i always don't know

i'm apprehensive
when will my party end?
it has just started
i let in a special friend
it's complicated
i'm supposed to celebrate
but he's right outside
is he staying or not?
i don't know

i'm an angel
smiling at his apathy
i'm a devil
ruining myself for free
the clock is ticking
is there something i can do about it?
what about him?
should he be doing something?
i don't know

i always don't know
i always don't know
why i open my door and let him in
i always don't know
i always don't know
how i end up getting locked out

for the record, i didn't ask for this
all i wanted was to know his name
and give him a kiss
i didn't think that there was something else
he wanted to say
so i listened
did he mean it or not?
i don't know
i don't know

the dawn is breaking
i'm still intoxicated by this
can't stop thinking
and i'm getting really dizzy and pissed
has he left
for another party i don't know of?
perhaps he stayed?
should i be searching the place?
i don't know
i don't know