in vino veritas

For ten straight days I've been drinking.
Alcohol has always been available to me and it's hard to resist it.
It's even harder to resist its effect on me.
It gives me a high, gives me confidence to sing to a crowd, puts me to sleep.
Makes me happier in general.
The shallow kind of happy. The kind that makes me shake everyone's hand and laugh at every joke and graciously accept compliments. Strips me of inhibitions and makes me think that the world is a perfect place.
When I'm sober I am quiet, even when I want to say a million things and have a lot of ideas that I want to share with others.
When I am sober I am lonely, and I think about bad things, I worry and I have all kinds of reservations about all kinds of things.

When I am sober I am weaker.
No matter where I am, come evening, I drink.
I have a glass of wine while cooking, a bullfrog when I'm singing at the karaoke bar, a vodka when I'm dancing.
Wine, vodka, bullfrog, whisky, cheap Russian Breezer imitations.
I am queen because I think I am queen and I can say anything I want to say because when the alcohol invades me body I don't care about other people.
I care about myself and I am more open and honest and free.

I first heard the phrase "in vino veritas" from Maggie my orgmate.
It means "in wine there is truth".
And I have proven it to be true.
The most important thing in the world is myself, and that's all I ever want to tell the world. And with a little liqour slowly making its way down my throat, into my stomach, into my brain, I can do that.
Cheers!