well you can stay all night if you want to
you can hang out with all of his friends
you can go and meet his mother and father
you better make sure that's where it ends
cause baby, there is one thing you gotta know....
let him read your palm and guess your sign.
let him take you home and treat you fine....
but baby, don't let him waste your time
don't let him waste your time
cause the years fly by in an instant
and you wonder what he's waiting for
and then some skinny bitch walks by in some hotpants
and he's running out the door
so remember that one thing that you gotta know...
let him read your palm
and guess your sign
let him take you home and treat you so fine
but baby, don't let him waste your time
You ain't getting no younger
and you've got nothing to show
so tell him that it's now or never
and then go go go go go!!!
he can have his space and he can take his time
and he can kiss ya where the sun don't shine
baby, don't let him waste your time
don't let him waste your time...
Saturday, February 24, 2007
Jarvis - Dont Let Him Waste Your Time
Friday, February 23, 2007
Kris and James
I had a chat with my mother this afternoon.
Being a big fan of Kris Aquino, she told me that James Yap cheated on her.. with a receptionist at a Belo facial clinic. YUCK.
That was the worst thing he could do. Not only to Kris, but in his entire life.
I bet the whole country's cursing him.
I was affected. Deeply.
A couple of years ago we all thought James was the man who would save Kris from her ugly past and elp her start a happy family life, something she had alwasy wished for. Instead, the dickhead reinforced the universal opinion that men are all bastards. That sort of scared me and the girls --- Mama, Sherry, Jen.
Don't we all want a nice guy who would never cheat on us?
If someone from the slums of some province in the Philippines could afford to cheat on the daughter of the former President and the most famous TV personality in the country, then all men could could cheat on any kind of woman.
Oh no. I was starting to really like Guillaume and it doesn't help that he's away and not emailing me. Oh no. Panic panic.
Not! I'm going out with the girls.
Being a big fan of Kris Aquino, she told me that James Yap cheated on her.. with a receptionist at a Belo facial clinic. YUCK.
That was the worst thing he could do. Not only to Kris, but in his entire life.
I bet the whole country's cursing him.
I was affected. Deeply.
A couple of years ago we all thought James was the man who would save Kris from her ugly past and elp her start a happy family life, something she had alwasy wished for. Instead, the dickhead reinforced the universal opinion that men are all bastards. That sort of scared me and the girls --- Mama, Sherry, Jen.
Don't we all want a nice guy who would never cheat on us?
If someone from the slums of some province in the Philippines could afford to cheat on the daughter of the former President and the most famous TV personality in the country, then all men could could cheat on any kind of woman.
Oh no. I was starting to really like Guillaume and it doesn't help that he's away and not emailing me. Oh no. Panic panic.
Not! I'm going out with the girls.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
one year. no way?
I have been staying here in Dubai for officially one year now.
Tomorrow’s my anniversary and I feel so fulfilled.
Why? Because it was not an easy year for me, but I managed to turn things around and make the most out of my hardships.
For the first six months I was poor as a rat, eating rubbish and enduring every single day at work as a nobody.
The next six months were glorious. I found my friends, I found a nice man, and most importantly, I found the job I wanted and it is proving to be very very promising.
My prediction for 2007 for myself?
As usual, a rocky love life. But work is a different story. I would really like to make something out of my career here.
Last night Eve had dinner at our place and guess who she brought with her? Caloy. Yes Caloy my orgmate, Caloy the playboy and druggie, Caloy who cared less about life and more about props for Live AIDS.
It was a shocking change. He looked healthier and happier, and he did NOT accept Craig’s invitation to have a beer. Wow.
And the way he talked to me, it was like he left everything in the past and was starting anew. He showed me his wedding ring and I was speechless. Caloy is now happily married, and is trying to be a good boy.
People can really change. And people can make something of themselves if they wanted to, with a little help from friends.
I don’t particularly need to change drastically, but I am going to make sure that I change for the better. Small steps towards a big beautiful change.
Hey, last year I promised myself I’d do something big, and here I am now in Dubai doing much better.
I wonder what I’ll be doing this year?
Thought of properly documenting my life, but that would be too hard.
Maybe assemble a Jag?
Or learn French.
Or!!!! Lose the goddamn 5 pounds I’ve been whining about year after year.
Tomorrow’s my anniversary and I feel so fulfilled.
Why? Because it was not an easy year for me, but I managed to turn things around and make the most out of my hardships.
For the first six months I was poor as a rat, eating rubbish and enduring every single day at work as a nobody.
The next six months were glorious. I found my friends, I found a nice man, and most importantly, I found the job I wanted and it is proving to be very very promising.
My prediction for 2007 for myself?
As usual, a rocky love life. But work is a different story. I would really like to make something out of my career here.
Last night Eve had dinner at our place and guess who she brought with her? Caloy. Yes Caloy my orgmate, Caloy the playboy and druggie, Caloy who cared less about life and more about props for Live AIDS.
It was a shocking change. He looked healthier and happier, and he did NOT accept Craig’s invitation to have a beer. Wow.
And the way he talked to me, it was like he left everything in the past and was starting anew. He showed me his wedding ring and I was speechless. Caloy is now happily married, and is trying to be a good boy.
People can really change. And people can make something of themselves if they wanted to, with a little help from friends.
I don’t particularly need to change drastically, but I am going to make sure that I change for the better. Small steps towards a big beautiful change.
Hey, last year I promised myself I’d do something big, and here I am now in Dubai doing much better.
I wonder what I’ll be doing this year?
Thought of properly documenting my life, but that would be too hard.
Maybe assemble a Jag?
Or learn French.
Or!!!! Lose the goddamn 5 pounds I’ve been whining about year after year.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Perfect 10
Guess who’s happy?
Unaware but alive.
Into that kind of love.
Lazy, cozy, stay-at-home love.
Ludicrous, whimsical, floating kind of love.
And it’s not as bad as the ones before.
Unbelievably effective, if you ask me.
Maybe this is what I really need.
Everything I need.
Someone once said,
I was never going to keep it
Might let it go
Or the other way around
Nobody knew
Never did they guess
Endangered, but existing
Tell them I have found it.
Unaware but alive.
Into that kind of love.
Lazy, cozy, stay-at-home love.
Ludicrous, whimsical, floating kind of love.
And it’s not as bad as the ones before.
Unbelievably effective, if you ask me.
Maybe this is what I really need.
Everything I need.
Someone once said,
I was never going to keep it
Might let it go
Or the other way around
Nobody knew
Never did they guess
Endangered, but existing
Tell them I have found it.
i like ignorance
if everyone resorted to ignorance
they'd be happier
no question marks, no periods
no opinions, no suspicions
just bliss in its purest form
nothing but a smile painted on each face
no secrets revealed
no feelings concealed
just giving and returning
without waiting for cues or signs
feet on the ground but head in the clouds
and nothing seems to be wrong with it
no one asks if you're straight
or gay or human or breathing
just taking everything for what it is
as how you see it
no calendars
no clocks
nothing to rush you
or remind you of anything
i like that
they'd be happier
no question marks, no periods
no opinions, no suspicions
just bliss in its purest form
nothing but a smile painted on each face
no secrets revealed
no feelings concealed
just giving and returning
without waiting for cues or signs
feet on the ground but head in the clouds
and nothing seems to be wrong with it
no one asks if you're straight
or gay or human or breathing
just taking everything for what it is
as how you see it
no calendars
no clocks
nothing to rush you
or remind you of anything
i like that
Sarah McLachlan - Sweet Surrender (Live)
It doesn’t mean much
It doesn’t mean anything at all
The life I’ve left behind me
Is a cold room
I’ve crossed the last line
From where I can’t return
Where every step I took in faith
Betrayed me
And led me from my home
And sweet
Sweet surrender
Is all that I have to give
You take me in
No questions asked
You strip away the ugliness
That surrounds me
Are you an angel
Am I already that gone
I only hope
That I won’t disappoint you
When I’m down here
On my knees
And sweet
Sweet
Sweet surrender
Is all that I have to give
Sweet
Sweet
Sweet surrender
Is all that I have to give
And I don’t understand
By the touch of your hand
I would be the one to fall
I miss the little things
I miss everything (about you)
It doesn’t mean much
It doesn’t mean anything at all
The life I left behind me
Is a cold room
And sweet
Sweet
Sweet surrender
Is all that I have to give
Monday, February 19, 2007
Nice Sunday
Yolanda cooked dinner for us. She has a new Arabic cook book and made lamb shanks. Beautfiul. Then we had date pudding with vanilla ice cream for dessert. Heavenly.
After washing the dishes Fifi and I went out for a walk. To Shangrila and back. The weather was perfect and the timing was right. It was a breather, really. I think we should spend quality time together like that just talking about rubbish. I showed off my vocal stylings by singing Irreplaceable to passers by. But they weren't impressed because I also occasionally passed gas. Hey I had a huge meal.
At work the environment was light. I liked it there today. Greg liked that I submitted a roster of potential guests and I left the office while he was going through them. Kurt accused me of stealing his pen, when in fact he didn't have a pen to begin with. Rasool and Mohammed were in a friendly banter in the car going home. Fifi and I walked together to 24/7 for a snack.
All in all I can say that today was a good day. I feel light and happy. I also emailed Guillaume and checked how he was. I hope he'll reply tomorrow.
Good night guys!
After washing the dishes Fifi and I went out for a walk. To Shangrila and back. The weather was perfect and the timing was right. It was a breather, really. I think we should spend quality time together like that just talking about rubbish. I showed off my vocal stylings by singing Irreplaceable to passers by. But they weren't impressed because I also occasionally passed gas. Hey I had a huge meal.
At work the environment was light. I liked it there today. Greg liked that I submitted a roster of potential guests and I left the office while he was going through them. Kurt accused me of stealing his pen, when in fact he didn't have a pen to begin with. Rasool and Mohammed were in a friendly banter in the car going home. Fifi and I walked together to 24/7 for a snack.
All in all I can say that today was a good day. I feel light and happy. I also emailed Guillaume and checked how he was. I hope he'll reply tomorrow.
Good night guys!
Sunday, February 18, 2007
Giving In
Elaine and I had a short chat about “giving in”.
Girls like to give ultimatums and keep on soliciting all sorts of reactions from guys, but the moment guys decide to pull away upon deeming a situation hopeless or too complicated for them, that’s it. They won’t take the bait.
And why do we give these ultimatums? Because we want to know the real score. We don’t want to be kept in the dark, and we want to be able to tell ourselves that we have done our part to revive or maintain something, and this justifies the need for the guys’ efforts. It’s your turn, buddy. I’ve done enough and I’m tired of it.
But are we ever tired of it? As long as they don’t say yes or no, as long as we are being kept in the dark, we’ll never stop. I found myself trying to achieve closure with two men in the past, and it wasn’t a nice feeling. Just as I was opening my doors and readying myself for something more serious, they kind of just shrugged and walked away. I felt like a walking symbol of trouble. Don’t go there, there’s a lunatic with huge thighs waiting to trap you. She might even LOVE you.
And so we do not only give an ultimatum to guys. Eventually we give the same to ourselves, if we fail to get any kind of response from them. And so “If you are really giving up on this, just say so, and that’s the end” becomes “if he doesn’t reply by tomorrow noon he can forget it, I’m giving up on this.” And then we extend our deadline. Tomorrow noon becomes next week, or our birthday, or some time in 2008. Unless a guy opens his mouth and lets a short “no” escape from it, a girl is bound to pursue the matter, if only for good old peace of mind.
But what happens when a guy decides to keep quiet forever? A girl can’t live her life trying to make him speak up. And so we move on. That’s the most beautiful part of it, don’t you think? We move on and on and on until we find something not necessarily better, but something that suits us, something that’s right, that’s not too much for us to handle, and eventually we deem it perfect. But we never really see that unless we get past the “giving in” stage.
And so I wish girls would not have to ask, demand, or even beg for anything. But if she does, I’m sure the whole world understands that more than anything, she just wants to feel better about herself and be given the thumbs up to move on. Completely.
And what happens if after ages of waiting, after moving on and having another shot at happiness, a girl finds her past love coming back to her and pursuing her again? That’s hard. Hopefully by that time the girl has found something that she is happier with, and she wouldn’t have to fall into the trap again. No giving in. That part is over.
Back to work.
Girls like to give ultimatums and keep on soliciting all sorts of reactions from guys, but the moment guys decide to pull away upon deeming a situation hopeless or too complicated for them, that’s it. They won’t take the bait.
And why do we give these ultimatums? Because we want to know the real score. We don’t want to be kept in the dark, and we want to be able to tell ourselves that we have done our part to revive or maintain something, and this justifies the need for the guys’ efforts. It’s your turn, buddy. I’ve done enough and I’m tired of it.
But are we ever tired of it? As long as they don’t say yes or no, as long as we are being kept in the dark, we’ll never stop. I found myself trying to achieve closure with two men in the past, and it wasn’t a nice feeling. Just as I was opening my doors and readying myself for something more serious, they kind of just shrugged and walked away. I felt like a walking symbol of trouble. Don’t go there, there’s a lunatic with huge thighs waiting to trap you. She might even LOVE you.
And so we do not only give an ultimatum to guys. Eventually we give the same to ourselves, if we fail to get any kind of response from them. And so “If you are really giving up on this, just say so, and that’s the end” becomes “if he doesn’t reply by tomorrow noon he can forget it, I’m giving up on this.” And then we extend our deadline. Tomorrow noon becomes next week, or our birthday, or some time in 2008. Unless a guy opens his mouth and lets a short “no” escape from it, a girl is bound to pursue the matter, if only for good old peace of mind.
But what happens when a guy decides to keep quiet forever? A girl can’t live her life trying to make him speak up. And so we move on. That’s the most beautiful part of it, don’t you think? We move on and on and on until we find something not necessarily better, but something that suits us, something that’s right, that’s not too much for us to handle, and eventually we deem it perfect. But we never really see that unless we get past the “giving in” stage.
And so I wish girls would not have to ask, demand, or even beg for anything. But if she does, I’m sure the whole world understands that more than anything, she just wants to feel better about herself and be given the thumbs up to move on. Completely.
And what happens if after ages of waiting, after moving on and having another shot at happiness, a girl finds her past love coming back to her and pursuing her again? That’s hard. Hopefully by that time the girl has found something that she is happier with, and she wouldn’t have to fall into the trap again. No giving in. That part is over.
Back to work.
Saturday, February 17, 2007
Mama and Zoe
Here are some pictures my mother sent me....
We had a long chat today and she was her usual funny self.
I miss them!
We had a long chat today and she was her usual funny self.
I miss them!
Dreamgirls
Just watched Dreamgirls with Sherry, Jen, Galo, Xernes and Jason.
I looooved Beyonce. I'd give anything to have her body.
And her voice.
It was sweet of Galo to give each of us a rose. A post-Valentine gift.
Now I've got two roses. I got the other one from Hibiki's sweetest waitress.
Never mind the fact that all the other girls were given roses, no matter how terribly they sang. I'm not talking about my girls... I mean the others.
And so the Dreamgirls all went home at 130 AM, to get their well-deserved beauty rest. I'm off to bed now. Night!
Yun lang naman.
Friday, February 16, 2007
V Day! May Day!
I spent most of Valentine’s Day running around in the office, and the rest of it in the funkiest place in town ---when you’re lonely and problematic and want to forget the world --- Hibiki! It’s the only karaoke bar in Dubai that offers camaraderie among the regular customers. After a few months of spending our weekends there, we’ve come to love the small crowd of regulars who can really sing. . .
We have waiter Joan (a Filipino guy) who sings Josh Groban (without being asked to, he just keys in his song and no one really protests) while the speakers tremble.
Then we’ve got the fat British guy who sings With Or Without You, and towards the end of the song he uses the instrumental to sings a few lines of Orient Pearl’s Pagsubok. I found myself singing along last night actually. “Kaya mo ya-haaaaan!”
And then there’s this chubby Brit who sings Coldplay and Oasis like he was in his mid 20s. He’s far from being two decades old, I can tell you that.
And then there’s the Indian George Michael. Suave voice, always in a suit, and always reaching his falsetto notes perfectly. With the heavy gold necklace, of course.
And of course there’s us. The group of shrieking brown girls who sing anything from Carly Simon to Shakira to Spandau Ballet to Cher. And then we remember that we have work the next day and abruptly say goodbye to everyone.
Why am I writing about these drunkards on V Day? Because my drunkard wasn't with me. No Guillaume. He spent his V day drowning in whisky with Emmanuel at their flat in Sharjah. He drank and drank until he was drunk enough to excuse himself from celebrating V day with me, which I found very offensive. It's good that I enjoyed singing with the girls, otherwise I would have really let him have it. I told him to just sleep and make sure we'd meet before he left for Paris--- which was today---- or I'd really hate him.
And so I took a carlift to Sharjah to see him last night, and he graciously welcomed me with two bottles of vodka, two bottles of really good whisky, stale cigarettes, and after some time, burgers from (where else) Burger King. This is the point where I roll my eyes and ask myself why I like him.
Anyway Emmanuel brought his friend "Monster", a petite thirty-year-old Indonesian who looked like Ella May Saison but had the energy of Pokwang. She was really funny and I really liked her. She's the carefree type.
And then Guillaume had a little too much to drink for the nth time and explained why he didn't like V day. For him it was a commercial MO, a form of extortion, and not celebrating it would mean not conforming to the norm. Yeah yeah yeah. Monster tried to defend San Valentin, but he was too mashed to argue and too stubborn to concede. And so we left it at that. No V Day for us. He did say that if he wanted to be romantic he could do it any day of the year.
In fairness to him, he was definitely sweet this morning. He asked for my email address and memorized it. And while writing this I'm thinking that maybe there is also something wrong with me. I actually find memorizing my email address sweet. I mean, where are my standards of romance?
Back to this morning. Emmanuel drove him to the airport with me in the backseat, quietly thinking what to make of his vacation, how time apart could help us both, and if he'd really email me and think of me while he's surrounded by his family and friends in good ole Paris. He kissed me on my forehead and waved goodbye. That's sweet.
Oh I hate thinking about it. I don’t like thinking. Where do we go from here?
No one really knows. Guess I'll find out in March.
We have waiter Joan (a Filipino guy) who sings Josh Groban (without being asked to, he just keys in his song and no one really protests) while the speakers tremble.
Then we’ve got the fat British guy who sings With Or Without You, and towards the end of the song he uses the instrumental to sings a few lines of Orient Pearl’s Pagsubok. I found myself singing along last night actually. “Kaya mo ya-haaaaan!”
And then there’s this chubby Brit who sings Coldplay and Oasis like he was in his mid 20s. He’s far from being two decades old, I can tell you that.
And then there’s the Indian George Michael. Suave voice, always in a suit, and always reaching his falsetto notes perfectly. With the heavy gold necklace, of course.
And of course there’s us. The group of shrieking brown girls who sing anything from Carly Simon to Shakira to Spandau Ballet to Cher. And then we remember that we have work the next day and abruptly say goodbye to everyone.
Why am I writing about these drunkards on V Day? Because my drunkard wasn't with me. No Guillaume. He spent his V day drowning in whisky with Emmanuel at their flat in Sharjah. He drank and drank until he was drunk enough to excuse himself from celebrating V day with me, which I found very offensive. It's good that I enjoyed singing with the girls, otherwise I would have really let him have it. I told him to just sleep and make sure we'd meet before he left for Paris--- which was today---- or I'd really hate him.
And so I took a carlift to Sharjah to see him last night, and he graciously welcomed me with two bottles of vodka, two bottles of really good whisky, stale cigarettes, and after some time, burgers from (where else) Burger King. This is the point where I roll my eyes and ask myself why I like him.
Anyway Emmanuel brought his friend "Monster", a petite thirty-year-old Indonesian who looked like Ella May Saison but had the energy of Pokwang. She was really funny and I really liked her. She's the carefree type.
And then Guillaume had a little too much to drink for the nth time and explained why he didn't like V day. For him it was a commercial MO, a form of extortion, and not celebrating it would mean not conforming to the norm. Yeah yeah yeah. Monster tried to defend San Valentin, but he was too mashed to argue and too stubborn to concede. And so we left it at that. No V Day for us. He did say that if he wanted to be romantic he could do it any day of the year.
In fairness to him, he was definitely sweet this morning. He asked for my email address and memorized it. And while writing this I'm thinking that maybe there is also something wrong with me. I actually find memorizing my email address sweet. I mean, where are my standards of romance?
Back to this morning. Emmanuel drove him to the airport with me in the backseat, quietly thinking what to make of his vacation, how time apart could help us both, and if he'd really email me and think of me while he's surrounded by his family and friends in good ole Paris. He kissed me on my forehead and waved goodbye. That's sweet.
Oh I hate thinking about it. I don’t like thinking. Where do we go from here?
No one really knows. Guess I'll find out in March.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Quote of the Day
"The most important things to do in the world are to get something to eat, something to drink, and somebody to love you."
– Brendan Behan
– Brendan Behan
the barbecue
Last night we had the much awaited barbecue night with Guillaume and Emmanuel, and I thought it was great!
After work I dragged Fifi to Carrefoure to shop for some bread, corn and chicken skewers. I went home to find Guillaume and Emmanuel waiting outside the villa. They brought a cake, which Fifi “guessed” was black forest, and she turned out to be right! Yolanda made Greek salad, which was lovely. Fifi and I boiled some corn and convinced everyone it was a dish, and finally, most importantly, Colin was in charge of the barbecue. Craig did a good job entertaining the boys with beer and smokes. Carolyn was unusually quiet, tired from work, maybe.
We teased Craig about liking Shakira and Michael Jackson and Madonna and he was very responsive in a sarcastic way. Guillaume constantly teased Fifi about her tasting the cake before dinner. Emmanuel was amused with Fifi, because she was really funny last night, and given that she didn’t have much energy, she really tried to socialize and be fun. I thank her for that. I like my flatmates because they were nice and happy and really took the time and made an effort to get to welcome Guillaume and Emmanuel.
I really appreciate Craig’s concern as well. When Guillaume and Emmanuel left we walked to the shop for some cigarettes and he gave me a piece of advice about relationships. Don’t lose my heart, know myself, be strong to the point where I’m so sure of myself that nobody can shake me. And I think that was very sweet of him. That was something that really pulled my feet back on the ground, and I have to make sure that they remain there until I am absolutely sure that he’s serious and for real.
So it turned out (like it always does), the highlight of the evening was not Guillaume, but myself.
For me anyway.
Monday, February 12, 2007
Sunday, February 11, 2007
no to cancer
| Never Date a Cancer |
 Clingy, emotional, and very private - it's hard to escape a Cancer's clutches. And while Cancer will want to know everything about you, they're anything but open in return. Instead try dating: Leo, Sagittarius, Gemini, or Aquarius |
complicated
Last night I couldn’t sleep. I decided to bring my guitar to bed, and miraculously, after more than a year, I was able to write two songs. The words just flowed like a stream, like I was just writing in my journal, only the words rhymed, and the music just came out of nowhere, effortlessly.
I am grateful to learn that I haven’t lost it yet. All I’ve been doing for the past year was facing the music, not making it. And I believe all these events and feelings bottled up during my stay in Dubai will all be known to a few select people with the strum of my guitar.
I missed hurting my back from slouching on the guitar all night, thinking of what to write next, or playing my newly-composed song over and over again, trying to listen to each chord, if one needed to be replaced or removed altogether.
However when I’m writing a song it always means that I am fighting or expressing my misery. Why was I miserable? Maybe it was just plain boredom, a feeling that doesn’t mean anything, just an indication that I have to move my ass.
Today after work I am going to the gym to see if I’ve still got that tae bo super power. I miss working out really, but working out, I suppose, won’t be that fun and simple anymore because of a weird acquaintance that goes to the same gym and attends the same gay classes.
Why is there nothing simple in this world anymore? Why do I always have to have deeply-rooted reasons for everything? Why is Freud so crazily believable?
If I am bored, I just want to feel bored. If I am fat, that means I have to work out.
Each feeling is an end in itself, not a result of an underlying emotion triggered by an event in 1986.
If everything is so complicated then we’re all bound to be paranoid.
Am I getting close to answering my questions about myself?
Don’t think so.
I am grateful to learn that I haven’t lost it yet. All I’ve been doing for the past year was facing the music, not making it. And I believe all these events and feelings bottled up during my stay in Dubai will all be known to a few select people with the strum of my guitar.
I missed hurting my back from slouching on the guitar all night, thinking of what to write next, or playing my newly-composed song over and over again, trying to listen to each chord, if one needed to be replaced or removed altogether.
However when I’m writing a song it always means that I am fighting or expressing my misery. Why was I miserable? Maybe it was just plain boredom, a feeling that doesn’t mean anything, just an indication that I have to move my ass.
Today after work I am going to the gym to see if I’ve still got that tae bo super power. I miss working out really, but working out, I suppose, won’t be that fun and simple anymore because of a weird acquaintance that goes to the same gym and attends the same gay classes.
Why is there nothing simple in this world anymore? Why do I always have to have deeply-rooted reasons for everything? Why is Freud so crazily believable?
If I am bored, I just want to feel bored. If I am fat, that means I have to work out.
Each feeling is an end in itself, not a result of an underlying emotion triggered by an event in 1986.
If everything is so complicated then we’re all bound to be paranoid.
Am I getting close to answering my questions about myself?
Don’t think so.
how to kill the fun
Many times I’ve told myself not to worry about things that have not happened yet. Perhaps I haven’t been praying lately that’s why there are demons in my head that go around, making me sleepless and worried for nothing.
Many of my friends who have experienced worse and have gone through the most unbelievable times --- the reason I heed their advise --- tell me to just enjoy the moment and worry about bad things if and when they happen. And I cannot believe how cynical past events have made me that even enjoying the moment is a huge effort on my part. What more do I want? I’ve got a boyfriend who calls me at least twice a day and asks me how I’ve been, and unexpectedly invites me out when I’m in a slump, and gives me permission to sleep at his place when I want to. And yet I am going out of my mind after just three days of not being with him.
I think paranoia is the most evil feeling in the world. It’s worrying about the non-existent, and preventing you from experiencing happiness at its finest form. There he is, right in front of me, with the most sincere eyes in the world, and yet my mind still holds suspicion and doubt and all the bad things that couldn’t be possible now.
But while paranoia is a malicious way of seeing things, instincts are totally valid. How many times have I felt that something was going to end, and a few moments later watched a wonderful thing fall spectacularly to pieces? And how many times have I kicked myself for gleefully ignoring that voice inside me? How many times have I betrayed my conscience and pursued something which I knew was totally going to go wrong?
So it’s good to be cautious, to bury my head in the clouds but still keep my feet on the ground. It’s good to enjoy and not worry, but draw a line where wisdom ends and foolishness begins. It’s best to give Guillaume the benefit --- not of the doubt, because there is really no reason to doubt him (yet) --- but of being with me and experiencing Zeena, how much I can give him and how much I can take from him without having reservations or false expectations.
Ok I feel much better now.
I don’t know what I was so worried for.
He’s in his flat getting a bad hangover.
Many of my friends who have experienced worse and have gone through the most unbelievable times --- the reason I heed their advise --- tell me to just enjoy the moment and worry about bad things if and when they happen. And I cannot believe how cynical past events have made me that even enjoying the moment is a huge effort on my part. What more do I want? I’ve got a boyfriend who calls me at least twice a day and asks me how I’ve been, and unexpectedly invites me out when I’m in a slump, and gives me permission to sleep at his place when I want to. And yet I am going out of my mind after just three days of not being with him.
I think paranoia is the most evil feeling in the world. It’s worrying about the non-existent, and preventing you from experiencing happiness at its finest form. There he is, right in front of me, with the most sincere eyes in the world, and yet my mind still holds suspicion and doubt and all the bad things that couldn’t be possible now.
But while paranoia is a malicious way of seeing things, instincts are totally valid. How many times have I felt that something was going to end, and a few moments later watched a wonderful thing fall spectacularly to pieces? And how many times have I kicked myself for gleefully ignoring that voice inside me? How many times have I betrayed my conscience and pursued something which I knew was totally going to go wrong?
So it’s good to be cautious, to bury my head in the clouds but still keep my feet on the ground. It’s good to enjoy and not worry, but draw a line where wisdom ends and foolishness begins. It’s best to give Guillaume the benefit --- not of the doubt, because there is really no reason to doubt him (yet) --- but of being with me and experiencing Zeena, how much I can give him and how much I can take from him without having reservations or false expectations.
Ok I feel much better now.
I don’t know what I was so worried for.
He’s in his flat getting a bad hangover.
Saturday, February 10, 2007
i'm a what?
quiz recommended by Sherry
| You Are A Realistic Romantic |
 |
http://www.blogthings.com/areyouromanticorrealisticquiz/">Are You Romantic or Realistic?
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
Stewie Annoys Lois (Family Guy)
I watched this for a whole week. Every day after work, I would go in front of the computer just to watch this again and again. Before I had a life.
wednesday non sense
I’m so bored I’m watching a video on YouTube called Peter’s Prostate.
Quite funny actually.
I am now headed to the UPAA General Assembly and I’m in charge of some stuff.
I feel productive doing something else than work and see Guillaume.
And the fact that I’ll be devouring some really good Chinoy food excites me a lot.
Ok I’m not ashamed of the fact that the GA is in Chowking.
A siopao here could cost you more than a hundred pesos.
Anyway I’m changing into my red top, because girls have to wear read and the boys have to wear white.
And there’s going to be a speed-dating type of networking activity, and I thought that up so it should turn out fabulous.
OK see you tomorrow!
Quite funny actually.
I am now headed to the UPAA General Assembly and I’m in charge of some stuff.
I feel productive doing something else than work and see Guillaume.
And the fact that I’ll be devouring some really good Chinoy food excites me a lot.
Ok I’m not ashamed of the fact that the GA is in Chowking.
A siopao here could cost you more than a hundred pesos.
Anyway I’m changing into my red top, because girls have to wear read and the boys have to wear white.
And there’s going to be a speed-dating type of networking activity, and I thought that up so it should turn out fabulous.
OK see you tomorrow!
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
the pursuit of happYness
Last night Fifi and I watched The Pursuit of HappYness, and it moved me to tears. I canNOT believe there were men out there who really followed their dreams, no matter what, under the most difficult circumstances.
It was also nice of Fifi to invite me. We hadn't gone out together since September, and it just felt nice to have a chat with her again. Not without my nasty comments about her boyfriend of course. I still hate his face and that will never change. But Fifi has been a friend since we were boisterous fifth graders, and it's safe to assume that it's still possible for us to catch up after several months of silence.
Anyway back to happiness. Isn't everyone in pursuit of it? Surely at least someone must have gotten what he wanted? Is that enough to make him happy?
I don't always get what I ask for. But I guess I've become more positive and can turn things into blessings. My job is definitely a blessing. Guillaume is definitely a blessing, My Dubai friends are definitely a blessing. And my presence in Dubai is a blessing. And if you put it that way --- that I get so many blessings without even doing much to shape my destiny --- it's more than enough to make me happy. Happiness is really subjective, if you think about it.
At 3 in the morning Guillaume called me wanting to chat. I felt like going to Sharjah and strangling him. I was fast asleep and I could have sworn I was even snoring until my phone rang hyterically. But the minute I heard his voice and his extra-sweet "How are you?" I just had to entertain him.
Now that's happiness.
And in a few hours it was magically converted into sleepiness and struggling to keep my head up at my desk in front of the computer.
Office time. Bye!
It was also nice of Fifi to invite me. We hadn't gone out together since September, and it just felt nice to have a chat with her again. Not without my nasty comments about her boyfriend of course. I still hate his face and that will never change. But Fifi has been a friend since we were boisterous fifth graders, and it's safe to assume that it's still possible for us to catch up after several months of silence.
Anyway back to happiness. Isn't everyone in pursuit of it? Surely at least someone must have gotten what he wanted? Is that enough to make him happy?
I don't always get what I ask for. But I guess I've become more positive and can turn things into blessings. My job is definitely a blessing. Guillaume is definitely a blessing, My Dubai friends are definitely a blessing. And my presence in Dubai is a blessing. And if you put it that way --- that I get so many blessings without even doing much to shape my destiny --- it's more than enough to make me happy. Happiness is really subjective, if you think about it.
At 3 in the morning Guillaume called me wanting to chat. I felt like going to Sharjah and strangling him. I was fast asleep and I could have sworn I was even snoring until my phone rang hyterically. But the minute I heard his voice and his extra-sweet "How are you?" I just had to entertain him.
Now that's happiness.
And in a few hours it was magically converted into sleepiness and struggling to keep my head up at my desk in front of the computer.
Office time. Bye!
Monday, February 05, 2007
sing with me!
There are indeed many reasons to be happy.
And some people find happiness in the simplest things.
Some people, however, find it in the most unusual suggestions.
Guillaume and I were sharing a beer last night when he casually mentioned that we’d go to a karaoke bar when their Global Village hell month is over.
And then he sang Isn’t She Lovely in a mean French accent.
And I almost died.
Karaoke is my life.
I remember when the Dubai gang was having a discussion and one question came up, which was “How do you know if he’s the one?”
And I said “If he invites me to go to a karaoke bar.”
And I was serious. I mean, if karaoke is the only thing that can cheer me up when I’m in a slump, he might as well sing with me.
This means that he's willing to be with me through the good and bad times.
Trust me to stretch things a bit.
Maybe he just really wants to sing. With or without me.
Still he invited me, and that says a lot about him.
That he's not shy to make a fool of himself, and he doesn't mind doing that in my presence.
After a few minutes he said goodbye and headed home to Sharjah to get his well-deserved rest, but I remained sleepless and found myself singing Summer Nights with him in my mind.
Yes it’s a tacky rendezvous. Sue me!
And some people find happiness in the simplest things.
Some people, however, find it in the most unusual suggestions.
Guillaume and I were sharing a beer last night when he casually mentioned that we’d go to a karaoke bar when their Global Village hell month is over.
And then he sang Isn’t She Lovely in a mean French accent.
And I almost died.
Karaoke is my life.
I remember when the Dubai gang was having a discussion and one question came up, which was “How do you know if he’s the one?”
And I said “If he invites me to go to a karaoke bar.”
And I was serious. I mean, if karaoke is the only thing that can cheer me up when I’m in a slump, he might as well sing with me.
This means that he's willing to be with me through the good and bad times.
Trust me to stretch things a bit.
Maybe he just really wants to sing. With or without me.
Still he invited me, and that says a lot about him.
That he's not shy to make a fool of himself, and he doesn't mind doing that in my presence.
After a few minutes he said goodbye and headed home to Sharjah to get his well-deserved rest, but I remained sleepless and found myself singing Summer Nights with him in my mind.
Yes it’s a tacky rendezvous. Sue me!
Sunday, February 04, 2007
weekend gone bad
This week has been craaaaaazy.
I didn’t think PMS could make me so depressed, for reasons I couldn’t and would never know.
Guillaume and I met again on Thursday night and everything was fine again. I think we missed each other so much, so I suppose a little time apart didn’t hurt us.
To be very honest I felt bad that we didn’t see each other for four days prior to that, and that was pretty unusual, but then when I tagged along with them from Thursday midnight to Friday afternoon I realized how busy and tiring every day has been for them.
Thursday midnight they picked me up at around 230 AM. They came straight from Global Village and had not had dinner yet. I helplessly offered some energy bars I got from Carrefour just a few hours earlier (grocery shopping with Sherry). As luck would have it, it turned out the peanut butter was not a French favorite, and so they got cold tuna and chicken sandwiches from a petrol station in Sharjah.
And so we had a few drinks and before we knew it, it was 11 AM again, time to prepare everything for the day. And then we had a quick lunch in a Lebanese cafeteria in Sharjah before heading to Global Village. Everything went by so fast and I didn’t even notice the time. And I was awfully tired just watching them. Just watching them.Before Sherry and the gang arrived at the global I saw Janis and dragged her to the crepe stand so she could meet Guillaume. That was a milestone for me, since Janis is my mother’s friend and she would definitely tell Mama her impression of Guillaume.
Well, she was served a hot banana crepe and that was it, but still at least she could tell my mom about it and say that I’m such a good girl, just hanging around a theme park by the crepe stand.
That evening was crazy. We got to watch the Bayanihan dancers, who were great! I loved the Filipiniana outfits and the dances… and the girls! Doing the tinikling with that much horse power and with such speed, you’d think they’d be panting and sweating like pigs. But they maintained their grace and the smiles on their faces and that was one thing that really amazed me. Actually (being the self-centered Leo that I am) that kind of reminded me of myself --- smiling in the midst of stress.
And the I got some Chinese food for the big boys. Guillaume said the food was good, so I was very happy about that.
So then we went around and the night was just starting for us when it rained. Rained so hard we had to call Omar to pick us up. Rained so hard that we had to wear those Vietnamese hats and look like we were trying to find an area in Global Village where we could plant rice. We walked looking like refugees to the main road, covered in mud, until we got in the car and bitched about our sucky night.
So anyway I wish the weekend ended on Friday, but no. On Saturday an old prick bugged me and I thought it was going to be a good meeting, but in the end I felt really bad. You can't be friends with an ex, especially if he's a sexist and a moron.
But I suppose it's all right. Guillaume is coming over tonight (extra early, because they had to close because of the rain). I'm so excited to introduce him to everyone!
Bye now!
I didn’t think PMS could make me so depressed, for reasons I couldn’t and would never know.
Guillaume and I met again on Thursday night and everything was fine again. I think we missed each other so much, so I suppose a little time apart didn’t hurt us.
To be very honest I felt bad that we didn’t see each other for four days prior to that, and that was pretty unusual, but then when I tagged along with them from Thursday midnight to Friday afternoon I realized how busy and tiring every day has been for them.
Thursday midnight they picked me up at around 230 AM. They came straight from Global Village and had not had dinner yet. I helplessly offered some energy bars I got from Carrefour just a few hours earlier (grocery shopping with Sherry). As luck would have it, it turned out the peanut butter was not a French favorite, and so they got cold tuna and chicken sandwiches from a petrol station in Sharjah.
And so we had a few drinks and before we knew it, it was 11 AM again, time to prepare everything for the day. And then we had a quick lunch in a Lebanese cafeteria in Sharjah before heading to Global Village. Everything went by so fast and I didn’t even notice the time. And I was awfully tired just watching them. Just watching them.Before Sherry and the gang arrived at the global I saw Janis and dragged her to the crepe stand so she could meet Guillaume. That was a milestone for me, since Janis is my mother’s friend and she would definitely tell Mama her impression of Guillaume.
Well, she was served a hot banana crepe and that was it, but still at least she could tell my mom about it and say that I’m such a good girl, just hanging around a theme park by the crepe stand.
That evening was crazy. We got to watch the Bayanihan dancers, who were great! I loved the Filipiniana outfits and the dances… and the girls! Doing the tinikling with that much horse power and with such speed, you’d think they’d be panting and sweating like pigs. But they maintained their grace and the smiles on their faces and that was one thing that really amazed me. Actually (being the self-centered Leo that I am) that kind of reminded me of myself --- smiling in the midst of stress.
And the I got some Chinese food for the big boys. Guillaume said the food was good, so I was very happy about that.
So then we went around and the night was just starting for us when it rained. Rained so hard we had to call Omar to pick us up. Rained so hard that we had to wear those Vietnamese hats and look like we were trying to find an area in Global Village where we could plant rice. We walked looking like refugees to the main road, covered in mud, until we got in the car and bitched about our sucky night.
So anyway I wish the weekend ended on Friday, but no. On Saturday an old prick bugged me and I thought it was going to be a good meeting, but in the end I felt really bad. You can't be friends with an ex, especially if he's a sexist and a moron.
But I suppose it's all right. Guillaume is coming over tonight (extra early, because they had to close because of the rain). I'm so excited to introduce him to everyone!
Bye now!
Saturday, February 03, 2007
Thursday, February 01, 2007
weekend, shit ends
Thank God it’s Thursday, and thank God I’m still alive.
It’s been such a long week, and I badly wanted the weekend to come around and save me from all stress and brain damage.
I have been sleeping uncomfortably the whole week and feeling very sluggish in the morning, waking up just minutes before my lift arrives.
And I have been obsessing about whether I want to see Guillaume or not, and thinking if he’s thinking of the same thing, because I’m pretty sure we both get the feeling we’re getting too close for comfort. Let him make his crepes and I’ll spend time alone or with my girlfriends, reading tarot cards or declaring karaoke nights or lounging around eating lard.
I am getting a haircut and the last thing I want to happen is look like a brown siopao in a foreign land.
I am doing the groceries and vowed to revise my shopping list. As much as possible, if I can afford it, I won’t get instant noodles and canned tuna and other bad stuff and then feel bad every lunch time for the rest of the month.
By the way I had an interesting evening two nights ago. Sherry and I were eating in a quaint Japanese restaurant on Sheikh Zayed, and at the end of our dinner, before we could even burp and upon asking for the check, a guy came up to me and said it had been paid for --- he paid for our sushi. Why would anyone pay for our sushi? Anyway we thanked him and left the restaurant. However weird and potentially dangerous that incident was, I felt attractive even in my lola outfit and forced cheerfulness.
Got an email from Terri today and it’s nice to know that someone close to my heart is reading my blog. Terri and I have had very intimate conversations a couple of times when I was still in Manila and she was there for a visit, and though we rarely got together, we always found our dates to be timely --- the same things happened to us and we felt the same things at the same time.
Oh well. Wish me a nice weekend and a fabulous hair cut.
It’s been such a long week, and I badly wanted the weekend to come around and save me from all stress and brain damage.
I have been sleeping uncomfortably the whole week and feeling very sluggish in the morning, waking up just minutes before my lift arrives.
And I have been obsessing about whether I want to see Guillaume or not, and thinking if he’s thinking of the same thing, because I’m pretty sure we both get the feeling we’re getting too close for comfort. Let him make his crepes and I’ll spend time alone or with my girlfriends, reading tarot cards or declaring karaoke nights or lounging around eating lard.
I am getting a haircut and the last thing I want to happen is look like a brown siopao in a foreign land.
I am doing the groceries and vowed to revise my shopping list. As much as possible, if I can afford it, I won’t get instant noodles and canned tuna and other bad stuff and then feel bad every lunch time for the rest of the month.
By the way I had an interesting evening two nights ago. Sherry and I were eating in a quaint Japanese restaurant on Sheikh Zayed, and at the end of our dinner, before we could even burp and upon asking for the check, a guy came up to me and said it had been paid for --- he paid for our sushi. Why would anyone pay for our sushi? Anyway we thanked him and left the restaurant. However weird and potentially dangerous that incident was, I felt attractive even in my lola outfit and forced cheerfulness.
Got an email from Terri today and it’s nice to know that someone close to my heart is reading my blog. Terri and I have had very intimate conversations a couple of times when I was still in Manila and she was there for a visit, and though we rarely got together, we always found our dates to be timely --- the same things happened to us and we felt the same things at the same time.
Oh well. Wish me a nice weekend and a fabulous hair cut.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Monday, January 29, 2007
manic monday
I don't feel well today.
In the morning I found myself in the middle of shit, when I really didn't do anything to ignite a problem. Still there was no one else to blame but a soft-spoken young woman who tried to be the best so no one would blame her.
I held back my tears by chatting with my mother and Elaineplim, which was very comforting.
My back has been hurting and I vomitted twice already, don't know why, but called Sherry to spend the night with me just in case something weird happens to me. These are merely symptoms of an upcoming turbulent period, but just in case they blow out of proportion at least Sherry will be here to witness the mess.
I've been falling asleep everywhere --- at my desk, in the car, in the bath, in the bed for 2 hours non stop, without being bothered by any kind of noise. I'd like to think that staying up late and ignoring the signs of stress have taken their toll on my health. But flatulence doesn't fit anywhere in the picture. It's embarrassing, it'smelly, it's everything I don't want to happen in the middle of some serious journalistic work. And yet today in particular, I am cursed with it.
On top of these I have two large pimples on my chin. Guillaume' stubble will pay for this, maybe with a free crepe on Friday. I can't wait to see him but it's also good for us to have time apart, especially when we're undeniably busy and ill. His back is bad too, and he's been complaining about his cholesterol.
I hope I can rest well and nothing happens to me tonight, because now I realize how hard it is to live alone, without medical benefits and a mom who would immediately know what to do when I'm not feeling well. She knows when to take my temperature, to ask me to sleep it out, to ust hold me, scold me, 'coz when I'm bad I'm so so bad. So let's dance.
When I'm feeling all right again I'm going to do a mean Donna Summer at Hibiki Bar and you wouldn't even know I was actually capable of being sick.
In the morning I found myself in the middle of shit, when I really didn't do anything to ignite a problem. Still there was no one else to blame but a soft-spoken young woman who tried to be the best so no one would blame her.
I held back my tears by chatting with my mother and Elaineplim, which was very comforting.
My back has been hurting and I vomitted twice already, don't know why, but called Sherry to spend the night with me just in case something weird happens to me. These are merely symptoms of an upcoming turbulent period, but just in case they blow out of proportion at least Sherry will be here to witness the mess.
I've been falling asleep everywhere --- at my desk, in the car, in the bath, in the bed for 2 hours non stop, without being bothered by any kind of noise. I'd like to think that staying up late and ignoring the signs of stress have taken their toll on my health. But flatulence doesn't fit anywhere in the picture. It's embarrassing, it'smelly, it's everything I don't want to happen in the middle of some serious journalistic work. And yet today in particular, I am cursed with it.
On top of these I have two large pimples on my chin. Guillaume' stubble will pay for this, maybe with a free crepe on Friday. I can't wait to see him but it's also good for us to have time apart, especially when we're undeniably busy and ill. His back is bad too, and he's been complaining about his cholesterol.
I hope I can rest well and nothing happens to me tonight, because now I realize how hard it is to live alone, without medical benefits and a mom who would immediately know what to do when I'm not feeling well. She knows when to take my temperature, to ask me to sleep it out, to ust hold me, scold me, 'coz when I'm bad I'm so so bad. So let's dance.
When I'm feeling all right again I'm going to do a mean Donna Summer at Hibiki Bar and you wouldn't even know I was actually capable of being sick.
Sunday, January 28, 2007
that time of the month again
One, two, three.
I am in tears and I don’t even know why.
Too much fun perhaps?
I’d like to think this emotional outburst is just an indication that my time of the month is just around the corner.
Hormones. Stress.
Everyday I’ve been busy with work, with friends, with being with other people and I just find it so hard to be alone lately.
And now I feel like crying for no apparent reason.
Actually I already started to cry but held it back.
A tear fell down my cheek and I started to yawn and pretend to just be sleepy.
I was wearing my extra-large pajamas when Guillaume came over.
No, I didn’t bother to put any make up on or spray Coconut Lime Verbana all over the room. I was enthusiastic as usual, but also addressed some issues.
He was very responsive, which was a positive thing.
We were just both tired last night, I guess. We need to not see each other for two, three days.
Or a thousand crepes later.
Also The Devil called me from London today and I greeted him a happy birthday.
I playfully call him The Devil, but in more ways than one he has been an angel and I don’t think I can contest that fact.
It’s nice to know that I have a friend in him.
To assuage my loneliness I tried to finish a carton of pure orange juice and succeeded, then went on to attempt finishing a carton of lowfat milk but felt nauseous after the first glass. Tried to smoke as less as possible and succeeded, but still feel sluggish and irritable. Must really be my time of the month.
I hope that tomorrow something nice happens, something I’ve been waiting for.
If that time comes I’ll take myself out to dinner.
Maybe invite Guillaume. Depends.
I am in tears and I don’t even know why.
Too much fun perhaps?
I’d like to think this emotional outburst is just an indication that my time of the month is just around the corner.
Hormones. Stress.
Everyday I’ve been busy with work, with friends, with being with other people and I just find it so hard to be alone lately.
And now I feel like crying for no apparent reason.
Actually I already started to cry but held it back.
A tear fell down my cheek and I started to yawn and pretend to just be sleepy.
I was wearing my extra-large pajamas when Guillaume came over.
No, I didn’t bother to put any make up on or spray Coconut Lime Verbana all over the room. I was enthusiastic as usual, but also addressed some issues.
He was very responsive, which was a positive thing.
We were just both tired last night, I guess. We need to not see each other for two, three days.
Or a thousand crepes later.
Also The Devil called me from London today and I greeted him a happy birthday.
I playfully call him The Devil, but in more ways than one he has been an angel and I don’t think I can contest that fact.
It’s nice to know that I have a friend in him.
To assuage my loneliness I tried to finish a carton of pure orange juice and succeeded, then went on to attempt finishing a carton of lowfat milk but felt nauseous after the first glass. Tried to smoke as less as possible and succeeded, but still feel sluggish and irritable. Must really be my time of the month.
I hope that tomorrow something nice happens, something I’ve been waiting for.
If that time comes I’ll take myself out to dinner.
Maybe invite Guillaume. Depends.
Thursday, January 25, 2007
The Difference
Things just get better everyday, not because they're more romantic, but because you find out more about you and your partner and you realize that you're not all that different from each other.
He's white and French and a Sharjah resident, and I'm brown and Pinoy and a Dubai girl, but when we're together, we forget distance and stress at work and our skin colors.
We do discuss our differences and false beliefs of each other's cultures. I thought Europeans didn't shower and they went bald in their late twenties. He thought my ignorance was hilarious. He told me Filipinos were hard workers. And I said of course they were, that's why most first-world countries preferred Filipino maids, laborers and secretaries. But I told him that we weren't just about that. I showed him. Although cleaning his bathroom clutter and going as far as hanging a trash bag on the doorknob didn't quite reflect my skills as a media practitioner, he appreciated my efforts by driving me all the way to Media City before they headed off to Global Village, which was, in full fairness to his at-that-time irritable business partner Emanuel, lightyears away from Sharjah.
We had lunch with Sherry and I headed off to my office. I was lucky because I didn't really have to go to work, but I did, and I sort of hit two birds with one stone --- the first bird having spent some quality time with a lovely man in a chef's vest, and the second having shown good old enthusiasm at work.
So back to our discussion of differences. Actually there weren't that many, and they're not too important to strain what we have now. What we have now. Notice that I am careful with the words I choose. Yes, glad to know I'm still practicing self-control, when all I really want to tell the world is how much I want to spend all my time with him.
Like I imagine my desk having a crepe-making machine beside it, where Guillaume can make crepes while I happily do my research. Or on my way to work I picture us in a quaint cafe, me playing the guitar while he goes crazy with the bongos and a little ganja. Or even before I sleep I dream about being the best masseuse in the world so I could give him a good backrub before bedtime, and in return he'd turn out to be really good at doing facials.
Differences. I really don't know what it means right now.
Even if people stare at us when we go out for dirnks.
Even if I myself wonder what had brought us together.
Well he crepe-t is way into my life and that made a HUGE difference.
A wonderful one.
He's white and French and a Sharjah resident, and I'm brown and Pinoy and a Dubai girl, but when we're together, we forget distance and stress at work and our skin colors.
We do discuss our differences and false beliefs of each other's cultures. I thought Europeans didn't shower and they went bald in their late twenties. He thought my ignorance was hilarious. He told me Filipinos were hard workers. And I said of course they were, that's why most first-world countries preferred Filipino maids, laborers and secretaries. But I told him that we weren't just about that. I showed him. Although cleaning his bathroom clutter and going as far as hanging a trash bag on the doorknob didn't quite reflect my skills as a media practitioner, he appreciated my efforts by driving me all the way to Media City before they headed off to Global Village, which was, in full fairness to his at-that-time irritable business partner Emanuel, lightyears away from Sharjah.
We had lunch with Sherry and I headed off to my office. I was lucky because I didn't really have to go to work, but I did, and I sort of hit two birds with one stone --- the first bird having spent some quality time with a lovely man in a chef's vest, and the second having shown good old enthusiasm at work.
So back to our discussion of differences. Actually there weren't that many, and they're not too important to strain what we have now. What we have now. Notice that I am careful with the words I choose. Yes, glad to know I'm still practicing self-control, when all I really want to tell the world is how much I want to spend all my time with him.
Like I imagine my desk having a crepe-making machine beside it, where Guillaume can make crepes while I happily do my research. Or on my way to work I picture us in a quaint cafe, me playing the guitar while he goes crazy with the bongos and a little ganja. Or even before I sleep I dream about being the best masseuse in the world so I could give him a good backrub before bedtime, and in return he'd turn out to be really good at doing facials.
Differences. I really don't know what it means right now.
Even if people stare at us when we go out for dirnks.
Even if I myself wonder what had brought us together.
Well he crepe-t is way into my life and that made a HUGE difference.
A wonderful one.
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
crepe-y day?
I am so tempted to say this is a bad day. But I won’t.
I have been successful in doing things at work and I don’t really mind someone telling me that I’m not “involved enough” with my work. DUH. I love my work more than anything and there was no truth to that. I have been involved in more ways than one, more concerned than ever with what’s been happening on our program.
A-hole.
I am also a little apprehensive.
I have not eaten anything and have a very bad cold, so my temper’s a bit volatile.
I snapped at some PR people and ignored some people’s greetings.
I am on a serious diet.
Why? Because last night I must have eaten 5 whole crepes.
My friends and I went to the Global and of course they had crepe for dinner.
I had to finish al the leftovers because I didn’t want to offend Guillaume or anything.
So I ate and ate and ate and ate.
Chocolate after chocolate after banana after banana.
Lots of cheese. Eggs. Slat. Pepper. Sugar.
I ate whatever he offered and I went all crazy.
I lost it. I just ate without thinking.
Sometimes without chewing even.
And he wasn’t even grateful!
He looked embarrassed that anyone should be that thrilled to have so many crepes in one evening.
I actually didn’t understand why I asked for more.
I was not at all hungry.
I was bloated and constipated.
Maybe there was something else I wanted to ask for?
It was almost midnight when we decided to go home.
As I walked towards the gate with the girls, I watched them clean up.
I kind of hoped he’d visit me last night.
Then I realized he needed to rest (oh yeah, rest, I hardly know how do it lately).
But anyway if he did I couldn’t face him. I had a huge tummy.
Full of crepe. (Get it?)
I have been successful in doing things at work and I don’t really mind someone telling me that I’m not “involved enough” with my work. DUH. I love my work more than anything and there was no truth to that. I have been involved in more ways than one, more concerned than ever with what’s been happening on our program.
A-hole.
I am also a little apprehensive.
I have not eaten anything and have a very bad cold, so my temper’s a bit volatile.
I snapped at some PR people and ignored some people’s greetings.
I am on a serious diet.
Why? Because last night I must have eaten 5 whole crepes.
My friends and I went to the Global and of course they had crepe for dinner.
I had to finish al the leftovers because I didn’t want to offend Guillaume or anything.
So I ate and ate and ate and ate.
Chocolate after chocolate after banana after banana.
Lots of cheese. Eggs. Slat. Pepper. Sugar.
I ate whatever he offered and I went all crazy.
I lost it. I just ate without thinking.
Sometimes without chewing even.
And he wasn’t even grateful!
He looked embarrassed that anyone should be that thrilled to have so many crepes in one evening.
I actually didn’t understand why I asked for more.
I was not at all hungry.
I was bloated and constipated.
Maybe there was something else I wanted to ask for?
It was almost midnight when we decided to go home.
As I walked towards the gate with the girls, I watched them clean up.
I kind of hoped he’d visit me last night.
Then I realized he needed to rest (oh yeah, rest, I hardly know how do it lately).
But anyway if he did I couldn’t face him. I had a huge tummy.
Full of crepe. (Get it?)
Sunday, January 21, 2007
a crepe-making affair
Guillaume and his friend collected me from our villalast night and they showed us their huge flat in Sharjah. It’s got four bedrooms, and three balconies, each one offering a different view of the Corniche. I also helped them make the crepe paste. It’s a huge pail of a mixture of their “secret” ingredients, which I cannot disclose to you. But go ahead and try some of it at the Global Village.
I actually took part in the intimate, top-secret crepe-making ceremony. I cannot believe it. The next thing you know I’ll be invited to rearrange furniture and design his room.
He dropped me off at my office this afternoon. We had lunch with Sherry at the Ducont building. Then they headed straight to Global Village. Not without a kiss from me!
I actually took part in the intimate, top-secret crepe-making ceremony. I cannot believe it. The next thing you know I’ll be invited to rearrange furniture and design his room.
He dropped me off at my office this afternoon. We had lunch with Sherry at the Ducont building. Then they headed straight to Global Village. Not without a kiss from me!
happy and gay weekend
It's been a fabulous weekend!
On Thursday night we had drinks and I got home barely knowing what I was doing. But it was fine because Sherry stayed over. I just remember vomitting all the way to our villa and lugging around 3 1-litre bottles of Masafi water. Oh and we also danced to the tune of La Isla Bonita. That was fun.
The following day Eve, Sherry and I went to Xernes' flat. The nasi goreng was finished but we managed to nick two pieces of KFC chicken and some rice, then head straight for Galo's tiramisu. Afterwards we played pictionary, a board game I played once literally more than a decade ago. I was pretty good at drawing. And guessing. Wow. My brain was still working after that bad hangover. But we didn't win. But it was fun! They all nicknamed Sherry Monica, Courtney Cox's character in Friends, because she was so competitive and really fighting to win. That was quite a laugh. Anton also stole the show by saying "I will not concede!". It was a small something during the game that we didn't agree on. That was the quote of the evening.
Then we went bowling at the Mall of the Emirates. Actually, they did. I went window shopping and bought myself a nice lip gloss. I didn't want to do anything strenuous because of my cough. We had coffee, and we scored men by raising sugar sachets in their faces: brown sugar for super cute and sexy, white sugar for satisfactory, and artificial sweetener for fugly. Then we went back to Xernes' flat and had pork adobo. I watched some Little Britain episodes and had my fortune told by Anton and his tarot cards. In fairness to Anton and the past fortune tellers, my fate according to them has always been consistent. I like it that my life is taking shape, and the cards can even read it.
Went home at 4 AM. I had to say good night to Guillaume instead of wait for him to pick me up because he was exhausted from making crepe and standing all day. He said he couldn't feel his legs anymore. I truly missed him last night when I was reading a book before sleeping. And then he sent me a text saying he missed me, and called me a few seconds after that. How sweet was that?
This afternoon Sherry and I went walking down Sheikh Zayed Road. To Shangrila and back. It was like going around the academic oval in UP Diliman twice, so I think we lost a few calories. We had the usual fun banter. My thighs are huge. No, my thighs are huge. He's a nice guy.Will he call? I don't expect much anymore. . . and other signature lines from us.
We had dinner at their place in Barsha, because Jennyn Gueco cooked. her afritada was delicious! Wonder if I will ever learn to cook, or at least take interest in cooking. Right now I'm sooo focused on eating.
So now I'm home form Barsha, back in front of the computer. But not for long!!!! . . . Guillaume finished early tonight and he will pick me up in a few minutes. He's showing me his new flat. I'm sure it's fab.
Why does he never make me wait that long before I see him? I just love that. He wants to see me. I don't even have to remind him. Maybe because he'd rather see me that drown in crepe paste. He's tired of facing and making crepes 24/7, 7 days a week. I'll make sure NOT to mention crepe later. Or flour, or egg shells, or banana and chocolate.
I'm still amazed by all this. I wish I knew what he saw in me. I'm a little embarrassed to ask. In my Best Friend's Wedding, Julia Roberts says you can either be creme brulee or Jell-O. I'm Ok with Jell-O. Really. At least I'm not crepe.
On Thursday night we had drinks and I got home barely knowing what I was doing. But it was fine because Sherry stayed over. I just remember vomitting all the way to our villa and lugging around 3 1-litre bottles of Masafi water. Oh and we also danced to the tune of La Isla Bonita. That was fun.
The following day Eve, Sherry and I went to Xernes' flat. The nasi goreng was finished but we managed to nick two pieces of KFC chicken and some rice, then head straight for Galo's tiramisu. Afterwards we played pictionary, a board game I played once literally more than a decade ago. I was pretty good at drawing. And guessing. Wow. My brain was still working after that bad hangover. But we didn't win. But it was fun! They all nicknamed Sherry Monica, Courtney Cox's character in Friends, because she was so competitive and really fighting to win. That was quite a laugh. Anton also stole the show by saying "I will not concede!". It was a small something during the game that we didn't agree on. That was the quote of the evening.
Then we went bowling at the Mall of the Emirates. Actually, they did. I went window shopping and bought myself a nice lip gloss. I didn't want to do anything strenuous because of my cough. We had coffee, and we scored men by raising sugar sachets in their faces: brown sugar for super cute and sexy, white sugar for satisfactory, and artificial sweetener for fugly. Then we went back to Xernes' flat and had pork adobo. I watched some Little Britain episodes and had my fortune told by Anton and his tarot cards. In fairness to Anton and the past fortune tellers, my fate according to them has always been consistent. I like it that my life is taking shape, and the cards can even read it.
Went home at 4 AM. I had to say good night to Guillaume instead of wait for him to pick me up because he was exhausted from making crepe and standing all day. He said he couldn't feel his legs anymore. I truly missed him last night when I was reading a book before sleeping. And then he sent me a text saying he missed me, and called me a few seconds after that. How sweet was that?
This afternoon Sherry and I went walking down Sheikh Zayed Road. To Shangrila and back. It was like going around the academic oval in UP Diliman twice, so I think we lost a few calories. We had the usual fun banter. My thighs are huge. No, my thighs are huge. He's a nice guy.Will he call? I don't expect much anymore. . . and other signature lines from us.
We had dinner at their place in Barsha, because Jennyn Gueco cooked. her afritada was delicious! Wonder if I will ever learn to cook, or at least take interest in cooking. Right now I'm sooo focused on eating.
So now I'm home form Barsha, back in front of the computer. But not for long!!!! . . . Guillaume finished early tonight and he will pick me up in a few minutes. He's showing me his new flat. I'm sure it's fab.
Why does he never make me wait that long before I see him? I just love that. He wants to see me. I don't even have to remind him. Maybe because he'd rather see me that drown in crepe paste. He's tired of facing and making crepes 24/7, 7 days a week. I'll make sure NOT to mention crepe later. Or flour, or egg shells, or banana and chocolate.
I'm still amazed by all this. I wish I knew what he saw in me. I'm a little embarrassed to ask. In my Best Friend's Wedding, Julia Roberts says you can either be creme brulee or Jell-O. I'm Ok with Jell-O. Really. At least I'm not crepe.
Thursday, January 18, 2007
theme song trauma
I’ve been in a few relationships and I truly treasured them.
One of the things I always remember about being in a relationship with someone is our theme song.
I’ve had the craziest (translation – tacky, funky, disgusting) theme songs with a few guys and looking back, I don’t even know why I agreed to them
They always decided on this matter. And I always ended up accepting the imposed tune, then bobbing my head to it, and eventually singing and loving it.
My first theme song was True by Spandau Ballet. It seemed okay then, because my first boyfriend was an 80’s baby. Now I feel reluctant to sing it in karaoke bars, however tempted I am. I opt for Gold. I I don’t know, I just feel that it belongs in the past and I am not supposed to sing it.
Now get this: my second theme song was…chanchararan! Ever After by Bonnie Bailey. Hahaha I know, everyone used to dance to this --- whores, shy girls, yuppies, druggies. I know I know! But my second boyfriend was a junkie (I think). And he’s a little younger than my first.
And there were in-between-relationship crushes, and I associated them with certain songs that I would rather not mention here. OK just to give you an idea- Cater To You, Penny and Me, Agent Orange (because I had a HUGE crush on Slapshock's drummer), Luha by Aegis etc etc.
This time I don’t really want a theme song. Maybe I do. Maybe I don’t. I don’t know. Maybe theme songs are just a Pinoy thing? Maybe Guillaume doesn’t really care for things like this. Maybe he wants to have a crepe with me and hum any tune that suits the evening. He did sing the Grease theme song once, but as a joke.
Anyway if by some chance the Dubai police forced me to choose a theme song for me and Guillaume it would be any of these two:
CLOSER by Dido
The closer you get, the better I feel
The closer you are, the more I see
Why everyone says that I look happy
When you’re around
The closer you get, the better I feel
THE ONE by Shakira
So I find a reason to shave my legs each single morning
So I count on someone Friday nights to take me dancing againTo church on sundays
To plant more trees and someday think of kids
Or maybe just to save a little money
Somehow this entry ends up mushy.
I tried my best, believe me.
One of the things I always remember about being in a relationship with someone is our theme song.
I’ve had the craziest (translation – tacky, funky, disgusting) theme songs with a few guys and looking back, I don’t even know why I agreed to them
They always decided on this matter. And I always ended up accepting the imposed tune, then bobbing my head to it, and eventually singing and loving it.
My first theme song was True by Spandau Ballet. It seemed okay then, because my first boyfriend was an 80’s baby. Now I feel reluctant to sing it in karaoke bars, however tempted I am. I opt for Gold. I I don’t know, I just feel that it belongs in the past and I am not supposed to sing it.
Now get this: my second theme song was…chanchararan! Ever After by Bonnie Bailey. Hahaha I know, everyone used to dance to this --- whores, shy girls, yuppies, druggies. I know I know! But my second boyfriend was a junkie (I think). And he’s a little younger than my first.
And there were in-between-relationship crushes, and I associated them with certain songs that I would rather not mention here. OK just to give you an idea- Cater To You, Penny and Me, Agent Orange (because I had a HUGE crush on Slapshock's drummer), Luha by Aegis etc etc.
This time I don’t really want a theme song. Maybe I do. Maybe I don’t. I don’t know. Maybe theme songs are just a Pinoy thing? Maybe Guillaume doesn’t really care for things like this. Maybe he wants to have a crepe with me and hum any tune that suits the evening. He did sing the Grease theme song once, but as a joke.
Anyway if by some chance the Dubai police forced me to choose a theme song for me and Guillaume it would be any of these two:
CLOSER by Dido
The closer you get, the better I feel
The closer you are, the more I see
Why everyone says that I look happy
When you’re around
The closer you get, the better I feel
THE ONE by Shakira
So I find a reason to shave my legs each single morning
So I count on someone Friday nights to take me dancing againTo church on sundays
To plant more trees and someday think of kids
Or maybe just to save a little money
Somehow this entry ends up mushy.
I tried my best, believe me.
Quote of the Day
"Become so wrapped up in something that you forget to be afraid."– Lady Bird Johnson
what everyone SERIOUSLY needs
This is an article from www.findarticles.com.
I particularly loved this.
It's not just one of those articles that tell me how to unwind, and instead of actually feeling more relaxed I end up feeling more stressed out.
Most of them give me really ridiculous tips, like fill your tub with rose petals and bathe sensually. Or climb a mountain and stay there for a whole weekend.
This article offers DOABLE things, things that I can do whenever, wherever, in the comfort of my room, and without having to fuss about anything else. Nothing to buy, nothing to spend on.
And I've done most of the stuff here and it really works.
Enjoy!
20 ways to unwind - stress reduction
Ebony, July, 1994 by Karima A. Haynes
To battle the negative effects of stress that we experience, here are 20 stressbusters that are sure to relieve the tension in our lives.
1. STOP, STRETCH AND RELAX. Exercise where you are. Roll your head and shoulders, stretch your arms over your head or squeeze a tennis ball. Consider starting a regular exercise program to help you keep stress at bay over the long haul.
2. MEDITATE AND CONTEMPLATE. Recite a mantra, speak positive affirmations or say a prayer to help you take your mind off the stressful situation.
3. TALK IT OUT. Get anger, fear and worry off your chest by confiding in a person you trust.
4. TAKE LEISURELY A DIP IN THE BATHTUB. A hot soak can do wonders to reduce stress, increase blood circulation to the extremities and relax tense muscles.
5. PAMPER YOURSELF Get a new hairstyle, a manicure or a pedicure. A little pampering can go a long way to reduce stress.
6. SHOP AWAY THE STRESS. A new purchase will give your spirit a boost as long as you don't overspend.
7. MASSAGE THOSE ACHING MUSCLES. Whether at the hands of a professional masseuse or those of a close friend, a good rub down can relax knotted muscles.
"During a massage, one of the things that happens is that the toxic substances are worked out through the lymph nodes," says Dr. Juanita Doss, a clinical psychologist from suburban Detroit. "When your body is under a tremendous amount of stress you accumulate a lot of hormones that weaken the body's resistance to disease. A massage is both relaxing and therapeutic."
8. RUB YOUR TEMPLES. Massaging the nerves in your temples relaxes tension in your neck muscles.
9. APPLY A WARM COMPRESS TO YOUR EYES. The radiant warmth from the compress will relax the tired muscles around your eyes.
10. READ TO RELAX. What better way to get away from the pressures of the day than by retreating into the world of your imagination?
11. TAKE A BRISK WALK. Get up and go for a quick jaunt. Schedule a routine workout that includes power walking or stair climbing.
12. TAKE A SOOTHING SIESTA. Chronic lack of sleep can lower your productivity and decrease your ability to handle stress.
13. JUST SAY NO TO STRESSFUL PEOPLE. Stay away from people who never seem to have anything good to say about anything.
14. SEEK SUPPORTIVE PEOPLE. Call that special friend or family member. Make a date to get together and keep it.
"Support is one of the key things in helping people to handle their stress," Dr. Doss points out. "As a supportive friend ... you don't have to give any comments or suggestions, but quietly listen to the person who is under stress as he or she talks it out."
15. STOP PROCRASTINATING! Make a list of things to do, arrange them by priority and then do them!
16. TUNE IN SOFT MUSIC. Mellow music can soothe you after a tough day at the office.
17. LISTEN TO NATURE'S SOUNDS. A pre-recorded tape of natural sounds can help you to unwind.
18. CRY IT OUT. A good sob can provide a release from the negative emotions that may be the source of your stress.
19. ACCENTUATE THE POSITIVE. Think about the good things that are going on in your life and avoid obsessing about the things that aren't going so well.
20. VACATION IN YOUR MIND. Close your eyes and imagine that you are relaxing on a tropical beach.
"As your mind goes, so goes your body," Dr. Evans says. "You can change your physiological state simply by changing your mental state."
I particularly loved this.
It's not just one of those articles that tell me how to unwind, and instead of actually feeling more relaxed I end up feeling more stressed out.
Most of them give me really ridiculous tips, like fill your tub with rose petals and bathe sensually. Or climb a mountain and stay there for a whole weekend.
This article offers DOABLE things, things that I can do whenever, wherever, in the comfort of my room, and without having to fuss about anything else. Nothing to buy, nothing to spend on.
And I've done most of the stuff here and it really works.
Enjoy!
20 ways to unwind - stress reduction
Ebony, July, 1994 by Karima A. Haynes
To battle the negative effects of stress that we experience, here are 20 stressbusters that are sure to relieve the tension in our lives.
1. STOP, STRETCH AND RELAX. Exercise where you are. Roll your head and shoulders, stretch your arms over your head or squeeze a tennis ball. Consider starting a regular exercise program to help you keep stress at bay over the long haul.
2. MEDITATE AND CONTEMPLATE. Recite a mantra, speak positive affirmations or say a prayer to help you take your mind off the stressful situation.
3. TALK IT OUT. Get anger, fear and worry off your chest by confiding in a person you trust.
4. TAKE LEISURELY A DIP IN THE BATHTUB. A hot soak can do wonders to reduce stress, increase blood circulation to the extremities and relax tense muscles.
5. PAMPER YOURSELF Get a new hairstyle, a manicure or a pedicure. A little pampering can go a long way to reduce stress.
6. SHOP AWAY THE STRESS. A new purchase will give your spirit a boost as long as you don't overspend.
7. MASSAGE THOSE ACHING MUSCLES. Whether at the hands of a professional masseuse or those of a close friend, a good rub down can relax knotted muscles.
"During a massage, one of the things that happens is that the toxic substances are worked out through the lymph nodes," says Dr. Juanita Doss, a clinical psychologist from suburban Detroit. "When your body is under a tremendous amount of stress you accumulate a lot of hormones that weaken the body's resistance to disease. A massage is both relaxing and therapeutic."
8. RUB YOUR TEMPLES. Massaging the nerves in your temples relaxes tension in your neck muscles.
9. APPLY A WARM COMPRESS TO YOUR EYES. The radiant warmth from the compress will relax the tired muscles around your eyes.
10. READ TO RELAX. What better way to get away from the pressures of the day than by retreating into the world of your imagination?
11. TAKE A BRISK WALK. Get up and go for a quick jaunt. Schedule a routine workout that includes power walking or stair climbing.
12. TAKE A SOOTHING SIESTA. Chronic lack of sleep can lower your productivity and decrease your ability to handle stress.
13. JUST SAY NO TO STRESSFUL PEOPLE. Stay away from people who never seem to have anything good to say about anything.
14. SEEK SUPPORTIVE PEOPLE. Call that special friend or family member. Make a date to get together and keep it.
"Support is one of the key things in helping people to handle their stress," Dr. Doss points out. "As a supportive friend ... you don't have to give any comments or suggestions, but quietly listen to the person who is under stress as he or she talks it out."
15. STOP PROCRASTINATING! Make a list of things to do, arrange them by priority and then do them!
16. TUNE IN SOFT MUSIC. Mellow music can soothe you after a tough day at the office.
17. LISTEN TO NATURE'S SOUNDS. A pre-recorded tape of natural sounds can help you to unwind.
18. CRY IT OUT. A good sob can provide a release from the negative emotions that may be the source of your stress.
19. ACCENTUATE THE POSITIVE. Think about the good things that are going on in your life and avoid obsessing about the things that aren't going so well.
20. VACATION IN YOUR MIND. Close your eyes and imagine that you are relaxing on a tropical beach.
"As your mind goes, so goes your body," Dr. Evans says. "You can change your physiological state simply by changing your mental state."
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
work ethics and romance
Last night Sherry, Jen and I knew we were tired and penniless.
We knew. Of course we knew.
But we still managed to spend an hour or two together at Barzar, for some awesome tunes and even more awesome drinks at AED 70 for every FIVE drinks.
I had red wine as usual, and didn’t even finish it.
It’s nice to have drinks with girlfriends after work.
It really does make me feel less lonely and more motivated to work the next day.
I went home at 1130PM, took a hot shower and curled up in bed with a book.
Guilluame was pretty busy yesterday, so I didn’t really want to bother him.
One of their machines broke down because of faulty wiring (or something like that), their new flat still didn’t have electricity, and they were so tired from going around Dubai buying furniture and emptying their old flat and moving furniture from the old flat to the new one.
I put on my most comfortable clothes (a huge sweater, ratty panties, dirty socks and my balloon tapered pants), curled up in bed with a good book (something by Jodi Picoult), and soon I was snoring like a madman.
And then he called and said he wanted to drop by. In literally 10 minutes I fixed myself up --- got rid of my ugly sleepwear and put on a nice Mexican top and hoop earrings, and painted a permanent smile on my face.
I waited in the front yard until I saw his headlights flashing at 2:15 AM, eager to park in front of our villa.
I had a glass of Bailey’s ready for him, and he was so happy about that (what a drunkard, a lovely one). We had a long chat about work and he gave me some advice about work. And it’s not just some discussion of two jaded people telling each other why they hated working. It was him telling me to improve my work ethics and assert myself with a smile on my face, to always resolve conflicts without having to ruin good relations.
This morning I did just that. I apologized to my boss for failing to accomplish something. And he actually thanked me for it. And I made sure I got everything right today.
And I did, plus a few bonuses.
Of course I knew what good work ethics were before he even came along. But having him around to remind me of these things is such a big plus. IT pushes me and makes me do better and better and go forward, always forward.
My day was almost ruined when someone told me to stay out of something I was obviously needed for. He said it was none of my business. Which of course wasn’t true, as I was the one liaising the whole thing. I just said goodbye to him on the phone and didn’t bother to argue.
I think I owe this all to Guillaume. Knowing that he truly cares for me, not just in a shallow way -- like on a crepe-eating level --- really made me feel so much better and less tired…and HAPPIER.
I had 3 hours of sleep but in the morning the driver said I looked fresh.
Guess why?
My boyfriend’s an angel.
A drunken beautiful angel.
An angel with a funny accent.
An angel who adores cheeses.
An angel who makes crepes.
An angel. Sigh.
We knew. Of course we knew.
But we still managed to spend an hour or two together at Barzar, for some awesome tunes and even more awesome drinks at AED 70 for every FIVE drinks.
I had red wine as usual, and didn’t even finish it.
It’s nice to have drinks with girlfriends after work.
It really does make me feel less lonely and more motivated to work the next day.
I went home at 1130PM, took a hot shower and curled up in bed with a book.
Guilluame was pretty busy yesterday, so I didn’t really want to bother him.
One of their machines broke down because of faulty wiring (or something like that), their new flat still didn’t have electricity, and they were so tired from going around Dubai buying furniture and emptying their old flat and moving furniture from the old flat to the new one.
I put on my most comfortable clothes (a huge sweater, ratty panties, dirty socks and my balloon tapered pants), curled up in bed with a good book (something by Jodi Picoult), and soon I was snoring like a madman.
And then he called and said he wanted to drop by. In literally 10 minutes I fixed myself up --- got rid of my ugly sleepwear and put on a nice Mexican top and hoop earrings, and painted a permanent smile on my face.
I waited in the front yard until I saw his headlights flashing at 2:15 AM, eager to park in front of our villa.
I had a glass of Bailey’s ready for him, and he was so happy about that (what a drunkard, a lovely one). We had a long chat about work and he gave me some advice about work. And it’s not just some discussion of two jaded people telling each other why they hated working. It was him telling me to improve my work ethics and assert myself with a smile on my face, to always resolve conflicts without having to ruin good relations.
This morning I did just that. I apologized to my boss for failing to accomplish something. And he actually thanked me for it. And I made sure I got everything right today.
And I did, plus a few bonuses.
Of course I knew what good work ethics were before he even came along. But having him around to remind me of these things is such a big plus. IT pushes me and makes me do better and better and go forward, always forward.
My day was almost ruined when someone told me to stay out of something I was obviously needed for. He said it was none of my business. Which of course wasn’t true, as I was the one liaising the whole thing. I just said goodbye to him on the phone and didn’t bother to argue.
I think I owe this all to Guillaume. Knowing that he truly cares for me, not just in a shallow way -- like on a crepe-eating level --- really made me feel so much better and less tired…and HAPPIER.
I had 3 hours of sleep but in the morning the driver said I looked fresh.
Guess why?
My boyfriend’s an angel.
A drunken beautiful angel.
An angel with a funny accent.
An angel who adores cheeses.
An angel who makes crepes.
An angel. Sigh.
Monday, January 15, 2007
Guillaume must have been featured in at least three TV programs in Dubai, just because he and his friend can make crepe. Apparently our morning show and news program are doing features on their crepe-spertise (yes I forced that), and he raved about his nouveau celebrity status on the phone. This is really exciting, because he hasn’t even started the business formally. Global Village is a bazaar. They’ll set up their business in mid-February, and this is really good publicity for them.
I must admit it is a little intimidating, but all he needs to do is visit me and I’ll be instantly reassured.
And by the way I am soooooooooo pissed because I had to skip pilates again. For what? Overtime work. Not that I’m complaining, I love what I do and I’m happy with it, but I wish I had the remaining energy to work out and feel refreshed.
I look like a zombie today, because I haven’t had much sleep. I’ll probably curl up in bed with a book. A book I stole from someone.
Good night!
I must admit it is a little intimidating, but all he needs to do is visit me and I’ll be instantly reassured.
And by the way I am soooooooooo pissed because I had to skip pilates again. For what? Overtime work. Not that I’m complaining, I love what I do and I’m happy with it, but I wish I had the remaining energy to work out and feel refreshed.
I look like a zombie today, because I haven’t had much sleep. I’ll probably curl up in bed with a book. A book I stole from someone.
Good night!
Sunday, January 14, 2007
guten tag!
I had a meeting with a German lady today and she was very nice.
I was trying my best to say something nice because the meeting was over in five minutes. There wasn't much to discuss really.
So I tried to speak to her in German.
Wo wonen sie?
Ich habe das/die kugelschrieber.
Kartofelnsalad.
Whatever the spelling is.
I sounded so silly. I just blurt out some German words and thought they MIGHT make sense to her.
She giggled, because what I really said in one breath was:
"Where are you from? I have a pen. Potato salad."
Not quite a conversation.
Hang on. Hang on.
What if she really wanted to tell me where she lived?
What if she really needed a pen?
And what if she was, incidentally, craving potato salad?
I'm such an optimist.
Anyway it was a fun meeting, and Habtoor Grand's interiors were spectacular.
Classy, not tacky.
A nice place to have coffee.
Not without kartofelnsalad.
I was trying my best to say something nice because the meeting was over in five minutes. There wasn't much to discuss really.
So I tried to speak to her in German.
Wo wonen sie?
Ich habe das/die kugelschrieber.
Kartofelnsalad.
Whatever the spelling is.
I sounded so silly. I just blurt out some German words and thought they MIGHT make sense to her.
She giggled, because what I really said in one breath was:
"Where are you from? I have a pen. Potato salad."
Not quite a conversation.
Hang on. Hang on.
What if she really wanted to tell me where she lived?
What if she really needed a pen?
And what if she was, incidentally, craving potato salad?
I'm such an optimist.
Anyway it was a fun meeting, and Habtoor Grand's interiors were spectacular.
Classy, not tacky.
A nice place to have coffee.
Not without kartofelnsalad.
I really like this artwork by Marco Evaristti.I read in the paper that this shocking artist’s recent work was a meal he cooked, meatballs served with his body fat. He argued that one is not a cannibal when he is eating art.
I researched on his works and found out that he dyed a huge iceberg in Greenland with red paint. A spectacular sight.
Here is one of his works called BROTHERHOOD, an Israeli man and a Palestinian woman together, but stained with blood.
However morbid it looks, it is still a refreshing work that sends a vital message.
one year?
Last night when we were having drinks, Guillaume told me that as he sipped his mojito, he was on the plane to Dubai exactly a month ago.
And then I realized I have been here for almost a year now. In February I will be celebrating my first anniversary in Dubai. Has it been that long? I didn't notice.
During my first six months here time dragged on and I couldn't wait to find a job I really wanted. Since I got this job, time has been going so fast and all I've been doing is enjoying the ride. Especially now that my circle of friends has become larger, and there's so much more to see in this crazy city, it seems a few more months before going back home isn't such a long wait.
Dubai feels like home now. I tried to deny this feeling, insisting that my heart still belonged to Manila, and it still does. But it wouldn't hurt to acknowledge the fact that living in this place has done so much to make me braver, and see things in a way I'd never considered before. And I embrace my Dubai life now. I stopped converting to peso like a madman...well I still do that but only when it matters. I also started getting involved with fellow Pinoys in Dubai, something I really wasn't sure I wanted to do. But now Im enjoying it. And of course, I now have pictures of myself and my friends in different places, on different occasions, and I proudly post them here or on Friendster. These are signs that I am really living the Dubai life.
I know that Manila will always be my number one. My family and friends are there and that is where I really belong. But for now, since I cannot live there, I am making the most out of Dubai.
2006 was such a roller coaster ride. The despedida dinners, the goodbyes, the excitement, the loneliness, the awe, the desperation, the heartaches, the dead ends, the depression, the rise and fall, the happiness and the slow tranformation from missing Manila to fully living Dubai-style. They all sum up the past year for me.
2007, I pray, will be much better. It surely started on a good note, to put it lightly. The UP alumni chapter's many worthwhile activities, my closest friends, my exciting job, and of course my dear Guillaume, I can only be thankful to God for giving me such blessings. A far cry from the early months of last year. This is happiness at its peak. Happiness I cannot even describe, that's why this stuff I'm writing is such a mess.
I love life. And I am not just convincing myself. I truly do. I truly truly truly do.
And then I realized I have been here for almost a year now. In February I will be celebrating my first anniversary in Dubai. Has it been that long? I didn't notice.
During my first six months here time dragged on and I couldn't wait to find a job I really wanted. Since I got this job, time has been going so fast and all I've been doing is enjoying the ride. Especially now that my circle of friends has become larger, and there's so much more to see in this crazy city, it seems a few more months before going back home isn't such a long wait.
Dubai feels like home now. I tried to deny this feeling, insisting that my heart still belonged to Manila, and it still does. But it wouldn't hurt to acknowledge the fact that living in this place has done so much to make me braver, and see things in a way I'd never considered before. And I embrace my Dubai life now. I stopped converting to peso like a madman...well I still do that but only when it matters. I also started getting involved with fellow Pinoys in Dubai, something I really wasn't sure I wanted to do. But now Im enjoying it. And of course, I now have pictures of myself and my friends in different places, on different occasions, and I proudly post them here or on Friendster. These are signs that I am really living the Dubai life.
I know that Manila will always be my number one. My family and friends are there and that is where I really belong. But for now, since I cannot live there, I am making the most out of Dubai.
2006 was such a roller coaster ride. The despedida dinners, the goodbyes, the excitement, the loneliness, the awe, the desperation, the heartaches, the dead ends, the depression, the rise and fall, the happiness and the slow tranformation from missing Manila to fully living Dubai-style. They all sum up the past year for me.
2007, I pray, will be much better. It surely started on a good note, to put it lightly. The UP alumni chapter's many worthwhile activities, my closest friends, my exciting job, and of course my dear Guillaume, I can only be thankful to God for giving me such blessings. A far cry from the early months of last year. This is happiness at its peak. Happiness I cannot even describe, that's why this stuff I'm writing is such a mess.
I love life. And I am not just convincing myself. I truly do. I truly truly truly do.
Saturday, January 13, 2007
Went to the gym, after a week of being such a bad girl.
This week I had been drinking and eating non stop.
I needed that workout.
Guillaume called me. I was floating on Sheikh Zayed on the way home.
Poor guy had a stiff neck, and he couldn't move his neck to the left.
He gave me chocolates last night, which I very much appreciated.
In fact am eating them. All of them. Right now.
This week I had been drinking and eating non stop.
I needed that workout.
Guillaume called me. I was floating on Sheikh Zayed on the way home.
Poor guy had a stiff neck, and he couldn't move his neck to the left.
He gave me chocolates last night, which I very much appreciated.
In fact am eating them. All of them. Right now.
Global Village
Obet, Mye, Arvin and I went to Global Village yesterday and I'm happy they liked the place. They went all around the world, and we were there from 430 PM to 1130 PM. But it was a fun trip! 
France didn't have a pavillion, but the crepes were selling quicker than hotcakes. (pa-attempt mag idiom) We didn't bother to take a picture of the French stall. But my friends liked the crepe, especially Guillaume's huge discount for them.
Arvin and me in front of the Thailand stage. I was talking on the phone with Eve, but didn't want to miss this once-in-a-lifetime pose. 
Arvin, Obet and me in front of the Thailand pavillion. That's right in front of the crepe stall! 
Arvin, me and Mye in front of the Kenya pavillion. Lotsa nice stuff in here. I like the lions. I'm a Leo. Rooooooarrr. Ano ngayon?
We were having coffee when the musical fountain started. And the pictorial followed.
Kenya another. Loads of people.
Nice view in front of the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia pavillion and the ferris wheel in the background, which Obet desperately wanted to ride.
At Central Perk. But without "friends". Get it? 
Inside the UAE pavillion, where I bought nice flats. I'm glad I bought them because a few minutes later my thongs fell apart and I was suddenly walking barefoot near the Iraq pavillion.
In front of the China pavillion. It's huge, and they sell really cheap stuff too. Obet wanted a chiong sam so badly. Of course we had to stop him from buying one.
Sino daw to? Tumingin pa si baklit. Imberna!
Fireworks in the background. Winner!
Arvin, Obet and me in front of the Thailand pavillion. That's right in front of the crepe stall! Arvin, me and Mye in front of the Kenya pavillion. Lotsa nice stuff in here. I like the lions. I'm a Leo. Rooooooarrr. Ano ngayon?We were having coffee when the musical fountain started. And the pictorial followed.Kenya another. Loads of people.Nice view in front of the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia pavillion and the ferris wheel in the background, which Obet desperately wanted to ride.At Central Perk. But without "friends". Get it? Inside the UAE pavillion, where I bought nice flats. I'm glad I bought them because a few minutes later my thongs fell apart and I was suddenly walking barefoot near the Iraq pavillion.In front of the China pavillion. It's huge, and they sell really cheap stuff too. Obet wanted a chiong sam so badly. Of course we had to stop him from buying one.Sino daw to? Tumingin pa si baklit. Imberna!Fireworks in the background. Winner!On the way home. Traffic. Our trusted friend Omar Ali going his "Chika lang mother". I told him it meant "joke only", which is true. I didn't tell him it was such a gay thing to say though. And this guy is a homophobe.
Thursday, January 11, 2007
un petit idiot?
I can’t quite figure this out.
It was definitely a Hello Stranger meeting.
It was absolutely something out of a movie.
A B-movie that could only afford to use a crepe stand as a set.
And I can’t believe it is still here.
It hasn’t gone away.
It certainly made my days brighter and my nights less cold.
You can start calling me Sunny and I won’t mind!
This is disgusting. I am a giant bundle of joy!
What a delight to feel this.
And it is truly overwhelming.
Don’t put out the fire, it’s keeping me warm!
He’s the pashmina I never had.
Well I have one but it’s not pure pashmina, just a shitty shawl really.
And I don’t regret every single second I’ve spent with him.
And I don’t care if you think, “un petit naif femme”.
Cela m'est égal.
A bientot!
It was definitely a Hello Stranger meeting.
It was absolutely something out of a movie.
A B-movie that could only afford to use a crepe stand as a set.
And I can’t believe it is still here.
It hasn’t gone away.
It certainly made my days brighter and my nights less cold.
You can start calling me Sunny and I won’t mind!
This is disgusting. I am a giant bundle of joy!
What a delight to feel this.
And it is truly overwhelming.
Don’t put out the fire, it’s keeping me warm!
He’s the pashmina I never had.
Well I have one but it’s not pure pashmina, just a shitty shawl really.
And I don’t regret every single second I’ve spent with him.
And I don’t care if you think, “un petit naif femme”.
Cela m'est égal.
A bientot!
let me!
I have been invited to attend a gala dinner on Saturday.
It’s no big deal really.
I am NOT the guest of honor.
BUT BUT BUT!
I will wear my shoes.
Let me put my “sexiness” to the test.
And let me hide under the table if I fail.
It’s no big deal really.
I am NOT the guest of honor.
BUT BUT BUT!
I will wear my shoes.
Let me put my “sexiness” to the test.
And let me hide under the table if I fail.
you....
- bring him lunch at his work place
- search for this rare medicine to lower his cholesterol level
- tell all your friends to support his business
- alter your body clock drastically to accommodate him
- say things that would normally make you throw up...mainly because they're straight from the heart (can't believe i wrote HEART here)
- scrub yourself silly
- let your hair down, even if it irritates your face
- give him a Kenyan toy because he loves Africa
- learn a little French, the language you've tried to avoid all your life because you're just not born "nasally skilled" and... well, it's hard to speak
- go all the way to the other side of the world to visit him
The above are the things I advice you to do if you want to show someone how much you care for him.
Because this might be your one shot at romance, and just like in all the other things you do, you must do your best in this.
And I never even imagined I could have this. Now I have it, I don't know for how long, but NOW matters and I want to do it right this time.
Little sacrifices go a long way. Contrary to my past belief that giving your all might be a waste of time and might ruin you, I now believe that with the kindness and sweetness he has shown me and the time and effort he has devoted to me in a short span of time, he deserves the best. No, this hasn't ruined me.
It didn't complete me either. It just made me happier. Much happier.
I swear.
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
can i be sexy now? please?
I bought sexy shoes!
I bought sexy shoes!
I bought sexy shoes!
Sexy by my standards of course.
It's just a simple bronze pair, but I've never had one like it before.
It's nice, it goes well with all my bronze stuff.
But I bet I'll just wear my new shoes on very special occasions.
Hope not my wedding day.
A little earlier than that please.
Thanks to Jen.
She bought a pair of nice pumps to go with her Coach bag.
With lovely heart chains.
I'm not there yet.
Plain bronze ones should do.
Happy feet!
....no, SEXY FEET!
I bought sexy shoes!
I bought sexy shoes!
Sexy by my standards of course.
It's just a simple bronze pair, but I've never had one like it before.
It's nice, it goes well with all my bronze stuff.
But I bet I'll just wear my new shoes on very special occasions.
Hope not my wedding day.
A little earlier than that please.
Thanks to Jen.
She bought a pair of nice pumps to go with her Coach bag.
With lovely heart chains.
I'm not there yet.
Plain bronze ones should do.
Happy feet!
....no, SEXY FEET!
Old Friends by Everything But the Girl
not for the first time I looked back on all those yearsnot for the last time names will ring in my earsWhen there was just a gang of us storming the town by train and busa moment of thought this heart sends to old friends
not for the first time I looked back on all those yearsnot for the last time names will ring in my earsWhen there was just a gang of us storming the town by train and busa moment of thought this heart sends to old friends
standing here with my arm around you, life's moved onand all its borderlines are being redrawnthe winter has come the roads are white everyone's home late tonightmay we stay or will it depend as old friends
in the end , still old friends
not for the first time I looked back on all those yearsnot for the last time names will ring in my earsWhen there was just a gang of us storming the town by train and busa moment of thought this heart sends to old friends
standing here with my arm around you, life's moved onand all its borderlines are being redrawnthe winter has come the roads are white everyone's home late tonightmay we stay or will it depend as old friends
in the end , still old friends
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
unsexy
Jen and I had coffee last night and we went around the mall to go window shopping.
I tried on some pairs of shoes, which in Jen’s opinion were “not sexy”.
Aha! All these years I’ve opted for “unsexy” shoes, which potentially ruined my outfits.
Oh no. Major panic.
Jen told me to choose heels instead of dreadfully plain thongs, because shoes can change your life.
Oh no oh no, 24 years of being unsexy. That’s an important revelation.
The push-up bras, the red lipstick, the witty one-liners!
None of them really counted because I’ve been wearing ugly flats the whole time!
Must do some shoe shopping within the week.
No wonder Jen’s boyfriend Khashif told me on more than one occasion to drop the gypsy act and start dressing like a chick.
But first of all I must start LOOKING like one.
I tried on some pairs of shoes, which in Jen’s opinion were “not sexy”.
Aha! All these years I’ve opted for “unsexy” shoes, which potentially ruined my outfits.
Oh no. Major panic.
Jen told me to choose heels instead of dreadfully plain thongs, because shoes can change your life.
Oh no oh no, 24 years of being unsexy. That’s an important revelation.
The push-up bras, the red lipstick, the witty one-liners!
None of them really counted because I’ve been wearing ugly flats the whole time!
Must do some shoe shopping within the week.
No wonder Jen’s boyfriend Khashif told me on more than one occasion to drop the gypsy act and start dressing like a chick.
But first of all I must start LOOKING like one.
Monday, January 08, 2007
a little overacting
A little overacting, a little over the edge.
A little zest to life, a little sweet surprise.
A little speed won’t hurt, a little overtaking.
A little carefree for my age, a little overacting.
A little zest to life, a little sweet surprise.
A little speed won’t hurt, a little overtaking.
A little carefree for my age, a little overacting.
what work?
I was late for work today.
Late. Like, three hours late.
But it was all right, because I had a lovely time catching up on my sleep.
My boss sternly advised me not to do this again.
I won't.
It's just that I've been extremely tired the past few days, and I needed a short sweet break to catch my breath.
Last night Jen and I went to Global Village to go around and torture our feet.
And there was Guillaume looking so cute in a chef's vest, and before I knew it I was finishing my chocolate and strawberry crepe and Jen's egg and cheese crepe like a madman.
It was stupid really, trying to show him that I could eat more than one large crepe.
That didn't really prove anything.
But he was so cute!
I just wanted to send a very important message across --- that I would stuff my face with bad fats to prove how much I liked him.
I also bought him a souvenir from Kenya, a nice hand-made figure of a girl and a boy on a bicycle, all made from wood shavings/dried leaves and rubbish soft wire.
He liked it. He said he'd put it in his new room in his new flat.
And can he just forget about the Japanese guy Sherry and I approached.
We just asked the guy for a copy of the Japanese pop song playing at the Japanese pavillion.
We just found it really amusing, like Britney from Japan singing stuff that made us bob our heads. We couldn't even understand the lyrics, but it made us dance with the Sumo wrestler.
And that was it. Nothing more.
Honestly.
He kept on saying "Going to Japan?" until my small Kenyan gift shut him up and made him believe I liked him and only him!
All right.
Back to work.
Late. Like, three hours late.
But it was all right, because I had a lovely time catching up on my sleep.
My boss sternly advised me not to do this again.
I won't.
It's just that I've been extremely tired the past few days, and I needed a short sweet break to catch my breath.
Last night Jen and I went to Global Village to go around and torture our feet.
And there was Guillaume looking so cute in a chef's vest, and before I knew it I was finishing my chocolate and strawberry crepe and Jen's egg and cheese crepe like a madman.
It was stupid really, trying to show him that I could eat more than one large crepe.
That didn't really prove anything.
But he was so cute!
I just wanted to send a very important message across --- that I would stuff my face with bad fats to prove how much I liked him.
I also bought him a souvenir from Kenya, a nice hand-made figure of a girl and a boy on a bicycle, all made from wood shavings/dried leaves and rubbish soft wire.
He liked it. He said he'd put it in his new room in his new flat.
And can he just forget about the Japanese guy Sherry and I approached.
We just asked the guy for a copy of the Japanese pop song playing at the Japanese pavillion.
We just found it really amusing, like Britney from Japan singing stuff that made us bob our heads. We couldn't even understand the lyrics, but it made us dance with the Sumo wrestler.
And that was it. Nothing more.
Honestly.
He kept on saying "Going to Japan?" until my small Kenyan gift shut him up and made him believe I liked him and only him!
All right.
Back to work.
Sunday, January 07, 2007
unreserved prose
Last night Guillaume visited me extra early, like 1 AM (Jeeesus). Global Village was quiet, as everyone planned to have an early night in preparation for work today, and so his small crepery had to close down a little earlier. He looked extra fine last night. We went to Crowne Plaza for mojitos and he told me stuff about his teenage years (which weren’t very long ago), and life in Europe. I realized that I still had a lot to learn about the world, and the information he volunteered, while not really useful, was interesting and welcome to my library of trivias.
I like making him pronounce French words, so I can feel like I’m in Paris and so I can secretly laugh at the nasal sounds of them. Take Elizabeth Arden for example. He pronounced it as Eleezabeth Arghhhhden, like he was about to spit, God forbid in my face. Very entertaining.
It’s certainly wise to be wary. But I don’t really know what I’m trying to be wise for. Some things in one’s life are fleeting, and Guillaume may be one of them in my life, but I really want to make the most of it and just go through the whole thing, and it is much better than thinking, “Ok get this over with. What do you want? Stay or scram.” That was me. That’s how I sounded before. Not very pleasant huh? And the thing about Guillaume, he makes an effort to spend time with me. Be with me. Even in unimaginable times. And he’s such a fun guy. He’s always walking around bumping into things and hugging me. And while we hugged I thanked him for the warmth his hug had given me, and he had to ruin the moment by asking what “hug” meant. But it’s ok. I like ruined moments. (Still dream eyed.)
I hope he’s all right and I know I can only hope and not demand or expect, but as long as he is there I will open my doors to him. It makes so much sense. And I am rationalizing my feelings again! But that’s a good sign, because it means I’ve taken off the sign on my forehead that said “Jaded Hag”.
Happiness is not a crime. And this man has never done anything to hurt me. Hallelujah! I am tempted to write another piece entitled “What if it ends tomorrow?”, but I’ve decided to get on with that one if and when it happens.
OK for the second time this gushing has GOT to stop.
Later maybe.
I like making him pronounce French words, so I can feel like I’m in Paris and so I can secretly laugh at the nasal sounds of them. Take Elizabeth Arden for example. He pronounced it as Eleezabeth Arghhhhden, like he was about to spit, God forbid in my face. Very entertaining.
It’s certainly wise to be wary. But I don’t really know what I’m trying to be wise for. Some things in one’s life are fleeting, and Guillaume may be one of them in my life, but I really want to make the most of it and just go through the whole thing, and it is much better than thinking, “Ok get this over with. What do you want? Stay or scram.” That was me. That’s how I sounded before. Not very pleasant huh? And the thing about Guillaume, he makes an effort to spend time with me. Be with me. Even in unimaginable times. And he’s such a fun guy. He’s always walking around bumping into things and hugging me. And while we hugged I thanked him for the warmth his hug had given me, and he had to ruin the moment by asking what “hug” meant. But it’s ok. I like ruined moments. (Still dream eyed.)
I hope he’s all right and I know I can only hope and not demand or expect, but as long as he is there I will open my doors to him. It makes so much sense. And I am rationalizing my feelings again! But that’s a good sign, because it means I’ve taken off the sign on my forehead that said “Jaded Hag”.
Happiness is not a crime. And this man has never done anything to hurt me. Hallelujah! I am tempted to write another piece entitled “What if it ends tomorrow?”, but I’ve decided to get on with that one if and when it happens.
OK for the second time this gushing has GOT to stop.
Later maybe.
Saturday, January 06, 2007
New Year's Eve photos
Here are two photos (taken with Arvin's camera, obviously) all the way form Dubai... New Year's Eve with Obet, Sherry. Mai, Jen and Arvin.
The first picture was taken at Xurness' Bur Dubai flat, which by the way is very classy and spacious. Masks, torotot, champagne, and lotsa party poppers!
The second one was in front of Crowne Plaza, where we waited for Jen and Sherry for ages before going to the party together in full force. Our background? Of course the famous Emirates Towers, where people wine and dine and buy really nice expensive stuff.
Grabbed these photos from Arvin's Friendster. Hehehe.
all the way from manila
Mama and I had a nice chat today.
She sent me some pictures that I would like all of you to see.
My mother and little cousins are lovely.
I miss having fun with them.
Friday, January 05, 2007
shameless and dreamy-eyed
That's right.
Another night of champagne with Guillaume.
We toasted to the 35-dirham bottle Colin got for us (excellent for such a price) and had a fun night.
I can't quite explain his personality.
He's different from other French men I've met because he's a little rugged and clumsy, two traits that I guess are not very French.
He must be a goof in France, because he laughs like a hyena when he wants to and spills champagne all over the villa (kitchen, living room etc etc).
But under normal circumstances is the sweetest man in the world.
Sometimes he says things that really make me want to burst out laughing, but then I realize that he's not joking.
And he handles emergency situations really well.
Like when we went to Fairmont and he didn't expect the bill to be so huge, and even after my contribution we were still short. After failed attempts at the ATM machine he finally convinced the waiter and front duty officer to accept his Euros. It was supposed to be absolutely embarrassing, but too much alcohol caused us to see this as a trivial incident, something we just don't remember after a few laughs.
And that's really what's charming about him.
I like laughing at him and with him and he's just very steady.
I am just so happy to spend time with him.
And sometimes the traffic is bad and it can be a three-hour drive to my place, he still comes to visit. Right after 10 hours of non-stop crepe making.
That's something that really impressed me.
And I don't feel stupid mispronouncing French words with him.
I can learn. He can teach me.
And this embarrassing gushing has really got to end.
Right about now.
Another night of champagne with Guillaume.
We toasted to the 35-dirham bottle Colin got for us (excellent for such a price) and had a fun night.
I can't quite explain his personality.
He's different from other French men I've met because he's a little rugged and clumsy, two traits that I guess are not very French.
He must be a goof in France, because he laughs like a hyena when he wants to and spills champagne all over the villa (kitchen, living room etc etc).
But under normal circumstances is the sweetest man in the world.
Sometimes he says things that really make me want to burst out laughing, but then I realize that he's not joking.
And he handles emergency situations really well.
Like when we went to Fairmont and he didn't expect the bill to be so huge, and even after my contribution we were still short. After failed attempts at the ATM machine he finally convinced the waiter and front duty officer to accept his Euros. It was supposed to be absolutely embarrassing, but too much alcohol caused us to see this as a trivial incident, something we just don't remember after a few laughs.
And that's really what's charming about him.
I like laughing at him and with him and he's just very steady.
I am just so happy to spend time with him.
And sometimes the traffic is bad and it can be a three-hour drive to my place, he still comes to visit. Right after 10 hours of non-stop crepe making.
That's something that really impressed me.
And I don't feel stupid mispronouncing French words with him.
I can learn. He can teach me.
And this embarrassing gushing has really got to end.
Right about now.
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
hope
My very first blog entry was all about optimism. By being such an eager beaver, would I end up happy, or was I blindly getting ready to get hurt?
Of course I wanted to be happy, I still do.
So I decided to be an optimist instead of a masochist.
Both are just states of mind, really.
And the former is definitely a better one.
I realized that it is not easy to be optimistic.
It's an aqcuired skill, a talent anyone would be so lucky to possess.
The moment I get scared I try very very hard to brush negative thoughts away.
Most of the time, I just try to forget about my fears and deal with them later.
This non-confrontational attitude is also detrimental to my happiness, because at the back of my mind I always have something to worry about while I try my best to have fun and enjoy the moment.
Now that’s awfully hard, and if I keep on doing that I might end up getting a heart attack or in a mental institution. Or unhappy.
Right now the happiness is just overwhelming, and things are going so fast that I’m having a hard time convincing myself that it’s going to be all right.
Pretty soon things might change for the worse and I wouldn’t know what hit me.
But I’ve made a mistake of being cold and practicing emotional self-censorship in the recent past, and I ended up sad and alone. I didn’t even enjoy each moment of something that could have been good for me. I just dismissed everything, until I realized that my anticipation of the worst actually caused the worst to occur.
So God was kind enough to give me something new this year, and it feels good.
I want to keep on doing this NOW, now that the opportunity is here and someone cares for me and is willing to spend time with me.
I’ve been so open with my feelings, saying things that are taboo in my made-up bible of first-stage dating.
But being open makes me feel good, even if I know it is also the key to getting hurt fast and badly.
But like someone said, the clever know enough to become cynical, but the truly wise are those that are clever enough not to become cynical, no matter what.
I’ve always neglected to mention the feeling I’ve always had inside me, a feeling that goes perfectly well with happiness.
HOPE.
I’ve been on Marlboro Lights all my smoking life that I’ve been keeping Hope in the periphery.
Of course I wanted to be happy, I still do.
So I decided to be an optimist instead of a masochist.
Both are just states of mind, really.
And the former is definitely a better one.
I realized that it is not easy to be optimistic.
It's an aqcuired skill, a talent anyone would be so lucky to possess.
The moment I get scared I try very very hard to brush negative thoughts away.
Most of the time, I just try to forget about my fears and deal with them later.
This non-confrontational attitude is also detrimental to my happiness, because at the back of my mind I always have something to worry about while I try my best to have fun and enjoy the moment.
Now that’s awfully hard, and if I keep on doing that I might end up getting a heart attack or in a mental institution. Or unhappy.
Right now the happiness is just overwhelming, and things are going so fast that I’m having a hard time convincing myself that it’s going to be all right.
Pretty soon things might change for the worse and I wouldn’t know what hit me.
But I’ve made a mistake of being cold and practicing emotional self-censorship in the recent past, and I ended up sad and alone. I didn’t even enjoy each moment of something that could have been good for me. I just dismissed everything, until I realized that my anticipation of the worst actually caused the worst to occur.
So God was kind enough to give me something new this year, and it feels good.
I want to keep on doing this NOW, now that the opportunity is here and someone cares for me and is willing to spend time with me.
I’ve been so open with my feelings, saying things that are taboo in my made-up bible of first-stage dating.
But being open makes me feel good, even if I know it is also the key to getting hurt fast and badly.
But like someone said, the clever know enough to become cynical, but the truly wise are those that are clever enough not to become cynical, no matter what.
I’ve always neglected to mention the feeling I’ve always had inside me, a feeling that goes perfectly well with happiness.
HOPE.
I’ve been on Marlboro Lights all my smoking life that I’ve been keeping Hope in the periphery.
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
warm
It was a long night for me.
My New Year's Day exceeded 24 hours.And I'm happy.
I actually didn't sleep, if you can believe that.
Now I have a bad cold and possibly dying.
It's so cold. So cold. So freaking cold.
I'm such a frog.
But it's odd. Deep down I haven't felt so warm in months.
Must be Guillaume and his champagne.
Must be Guillaume alone.
Must be my thoughts of Guillaume.
Or must be my hopes of seeing Guillaume again.
Whatever it is, it keeps me warm at 18 degrees, noontime.
I heard tonight it's dropping to 9 degrees.
Which means I need to feel much warmer later.
Guillaume.
Sigh.
My New Year's Day exceeded 24 hours.And I'm happy.
I actually didn't sleep, if you can believe that.
Now I have a bad cold and possibly dying.
It's so cold. So cold. So freaking cold.
I'm such a frog.
But it's odd. Deep down I haven't felt so warm in months.
Must be Guillaume and his champagne.
Must be Guillaume alone.
Must be my thoughts of Guillaume.
Or must be my hopes of seeing Guillaume again.
Whatever it is, it keeps me warm at 18 degrees, noontime.
I heard tonight it's dropping to 9 degrees.
Which means I need to feel much warmer later.
Guillaume.
Sigh.
Monday, January 01, 2007
nice feeling
I feel like galloping through the crowds on the streets today.
While humming a Japanese pop song.
I just feel so good. So good.
Even better than James Brown did (may he rest in peace).
There's just something in the air. In the sweet-smelling air!
Normally when I feel like this I also want to slap myself for being so happy.
Usually when I feel this great something happens to bring me right into a slump.
But not this time. Everyday is a happy day, remember?
Optimism can do miracles.
Makes you feel productive, and hopeful, and fresh, and lets you sleep peacefully at night with eagerness to wake up the next day.
While humming a Japanese pop song.
I just feel so good. So good.
Even better than James Brown did (may he rest in peace).
There's just something in the air. In the sweet-smelling air!
Normally when I feel like this I also want to slap myself for being so happy.
Usually when I feel this great something happens to bring me right into a slump.
But not this time. Everyday is a happy day, remember?
Optimism can do miracles.
Makes you feel productive, and hopeful, and fresh, and lets you sleep peacefully at night with eagerness to wake up the next day.
no strangers
Jen, Obet, Sherry, Mai, Arvin and I were invited to a New Year's party in a Bur Dubai flat. Xurness, a fellow UP alumnus, and his event were fabulous.
There was unlimited booze, champagne most importantly.
And they gave each of us a mask, a torotot and a party popper, so by midnight we were all making noise and having our pictures taken and shouting happy New Year.
Then there was karaoke. The nice part was, we danced with some people we never ever met.
We'd never even sat down and talked to Xurness before this party.
We were so glad we came. Thanks for this, X!
And then Jen, Sherry and I went to the Fairmont to have tea and freaking creme brulee. They're angels. They kept me company until Guillaume and his friend came.
Jen and Sherry left and the guys were a bit disappointed because there was no champagne or wine. It was 4 AM and Cascades only served drinks til 3.
So I invited them to our place, where ever-dependable Breezers were waiting for us, and we had a nice chat.
They're planning to expand their crepe business, and though I must hate crepe because of its evil calorie content, I like the crepe men (especially Guillaume). And therefore I love their crepe. I don't need to eat them all the time do I?
It was an unusual new year's eve and morning for me.
Aside from my dear friends I spent them with what you would call almost complete strangers, but they were warm and friendly and fun like friends I've known for years.
Do we keep the friendship? Are there more parties to attend? Are there more crepes to eat and nice conversations to look forward to? I guess I'll never know.
But I've proven one thing --- there are no strangers in this world if you choose not to be a stranger yourself. So let me be a friend of everyone, and who knows what's in store for me in 2007?
There was unlimited booze, champagne most importantly.
And they gave each of us a mask, a torotot and a party popper, so by midnight we were all making noise and having our pictures taken and shouting happy New Year.
Then there was karaoke. The nice part was, we danced with some people we never ever met.
We'd never even sat down and talked to Xurness before this party.
We were so glad we came. Thanks for this, X!
And then Jen, Sherry and I went to the Fairmont to have tea and freaking creme brulee. They're angels. They kept me company until Guillaume and his friend came.
Jen and Sherry left and the guys were a bit disappointed because there was no champagne or wine. It was 4 AM and Cascades only served drinks til 3.
So I invited them to our place, where ever-dependable Breezers were waiting for us, and we had a nice chat.
They're planning to expand their crepe business, and though I must hate crepe because of its evil calorie content, I like the crepe men (especially Guillaume). And therefore I love their crepe. I don't need to eat them all the time do I?
It was an unusual new year's eve and morning for me.
Aside from my dear friends I spent them with what you would call almost complete strangers, but they were warm and friendly and fun like friends I've known for years.
Do we keep the friendship? Are there more parties to attend? Are there more crepes to eat and nice conversations to look forward to? I guess I'll never know.
But I've proven one thing --- there are no strangers in this world if you choose not to be a stranger yourself. So let me be a friend of everyone, and who knows what's in store for me in 2007?
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