give me a (cigarette) break

this morning i was having a cigarette, staring out the window of ayadh's flat.
he had gone to work and fifi was revising and re-revising her CV.
we were listening to american junk by APO hiking society, a song i never did like,
but for the sake of patriotism we listened to it.

thoughts flooded my mind just as the nicotine invaded my lungs.
i knew that going to a foreign place to find a job was a big risk.
and no matter how much i loved uncertainty, i could not help but feel a little worried.
about what could and would happen.
but i snapped out of my woes and thought about what should happen.

i know that this is a big risk, but it is not a dangerous one.
it's a beautiful one. one that will fill my heart with bittersweet memories.
one that will make me stronger, more eager to live, and prouder.
yikes. could i be any more prouder? fifi says i'm too proud.
(shrug) i'm a leo.

i got up, got rid of my cigarette, got my towel, prepared my clothes and took a warm bath.
in the bath tub i realized that eventhough i miss a thousand people and things at home,
this is where i am supposed to be right now.