Everyone is trying to save or earn more money. Everyone. Websites that used to headline stories about how to be a good partner in bed are now featuring too many stories on how to stretch a buck. Banks have been more aggressive, pushing people to spend in a less than obvious way. Yesterday the Aramex guy went through all that trouble to deliver a debit card from my bank, a piece of plastic that I am not using any time soon, simple because I have not asked for it. I know convenience is also one reason I was given a debit card, but it’s more convenient if I weren’t tempted to spend more knowing that I can pay for almost anything with a shiny blue plastic shoot.

A handful of currencies have increased in value because of the dwindling value of the greenback, but more are being affected by this phenomenon. My dirhams are worth only a little more than ten pesos, as compared to almost fifteen just two years ago. My food is more expensive now, and as much as I want to find myself a nice room, rent fees are climbing the inflation ladder faster than I can respond to any room-for-rent ad. Even watching a movie puts me off. I would rather spend a whole evening going on YouTube.

I don’t have a lot, but I have enough. I think I am good at managing my finances. I am a financial fundamentalist. Am I afraid to get ripped off by the bank? Yes. But more importantly, I am sticking to the traditional way of saving simply because I save more that way. The only time I’ve ever swiped a card in my life was when I had to get something from my friend’s hotel room years ago, and that was because keys were already outdated then.

The Benefits of Being an OFW

One thing I realized about being an overseas Filipino worker is that I now have involvement in my family’s finances. I don’t meddle with how my mother spends her own money; after all, it is her own, and she has worked hard for it, spending time at work and on her business to make sure that she and my sister can live a comfortable life. However, I have committed to paying for my sister’s annual tuition, and that gives me a little more say in the family in terms of income. I now have a voice when it comes to discussing a big purchase or contemplating an investment. I can tell my mother what I think, but she still has the last say and she will do what she thinks is best, but at least she now listens to me. That’s a far cry from absolutely zero involvement.

My involvement in financial matters allows me to permeate deeper into my mother’s thoughts. I can ask about things that may not be money-related, but are on the same level of importance as our family income. Take her health. If I could ask about how much she spent on something, why on earth can I not ask her about what the doctor said during her check up? Or I could start by asking how much she has been spending on her meds, and then we can have a proper conversation about so many other things.

I think one reason she is comfortable sharing her thoughts with me is --- aside from the fact that I actually have a serious job as opposed to my hazy days in Manila when I spent most of my time smoking like a chimney and frequenting karaoke bars --- I am far away, too far that I can only listen and empathize with her without having to look at the sorry expression on my face. The last thing she wants from me and her loved ones is pity. She’s also been a fighter, a person who has always decided for herself and influenced me and my sister to do the same.

I also find that with all the talks we have all throughout the year will make me feel so much more comfortable when I finally see her. Now I know her better. I know what ticks her and what impresses her. And so days out with her and my sister are much more pleasant, and conversations have more meaning and depth. And I don’t think I could have strengthened our relationship had I not flown to another part of the world. That’s just how I see it.

I’m looking forward to December, because when I see her I’m sure we’ll have a better rapport and a fabulous Christmas. No, we can’t share a joint, but at least we can talk about money now.

Winner

I voted for myself on election day.

I had a ballot for every good deed.

I had a signature for every happy thought.

I had a thumb print for every hope sparked.

I won by a landslide, crushing my opponents.

Still I kissed them on the cheek and shook their hands.

I remember the campaign.

It was a struggle against bad feeling.

It was a battle between myself and external elements that I couldn’t control.

But my party was strong and my convictions were genuine.

I hope to get re elected and never lose power.

I will never ever declare martial law.

If I did, I would be fooling myself, shooing the bad away without giving myself a chance to turn things around and prove my true power.

I campaigned against all odds.

Frowns, criticism, coldness, deceit.

More than anything, it was a fight between my old self and the person I wanted to become.

And now I am almost halfway through completing 100 days in the presidential palace.

And so far, opinion polls are showing that I am succeeding.

It was long fight, and this is the reason I am cherishing my hard-earned victory.

There will be all kinds of distraction and tribulation and even pain.

But I will continue to be the happy president I had always wanted to be.

Love Today

It's a weird friendship that I can only divulge to people I truly trust.
I had no doubt we were going to hit it off and become the kind of friends we knew we could be.
I guess the absence of a person gives other people the freedom that they need to nurture healthy relationships.
This friendship was long overdue. While the longevity of such a perfect set up is not guaranteed, I am glad I experienced it at its peak, at the time when I wanted to experience it.
It was a platonic friendship that rooted from intelligence and jadedness and humor and the understanding of the human mind.
He was a safe haven, a dirty bastard who respects me and only me.
I am queen and I am making tea for him.
We are the friends that never were, and that should be enough reason to thank fate.
Maybe you can't be friends with your ex, but you certainly can have decent sane relationships with his friends.

Drunken nights
Emergency flights
Winter fireworks
Oh my God
Those were the days
I thoroughly enjoyed them
But time has decided
I could only bow down
So I shed my skin in winter
Serious change on the way
Summer's mood, we don't know
Oh how we change our styles
And shift gears for a while
To ride along with the times
That have been less than kind
But we're more than that
And we're more than what
People have said we were
And we are out to prove it
With a bottle and a stick
Without lies or tricks
We're more than that

Yes We Can - Barack Obama Music Video

Warm

I don't know how cold it is

Probably 10, 12 degrees

But I know how warm I can make myself

What a relief

Tempting

So many temptations

I never fail to heed them

Cigarettes and candy

Boys who act like men

They like that I like them

They feel good the first minute

But they run out of surprises

And expect me to deal with it

Oh I like my teeth rotten

And my sugar levels soaring

My lungs are filled with bad air

Makes my life less boring

I enjoy being run over

By cars and trucks and hearts

Sad endings are a shame

But another story starts

And I'm sober to this day

I walk straight and tall

I might keep everything

Or decide to throw it all

Depends on how I feel

Not on what you think

Well, they all make me

Want to have a drink

Cheers

Enchanted Kingdom

That far. Yes, that far.

And there's no turning back.

Forward, always forward.

That's the only direction I want to go.

That far. So far I can't even see where I'm heading, but as long as I keep on going forward, my destination will not fail me.

It's going to be a place so wonderful I won't even miss Enchanted Kingdom.

:D

NOT BAD

Winter is not so bad.

I like walking on the streets at 13 degrees.

I tend to hug myself tighter.

And that can't be bad.

HAPPY NOW?

Yes I'm happy now. Seriously. I don't even want to think that some people are feeling sad for me ...because I myself am not. I am happy that I am alone and able to spend time on my own, to do things with friends when I feel like it, and have a chat with my family once in a while. I enjoy being at work and I am working harder than ever simply because I love what I do. I have enough money to spend and save, and I have friends who are smart enough to know that this is what I want at the moment. I realized that I've never run out of choices. Always, there's someone or something better to deal with or do. Well, I was young then and I sort of made some choices out of sheer hedonism. Now, I vow to pick the right choices, and in the long run be happier than ever. Many people have been noticing the glow in me, and I appreciate that. Some people say I am bouncier. Well okay being more voluptuous won't hurt. Some people say I look happy, period. Others don't say a word. They just hang out with me. I guess because it's fun to do that. And no matter what I hear from others, rain or shine, under any circumstances, I think smiling and keeping the faith would be the best choice. It's easy to do, plus it applies to all situations.

Tito Boy

My Tito Boy passed away last Saturday. He will be remembered for his thoughtfulness and sweetness. He used to swear at us for being late, but in less than a minute he would tell a joke and everyone would laugh. In a way he lived his life freely, eating pork and not minding his ailments. However I saw through him when I had the chance to sit down with him and talk about my gameplan.

I recall him telling me to go ahead with my Dubai plain two years ago, that fear was not an option and youth is an advantage anywhere in the world. Of course he was right, having lived in Hawaii for three decades and braving the land that was not his home. He will always be an inspiration to me. In memory of him, I will work harder and do my best in everything here. I will make him proud no matter what.

Great People

Those people who believe that they are capable of changing are meant to strive to become better versions of themselves. They don't have to put "world peace" on their list; instead they start with small things that have tremendous impact on how they perceive their new selves. It can be in the form of ceasing or starting to do something. Some vow to quit smoking, casual sex or eating chocolates. Others prefer to be more affirmative and take on good habits like praying more often, greeting people at work or learning a new skill. The bottom line is, they are confident that they can change for the better. Otherwise they wouldn't be setting goals for themselves. They understand that it is imperative to tweak the way they live to be happier. The smarter ones know they cannot transform overnight, and so they take baby steps, making sure that each one is achievable and would lead to the next one. And that's how they eventually become great. While what they are doing is truly admirable, it is not enough for us to become spectators. Great people who lived before us are still remembered because they continue to inspire the ones who are still on this earth. That's us. In my opinion, the only way to live is to become the best you can be, and there is no excuse for not trying. So here's to a better you and an even better me. Cheers!

CLEANING OUT MY CLOSET

Yes, along with Eminem, I'm cleaning out my closet.

I'm throwing away all the bad stuff: ATM receipts, unwashed forks, scratch paper, old cards, even my Altec Lansing earphones that won't perform.

I am throwing away everything which I think is ugly and useless. And I will keep all the things beautiful and dear to me. Things that I can use in my life in one way or another. Things that can make me smile, remind me of something nice, or give me an idea of how good it is to live life.

I am getting rid of bad vibes. I will take phone calls, answer emails, smile at new faces and refrain from holding grudges against anyone. Anyone at all.

2008 is different. Because I am older and inevtably wiser, thank you very much.

Hope

I just had a Eureka moment.
I now know why I love Barack Obama so much.
I'm not even an American.
I'm not involved in his campaign whatsoever.
But the politics of hope is a striking idea.
"Hope" doesn't even have to be accompanied by "politics".
It's such a strong word.
Everyone know about it, but has forgotten to possess it.
And now that he's constantly going around remind everyone that it still exists in the form of a black presidentiable, hell I know for sure it can exist in the form of an Asian lady in an Arab country, surrounded by predators who each claim to be the man of her dreams.
Well, I've got news for you buddies.
Up yours.
I'm dating hope until someone much better comes along.

No Winter

Looks like an early winter for us, said Gwen Stefani.
But it doesn't feel like winter at all.
I am kept warm and protected.
And I will stay here for as long as I want.
When I fly back, you'll regret it.
And I will bring with me all the pictures I took.
I will sing the songs my friends listened to.
And I will make you history as soon as I land.
I will pass you by, I won't hang around.
I need all the help I can get.
I can get all the help I will need.
I won't lose a single memory but I'll forego the future.
Goodbye. I didn't feel winter this year.

Bangkok

Bangkok was a blast.
I was only there for a night but I thoroughly enjoyed my stay.
I landed at 830 AM and wasted no time.
I learned my first Thai word, courtesy of the gentlemen who helped me fill out the arrival form. KAPUNKA!!! means "Thank you!", and I kept on saying that to everyone just to bring out the tourist in me. Even if that meant getting ripped off by everyone every two hours. What the hell, it was my only time alone and I felt so brave. Even with my finances.
So I found a cheap hotel on Rum Ruadee Street(I have no idea how it's spelled), a place called Jim's Lodge. It felt like bed and breakfast. The people were friendly and they never disturbed me.
I called for a taxi to take me to MBK, the best known shopping center in the city.
The second I saw the tiangge stalls, I went on the offensive.
I shopped like craaaazzzy.
I bought a dress that I didn't think I would ever wear. I just felt so daring and independent when I bought it. Des'ree said I gotta be bold.
But damn. When I tried the dress on, it was like someone set me alight, and I was happy about it. It was combination of bright red and orange, and black, and the pattern looked like fire waiting to spread itself. But I bought it anyway, thinking it wold come in handy, say, on a date with the devil.
Which is highly likely.
I also bought a bikini. My black one was beginning to bore me.
I walked into a stall and tried on a bolero, but the Thai lady shooed me away and was probably cussing me in Thai.
So I ran away and found my self in Siam Paragon, desperate for an authentic Thai meal. Of course I didn't find it there. It's a really nice place, but it's just a little too commercial for a culture-hungry tourist like me. I ended up having rice topped with creamy cheese and some fish.
And to really bastardize the authenticity of Thai cuisine, I bought a venti Starbucks frappe before hailing a cab to my hotel.
I reveled in my purchases, trying out my bikini and my dresses and my skirt.
I had a cig on the balcony, took a nap, and woke up to find myself excited to see the Bangkok Night Bazaar. So I called a taxi, and in a few minutes I was there, looking around for bargains.
I found a few nice items, and finally started to retire in an equally tired chair in the open area where people were drinking and a show band was performing.
I had a glass of Argentinian wine. Alone. While taking pictures of the people, the band, the food. Don't get me wrong. I didn't feel like a loser at all. I enjoyed being by myself and the freedom to do whatever I wanted.
Without thinking, "Ooh, I might embarrass myself..." or "Oh, I feel silly doing this."
So I went ahead and shook hands, said hello, had a short chat with a lady boy, teased some punks on the pavement, and bantered with some go go girls.
I went home satisfied. Tired as hell my tongue was sticking out, but satisfied.
I woke up early in the morning for my four-hour canal tour, where I got seriously ripped off.
My tour guide, Noot, couldn't speak English very well, but managed to tell me we were going to the canal for a quick tour. We went to the pier and went on a boat ride around the canal. There was a cheeky woman on the megaphone telling us about what we were about to see.
Temples, temples, and more temples.
A few houses, a few monks, a few Coke cans.
Some catfish feeding on bread, and lotsa snakes.
Yup I carried a python and wrapped it around my body as if it came from my womb.
I also held a baby monkey in my arms. He wanted to be breastfed, and clueless as to how to explain that I was not his mom, I let him go.
So Noot brought me to a couple of places, like the lapidary, where they made precious stones, and the Thai silk store, where I looked at pretty dresses I couldn't afford.
I went back to my hotel and quickly packed my things. I went to the airport and found myself short 30 Baht. It was kind of the driver to accept dirhams.
Anyway at the airport I found out my flight was delayed.
So I called Mama and told her that, then decided I was hungry, so I bought lots of Thai snacks at the family mart at the airport, which seemed to charge triple that I thought it did.
Anyway I still bought food. Ate three siopaos, had green tea, and three siomais at the passport control area. I burped while the immigration officer inspected my passport. Bye bye Bangkok.
I walked the walk (about 2km), talked the talk (to myself), until I reached Gate E-10. Finally. Manilenos in the house.
I had five glasses of wine on the plane. I wanted to intoxicate myself before finally landing. I didn't want to be sober and go through all the drama and nostalgia.
But alcohol didn't work. When the captain announced we were about to land on Ninoy Aquino International Airport, a tear trickled down my right cheek, and the Brunei national to my right was less than sympathetic. Understandably.


Snack Time!


Impatient monk checking out his flight schdule. Late for a meeting?


Yup, he has more teeth that I do.


I tried fitting in but theirs is an exclusive gang. Punks not dead, Bangkok style!


Believe it or not.


A blind date with the tuktuk driver.


I think they were singing YMCA here...


Their king looks like FVR.


I AM NOT YOUR MOTHER!!!


Go go Sawasdeeka!


No thanks!

Manila!

I am in Manila and I feel sooo loved.
Lots of hugs, kisses and smiles!
I caught up with some of my friends already, and on my third day here, I can say that I have assuaged my fears of not being able to fit in again with the gang.
They love me, we still laugh at the same things, and if there's been any change it would be a nice one --- something that inspires me to work harder when I'm back in Dubai, so that in another 12 months, I can be with my loved ones again.
Family and friends are warmer, more excited to see me than ever.
Never mind the fact that I am 10 kg heavier now.
Never mind the fact that I am still living the modern gypsy lifestyle (penniless, restless, careless).

I hopped in a cab and had a chat with the driver.
They all hate GMA here. They all hate the government.
They also hate Trillanes for having only one ball --- he spearheaded the mutiny but quickly surrendered. People on the streets say that had he continued it, everyone would be marching to the key places in Manila and overthrow Gloria.
I missed this. The aggressiveness and openness to talk shit about the government.
The freedom to cuss at whoever makes life harder for me and you.
The polluted air on Aurora Boulevard.
The jeepneys. The pickpockets (as long as I'm not the target).
The takatak boys. The noise. The colors.
Manila Manila Manila I'm breathing Manila for the first time in almost two years and I love everything about it!
I love that I have mud on my legs because the Angono jeepney wanted to have fun with me.
I love sweating, I love eating, I love drinking in Manila.

Ok can't be bothered to type more.
Laters!

Counted all the times
And my fingers fell off
And I really want to know
How the hell he got off
I was supposed to pin him down
And I wanted him to beg
But I find myself on my knees
With him pulling my leg

I wasn't sure it was right
My teachers never mentioned this
My parents said to stop this shit
I never wanted to fight
So I pursed my lips
And cursed myself
And then I knew
I needed help

I really want to know
How he sleeps at night
While I negotiate my thoughts
He's nowhere in sight
I wanted him to stay
But he wanted to be free
Now he wants me to stay
Only if he stays free

I feel the cold air
Brushing my skin
HE warms me up
And I know he'll win

Again
Again
Again

And I won't know what to say
To my friends, my friends, my friends
Coz I so want him to stay
But I don't want to give myself away
Away
Away
Away

And I never had this problem
When I was small
Now I need to decide
Need to be tall
Taller than he is
Taller than his dreams
Taller than what I had foreseen