awful

I feel terrible.
I figured it’s because today I have made a very hard decision and it breaks my heart.
I have decided to move out. I love the villa, its location and Colin and Carolynn and other people who lived in it, and I have gotten along with them and they’ve been my family.
But if I stayed there I wouldn’t have any savings. I suppose I can still visit them all.
I suppose I can still drop by and say hi and eat their leftovers.
I will miss my usual place in the internet café (dining table), and the way I never move for hours just going on the internet.
I will miss having wine with them and having one of those special dinners.
I will miss the bath tub and my time alone.

I know that it will be great moving in with Sherry and Ethel, because they’re friends and it’s much cheaper and the place is just five minutes away from work.
And of course I love them and I am thankful that they are making sense of the things I do, because at this point in my life I don’t have time to stop and think about anything.
Work just sucks up all my energy.

Anyway I am not very good with goodbyes.
Not when Greg said goodbye to the business team, or when I said goodbye to my former colleagues in Manila , or when people said goodbye to me in the past.
I hate hate hate goodbyes, but they are always there and I cannot avoid them.

God has a funny way of toughing me up.
He gets a handful of people to say goodbye to me at the same time, and forces me to say goodbye to people important to me, so I can get used to saying that awful word.

Well I don’t think I will, but thanks for trying, God.