I want to be here.

I hate myself for thinking too much.
These days I find myself wondering why I love this industry so much.
I could just be selling cars or weaving abaca baskets.
Why do I love the filth, the politics, the crazy shit I have to go through in order to put up every bulletin?

I tried other jobs. I was a call center agent, I was a receptionist, I was a small-time entrepreneur. They left me dry and desperate and incredibly lonely, like I was on my way to hell and the only thing that could save me was a job in TV.
Even an active dating life wouldn't make me smile. Not quite.

Now I have a job that doesn't pay much, with no boundaries in responsibilities, and doesn't pay me for extra hours, but I am willing to stay just to see if the ship will sink, continue to float aimlessly, or finally get where the captain wants to go.

And the only time I will stop is when I've had enough of it. Or when they say "Zeena, you suck at your job, go tend sheep or wipe old people's asses." I have so many things to discover, so many things to learn, so many things to do before I can finally say that I am ready to quit this shit.

I want this.
I want this.
I want this.