desperate

i have been watching desperate housewives and i find myself in every lead character.
i am a little bit of susan, who does stupid things and hopes to be rescued by her true love.
i am little bit of lynette, who is frank, rational, and finds herself exhausted almost everyday but loves what she does.
i am a little bit of gabrielle, who hates the idea of having in-laws, doesn't want to have children and finds a way to get what she wants --- usually material things.
i am a little bit of bree, who likes to be in control, doesn't like to be comforted, and uses vengeance to hide her emotions.
and finally, i am a little bit of mary alice, who had a secret she had been hiding when she was still alive. she seemed pretty and perfect and nice, and her only flaw was something she could not disclose even to her friends.

and just like these desperate women, i hate the likes of mrs martha hubert, a righteous old maid who does blackmailing for her pasttime, and edie britt, an insecure bombshell who can be one reason why husbands get tired of their wives.

another thing i realized from watching DH? i don't think i want to get married. of course that's subject to change, but right now, i just want to think that one benefit of being single is the freedom to be insane, not accountable for anything as important as a family.

"Be happy. It's one way of being wise." -Colette

hahaha
yan ang sabi ng iba
sa buhay na nilalaro
ang katinuan nila

hahaha
kaya pa raw niya
ang taas-babang pagtulak
sa kapalaran niya

hahaha
wala raw siyang paki
kung lugmukin siya
araw at gabi

hahaha
tanggapin lang daw
ang bawat kaganapan
ang init at ginaw

hahaha
di pa ba pagod?
huhuhu
hahaha

flight plan

nanuod ako ng isang pelikula kagabi.
naiyak ako. naalala kita.
walang naniniwala sa bida,
na nawala ang anak niya sa loob ng isang eroplano.
hibang daw siya, at malungkot lang.
patay na raw ang anak niya at
nakikita niya lang ang gusto niyang makita
dahil mas madali ang buhay pag ganon.
gumawa siya ng paraan para hanapin ang anak niya.
nandun, sa isang sulok sa dulo ng eroplano,
nahihimbing at walang malay.
pinasabog niya ang ang dumukot sa anak niya
at lumabas siya ng eroplano karga karga ang anak niya.

hindi ako naniwala sa iyo, mula noon hanggang ngayon.
wala akong tiwala sa yo.
sa paglipad natin, nahibang hibang ako
at hindi naniwalang kailangan kitang iwan.
naghanap ako ng rason para kalimutan ka.
at nang nahanap ko na,
pinasabog ko na ang alaala mo.
at lumabas ako nang buhay at masaya,
kasama ang rason. hindi ko na ito papakawalan.

gusto ko lang i-compare.
(hinga nang malalim)

ang bilis bilis

ang bilis bilis ng oras
'di na pwedeng umatras
pagkabitiw ng salita
sundutin na ng gawa

ang bilis bilis ng hudas
pagkabihag, wala nang takas
'di na pwedeng tumawad
sa kasamaang palad












ang bilis bilis ng iwas
agad agad kakaripas
tanong ay 'di nasagot
isa na namang nakalusot

ang bilis bilis ng tagas
tuloy tuloy ang pag awas
isa, dalawa, tatlo
naubusan na tayo

handa ka na ba?

huwag mo nang asahang
magbago ang sitwasyon
ikaw na lang ang magbago
gulangan ang panahon

sulitin ang sinayang
bawiin ang binigay
kaya namang habulin
at iwanan ang nakaraan














hayaang pagulungin
ang buhay sa harap mo
sakyan paminsan minsan
nasasa 'yo na ito

'di na natin kailangan
magpanggap na masaya
posible nang magkatotoo
humanda nang lumaya

sa iba mo na itanong

sakit ng katawan
sakit ng ulo
sakit isipin
utak magulo

namimingwit ng konting alaala
sa dagat na nangakong may pag-asa

kaya sumulong na ako
lumangoy papalayo
huminga nang malalim
sumisid sa malalim

sarap ng ginhawa
sarap ng karanasan
sarap sabihing
minsa'y natikman

ngayo'y umaahon
patungo sa pampang
hindi na alintana
kung may napala

ngayo't nakahiga
namamahinga na
huminga nang malalim
hinintay magdilim

subukan mo
hindi ito biro
sa loob ng isang minuto
kay raming nagbago

pag-ibig ba ito?
sa iba mo na itanong
para sa akin, kahit ano pa ito
luha'y binaon
alaala ay bina-on

Akin Ka Na Lang by Itchyworms

(a song for me and fifi)

‘Wag kang maniwala d’yan
‘Di ka n’ya mahal talaga
Sayang lang ang buhay mo
kung mapupunta ka lang sa kanya

Iiwanan ka lang n’yan, mag-ingat ka
Dagdag ka lamang sa milyun-milyong babae n’ya

Akin ka na lang (akin ka na lang)
Iingatan ko ang puso mo
Akin ka na lang (akin ka na lang)
Wala nang hihigit pa sa ‘yo

‘Di naman ako bolero katulad ng ibang tao
Ang totoo’y pag nandyan ka
medyo nabubulol pa nga ako

Malangis lang ang dila n’yan, ‘wag kang madala
Dahan-dahan ka lang, baka pati ika’y mabiktima
(’Wag naman sana)

‘Di naman sa sinisiraan ko ang pangit na ‘yan
‘Wag ka dapat sa’kin magduda, hinding-hindi kita pababayaan!

Akin ka na lang
Liligaya ka sa pag-ibig ko
Akin ka na lang
At wala nang hihigit pa sa ‘yo
Wala nang hihigit pa sa ‘yo (akin ka na lang)

eat this

ever felt empty?
sure.
there's nothing wrong with your life,
but there's nothing good about it either.
what's up with that?

i wake up after lunch and go to work.
i go to work and finish my scripts.
i finish my scripts and have coffee with a friend.
i have coffee with a friend until midnight.
at midnight i go home and watch tv.
i watch tv and feel sleepy.
i feel sleepy and (guess what) sleep.

why can't i wake up and find out i've won the lottery?
why can't i step out of the shower and see a big gift
from an anonymous person?
why can't i sing my songs and discover that someone
is singing along?
why can't i step on the weighing scale
and see that i've lost a few pounds?

oh i get it. i've eaten too much today.
mostly chocolates and tons of carbs.
sugar rush.
plateaued.
now i can't even breathe to spell "self-image".

never noticed, never crowned
wake me when i'm 90 pounds
cut me some slack
and let me eat the lard off your ass
it's ok, it's all right
i will sleep peacefully tonight
it's cute but it's not right
keep my body out of my sight

dreams vs teeth

I will turn 24 this year and no, I will not end 2006 without a major change in my life. I am an occasional risk taker, but the risks I took in the past did not do me any good, except teach me a few lessons, which I could have easily learned without the drama.

And when I say major change, I am not talking about sporting an outlandish hairstyle or promising not to cuss starting today.
I realized that I have big dreams, larger than life. Larger than my teeth, even. But I have kept them in the periphery of my immediate goals, which consist of changing my facial wash, losing three pounds and uploading new songs on my ipod mini.

Well, this year I am going to dig into my head and retrieve my slumbering dreams, and make them come true. Of course realizing dreams takes a while. I may not be finished just getting started with them this year, but I will start them. Oh yeah I will. They will be my mantra, the air I breathe, the first thing on my mind when I wake up, and the last thing on my mind when I go to sleep.

And this time I will not be afraid of changes that can turn my emotions upside down, break my routine and make me leave behind some things from the past that I still treasure.
I want to end 2006 without regrets. I'll win some, I'll lose some, I'll get some with Handsome... hehe.

Seriously, it's about time for a change! A change so big it can eat me alive!
And I am publishing this to motivate me.
Because if that change doesn't happen, you can comment on this entry.
Write something like, "I knew it. Nothing could be bigger than your teeth."