I know that obsession over losing weight is not a unique trait.

Hundreds of girls shrink, get ill and even die from it.

But I am still learning how I as an individual developed it.

It's become embedded in my soul that I don't see it as a burden.

In fact, it is integral to my existence.

If within a month I don't shed unwanted fat, I panic and sometimes think my life is ruined.

But that is okay, because more often than not, I always do.

When I don't, I find a way to do so.

And the control I gain over how I am supposed to look and what the weighing scale should say is intoxicating, like falling in love or going on a really nice holiday.

Ok, at least I know where to start: control.

Control is synonymous for Leo.

Leos like being on top, whether it is of a situation or a nice young man.

They thrive in knowing that they are able to manipulate something or someone effortlessly that in the end, they are seen as powerful yet beautiful.

That is exactly how I feel and what I become when I lose a kilo, resist a cookie, or burn 900 calories in 90 minutes doing Bikram yoga.

So why do I feel the urge to control my weight?

I am generally a person who needs more patience.

And while it takes time to achieve my biggest goals in life, body weight is such an easy thing to play with.

Bikini season in a couple of weeks? No problem.

I can quit chocolate, drink a gazillion cups of green tea, walk a mile or two every day, and purchase every weight loss supplement in the market.

And then I am not tubby anymore.

And then I am happy.

Quick weight loss quenches my thirst for things to happen instantly.

Why did I grow up not being patient?

Because it was absolutely a no-no for my mother.

I am being completely neutral about this.

When I was a kid I thought my mom was ruthless and unbelievably impatient.

But as I grew up I learned that sometimes, patience is an excuse to not move a muscle and trigger activity in one's life.

In short, impatience makes me do stuff.

And I do stuff.

Wow sometimes I just go on and on about something and I totally lose my point and become sleepy.

Good night!