I just had a Eureka moment.
I now know why I love Barack Obama so much.
I'm not even an American.
I'm not involved in his campaign whatsoever.
But the politics of hope is a striking idea.
"Hope" doesn't even have to be accompanied by "politics".
It's such a strong word.
Everyone know about it, but has forgotten to possess it.
And now that he's constantly going around remind everyone that it still exists in the form of a black presidentiable, hell I know for sure it can exist in the form of an Asian lady in an Arab country, surrounded by predators who each claim to be the man of her dreams.
Well, I've got news for you buddies.
Up yours.
I'm dating hope until someone much better comes along.
Monday, December 24, 2007
No Winter
Looks like an early winter for us, said Gwen Stefani.
But it doesn't feel like winter at all.
I am kept warm and protected.
And I will stay here for as long as I want.
When I fly back, you'll regret it.
And I will bring with me all the pictures I took.
I will sing the songs my friends listened to.
And I will make you history as soon as I land.
I will pass you by, I won't hang around.
I need all the help I can get.
I can get all the help I will need.
I won't lose a single memory but I'll forego the future.
Goodbye. I didn't feel winter this year.
But it doesn't feel like winter at all.
I am kept warm and protected.
And I will stay here for as long as I want.
When I fly back, you'll regret it.
And I will bring with me all the pictures I took.
I will sing the songs my friends listened to.
And I will make you history as soon as I land.
I will pass you by, I won't hang around.
I need all the help I can get.
I can get all the help I will need.
I won't lose a single memory but I'll forego the future.
Goodbye. I didn't feel winter this year.
Bangkok
Bangkok was a blast.
I was only there for a night but I thoroughly enjoyed my stay.
I landed at 830 AM and wasted no time.
I learned my first Thai word, courtesy of the gentlemen who helped me fill out the arrival form. KAPUNKA!!! means "Thank you!", and I kept on saying that to everyone just to bring out the tourist in me. Even if that meant getting ripped off by everyone every two hours. What the hell, it was my only time alone and I felt so brave. Even with my finances.
So I found a cheap hotel on Rum Ruadee Street(I have no idea how it's spelled), a place called Jim's Lodge. It felt like bed and breakfast. The people were friendly and they never disturbed me.
I called for a taxi to take me to MBK, the best known shopping center in the city.
The second I saw the tiangge stalls, I went on the offensive.
I shopped like craaaazzzy.
I bought a dress that I didn't think I would ever wear. I just felt so daring and independent when I bought it. Des'ree said I gotta be bold.
But damn. When I tried the dress on, it was like someone set me alight, and I was happy about it. It was combination of bright red and orange, and black, and the pattern looked like fire waiting to spread itself. But I bought it anyway, thinking it wold come in handy, say, on a date with the devil.
Which is highly likely.
I also bought a bikini. My black one was beginning to bore me.
I walked into a stall and tried on a bolero, but the Thai lady shooed me away and was probably cussing me in Thai.
So I ran away and found my self in Siam Paragon, desperate for an authentic Thai meal. Of course I didn't find it there. It's a really nice place, but it's just a little too commercial for a culture-hungry tourist like me. I ended up having rice topped with creamy cheese and some fish.
And to really bastardize the authenticity of Thai cuisine, I bought a venti Starbucks frappe before hailing a cab to my hotel.
I reveled in my purchases, trying out my bikini and my dresses and my skirt.
I had a cig on the balcony, took a nap, and woke up to find myself excited to see the Bangkok Night Bazaar. So I called a taxi, and in a few minutes I was there, looking around for bargains.
I found a few nice items, and finally started to retire in an equally tired chair in the open area where people were drinking and a show band was performing.
I had a glass of Argentinian wine. Alone. While taking pictures of the people, the band, the food. Don't get me wrong. I didn't feel like a loser at all. I enjoyed being by myself and the freedom to do whatever I wanted.
Without thinking, "Ooh, I might embarrass myself..." or "Oh, I feel silly doing this."
So I went ahead and shook hands, said hello, had a short chat with a lady boy, teased some punks on the pavement, and bantered with some go go girls.
I went home satisfied. Tired as hell my tongue was sticking out, but satisfied.
I woke up early in the morning for my four-hour canal tour, where I got seriously ripped off.
My tour guide, Noot, couldn't speak English very well, but managed to tell me we were going to the canal for a quick tour. We went to the pier and went on a boat ride around the canal. There was a cheeky woman on the megaphone telling us about what we were about to see.
Temples, temples, and more temples.
A few houses, a few monks, a few Coke cans.
Some catfish feeding on bread, and lotsa snakes.
Yup I carried a python and wrapped it around my body as if it came from my womb.
I also held a baby monkey in my arms. He wanted to be breastfed, and clueless as to how to explain that I was not his mom, I let him go.
So Noot brought me to a couple of places, like the lapidary, where they made precious stones, and the Thai silk store, where I looked at pretty dresses I couldn't afford.
I went back to my hotel and quickly packed my things. I went to the airport and found myself short 30 Baht. It was kind of the driver to accept dirhams.
Anyway at the airport I found out my flight was delayed.
So I called Mama and told her that, then decided I was hungry, so I bought lots of Thai snacks at the family mart at the airport, which seemed to charge triple that I thought it did.
Anyway I still bought food. Ate three siopaos, had green tea, and three siomais at the passport control area. I burped while the immigration officer inspected my passport. Bye bye Bangkok.
I walked the walk (about 2km), talked the talk (to myself), until I reached Gate E-10. Finally. Manilenos in the house.
I had five glasses of wine on the plane. I wanted to intoxicate myself before finally landing. I didn't want to be sober and go through all the drama and nostalgia.
But alcohol didn't work. When the captain announced we were about to land on Ninoy Aquino International Airport, a tear trickled down my right cheek, and the Brunei national to my right was less than sympathetic. Understandably.
Snack Time!
Impatient monk checking out his flight schdule. Late for a meeting?
Yup, he has more teeth that I do.
I tried fitting in but theirs is an exclusive gang. Punks not dead, Bangkok style!
Believe it or not.
A blind date with the tuktuk driver.
I think they were singing YMCA here...
Their king looks like FVR.
I AM NOT YOUR MOTHER!!!
Go go Sawasdeeka!
No thanks!
I was only there for a night but I thoroughly enjoyed my stay.
I landed at 830 AM and wasted no time.
I learned my first Thai word, courtesy of the gentlemen who helped me fill out the arrival form. KAPUNKA!!! means "Thank you!", and I kept on saying that to everyone just to bring out the tourist in me. Even if that meant getting ripped off by everyone every two hours. What the hell, it was my only time alone and I felt so brave. Even with my finances.
So I found a cheap hotel on Rum Ruadee Street(I have no idea how it's spelled), a place called Jim's Lodge. It felt like bed and breakfast. The people were friendly and they never disturbed me.
I called for a taxi to take me to MBK, the best known shopping center in the city.
The second I saw the tiangge stalls, I went on the offensive.
I shopped like craaaazzzy.
I bought a dress that I didn't think I would ever wear. I just felt so daring and independent when I bought it. Des'ree said I gotta be bold.
But damn. When I tried the dress on, it was like someone set me alight, and I was happy about it. It was combination of bright red and orange, and black, and the pattern looked like fire waiting to spread itself. But I bought it anyway, thinking it wold come in handy, say, on a date with the devil.
Which is highly likely.
I also bought a bikini. My black one was beginning to bore me.
I walked into a stall and tried on a bolero, but the Thai lady shooed me away and was probably cussing me in Thai.
So I ran away and found my self in Siam Paragon, desperate for an authentic Thai meal. Of course I didn't find it there. It's a really nice place, but it's just a little too commercial for a culture-hungry tourist like me. I ended up having rice topped with creamy cheese and some fish.
And to really bastardize the authenticity of Thai cuisine, I bought a venti Starbucks frappe before hailing a cab to my hotel.
I reveled in my purchases, trying out my bikini and my dresses and my skirt.
I had a cig on the balcony, took a nap, and woke up to find myself excited to see the Bangkok Night Bazaar. So I called a taxi, and in a few minutes I was there, looking around for bargains.
I found a few nice items, and finally started to retire in an equally tired chair in the open area where people were drinking and a show band was performing.
I had a glass of Argentinian wine. Alone. While taking pictures of the people, the band, the food. Don't get me wrong. I didn't feel like a loser at all. I enjoyed being by myself and the freedom to do whatever I wanted.
Without thinking, "Ooh, I might embarrass myself..." or "Oh, I feel silly doing this."
So I went ahead and shook hands, said hello, had a short chat with a lady boy, teased some punks on the pavement, and bantered with some go go girls.
I went home satisfied. Tired as hell my tongue was sticking out, but satisfied.
I woke up early in the morning for my four-hour canal tour, where I got seriously ripped off.
My tour guide, Noot, couldn't speak English very well, but managed to tell me we were going to the canal for a quick tour. We went to the pier and went on a boat ride around the canal. There was a cheeky woman on the megaphone telling us about what we were about to see.
Temples, temples, and more temples.
A few houses, a few monks, a few Coke cans.
Some catfish feeding on bread, and lotsa snakes.
Yup I carried a python and wrapped it around my body as if it came from my womb.
I also held a baby monkey in my arms. He wanted to be breastfed, and clueless as to how to explain that I was not his mom, I let him go.
So Noot brought me to a couple of places, like the lapidary, where they made precious stones, and the Thai silk store, where I looked at pretty dresses I couldn't afford.
I went back to my hotel and quickly packed my things. I went to the airport and found myself short 30 Baht. It was kind of the driver to accept dirhams.
Anyway at the airport I found out my flight was delayed.
So I called Mama and told her that, then decided I was hungry, so I bought lots of Thai snacks at the family mart at the airport, which seemed to charge triple that I thought it did.
Anyway I still bought food. Ate three siopaos, had green tea, and three siomais at the passport control area. I burped while the immigration officer inspected my passport. Bye bye Bangkok.
I walked the walk (about 2km), talked the talk (to myself), until I reached Gate E-10. Finally. Manilenos in the house.
I had five glasses of wine on the plane. I wanted to intoxicate myself before finally landing. I didn't want to be sober and go through all the drama and nostalgia.
But alcohol didn't work. When the captain announced we were about to land on Ninoy Aquino International Airport, a tear trickled down my right cheek, and the Brunei national to my right was less than sympathetic. Understandably.
Snack Time!
Impatient monk checking out his flight schdule. Late for a meeting?
Yup, he has more teeth that I do.
I tried fitting in but theirs is an exclusive gang. Punks not dead, Bangkok style!
Believe it or not.
A blind date with the tuktuk driver.
I think they were singing YMCA here...
Their king looks like FVR.
I AM NOT YOUR MOTHER!!!
Go go Sawasdeeka!
No thanks!
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Manila!
I am in Manila and I feel sooo loved.
Lots of hugs, kisses and smiles!
I caught up with some of my friends already, and on my third day here, I can say that I have assuaged my fears of not being able to fit in again with the gang.
They love me, we still laugh at the same things, and if there's been any change it would be a nice one --- something that inspires me to work harder when I'm back in Dubai, so that in another 12 months, I can be with my loved ones again.
Family and friends are warmer, more excited to see me than ever.
Never mind the fact that I am 10 kg heavier now.
Never mind the fact that I am still living the modern gypsy lifestyle (penniless, restless, careless).
I hopped in a cab and had a chat with the driver.
They all hate GMA here. They all hate the government.
They also hate Trillanes for having only one ball --- he spearheaded the mutiny but quickly surrendered. People on the streets say that had he continued it, everyone would be marching to the key places in Manila and overthrow Gloria.
I missed this. The aggressiveness and openness to talk shit about the government.
The freedom to cuss at whoever makes life harder for me and you.
The polluted air on Aurora Boulevard.
The jeepneys. The pickpockets (as long as I'm not the target).
The takatak boys. The noise. The colors.
Manila Manila Manila I'm breathing Manila for the first time in almost two years and I love everything about it!
I love that I have mud on my legs because the Angono jeepney wanted to have fun with me.
I love sweating, I love eating, I love drinking in Manila.
Ok can't be bothered to type more.
Laters!
Lots of hugs, kisses and smiles!
I caught up with some of my friends already, and on my third day here, I can say that I have assuaged my fears of not being able to fit in again with the gang.
They love me, we still laugh at the same things, and if there's been any change it would be a nice one --- something that inspires me to work harder when I'm back in Dubai, so that in another 12 months, I can be with my loved ones again.
Family and friends are warmer, more excited to see me than ever.
Never mind the fact that I am 10 kg heavier now.
Never mind the fact that I am still living the modern gypsy lifestyle (penniless, restless, careless).
I hopped in a cab and had a chat with the driver.
They all hate GMA here. They all hate the government.
They also hate Trillanes for having only one ball --- he spearheaded the mutiny but quickly surrendered. People on the streets say that had he continued it, everyone would be marching to the key places in Manila and overthrow Gloria.
I missed this. The aggressiveness and openness to talk shit about the government.
The freedom to cuss at whoever makes life harder for me and you.
The polluted air on Aurora Boulevard.
The jeepneys. The pickpockets (as long as I'm not the target).
The takatak boys. The noise. The colors.
Manila Manila Manila I'm breathing Manila for the first time in almost two years and I love everything about it!
I love that I have mud on my legs because the Angono jeepney wanted to have fun with me.
I love sweating, I love eating, I love drinking in Manila.
Ok can't be bothered to type more.
Laters!
Monday, December 03, 2007
Counted all the times
And my fingers fell off
And I really want to know
How the hell he got off
I was supposed to pin him down
And I wanted him to beg
But I find myself on my knees
With him pulling my leg
I wasn't sure it was right
My teachers never mentioned this
My parents said to stop this shit
I never wanted to fight
So I pursed my lips
And cursed myself
And then I knew
I needed help
I really want to know
How he sleeps at night
While I negotiate my thoughts
He's nowhere in sight
I wanted him to stay
But he wanted to be free
Now he wants me to stay
Only if he stays free
I feel the cold air
Brushing my skin
HE warms me up
And I know he'll win
Again
Again
Again
And I won't know what to say
To my friends, my friends, my friends
Coz I so want him to stay
But I don't want to give myself away
Away
Away
Away
And I never had this problem
When I was small
Now I need to decide
Need to be tall
Taller than he is
Taller than his dreams
Taller than what I had foreseen
And my fingers fell off
And I really want to know
How the hell he got off
I was supposed to pin him down
And I wanted him to beg
But I find myself on my knees
With him pulling my leg
I wasn't sure it was right
My teachers never mentioned this
My parents said to stop this shit
I never wanted to fight
So I pursed my lips
And cursed myself
And then I knew
I needed help
I really want to know
How he sleeps at night
While I negotiate my thoughts
He's nowhere in sight
I wanted him to stay
But he wanted to be free
Now he wants me to stay
Only if he stays free
I feel the cold air
Brushing my skin
HE warms me up
And I know he'll win
Again
Again
Again
And I won't know what to say
To my friends, my friends, my friends
Coz I so want him to stay
But I don't want to give myself away
Away
Away
Away
And I never had this problem
When I was small
Now I need to decide
Need to be tall
Taller than he is
Taller than his dreams
Taller than what I had foreseen
I Don't Know
The surprise phase is over
And I'm now back on earth
Still I can't feel the ground
Another goodbye rolls around
And the trees are swaying madly
And the air is colder than ever
And the picture I had painfully painted
Has been destroyed in a split second
Farther away from the center
I am pulled by a familiar force
And I can't fight it with the weight
Of resistance I thought I had
And my arms are raising by themselves
And my eyes are closing slowly
The message caught me offguard
I can't answer your questions
And I can't smile at your face
But I can't help holding on
I am silent, I am thinking
But my thinking won't do me good
I've always been undecided
And I always change my mind
And everyone asks, will I let go?
The answer is I don't know
And I'm now back on earth
Still I can't feel the ground
Another goodbye rolls around
And the trees are swaying madly
And the air is colder than ever
And the picture I had painfully painted
Has been destroyed in a split second
Farther away from the center
I am pulled by a familiar force
And I can't fight it with the weight
Of resistance I thought I had
And my arms are raising by themselves
And my eyes are closing slowly
The message caught me offguard
I can't answer your questions
And I can't smile at your face
But I can't help holding on
I am silent, I am thinking
But my thinking won't do me good
I've always been undecided
And I always change my mind
And everyone asks, will I let go?
The answer is I don't know
Sunday, December 02, 2007
Winter started too early
I haven't washed my coats
And I'm walking aimlessly
Arms around myself
Freezing, yawning, humming
Listening to the honking
The cars that won't forgive me
For getting in their way
Well I'm sorry but I'm lost
I'm looking for a change
So I run away, so far away
To the other side of the world
Only to find you laughing
Coz here I am again, panting
At your mercy
At your service
Your door is always open
And so are your arms
But they're not enough
To keep me warm
But I curl up like a baby
Prentending to sleep soundly
Like I wanted this so badly
And it's never going to ruin me
And the night is reprimanding me
Telling me to go back home
Walk alone if I have to
But I can't do it this time
I've been trapped again this time
I can't even bend over
I can't even frown
And it hurts more than ever
But I want this and I want more
And I want you to help me out here
Could you please stop staring
It breaks me apart
Could you please stop screaming
Like we're oceans apart
We're an inch from each other
But we'll never be together
And we'll never have this moment
Ever again
And we'll never have this talk
Ever again
But I'll always look back
And it scares me to death
Where's my jacket?
Where's my smoke?
I need them to get by
The winter slaps me in the face
And it deems me worthless
Failing to fight
I give in everytime
Every single time
And I fnd myself impatient
For summer to arrive
I haven't washed my coats
And I'm walking aimlessly
Arms around myself
Freezing, yawning, humming
Listening to the honking
The cars that won't forgive me
For getting in their way
Well I'm sorry but I'm lost
I'm looking for a change
So I run away, so far away
To the other side of the world
Only to find you laughing
Coz here I am again, panting
At your mercy
At your service
Your door is always open
And so are your arms
But they're not enough
To keep me warm
But I curl up like a baby
Prentending to sleep soundly
Like I wanted this so badly
And it's never going to ruin me
And the night is reprimanding me
Telling me to go back home
Walk alone if I have to
But I can't do it this time
I've been trapped again this time
I can't even bend over
I can't even frown
And it hurts more than ever
But I want this and I want more
And I want you to help me out here
Could you please stop staring
It breaks me apart
Could you please stop screaming
Like we're oceans apart
We're an inch from each other
But we'll never be together
And we'll never have this moment
Ever again
And we'll never have this talk
Ever again
But I'll always look back
And it scares me to death
Where's my jacket?
Where's my smoke?
I need them to get by
The winter slaps me in the face
And it deems me worthless
Failing to fight
I give in everytime
Every single time
And I fnd myself impatient
For summer to arrive
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