Enchanted Kingdom

That far. Yes, that far.

And there's no turning back.

Forward, always forward.

That's the only direction I want to go.

That far. So far I can't even see where I'm heading, but as long as I keep on going forward, my destination will not fail me.

It's going to be a place so wonderful I won't even miss Enchanted Kingdom.

:D

NOT BAD

Winter is not so bad.

I like walking on the streets at 13 degrees.

I tend to hug myself tighter.

And that can't be bad.

HAPPY NOW?

Yes I'm happy now. Seriously. I don't even want to think that some people are feeling sad for me ...because I myself am not. I am happy that I am alone and able to spend time on my own, to do things with friends when I feel like it, and have a chat with my family once in a while. I enjoy being at work and I am working harder than ever simply because I love what I do. I have enough money to spend and save, and I have friends who are smart enough to know that this is what I want at the moment. I realized that I've never run out of choices. Always, there's someone or something better to deal with or do. Well, I was young then and I sort of made some choices out of sheer hedonism. Now, I vow to pick the right choices, and in the long run be happier than ever. Many people have been noticing the glow in me, and I appreciate that. Some people say I am bouncier. Well okay being more voluptuous won't hurt. Some people say I look happy, period. Others don't say a word. They just hang out with me. I guess because it's fun to do that. And no matter what I hear from others, rain or shine, under any circumstances, I think smiling and keeping the faith would be the best choice. It's easy to do, plus it applies to all situations.

Tito Boy

My Tito Boy passed away last Saturday. He will be remembered for his thoughtfulness and sweetness. He used to swear at us for being late, but in less than a minute he would tell a joke and everyone would laugh. In a way he lived his life freely, eating pork and not minding his ailments. However I saw through him when I had the chance to sit down with him and talk about my gameplan.

I recall him telling me to go ahead with my Dubai plain two years ago, that fear was not an option and youth is an advantage anywhere in the world. Of course he was right, having lived in Hawaii for three decades and braving the land that was not his home. He will always be an inspiration to me. In memory of him, I will work harder and do my best in everything here. I will make him proud no matter what.

Great People

Those people who believe that they are capable of changing are meant to strive to become better versions of themselves. They don't have to put "world peace" on their list; instead they start with small things that have tremendous impact on how they perceive their new selves. It can be in the form of ceasing or starting to do something. Some vow to quit smoking, casual sex or eating chocolates. Others prefer to be more affirmative and take on good habits like praying more often, greeting people at work or learning a new skill. The bottom line is, they are confident that they can change for the better. Otherwise they wouldn't be setting goals for themselves. They understand that it is imperative to tweak the way they live to be happier. The smarter ones know they cannot transform overnight, and so they take baby steps, making sure that each one is achievable and would lead to the next one. And that's how they eventually become great. While what they are doing is truly admirable, it is not enough for us to become spectators. Great people who lived before us are still remembered because they continue to inspire the ones who are still on this earth. That's us. In my opinion, the only way to live is to become the best you can be, and there is no excuse for not trying. So here's to a better you and an even better me. Cheers!

CLEANING OUT MY CLOSET

Yes, along with Eminem, I'm cleaning out my closet.

I'm throwing away all the bad stuff: ATM receipts, unwashed forks, scratch paper, old cards, even my Altec Lansing earphones that won't perform.

I am throwing away everything which I think is ugly and useless. And I will keep all the things beautiful and dear to me. Things that I can use in my life in one way or another. Things that can make me smile, remind me of something nice, or give me an idea of how good it is to live life.

I am getting rid of bad vibes. I will take phone calls, answer emails, smile at new faces and refrain from holding grudges against anyone. Anyone at all.

2008 is different. Because I am older and inevtably wiser, thank you very much.

Hope

I just had a Eureka moment.
I now know why I love Barack Obama so much.
I'm not even an American.
I'm not involved in his campaign whatsoever.
But the politics of hope is a striking idea.
"Hope" doesn't even have to be accompanied by "politics".
It's such a strong word.
Everyone know about it, but has forgotten to possess it.
And now that he's constantly going around remind everyone that it still exists in the form of a black presidentiable, hell I know for sure it can exist in the form of an Asian lady in an Arab country, surrounded by predators who each claim to be the man of her dreams.
Well, I've got news for you buddies.
Up yours.
I'm dating hope until someone much better comes along.

No Winter

Looks like an early winter for us, said Gwen Stefani.
But it doesn't feel like winter at all.
I am kept warm and protected.
And I will stay here for as long as I want.
When I fly back, you'll regret it.
And I will bring with me all the pictures I took.
I will sing the songs my friends listened to.
And I will make you history as soon as I land.
I will pass you by, I won't hang around.
I need all the help I can get.
I can get all the help I will need.
I won't lose a single memory but I'll forego the future.
Goodbye. I didn't feel winter this year.

Bangkok

Bangkok was a blast.
I was only there for a night but I thoroughly enjoyed my stay.
I landed at 830 AM and wasted no time.
I learned my first Thai word, courtesy of the gentlemen who helped me fill out the arrival form. KAPUNKA!!! means "Thank you!", and I kept on saying that to everyone just to bring out the tourist in me. Even if that meant getting ripped off by everyone every two hours. What the hell, it was my only time alone and I felt so brave. Even with my finances.
So I found a cheap hotel on Rum Ruadee Street(I have no idea how it's spelled), a place called Jim's Lodge. It felt like bed and breakfast. The people were friendly and they never disturbed me.
I called for a taxi to take me to MBK, the best known shopping center in the city.
The second I saw the tiangge stalls, I went on the offensive.
I shopped like craaaazzzy.
I bought a dress that I didn't think I would ever wear. I just felt so daring and independent when I bought it. Des'ree said I gotta be bold.
But damn. When I tried the dress on, it was like someone set me alight, and I was happy about it. It was combination of bright red and orange, and black, and the pattern looked like fire waiting to spread itself. But I bought it anyway, thinking it wold come in handy, say, on a date with the devil.
Which is highly likely.
I also bought a bikini. My black one was beginning to bore me.
I walked into a stall and tried on a bolero, but the Thai lady shooed me away and was probably cussing me in Thai.
So I ran away and found my self in Siam Paragon, desperate for an authentic Thai meal. Of course I didn't find it there. It's a really nice place, but it's just a little too commercial for a culture-hungry tourist like me. I ended up having rice topped with creamy cheese and some fish.
And to really bastardize the authenticity of Thai cuisine, I bought a venti Starbucks frappe before hailing a cab to my hotel.
I reveled in my purchases, trying out my bikini and my dresses and my skirt.
I had a cig on the balcony, took a nap, and woke up to find myself excited to see the Bangkok Night Bazaar. So I called a taxi, and in a few minutes I was there, looking around for bargains.
I found a few nice items, and finally started to retire in an equally tired chair in the open area where people were drinking and a show band was performing.
I had a glass of Argentinian wine. Alone. While taking pictures of the people, the band, the food. Don't get me wrong. I didn't feel like a loser at all. I enjoyed being by myself and the freedom to do whatever I wanted.
Without thinking, "Ooh, I might embarrass myself..." or "Oh, I feel silly doing this."
So I went ahead and shook hands, said hello, had a short chat with a lady boy, teased some punks on the pavement, and bantered with some go go girls.
I went home satisfied. Tired as hell my tongue was sticking out, but satisfied.
I woke up early in the morning for my four-hour canal tour, where I got seriously ripped off.
My tour guide, Noot, couldn't speak English very well, but managed to tell me we were going to the canal for a quick tour. We went to the pier and went on a boat ride around the canal. There was a cheeky woman on the megaphone telling us about what we were about to see.
Temples, temples, and more temples.
A few houses, a few monks, a few Coke cans.
Some catfish feeding on bread, and lotsa snakes.
Yup I carried a python and wrapped it around my body as if it came from my womb.
I also held a baby monkey in my arms. He wanted to be breastfed, and clueless as to how to explain that I was not his mom, I let him go.
So Noot brought me to a couple of places, like the lapidary, where they made precious stones, and the Thai silk store, where I looked at pretty dresses I couldn't afford.
I went back to my hotel and quickly packed my things. I went to the airport and found myself short 30 Baht. It was kind of the driver to accept dirhams.
Anyway at the airport I found out my flight was delayed.
So I called Mama and told her that, then decided I was hungry, so I bought lots of Thai snacks at the family mart at the airport, which seemed to charge triple that I thought it did.
Anyway I still bought food. Ate three siopaos, had green tea, and three siomais at the passport control area. I burped while the immigration officer inspected my passport. Bye bye Bangkok.
I walked the walk (about 2km), talked the talk (to myself), until I reached Gate E-10. Finally. Manilenos in the house.
I had five glasses of wine on the plane. I wanted to intoxicate myself before finally landing. I didn't want to be sober and go through all the drama and nostalgia.
But alcohol didn't work. When the captain announced we were about to land on Ninoy Aquino International Airport, a tear trickled down my right cheek, and the Brunei national to my right was less than sympathetic. Understandably.


Snack Time!


Impatient monk checking out his flight schdule. Late for a meeting?


Yup, he has more teeth that I do.


I tried fitting in but theirs is an exclusive gang. Punks not dead, Bangkok style!


Believe it or not.


A blind date with the tuktuk driver.


I think they were singing YMCA here...


Their king looks like FVR.


I AM NOT YOUR MOTHER!!!


Go go Sawasdeeka!


No thanks!

Manila!

I am in Manila and I feel sooo loved.
Lots of hugs, kisses and smiles!
I caught up with some of my friends already, and on my third day here, I can say that I have assuaged my fears of not being able to fit in again with the gang.
They love me, we still laugh at the same things, and if there's been any change it would be a nice one --- something that inspires me to work harder when I'm back in Dubai, so that in another 12 months, I can be with my loved ones again.
Family and friends are warmer, more excited to see me than ever.
Never mind the fact that I am 10 kg heavier now.
Never mind the fact that I am still living the modern gypsy lifestyle (penniless, restless, careless).

I hopped in a cab and had a chat with the driver.
They all hate GMA here. They all hate the government.
They also hate Trillanes for having only one ball --- he spearheaded the mutiny but quickly surrendered. People on the streets say that had he continued it, everyone would be marching to the key places in Manila and overthrow Gloria.
I missed this. The aggressiveness and openness to talk shit about the government.
The freedom to cuss at whoever makes life harder for me and you.
The polluted air on Aurora Boulevard.
The jeepneys. The pickpockets (as long as I'm not the target).
The takatak boys. The noise. The colors.
Manila Manila Manila I'm breathing Manila for the first time in almost two years and I love everything about it!
I love that I have mud on my legs because the Angono jeepney wanted to have fun with me.
I love sweating, I love eating, I love drinking in Manila.

Ok can't be bothered to type more.
Laters!

Counted all the times
And my fingers fell off
And I really want to know
How the hell he got off
I was supposed to pin him down
And I wanted him to beg
But I find myself on my knees
With him pulling my leg

I wasn't sure it was right
My teachers never mentioned this
My parents said to stop this shit
I never wanted to fight
So I pursed my lips
And cursed myself
And then I knew
I needed help

I really want to know
How he sleeps at night
While I negotiate my thoughts
He's nowhere in sight
I wanted him to stay
But he wanted to be free
Now he wants me to stay
Only if he stays free

I feel the cold air
Brushing my skin
HE warms me up
And I know he'll win

Again
Again
Again

And I won't know what to say
To my friends, my friends, my friends
Coz I so want him to stay
But I don't want to give myself away
Away
Away
Away

And I never had this problem
When I was small
Now I need to decide
Need to be tall
Taller than he is
Taller than his dreams
Taller than what I had foreseen

GWEN STEFANI - EARLY WINTER (Official Video)

I Don't Know

The surprise phase is over
And I'm now back on earth
Still I can't feel the ground
Another goodbye rolls around
And the trees are swaying madly
And the air is colder than ever
And the picture I had painfully painted
Has been destroyed in a split second
Farther away from the center
I am pulled by a familiar force
And I can't fight it with the weight
Of resistance I thought I had
And my arms are raising by themselves
And my eyes are closing slowly
The message caught me offguard
I can't answer your questions
And I can't smile at your face
But I can't help holding on
I am silent, I am thinking
But my thinking won't do me good
I've always been undecided
And I always change my mind
And everyone asks, will I let go?
The answer is I don't know

Winter started too early
I haven't washed my coats
And I'm walking aimlessly
Arms around myself
Freezing, yawning, humming
Listening to the honking
The cars that won't forgive me
For getting in their way
Well I'm sorry but I'm lost
I'm looking for a change
So I run away, so far away
To the other side of the world
Only to find you laughing
Coz here I am again, panting
At your mercy
At your service
Your door is always open
And so are your arms
But they're not enough
To keep me warm
But I curl up like a baby
Prentending to sleep soundly
Like I wanted this so badly
And it's never going to ruin me
And the night is reprimanding me
Telling me to go back home
Walk alone if I have to
But I can't do it this time
I've been trapped again this time
I can't even bend over
I can't even frown
And it hurts more than ever
But I want this and I want more
And I want you to help me out here
Could you please stop staring
It breaks me apart
Could you please stop screaming
Like we're oceans apart
We're an inch from each other
But we'll never be together
And we'll never have this moment
Ever again
And we'll never have this talk
Ever again
But I'll always look back
And it scares me to death
Where's my jacket?
Where's my smoke?
I need them to get by
The winter slaps me in the face
And it deems me worthless
Failing to fight
I give in everytime
Every single time
And I fnd myself impatient
For summer to arrive

How I Knew

I am overwhelmed by the help that has been offered to me by many different people --- from my close friends to acquaintances.
I found a lump in my left breast more than a week ago and I cried to my friend and thought it was the end of the world.
I thought about a million things at once.
I had to work, prepare for my vacation, run some errands, and the last thing that should mess me up was my health.
I immediately had it checked and it turned out to be a gross infection, but if left untreated, it would make me the most miserable person in the world.
I told some friends about this and I didn't expect their response.
Their warm concern for me was proof that I was not alone. I had a family here in Dubai, and if things should go bad they are there, just there.
My closest friends urged me to have it treated and I did.
I had to undergo surgery yesterday, and this left my pocket empty and my brains in shambles.

It was 5 PM when the hospital called me and and informed me that I was to have the operation in an hour. It was the worst time of day to get a cab, because they seem to go in hiding, and the traffic is ridiculous. I had no choice but to walk from Sheikh Zayed to Dyafa Road, where the hospital was.

While walking I was a little depressed that no one was there to take me to the hospital and hold my hand throughout the whole thing. But it was a long walk, and before I reached my destination, I realized that I was wrong in thinking that I was on my own.

My bosses called me up and checked on me and told me that if I needed anything --- absolutely anything --- I could ring them anytime. My colleagues constantly called me up to check on me and said we'd have a nice time once I'm back at work. Ethel gave me a ride after my initial meeting with the surgeon and some of my other friends cheered me up and wished me well. My drunken posse drove me to Dubai so I didn't have to pay any cab fare.

I was still panting when I put on the straight jacket and hopped on the operating table. Dr. Walid cut me up with the help of local anesthesia. Aside from the pain, there was only one thing on my mind: after the operation I would have one ugly breast. I would be considered as damaged goods and men would deem me unfit to become a wife. A proper child-bearing one.

Anyway my paranoia stopped as Dr. Walid declared the surgery over. I observed the blood on the cotton and bandages and let out a sigh of relief. My breast was bleeding, big deal. As long as my health card shared the financial responsibility, by all means just keep on bleeding! It was so strange. Like shopping for groceries, after the surgery I was led to the cashier to settle the payment and afterwards leave the hospital to carry on with my life.

I received a call from Yolanda right after the operation and I was literally moved to tears when I sensed the genuine concern in her voice. She said she and Craig would come and get me. Sherry and Rami came to pick me up right before Yolanda and Craig left to get me, so it all worked out. We ended up having dinner. Never mind that I was the fifth wheel nursing a gross wound.

Though I would probably not be happy with the idea of having another lump, this one definitely showed the kindness of my friends. It showed that I was worth having around, and that I was loved. It was actually better having this lump that going out with someone. Dating keeps you in the dark. it makes you insecure and uncertain about the feelings of a person, whereas this lump equals a montage of faces who surely cared about me.

And I thought it was good timing. In a week I am going home to Manila to spend time with my real family, and or sure they'll ask if someone looked after me in Dubai. Duh, Mama. I have more than one special someone. They come by the dozen.

It's funny that fate should make me wait eight months for something I never expected to happen.
In 8 months I rebuilt my confidence and started again, however painful it was.
I made new friends and learned a few things.
Kept some secrets and told some.
Desperately tried to forget with much effort.
And now it's in my face again, but everything else is different.
The backdrop, the music, the scent, the attitude.
Nevertheless, the person that has brought so many sensations -- most of them leaving me at his mercy -- has become my neighbor.
And there is no avoiding the situation.

I have never been to a hospital in Dubai.
Let alone an operation in this city.
And isn't it funny that the very person I was most scared of reappeared fom nowhere and offered to take care of me and relieve me of fear?

No wonder some people do drugs and become alcoholic.
While some of us can understand how fate twists the story, others can't quite handle reality and end up scratching their heads. Or has more than enough vodka.

Barack Obama speech in Selma Alabama

I wish he were single!

My Philippines

Back to Basics

I spent my day very differently.
Idle. Careless. No time constraints.
My friend and I ate like pigs and drove aimlessly like two teenagers around Dubai.
For once, I saw Dubai as a place I can actually embrace as my own.
With the cool breeze and the friendly sun, an environment that required no pretenses and an intelligent person to talk to about anything and everything, I can say this has been one of the best days in my Dubai life.
We went to the beach and played the guitar, tested the waters (literally), and went for a walk against a backdrop of indigo skies and the sun setting ever so slowly.
It was a treat to find myself in a position wherein I didn't have to make snappy decisions, answer urgent phone calls, or worry about something.
It was as if spending the day with Wyson, only he didn't try to puncture my gall urinary bladder with a sharp pencil when I was desperate to pee and there was no toilet in sight, nor push me to a frat guy to invite a rumble.
But he did call me Zinny.
All the youth I missed rushed back into my soul and pulled me out of homesickness.
For a good eight hours I was Zinny, eighteen and free again.

Jenny's Birthday