he can do the latter,that means he is finally learning to live harmonously with a Leo.
But for now I am enjoying testing the same water, but with a different approach.
Oh well. If this doesn't work out, the next Aquarian better get in line.
Interesting how Aquarians and Leos get along. I don't have any problem dealing with a female Aquarian, but introduce me to a male Aquarian and my life will turn full-circle in days. It's a fact. I had been with three Aquarians, and they all made a mark in my life. Whatever that's supposed to mean!
Before I proceed, let me impart to you some information that might help (or complicate) how you form your opinions on Leos and Aquarians or how lovers with different signs get along in general. Not that you need to have an opinion, but .... hell, read this!
LEO
Glamorous Leo enjoys a thoroughgoing love of life and all its pleasures.
Enthusiasm, generosity and your sunny disposition inspires the affection of many friends and admirers, while turning those with less popular personalities green with envy. Though full of ambition and enthusiasm, Leo has to admit to a lazy streak and, given the opportunity, will take the easy way out, especially when a situation offers little fun or glory. This is something lazy, luxurious Leo needs to watch.
Your sexuality is powerful. The solar fire of the Sun rules your nature, so your whole personality is dynamic and attractive to others. There is no shortage of those who long to bask in your solar warmth!
You are supremely loyal and protective, so long as your rulership is acknowledged by the rest of the pride, but you do require appropriate ego-massage.
Anyone who wishes to make it with Leo must never undermine the leonine dignity, or they will surely suffer the claws of the cat.
A Leo woman thinks she is beautiful and often it’s really so.
AQUARIUS
Charming, exciting and unpredictable, yet somehow strangely detached from the proceedings, you are one of the zodiac's most eccentric personalities. You definitely look for the unusual and challenging, while at the same time seeking romance, tenderness and understanding in your relationships.
Your sex-drive is not unduly strong, but your need to explore and be stimulated sometimes gives others the impression that your desires are rampant!
You are a sucker for anything that breaks new ground. You are however able to view your body's activities in quite a detached light, something that partners find difficult to understand. Admirers should be aware of your need for experimentation and, from time to time, need for solitude to recharge your batteries.
COMPATIBILITY
LEO - AQUARIUS : Aquarius brings more color to sexual individuality of Leo and making love becomes more exciting. Leo is irritated that Aquarius is inclined to analyze everything. This influences self-esteem of Leo, who starts losing his usual self-assurance about his great power of sovereign. Besides, unfaithfulness of Aquarius in bed gets on Leos' nerves. A short romance is possible, but marriage is unreal, says compatibility horoscope Leo.
AQUARIUS - LEO : It may look like a promising alliance, but the result is hard to predict. The main problem is that Leo has a huge interest in physical side of relations, while Aquarius is more concerned about emotional communication. Aquarius can’t admire Leo in sex the way he needs. Both are independent. Aquarius will try to put an end to the leadership of Leo. Arousing easily, these two signs won’t stand up to serious relation.
Recalling my experiences, I can say that most of the above are true.
The first ever Aquarian man I had been with was stubborn, enjoyed his privacy, always insisted on initiating communication and never let me call him first, was hungry for sexual pleasure and relied to good ole me for a great conversation at his idle times. He has had very serious relationships but would always turn to me if they failed, and I had the last laugh, because until now I am single and free, and he is currently living with a girl he never loved, who has recently given birth to a baby girl. Wow, a not-so-happy family.
The second man was a disaster. He insisted that what we had was a perfect intimate relationship, but we only saw each other twice a month, we talked about mundane things and he never gave me a chance to discuss more substantial things with him. He wanted pleasure but never let me experience it. He was concerned about his image, therefore always going for what's new and never-before-seen, while I was just rolling my eyes in disbelief and shock that he was valuing something more than me. When I realized that he never would, I stormed out of the relationship, saving my ego.
Now I am dealing with another Aquarian, and initially I told myself that I had the choice between getting jaded and being afraid of dealing with the same thing and making the same mistakes again and again and again, AND being confident to face yet another "lover-cum-enemy", because I now had knowledge of Aquarians, and it would be much easier to pleasure them or hit them where it hurt. Well, I chose the latter. And now it has been the best Leo-Aquarian relationship I've had. And I can say that this laid-back set up was initiated by none other than myself, because I know by now that it's useless trying to expect something serious from Aquarians. I am finally enjoying the game, and I'm probably up to par with him in terms of level of emotion, or even ahead (yay!). That is, until he either gets tired of the situation or realizes that he can never ever control me in any way.And the amazing thing about it is, I cannot even feel the competition. I have always guarded my heart and told my self that love was a game that I should win, but now that doesn't matter. It's just a scrimmage, a good one. And I know that we may never get around to actually playing the real game. Maybe that's the REAL secret to making this work.
Water can either put out or fuel fire.
Well, if he can do the latter,that means he is finally learning to live harmonously with a Leo.
But for now I am enjoying testing the same water, but with a different approach.
Oh well. If this doesn't work out, the next Aquarian better get in line.
Thursday, April 27, 2006
perfect
Smooth sailing so far.
No fights,
no worries,
no doubts,
no questions.
Needless to say
(but I'll say it anyway),
I love it.
No fights,
no worries,
no doubts,
no questions.
Needless to say
(but I'll say it anyway),
I love it.
Saturday, April 22, 2006
Down Here
Down Here is proof of my life.
Down Here is a world you can never see anywhere else.
Down Here, way down here, you will know why I speak this way.
Down Here you can test my patience or give me what I need.
Down Here you can drown in my spirit or rethink this tryst.
Down Here is my pride, proof of your cruelty.
Down Here I await you, ever-so-patiently.
Down Here are a million tunes waiting to flow like a stream, to be heard by the world.
Down Here I am free, yet bound by your opinion.
Down Here is your choice: respect or revolt?
Down Here you are puzzled by how ugly things become beautiful.
Don't find another way.
Go Down Here.
me and pain
It's always been like this.
It never ends.
It's a vicious cycle of yeses and nos.
Of pleases and shits.
Of hellos and goodbyes.
Well, maybe I'm finally getting the hang of it.
I'm still struggling, but not holding on like before.
I'm finally understanding that nothing is permanent in this world.
That nobody will stick it out with me forever.
Some people may use BIG BIG words to woo me and sweep me off my feet, but words are just words.
They don't mean a thing to me.
But I think what I have gone through made me a more beautiful person.
A fabulous woman.
I just feel it.
Now it's getting better for me because now, a few very precious people who are willing to understand me are finally discovering where I am coming from, and that's very very important to me.
Now, with them cheering me on, I just know it's going to be much easier for me.
Things might get worse, and yes I'm apprehensive.
But I'm interested to know how much more beautiful it will make me.
Can't wait.
GOODBYE SUNDAY
Everything But The Girl
Slowly runs the lazy river
And in it I pitched all my dreams
And all the things I ever wanted
And watched them heading slowly downstream
For I have learned that such things fade
Like photographs and family holidays
And every Monday is Goodbye Sunday
I guess you'd like me to throw away
That box of diaries and old letters
For they do nothing
But feed my memory
But really you should know me better
For I am too fond of the past
But I think I am learning at last
That every Monday is Goodbye Sunday
Yes it's true that I cling to things
That I should leave behind
As if those were the goldens days
Well, I just hope that you really don't mind
Slowly runs the lazy river
Every Monday is Goodbye Sunday
It never ends.
It's a vicious cycle of yeses and nos.
Of pleases and shits.
Of hellos and goodbyes.
Well, maybe I'm finally getting the hang of it.
I'm still struggling, but not holding on like before.
I'm finally understanding that nothing is permanent in this world.
That nobody will stick it out with me forever.
Some people may use BIG BIG words to woo me and sweep me off my feet, but words are just words.
They don't mean a thing to me.
But I think what I have gone through made me a more beautiful person.
A fabulous woman.
I just feel it.
Now it's getting better for me because now, a few very precious people who are willing to understand me are finally discovering where I am coming from, and that's very very important to me.
Now, with them cheering me on, I just know it's going to be much easier for me.
Things might get worse, and yes I'm apprehensive.
But I'm interested to know how much more beautiful it will make me.
Can't wait.
GOODBYE SUNDAY
Everything But The Girl
Slowly runs the lazy river
And in it I pitched all my dreams
And all the things I ever wanted
And watched them heading slowly downstream
For I have learned that such things fade
Like photographs and family holidays
And every Monday is Goodbye Sunday
I guess you'd like me to throw away
That box of diaries and old letters
For they do nothing
But feed my memory
But really you should know me better
For I am too fond of the past
But I think I am learning at last
That every Monday is Goodbye Sunday
Yes it's true that I cling to things
That I should leave behind
As if those were the goldens days
Well, I just hope that you really don't mind
Slowly runs the lazy river
Every Monday is Goodbye Sunday
Thursday, April 20, 2006
a dose of jel
i think i need to a dose of jel right now.
i remember when we would drink the night away
with orgmates or officemates,
then she would get happily tipsy,
and me, devastated and unbeliveably drunk,
and she would hail a cab for us,
while i uttered rubbish.
in the cab,
she would find a way for me to vomit comfortably,
until we reached my house, or her apartment
or a coffee shop where i could calm down
and have a few more cigarettes.
and she would still be her ever-so-perky self.
now i'm sober, more sober than anyone else in the world,
and i hate it.
i need a dose of jel.
Saturday, April 15, 2006
hundred in one
one cup of coffee
one cigarette
one good song
equal lunch break
one time things
like karaoke nights
one time boys
fly by at night
one hundred thoughts
one tired body
one team player
carrying the team
one year only
one year still
one big headache
one year straight
one cigarette
one good song
equal lunch break
one time things
like karaoke nights
one time boys
fly by at night
one hundred thoughts
one tired body
one team player
carrying the team
one year only
one year still
one big headache
one year straight
the REAL gigolos
The Christmas Party that pulled me out of misery.Tomorrow it's Easter and it's still fresh in my memory.
Teacher Kath wearing a cartoon shirt.
Law student Nikko straight from school.
Me, all black, red lipstick, velvet black mascara, broken heart.
Fifi rocker-teenybopper-gypsy chick.
Cookie bum sporty harutin.
That pitcher of zombie, that pack of cigarettes.
That fun conversation.
Lovely.
don't marry me
don't marry me.
i don't care.
i'm not a beautiful wife,
just a free soul
not chasing you
to tie you down
don't marry me.
i don't see the point.
you're not a wonderful person,
just a free soul
bound years ago
now chasing me
i'm not going anywhere
don't marry me.
i just don't want you to.
well, you didn't ask
but i wanted to say
hooray
hooray
hooray
i'm free today and everyday
so don't feel bad
that someday we'll fall apart
where did we even start?
why should we even part?
and don't feel bad for me
people feel alone
that's something i have shown
and for you to learn
i don't care.
i'm not a beautiful wife,
just a free soul
not chasing you
to tie you down
don't marry me.
i don't see the point.
you're not a wonderful person,
just a free soul
bound years ago
now chasing me
i'm not going anywhere
don't marry me.
i just don't want you to.
well, you didn't ask
but i wanted to say
hooray
hooray
hooray
i'm free today and everyday
so don't feel bad
that someday we'll fall apart
where did we even start?
why should we even part?
and don't feel bad for me
people feel alone
that's something i have shown
and for you to learn
Friday, April 14, 2006
this week
the past week was hell for me.
i was tired, sleepy, frustrated and hungry.
good thing fifi and i have the whole day to relax now.
and now that i have time to think about it,
the week wasn't so bad at all.
we managed to have fun in between work and sleep.
well, we're fabulous.
monday night date.
tuesday night coffee.
wednesday night dinner and drinks.
(and yes, i had too much)
thursday night relax relax.
and tonight is going to be the FUNest night of the week.
with the help of some friends,
i'll never be alone in dubai.
next week should be better.
i was tired, sleepy, frustrated and hungry.
good thing fifi and i have the whole day to relax now.
and now that i have time to think about it,
the week wasn't so bad at all.
we managed to have fun in between work and sleep.
well, we're fabulous.
monday night date.
tuesday night coffee.
wednesday night dinner and drinks.
(and yes, i had too much)
thursday night relax relax.
and tonight is going to be the FUNest night of the week.
with the help of some friends,
i'll never be alone in dubai.
next week should be better.
Thursday, April 13, 2006
god VS woman
i am wandering in your place
but i think you are the lost one
i am faking my dismay
and suppressing my laughter
i am dying to be with you
and you're thinking that's so cool
but i'd die if i stayed this way
very funny, very cruel
god made you that way
so pure, so strong
and he made me this way
so weak, but he was wrong
if he were here he'd be
nestling you in his arms
and i would be thrown out of the universe
he'd think of me as a stupid child
so filthy, so evil
obey your lover's orders
or you won't get to heaven
never tell me about
his shortcomings
he's perfect, just like me
you're not worth it
i'll take him in
oh god, oh my god
tell me you're kidding
he's a sissy
came to piss me
i'm a free soul
he's trapped in shame
but i think you are the lost one
i am faking my dismay
and suppressing my laughter
i am dying to be with you
and you're thinking that's so cool
but i'd die if i stayed this way
very funny, very cruel
god made you that way
so pure, so strong
and he made me this way
so weak, but he was wrong
if he were here he'd be
nestling you in his arms
and i would be thrown out of the universe
he'd think of me as a stupid child
so filthy, so evil
obey your lover's orders
or you won't get to heaven
never tell me about
his shortcomings
he's perfect, just like me
you're not worth it
i'll take him in
oh god, oh my god
tell me you're kidding
he's a sissy
came to piss me
i'm a free soul
he's trapped in shame
Saturday, April 08, 2006
5 little pigs
my officemates.
bow.
officemate one goes to work withouit taking a bath.
officemate two shifts his fingers from the keyboard to his nostrils.
officemate three reeks of smoke and rotten food.
officemate four's hair is adorned with dandruff, like snowflakes in the desert.
officemate five NEVER says anything , he just coughs mildly.
well, take your pick.
bow.
officemate one goes to work withouit taking a bath.
officemate two shifts his fingers from the keyboard to his nostrils.
officemate three reeks of smoke and rotten food.
officemate four's hair is adorned with dandruff, like snowflakes in the desert.
officemate five NEVER says anything , he just coughs mildly.
well, take your pick.
thoughts in broken english
walking.
walking walking.
thinking thinking.
me no energy.
thinking thinking.
me have breezer.
sleep good.
me love rest.
no rest.
food finished.
dirhams finished.
thinking thinking.
me tired.
always thinking.
me small,
big future,
present not good.
still walking.
walking walking.
thinking thinking.
me no energy.
thinking thinking.
me have breezer.
sleep good.
me love rest.
no rest.
food finished.
dirhams finished.
thinking thinking.
me tired.
always thinking.
me small,
big future,
present not good.
still walking.
AN EXCEPTION TO THE RULE
she had always wanted this.
and now she got it.
she's got her head in the clouds and a million smiles from her loved ones.
she's the happiest woman in the world.
and i want nothing but happiness for my aunt monina.
i want her to enjoy her new life as mrs. ramos.
and miss zalamea will alway be here for her.
cheers!
she's got her head in the clouds and a million smiles from her loved ones.
she's the happiest woman in the world.
and i want nothing but happiness for my aunt monina.
i want her to enjoy her new life as mrs. ramos.
and miss zalamea will alway be here for her.
cheers!
here he is
here he is
kissing me
hissing at me
pissing at me
a mountain of expectations
corroding like my dreams
leave it to the mighty one
to shatter my beliefs
now i am alone and tired
waiting to be inspired
falling from the grace that saved me
falling for the demon that betrayed me
good looking bastards
see you on the street
where all the guilty lovers
and free spirits meet
waiting for emotions
to go down the drain
waiting for the desert
to blow dust away with pain
here he is
kissing me
hissing at me
pissing me
and i'm loving it
hating it
living it
kissing me
hissing at me
pissing at me
a mountain of expectations
corroding like my dreams
leave it to the mighty one
to shatter my beliefs
now i am alone and tired
waiting to be inspired
falling from the grace that saved me
falling for the demon that betrayed me
good looking bastards
see you on the street
where all the guilty lovers
and free spirits meet
waiting for emotions
to go down the drain
waiting for the desert
to blow dust away with pain
here he is
kissing me
hissing at me
pissing me
and i'm loving it
hating it
living it
ang hirap ng buhay
ang hirap ng buhay.
kung gusto kong magtrabaho sa magandang kumpanya,
kailangang makisama sa ng banyaga.
para makarating sa opisina tuwing umaga,
kailangang magising ng madaling araw.
pag gusto kong mabilis at huwag mahuli sa oras ng pasok,
magtataxi ako nang pagkamahal mahal.
kung gusto kong makatipid,
mabuti pang hindi na ko matulog sa aga ng gising at tagal ng bus.
kung gusto kong magtrabaho ng maayos,
dapat lahat gawin ko, kahit na yung imposible.
kung oras na ng pagkain at gutom na gutom na ko,
kailangan pang maglakad ng isang kilometro sa initan para bumili ng pagkamahal mahal na pagkaing napakatabang naman.
kung gusto ko nang umuwi,
ilang oras na paglalakad at paghihintay na naman ang kailangan.
kung gusto kong magluto ng masarap para sa hapunan,
hindi na maaari dahil wala nang oras at pagod na rin ang katawan.
kung gusto kong matulog ng walong oras para mabawi ang lakas ko,
hindi posible dahil kailangan na namang gumising nang maaga.
kung gusto kong huwag muna pumasok dahil sobra na ang trabaho ko,
hindi rin posible dahil mawawalan ako ng trabaho.
kung gusto kong magrelax kahit limang minuto,
hindi pwede dahil maya't maya may lumalapit at may ipapagawa.
gusto ko lang naman ng masaya at tahimik na buhay,
may mga kaibigang tutulong at pamilyang aalalay.
ngayon parang mag isa lang ako sa lugar na ito.
parang walang sasaklolo pag bumigay na ako.
pero hindi naman pwedeng biglang ayoko na,
tama ba iyon?
dapat maranasan ko ito, dahil hindi naman magtatagal,
makakasanayan ko na rin ito.
at hindi rin magtatagal,
hindi na magiging ganito kahirap.
pero ngayon kailangan magtiis.
bawat bagay na gusto mong makuha, kailangang maghirapan.
ang hirap ng buhay.
kung gusto kong magtrabaho sa magandang kumpanya,
kailangang makisama sa ng banyaga.
para makarating sa opisina tuwing umaga,
kailangang magising ng madaling araw.
pag gusto kong mabilis at huwag mahuli sa oras ng pasok,
magtataxi ako nang pagkamahal mahal.
kung gusto kong makatipid,
mabuti pang hindi na ko matulog sa aga ng gising at tagal ng bus.
kung gusto kong magtrabaho ng maayos,
dapat lahat gawin ko, kahit na yung imposible.
kung oras na ng pagkain at gutom na gutom na ko,
kailangan pang maglakad ng isang kilometro sa initan para bumili ng pagkamahal mahal na pagkaing napakatabang naman.
kung gusto ko nang umuwi,
ilang oras na paglalakad at paghihintay na naman ang kailangan.
kung gusto kong magluto ng masarap para sa hapunan,
hindi na maaari dahil wala nang oras at pagod na rin ang katawan.
kung gusto kong matulog ng walong oras para mabawi ang lakas ko,
hindi posible dahil kailangan na namang gumising nang maaga.
kung gusto kong huwag muna pumasok dahil sobra na ang trabaho ko,
hindi rin posible dahil mawawalan ako ng trabaho.
kung gusto kong magrelax kahit limang minuto,
hindi pwede dahil maya't maya may lumalapit at may ipapagawa.
gusto ko lang naman ng masaya at tahimik na buhay,
may mga kaibigang tutulong at pamilyang aalalay.
ngayon parang mag isa lang ako sa lugar na ito.
parang walang sasaklolo pag bumigay na ako.
pero hindi naman pwedeng biglang ayoko na,
tama ba iyon?
dapat maranasan ko ito, dahil hindi naman magtatagal,
makakasanayan ko na rin ito.
at hindi rin magtatagal,
hindi na magiging ganito kahirap.
pero ngayon kailangan magtiis.
bawat bagay na gusto mong makuha, kailangang maghirapan.
ang hirap ng buhay.
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
madly freeversing against you
i don't know why you're looking down on me, as i am up here shaking my head at you. you have been so unkind, flexing your muscles in my face, telling tales of braveness from your past, your index finger on your lips when i begin to speak. you brought this up and now you're running from it, like you never had anything to do with this. well, i am embracing this beautiful mess, because it brings out your ugliness. and i emerge the victor. ideas, ideas. filthy me for being a woman. and mighty you for being a man. well, mighty funny you're still thinking like that at this day and age. and i go around looking for solutions while you go around looking for someone else. i knew you were of THAT kind of species. but YOU didn't know what i was made of. and when you finally see the light, i'm off educating another macho shithead.
Monday, April 03, 2006
zeena in the house yo!
hate rap?
don't.
it's amusing.
it can make you forget a long day at work,
emotional issues, and for a moment drown you in
nothing but worldly pleasure.
which is very refreshing sometimes.
"She wanna shop with Jay, play box with Jay
She wanna pillow fight in the middle of the night"
" He want to run up in I ain't no regular route (hhoooo!)
Me and the girls we ain't stressin' out
We ain't birds we ain't headin' south (nnnoooo)!"
"Want u in my life and nothins gonna change
God willin, we still be doin our thang
When my six-pack's faded
Raps outdated
But thats many years from now so dont rush
Little mama just hush..."
"He called next week, askin' why I aint beep him
I thought your ass was still sleepin.
If sex was record sales you would be double plat
The only way you seein' me is if you eatin' me
Downtown taste my love like Horace Brown
Tryin' to impress me with your five G stones
I give you ten G's nigga if you leave me alone"
" I keep you workin' that Hermes Birkin bag
Manolo Blahnik Timbs, aviator lens
600 drops, Hercedes Benz
The only time you wear Burberry to swim
And I don't have to worry, only worry is him
She do anything necessary for him
And I do anything necessary for her
So don't let the necessary occur, yep!"
" It's silly when girls sell their soul because it's in
Look at where you be in hair weaves like Europeans
Fake nails done by Koreans
Come again
Come again, come again, come again, come again"
Oh God I'm on a copy paste streak again.
But really.
I love these lyrics.
THey make me feel like a black woman
in neon green bikinis
beside Ludacris' pool,
and not at my desk organizing stuff.
don't.
it's amusing.
it can make you forget a long day at work,
emotional issues, and for a moment drown you in
nothing but worldly pleasure.
which is very refreshing sometimes.
"She wanna shop with Jay, play box with Jay
She wanna pillow fight in the middle of the night"
" He want to run up in I ain't no regular route (hhoooo!)
Me and the girls we ain't stressin' out
We ain't birds we ain't headin' south (nnnoooo)!"
"Want u in my life and nothins gonna change
God willin, we still be doin our thang
When my six-pack's faded
Raps outdated
But thats many years from now so dont rush
Little mama just hush..."
"He called next week, askin' why I aint beep him
I thought your ass was still sleepin.
If sex was record sales you would be double plat
The only way you seein' me is if you eatin' me
Downtown taste my love like Horace Brown
Tryin' to impress me with your five G stones
I give you ten G's nigga if you leave me alone"
" I keep you workin' that Hermes Birkin bag
Manolo Blahnik Timbs, aviator lens
600 drops, Hercedes Benz
The only time you wear Burberry to swim
And I don't have to worry, only worry is him
She do anything necessary for him
And I do anything necessary for her
So don't let the necessary occur, yep!"
" It's silly when girls sell their soul because it's in
Look at where you be in hair weaves like Europeans
Fake nails done by Koreans
Come again
Come again, come again, come again, come again"
Oh God I'm on a copy paste streak again.
But really.
I love these lyrics.
THey make me feel like a black woman
in neon green bikinis
beside Ludacris' pool,
and not at my desk organizing stuff.
Sunday, April 02, 2006
one angry P.S.
just a thought before leaving the office.
to women who want to marry,
how sure are you that your future husbands
will not get tired of you and go off
with another girl and abandon you family?
how sure are you that marriage is the ultimate
measure of security that a woman needs in order
to end her feelings of emptiness and purposeless-ness?
how sure are you that in the future when you
are old and gray, he will not make a move on a
woman as young as your own daughter?
how sure are you that he will be a great dad,
that someday he will not make a move on
your own daughter?
how sure are you that the house he built for you
and the kids will stand the storms and heat?
how sure are you that I LOVE YOU will come easy
once you're living together and forced to sleep in the same bed
every.single.night... drool and all.
how sure are you that you even want to get married?
ok i know all dreamy-eyed women in seemingly perfect
relationships are ready to kill me now.
sorry i couldn't resist posting this.
i know it's stupid.
my urge to share my thoughts, it's like
my version of guys' testosterones.
to women who want to marry,
how sure are you that your future husbands
will not get tired of you and go off
with another girl and abandon you family?
how sure are you that marriage is the ultimate
measure of security that a woman needs in order
to end her feelings of emptiness and purposeless-ness?
how sure are you that in the future when you
are old and gray, he will not make a move on a
woman as young as your own daughter?
how sure are you that he will be a great dad,
that someday he will not make a move on
your own daughter?
how sure are you that the house he built for you
and the kids will stand the storms and heat?
how sure are you that I LOVE YOU will come easy
once you're living together and forced to sleep in the same bed
every.single.night... drool and all.
how sure are you that you even want to get married?
ok i know all dreamy-eyed women in seemingly perfect
relationships are ready to kill me now.
sorry i couldn't resist posting this.
i know it's stupid.
my urge to share my thoughts, it's like
my version of guys' testosterones.
THIS is work.
I REMEMBER GOING ON AND ON ABOUT HOW I HATED AN 8-5 JOB, BUT LOOOVED LOOKING LIKE A WORKING GIRL.WELL, THAT WAS YEARS AGO.
NEVER MIND LOOKING LIKE A WORKING GIRL.
AN 8-5 JOB WITH ONE DAY OFF IS JUST.... (OK WHAT'S THE COOLEST WAY OF SAYING IT?)...OH, I'M JUST NOT CUT OUT FOR IT.
OK I ABSOLUTELY HATE IT TO THE CORE, I DON'T KNOW HOW MILLIONS OF PEOPLE CAN DO IT.
THE REASON I EVEN CONSIDERED HAVING CHILDREN
SISIKAT DIN AKO...SA PALAKPAKAN NIYO.
Oh well. I miss my Little Big Stars.
I remember when I used to be with them in the studio on Thursday nights.
Teaching them to deliver spiels, asking them to PLEASE try their best to stand still and NOT run around.
Seeing them sing with all their hearts, seeing their desire to be the star of the night, to earn people's applause and bring honor to themselves and make their parents proud.
And every Thursday morning I would wake up and say to myself, "OK, I'm doing the idiot boards again." But I would finally see them eager to go on stage and take our breaths away with their contest pieces, and doing the boards were anything but tedious.
TO DUDES WHO CAN RELATE TO THIS, GO TO HELL.
Machismo is a noun of Spanish origin, and refers to a prominently exhibited or excessive masculinity. The word machismo—and its derivatives machista and macho, "he who espouses machismo"—comes from the Spanish word macho, meaning "male" or "manly". (The word macho literally translates as "male", but is applied primarily to animals in this sense.) In Spanish macho can sometimes mean "courageous" or "valorous", although machista rarely has such positive connotations.
As an attitude, machismo ranges from a personal sense of virility to a more extreme masculism. Most machistas believe in conservative gender role ideas. Generally speaking, machistasmachistas also believe it is their right as men to seek extramarital adventures, although women are to remain faithful. Machistas believe that women were created to stay home and be mothers and wives. Thus, most machistas believe firmly in the superiority of men over women.
Some acts of domestic violence against women have been committed by men who consider themselves superior to women, whereby the doctrine of machista such violence may often be called appropriate or justified.
Testosterone poisoning refers to those aspects of male behavior regarded as harmful or humorous and allegedly caused by an excess of the androgen testosterone. The phrase has won broader and more serious acceptance than typical slang. Several readers submitted "testosterone poisoning" to a 2001 Atlantic Monthly competition to find a male equivalent for hysteria (which was originally regarded as a female-only condition). 1
FROM WIKIPEDIA.ORGIt's either you teach yourself to love an effeminate guy,
or outsmart the macho man.
Decisions, decisions!
Saturday, April 01, 2006
FREE!? NOT!
Independence is such a BIG word.
When I turned 18, I looked for a way to celebrate and reinforce my independence.
I stayed out late with my friends, started smoking, tried all kinds of alcohol, and went out on real dates. And since then I have never looked back.
Going to Dubai made me learn the consequence of independence, which is responsibility. Oh God. I don't even know where to begin. Stepping into this land meant stepping out of my comfort zone. Everything I would do in Dubai would be a hundred times more difficult than if I did it in the Philippines. Let me make it easy for you . . .
APPLYING FOR A JOB
Nobody knew how prestigious UP is here.
Nobody knew how qualified I was.
Nobody was there to recommend me.
It was a matter of getting lucky to spot a vacancy, attending the interview and presenting myself well.
GOING SOMEWHERE
Fifi and I took a cab everywhere during our first few days.
But we were running out of money, so eventually, we had to take the bus.
The bus! For Dh2.50 we reach our destination, but not without a headache.
I won't elaborate on that.
Going home we also take the bus, and endure a 30-minute walk from the bus stop to our villa. Hmmm it's not so bad. It's our only form of exercise and we banter like crazy.
GETTING SHELTER
Wow. Rent here is super expensive. I just want a roof and a decent bathroom.
Ok. When I'm home from work, this is how i spend the rest of the day.
1. Prepare dinner for Fifi and me
2. Do the laundry
3. Fix our clutter
4. Have dinner
5. Have a Breezer
6. Take a loooong shower
7. Read a book
8. Try to sleep
I DON'T WANT TO FINISH THIS ENTRY. IT'S NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY.
Ang tanga!
When I turned 18, I looked for a way to celebrate and reinforce my independence.
I stayed out late with my friends, started smoking, tried all kinds of alcohol, and went out on real dates. And since then I have never looked back.
Going to Dubai made me learn the consequence of independence, which is responsibility. Oh God. I don't even know where to begin. Stepping into this land meant stepping out of my comfort zone. Everything I would do in Dubai would be a hundred times more difficult than if I did it in the Philippines. Let me make it easy for you . . .
APPLYING FOR A JOB
Nobody knew how prestigious UP is here.
Nobody knew how qualified I was.
Nobody was there to recommend me.
It was a matter of getting lucky to spot a vacancy, attending the interview and presenting myself well.
GOING SOMEWHERE
Fifi and I took a cab everywhere during our first few days.
But we were running out of money, so eventually, we had to take the bus.
The bus! For Dh2.50 we reach our destination, but not without a headache.
I won't elaborate on that.
Going home we also take the bus, and endure a 30-minute walk from the bus stop to our villa. Hmmm it's not so bad. It's our only form of exercise and we banter like crazy.
GETTING SHELTER
Wow. Rent here is super expensive. I just want a roof and a decent bathroom.
Ok. When I'm home from work, this is how i spend the rest of the day.
1. Prepare dinner for Fifi and me
2. Do the laundry
3. Fix our clutter
4. Have dinner
5. Have a Breezer
6. Take a loooong shower
7. Read a book
8. Try to sleep
I DON'T WANT TO FINISH THIS ENTRY. IT'S NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY.
Ang tanga!
A MUCH NEEDED TRIP
HATTA GREAT WEEKEND WITH YOU!
MY SPIRIT SAYS THANKS!
Yesterday I was with a few friends, and what we had was not a mere conversation. If i tell you what we called it, it might freak you out, so let me just put it this way...
After a week of waking up early and sleeping late at night, and doing what they call "work" in between, I finally had the chance to unwind. Great dinner, good wine, and the best company.
While waiting for Fifi to finish work Sam, Ayadh and I talked about h
ow to live a spiritual (NOT religious) life. At first I doubted that I was capable of living that way, because I had always known myself as a woman of the world, giving in to physical fleeting pleasures without second thoughts. But the moment they said this way of life could make me oblivious to physical and emotional pain, therefore not feeling TOO much for anyone and depending on anyone to complete my life, I was all ears.Spirituality is more powerful than any other religion. The main thing about it is, it never makes you weak in whatever way because it teaches you to get energy by yourself, to nourish the soul. How to do that, I had no idea. I just continued participating in the conversation with an open mind.
By the end of the night, Ayadh and I took energy from each other and I felt 100 times better. I felt recharged and ready to face another week at work again. In the morning, I felt so much better.
Hatta was the best view I'd seen since I came to Dubai. Everywhere I looked I felt peace. Browns, greens, reds. The mountains surrounded me and gave me mroe energy, more energy to sustain my power.
And I know exactly what to use it for: my patience for fifi, dealing with men, and pretending to work.
Thanks Ayadh, Sam, and Fifi for one of the greatest weekends ever.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)