I'm On A Diet Again

I am on a diet.
A very successful one.
I am working out, eating healthy, and drinking lots of water.
Most importantly, I am having fun.

I've gone on thousands of diets before.
I was a chubby kid.

I remember when I was 15 I ate paper to feel full.
I ate my quiz papers.
Crumpled them, put them in my mouth,
wet them with my saliva, and swallowed them.
Then I flushed them with a liter of warm water.

I also went on a crash diet a few weeks before the prom.
I ate one Jelly Ace every day.
I didn't lose much, but I became so ugly and dumb.
Come prom night, I was exhausted.
I wore a really tight girdle that I though I'd pass out.
The sides of my pretty silver dress were stained with sweat from my armpits.
And I had to steal a shawl to cover them up.

I became a sell out in college, when I started trying laxatives.
In my opinion, taking something that everyone else is taking defeats the whole purpose of trying to stand out from the crowd.
But at that time it seemed like there was no other option.
So I swallowed those pills. Pill after pill.
All the toilets I "visited" were cursed.

So 12 years later, I am trying to make amends.
And I am doing a great job.
There is no better feeling in the world than knowing that I am not killing myself in the process of trying to live a happy life.