I’ve told myself time and again that I will not waste my life worrying. But every single day I find myself doing just that. Marvelous.

Worrying is a sign that I have so much fear in me, and that’s exactly what I want to get rid of. I used to be so fearless, so carefree, so hell-to-the-world-I’ll set-you-on-fire. Now I seem to have lost my luster. Is it Dubai? Is it adulthood? Is it the enormous amount of pressure on me at work? I have no idea.

And so I go and debate my singleness and my fatness and my loneliness. And I know that it’s not right to feel this way, I have been extremely lucky and I am in no position to complain. I’m not complaining. Just keeping it all in. That’s even worse.

What I want is to stop worrying. Stop worrying about my housemates and the laundry. Stop worrying if I am wearing such a sucky outfit. Stop worrying about the internet connection. Stop worrying about romantic connection… anyway in the end I always find out there is none.

What I also want is to make the most of my life. Not anyone else’s. I also find myself letting go, giving up things just to resolve conflicts. Well, I realized I am going to be indifferent, to the point of retardation. Lucky spazmos, they don’t need to be understood. Because they’re literally crazy, and I am just a nut. People ignore them and still love them without expecting anything of them. People can say I am just a nut, not completely crazy, and I have no excuse to treat life like a candy bar.