Quote of the Day
"What is important is to keep learning, to enjoy challenge, and to tolerate ambiguity. In the end there are no certain answers."
– Matina Horner

When I first came here and tasted the impeccable balance of freedom and responsibility, I thought I made the right decision.
Away from everyone, I found it so convenient to move around a place where hardly anyone knew me. I could start anew and tell all my loved ones back home about the progress I was making.
It was so easy to send an email or phone someone and tell them about my achievements and desires and fears. It was so easy to feel vulnerable, because I showed my weakness to people I just met, people who didn't mind me feeling this way.
All of a sudden, in the latter part of this year, some events caused me to rethink my stay in Dubai. Don't get me wrong, Dubai has given so much, so much more than I expected. However I realized that it has also been taking from me.
Friendships have not been the same as before.
And I don't know how to make them work again.
SOme people can carry on without even thinking about friends. They just come and go and if they get lucky they bump into an old friend, and have a pint with them.
Well I want lasting friendships. I want my friends back.
Friends who listen to me and keep me and consider me family.
I guess I also fear change. Change in people that will make them feel differently towards me. And I deny that I have changed myself, but in doing so I did not only show how much I've changed but expressed a complete lie.
I have changed. It sucks, but I can't unchange and that sucks even more.

In an attempt to think more clearly and without the influence of alcohol, I stayed in bed all Friday until it was finally time to get up and socialize.
It took me ages to find a taxi, and I would never have found one if it weren't for my good old friend who, despite depriving me of vanilla ice cream and a nice afternoon by the beach, was dependable in times of desperation.
I was an hour late for the bean bag night out with my officemates. Hoda and Ussama were there, and then Anjjelo followed. A few drinks, and the live band's performance made the evening a relaxed one. By midnight I had managed to drag Anjjelo and Ussama to the karaoke bar for more drinks and a few songs.

I found out from the waitress, now one of my trusted friends, that he had left an hour ago. And he was all alone. That was the break I needed. It would have been the easiest way to chat him up without looking like a tart. He was there, I was there, the place was practically empty and it was almost logical to talk to each other. But no, I had to be stupid and wander around Dubai, to a place other than my first love.
Ok so I missed him, by sixty minutes. While I was having a bland vodka cranberry, he was by himself at the bar, trying to have fun even without his mates.
But I decided not to worry about it too much. Perhaps we were not meant to know each other better. Maybe the stars just prevented another heartache, another unnecessary disappointment that would lead to the fall of my self-esteem. And believe me it would take an army of cheerleaders and loads of beauty products and treatments to boost it again.

So I almost surrendered by feelings to fate. If it's not meant to be,
khalas. It's fine. There will be more men out there, maybe cuter, or friendlier, or more compatible with me. And I let fate win, without even throwing a punch at it.

There was something else going on simultaneously with that Me VS Fate episode. There's this guy who found me randomly and wanted to pursue me. Most of the things that come from his mouth are the usual let-me-love-you stuff, and I bet he thinks of me as a me-love-you-long-time girl. He has some very good qualities I'm sure, but I have yet to discover them. I don't even know if this person is serious. He probably calls a dozen girls and just wastes their love away. But there is no harm in saying yes to dinner. I'd rather go on a dinner date that would predictably flop than sit alone either at home or in the office as the evening drags along. And a dinner date is an excellent way to find out if you are both on the same mental wavelength. Never mind his sincerity, that can be judged later on. I believe that once two people have discovered that they have the same thinking about life and humanity and love and other universal things, previously unknown feelings arise and the possibility of affection suddenly enter the picture. So let me see. And if fate plays a part again.. oh well it's a clever sonuvabitch, so I guess I'll have to just agree with what it wants.

And no, I am not tired yet. After three relationships and a few assholes, I am still alive and kicking and willing and able to participate in what I'd like to think as the quest for the perfect karaoke and life partner. And I know I will not find him tomorrow, and I might find a few unfit souljas before he comes along. Well, bring it on. I have so much to give, and I have so much energy to keep the fight. I am just a few days over 25. My eggs aren't even ripe yet and my breasts are still perky (these small bumps can't possibly sag), and I don't need a facelift yet, thank you very much.

I guess I just want to express my eagerness to meet new people and get to know them better. It's challenging. It keeps me alive, it excites me, it adds spice to my life.

It's been a bad day and it's partly my fault.
Crap.

Ever had one of those days when you always have something up your nose?
You cleaned your nostrils in the morning and you were fine.
You didn't have a cold or anything that could possibly clog those two tiny holes.
Well today is an ordinary day except I feel like the queen of snot.

Quote of the Day
"When you get into a tight place and it seems that you can't go on, hold on — for that's just the place and the time that the tide will turn."
– Harriet Beecher Stowe

I watched a few segments of Fox New on YouTube and I could not believe how biased that TV station is. I would think kissing George Bush's ass is part of their duties and responsibilities. They invite people like radio talk show host Stephanie Miller, a devout democrat, and two republican pricks and ignite an argument about whether American soldiers should have been sent to Iraq in the first place, and whether the war was valid at all. I don't give a hoot about issues in the States, but I would just like to express my alam at those people who have the audacity to show their faces on camera and have no problems with telling America -- and the rest of the world effectively -- that Muslims are terrorists and they are out to get Americans. Although my experience in Dubai has not been the best, I respect the laws of this country and see the advantages of being in a place where religion and government are one. The leaders are not corrupt and the place is ever-progressing. There is enough religious tolerance to accommodate hundreds of nationalities, and there are so many opportunities brought about by the growing economy. I know that some Muslims have tainted the name of Islam to pet their own egos, but not all Muslims blast buildings and cut off heads. Most Muslims I know are compassionate and eager to learn about others' beliefs and customs. It is not fair for some money-making news channel that considers itself objective and hard-hitting (when it's really a bunch of crap) to lambaste a religion. They haven't sat down with people from the Middle East and have not bothered to see the beauty in the people they call terrorists. I can see why people hate America. Good thing only a handful of them are demented, or else that country would have been blown to shreds.

Today I interviewed one of the most powerful men in this place.
It felt good to exchange a few words with him.
I'd like to think I didn't fight for that interview, but that was not the case.
His haughty publicist told me to wait, and I was almost sure it was a smirk that formed around her mouth and not wrinkles. Both are equally bad anyway.
I waited for a few minutes and decided to approach another lady, a very nice one.
She made me wait a couple of minutes, and led me to the conference room where I joined a handful of journalists in a mini press conference.
It was another milestone for me, thanks to the nice lady.
She didn't know how important that interview was to me.
That soundbyte made my story a good one. Though I believe it could have been improved if only I had a one-to-one interview with the VIP, which will never happen, it was all right.
I asked a few good questions. I had very few facts in mind, but I knew what I wanted from him, and I was determined to get it.
As for that lady with I'M PRETENDING TO BE BOSS written all over her face, hope you age faster than I can say "good PR".

I spent four hours in French Connection alone yesterday.
I had my afternoon coffee, a big meal, and an even bigger appetite for pouring out my thoughts.
I wrote in my journal and was able to fill 20 pages. 20 pages of botteld up emotions, random thoughts, self-justification, things to do, things I have done, things I will never do, things I wanted to mention but didn't have any significance in my life whatsoever.
I wrote with absolutely no regard for grammar and no courtesy for others.
The moment was mine and the pen was my servant.
At 4 PM I stood up, paid my bill and walked on Sheikh Zayed like I used to do when I still lived in Satwa.
It was the best walk I had in months.
It was an aimless walk that, ironically, inspired me to think.

This Friday is mine.

I like how I spent my Friday.
Minimal contact with other people.
Peaceful, quiet.
In bed all day, under no pressure to go somewhere.
I kept myself entertained by watching Louis Theroux stuff on YouTube.
I was able to catch up with Mama and old friends.
After an intense night of binge drinking and letting myself go, I think I deserved this time alone. And I am thankful that I can afford to make one whole day free to reconnect with myself.
I had a busy week, staying out late and working more hours than usual.

Plus I totally emptied my wallet last night.
I had too much fun and a little buzzed and at that point, I justified my being a big spender by thinking life is all about having fun. If money could buy fun for a night, hell I'd pay as much as it takes to keep me entertained.
And this morning when I woke up desperately looking for any kind of painkiller, I realized if I kept the kind of attitude I had last night, I might as well be getting male hookers off the streets.

So today was a much needed break for me just to recondition my mind and let my hyped up senses simmer, and just chill.
Oddly enough, just by staying in bed with the sheets all wrinkled,stinky breath and all, a lot of things suddenly popped in my head and clarified themselves without me putting any effort into it.
I was staring at the ceiling and suddenly I thought about how broke I was going to be if I kept on heeding my material desires, which are not many really. Then again my funds are too limited for me to even have the right to crave anything fancier than a pen, so I can call myself a journalist.

And the thing about these well-deserved rest days is, I don't feel guilty at all, For being a slob. For holding my pee because I'm too lazy to go to the toilet. For just surfing the net endlessly. For admiring George Clooney so much it brought tears to my eyes. For being such a nut. A stinky one.

Tomorrow is going to be a bit different. I have to go to the bank and shop for food and things like that. Darn. But I am definitely going to make sure that this day will be remembered, and repeated in the very near future.

God I sooo understand why introverts think they're not losers at all. Theirs is such a cool world. I can just imagine how ecstatic hermits must be.

I am an extrovert, I need people around me, but I've also been a tired piece of junk and I need to repair myself. I know I will not like this for a lifestyle, but a whole day of idleness surely was the most productive I've had in a long time.

I'm waiting for someone to just freak me out.
It seems to me that people get more boring and uninspired.
Is it because I'm getting old? Or maybe Dubai is not as colorful as Manila.
Not as complicated, vile, unpredictable, gay, perverted and sponstaneous as Dubai.
So no one can really freak me out. Not a Pakistani near the beach holding his willy while looking at hot white girls. Not a taxi driver trying to cop a feel.
Nothing. Nothing at all.
So will someone just freak me out, electricute me and burn my senses.
Spill your drink, take my hand, let's board a plane in the next five minutes.
Let's not stop feeling!

Last night I met the prettiest boy on the planet.
Good thing I now have better social skills and have managed to dispose of my retarded gene, after talking to him I still got myself to carry on with my work.
Under very crucial circusmtances where a split second could mean the end of me.
He would probably make the best boyfriend in the whole world, because.
Ok back to work.
I like him.

Japanese Commercial with BALLS! Unbelievable!!!

Funny Asian girls (korean)

Crazy Asian Karaoke

ON ESCAPING

My obsession with going away on a holiday definitely has something to do with the fact that I have never been anywhere else. Yes, I was born in Manila, have seen a few places in Luzon, went to Visayas once, and moved to Dubai to choose and stick to a career. I went to Oman for the birthday and flew to Iran for a visa change, but that's about it. I feel like the world is getting smaller and smaller, yet I can't even see another part of it.

First of all, my funds are very limited. I have responsibilities and need to feel secure by having just enough in my bank account. I can't think like a backpacker. I'm not one. I have to make sure that by the time I'm back to work, I will be able to have enough to eat and pay my rent. Let's face it. At the end of the day there's really no one who could support me financially but myself, like any other boring individual. Sometimes I wish my father made a million dollars so I wouldn't have to go to work, or I were a moron who couldn't care less about medical insurance or bills or a decent career.

Every holiday is hard to plan, and every move is calculated. Everything is indefinite, because even before I picture myself in a postcard, the preparations are already stressing me out. But it is finally almost here, and I can't wait. Hopefully, my first real vacation will be an exciting one and worth the eternal wait.

SWAPPING DIGNITY FOR DOLLARS by James Bennett

I saw this article on www.ArabianBusiness.com and I thought it was a great read. The website is quite brave to publish articles on issues like this one.

And what about this gem? "So we've had Media City, Internet City and Knowledge Village, I've had a little thought about what the city needs next. What do you think about spending tens of millions on Chess City, where each building is a chess piece? People would love it don't you think?" a now-redundant architect who is today serving up BigMacs in a drive-thru once proposed to a distinctly unimpressed town planner. It happens all the time. Sadly money talks but quite often it seems to talk far louder than common sense.

This week, however, has seen the phrase ‘shocking business decisions' taken to an all-time low. In an astonishing move where I had to do a triple take after reading the story on ArabianBusiness.com, a company run by a member of Qatar's ruling family is investing US$1.5bn in Zimbabwe to build an oil refinery and a five-star hotel.

And even more incredibly, it has openly admitted to not being concerned about the country's political and economic crisis. The West meanwhile, despite sitting back and just watching a human crisis unfold from the comfort of their governmental leather armchairs, has at least shunned and imposed sanctions on Zimbabwe's president Robert Mugabe for his alleged crimes against humanity and driving his country and his people into what will be seen in future years as the most rapid disintegration yet of a modern nation-state.

He faces charges of torture, brutality, violent land seizures and the murder and disappearance of opposition. I can think of someone else who faced similar charges, and he was dragged to the hangman's noose.

None of this seems to have bothered the member of the Qatari Royal Family happy to do business with the monster that is Mugabe.

I suggest the rest of Qatar - particularly its more level-headed rulers - put a stop to this deal. Otherwise, Qatar's attempt to be seen as a serious international financial player, with designs on buying global supermarket giants and prime real estate, could become politically charged.

Like it or not, whoever is behind the deal, it reflects badly on the whole of Qatar. Basic common sense says you do not build a luxury hotel in Harare, where people lie starving in the streets due to chronic food shortages, and the rate of inflation stands at a world-topping 6600%. It is sickeningly unethical.

Quite how anyone can blatantly ignore Mugabe's years of deliberate disregard for human nature and his own people, and instead swap dignity for dollars, is beyond comprehension.

Running the world - Jarvis Cocker

My Boil Part 2

I can’t believe how people can take boils so lightly.
I don’t know about other boil patients out there, but mine is extremely painful and my spine suffers because I can only sit in two, three ways, and I can’t even sit in a chair without wincing.
Plus it looks disgusting. I take a pee and there it is, it all its pus-filled glory.
It’s my body’s very own version of a breath-taking landscape, an active volcano in the middle of a lush garden.
Only in my body can that ever take place.

Cibo Matto made me realize one thing: he knows his chicken.

I've got to know my chicken.

My Boil

Hi there, I have a boil.
On my left butt cheek.
I've never had one before.
It's painful, it's burning like hell, and it's growing like a well-fed preschooler.
It started when I got bitten by something last weekend, and I didn't even bother to scratch it because it didn't hurt.
After a few days I revisited by "buns" and found a big red volcano ready to explode.
I googled "boils treatment" on the internet and I found out all I needed was heat application.
Just when everyone is planning to go to the beach, here I am observing my boil.
I can't even move in my chair. Ouch.