three shits

Last Tuesday I had dinner with Mike, my ex-flatmate. It was our first time to really catch up and I had a nice time with him. We talked about his love life, and I asked him about his plans to salvage it (or kill it), and my love life, which sounded silly after hearing about his heart break. Mine sounded like a scene from Flames. His sounded like a smashing Hollywood hit that can move people to tears. It may even involve gunfire and a big scandal at an airport or something.

We got tired of talking about THAT aspect of our lives and so we moved on to religion, which wasn’t so bad. I told him my mother sent me a Bible, and I started reading it and it slowly made my nightmares go away. But that didn’t stop me from creating my own nightmares, and they’re worse because I have to deal with them every waking minute of my life. I hope they stop though. I have to stop first, I guess.



I am also very apprehensive about moving out, and nobody knows this but it’s been bothering me and it’s been on my mind for days and nights. I will miss my room and I will miss everyone who ever lived in that villa (from Colin onwards of course). And I will miss Sheikh Zayed and Dyafah and Crowne Plaza .

Also I think I have a lot of issues that I cannot share with anyone else, and I feel so heavy keeping them inside me. I am ashamed, discontented, out of control and a lot more. IT doesn’t help that I haven’t been talking to my mother for a very long time. More than a week now I think. More than two. Hearing her voice always gives me comfort and strength, two things I need more than anything else. Not even a date with a nice guy would do. No no no.

The good news is, I am very optimistic about my future. God always manages to pull me out of a slump by sending someone to tell me some fabulous news. So it’s always like shit shit shit, yahoo! That’s the formula, to put it in very basic terms. Things get screwed up three times, and just when I am expecting a fourth fuck-up, things fall into place. This morning I had my yahoo already, and with a little help from friends and some episodes of The Office, I’m so ready for the three shits.


Three shits anyone!