tiramisu binge

hi everyone, i can't sleep.
i had a lovely evening with my friends.
i'd love to tell you about it, but they're asleep in the living room.
my noisy typing might wake them up.
will tell you about it later.

i just want to tell you that i have always hated pets.
but the more i get to know the men i like,
the more i consider taking in a mongrel.

it might smell, but it doesn't have commitment issues.
plus it can be your best friend.

you're a winner

i don't prefer you to him
i just want someone to fill me
i'm a slot machine
trying to find a way for you to win
but you keep screwing things up

what a way to win
just like that,
me giving in
only you've taken in another one
and i get bypassed

it's a mad mad world
seeing where i belong
it's got to end
i've got to make myself known

i'm one of a kind
i know this for a fact
but you're suuuper fine
and i can't keep up with that
i'm far behind
running and running
panting and panting

you're a winner
can't you see?

i'm just waiting
to get tired
before i move on
to the next winner

money for you, money for me

right now, i can't appreciate this poem:

Money can buy a bed
but not sleep...

Money can buy books
but not wisdom....

Money can buy food
but not appetite....

Money can buy finery
but not beauty..or the real essence of it...

Money can buy a house, mansion even..
but never a home...

Money can buy medicine
but not health....

Money can buy luxuries
but not culture....

Money can buy amusement
but not HAPPINESS!

Money can buy companions
but not FRIENDS!

Money can buy flattery
but not RESPECT.....

got this fr jessel, i dont know where she got it : )

3 FABULOUS ZEENAS I GOOGLED

ZEENA PARKINS

Zeena Parkins, multi-instrumentalist, composer, improvisor, well-known as a pioneer of the electric harp, has also extended the language of the acoustic harp with the inventive use of unusual playing techniques, preparations, and layers of digital and analog processing.

ZEENA LAVEY

Zeena Schreck, born Zeena Galatea LaVey, was born November 19, 1963, the only child of Anton LaVey and Diane Hegarty (Founders of the Church of Satan).
She had the most highly publicized and well known Satanic baptism ever performed (at the infamous Black House), which was recorded and released by her father along with other Satanic Rituals done during the 1960s.As a young woman, Zeena had separated herself from the Church and spent five years living a normal married life. Following divorce, she returned to her father's household and served as High Priestess from 1985 to 1990. Although she appeared in media interviews as a spokeswoman for Satanism, relations between Zeena and her father were not smooth. He and Zeena's mother, Diane Hegarty, were on very rough terms (Hegarty was suing him for palimony) and Zeena sided with her mother.

ZEENA GULZAR

26 year old Zeena was born & brought up in Nottingham. Her father was from Pakistan & her mother is from an Irish background.
Zeena's natural singing gift was evident when, at the age of 15, she received a standing ovation at a School concert singing with a class mate the classic 'Tonight I Celebrate My Love For You'.

"Zeena's a talented girl with rock solid determination - in many ways the antithesis of a wannabe popstar. By bringing together great song writers and experienced producers, we hope to come up with a bit of funky pop magic."

my religious philosophy

You are a Self-Discoverer

You're not religious, but you've created your own kind of spirituality. Introspective and thoughtful, you tend to look inward for the divine. You are distrusting of all forms of organized religion. You especially dislike religious gurus and leaders, who you feel are charlatans.

What's Your Religious Philosophy?

how i live my life

How You Life Your Life

You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside. You're laid back and chill, but sometimes you care too much about what others think. You prefer a variety of friends and tend to change friends quickly. Some of your past dreams have disappointed you, but you don't let it get you down.

How Do You Live Your Life?

happy and gay!

You Are 76% Happy

You are a very happy person. Generally, you feel content and that all is right with the world. Occasionally, you have a down day - but you have the ability to pick yourself right back up.

How Happy Are You?

best advise ever

nothings

One after the other
Doesn't make sense.
Different faces, different races (kaleidoscope world, hehe).
They all poisoned me with disillusion.
And I can only choke until I'm okay.
I open my eyes,
I guard myself and watch out for danger.
24/7.
Still, where do they come from?
I don't see them coming.
They're just . . . there.
And so I make the most out of the moment.
And they make the most out of me.

Loneliness is the only thing I fear in this world.
Isn't that absurd?
And who would have guessed
that I would be alone for such a long long time?

Where are you?
You can be the one for me.
Escape my world and I'll wait patiently
for another nameless face..
Wait for me
Tell me your name and then we'll see
who wins this game.
But maybe we will find out that
it's possible to win without playing.

I feel a little lonely now
The night is over, again I'm sober.
But maybe you can help somehow
Entertain me, then you can shame me.

And if you call after this,
No I won't resist
The urge to stay awhile
A decision so futile.
But I won't mind.
I always don't mind.
I'm not in my right mind.
Never mind.

well, i had no idea

"Ex-Girlfriend"

I kinda always knew I'd end up your ex-girlfriend
I kinda always knew I'd end up your ex-girlfriend
I kinda always knew I'd end up your ex-girlfriend
I hope I hold a special place with the rest of them
And you know it makes me sick to be on that list
But I should have thought of that before we kissed

You say you're gonna burn before you mellow
I will be the one to burn you
Why'd you have to go and pick me?
When you knew that we were different, completely

I kinda always knew I'd end up your ex-girlfriend
I kinda always knew I'd end up your ex-girlfriend
I hope I hold a special place with the rest of them
I kinda always knew I'd end up your ex-girlfriend

I'm another ex-girlfriend on your list
But I should have thought of that before we kissed

Your wildness scares me
So does your freedom
You say you can't stand the restrictions
I find myself trying to change you
If you were meant to be my lover I wouldn't have to

And I feel so mean, I feel in between
'Cause I'm about to give you away

I kinda always knew I'd end up your ex-girlfriend (for someone else to take)
I kinda always knew I'd end up your ex-girlfriend (am I making a mistake?)
I hope I hold a special place with the rest of them (all the time that we wasted)
I kinda always knew I'd end up your ex-girl, friend

I'm another ex-girlfriend on your list
But I should have thought of that before we kissed
I'm another ex-girlfriend on your list
But I should have thought of that before we kissed

I'm about to give you away for someone else to take
I'm about to give you away for someone else to take

We keep repeating mistakes for souvenirs
And we've been in between the days for years
And I know that when I see you I'm going to die
I know I'm going to want you and you know why
It's going to kill me to see you with the next girl
'Cause I'm the most gorgeously jealous kind of ex-girl

But I should have thought of that before we kissed...

I kinda always knew I'd end up your ex-girlfriend
I kinda always knew I'd end up your ex-girlfriend
I hope I hold a special place with the rest of them
I kinda always knew I'd end up your ex-girlfriend

I'm another ex-girlfriend on your list
But I should have thought of that before we kissed
I'm another ex-girlfriend on your list
But I should have thought of that before we kissed

PINKING ALOUD

PAINT MY DAY PINK, PLEASE!

These are my Pinks. Let me tell you about them.

Me and my fellow Pink Jel (rightmost in the picture) had just graduated from college and were looking for work. Then we learned about Creative Development Group, a group of TV brainstormers with ideas as fresh as ours. We told ourselves that while Jel waited for an opportunity to become the CEO of an advertising company and I prayed for an opportuniy to appear on TV, we might as well spend our time parttiming at CDG.

Then we met Bridge (second from left, can't miss her!), a fellow rookie at CDG. She was bubbly and up for a cigarette anytime, so Jel and I became friends with her. Well, her bubbliness turned out to be 20% of her personality. When we started brainstorming she created her own scary, action-packed, mistery-driven, dark dark dark TV concepts.

We met Lye, a happy person with shoulder-length blond curls. He was a senior brainstormer then, and was known for his wits and outstanding vocal stylings. When we neophytes had the chance to work with him, we then knew that we just had to have a dose of Lye everyday in order to survive -- and even enjoy -- the grueling working hours at CDG. And yes, he's the leftmost in the picture.

Elaine arrived at the CDG office in January 2005 looking so pretty and vulnerable. Along with a few other probationary members, we got to know Elaine better and personally, I discovered that she could be much stronger than me in many ways. And our friendship went beyond me teasing her about her Visayan accent.

And of course, since we became friends in college, Jel has become one my life's constants (and I only have a few). Being together in CDG made our friendship grow wonderfully, and our experiences with the other pinks made me realize that we were inseparable.

So whenever we Pinks get together, we talk about our lives.
We talk about Mother Lye's feelings of emptiness and desire for a change in his life.
We talk about Elaine's year-long lovelife dilemma that has had very interesting developments in the past few months.
We talk about Bridge and her frustrations, her angst, her career moves.
We talk about Jel's unpredictable lovelife and her surefire achievable goals.
We talk about my lovelife, how I always have a sucky one.

Sometimes we don't talk.
Lye strangles Bridge or pulls Elaine's hair.
Lye, Bridge and I finish a pack of Marlboro Lights on the helipad.
Jel scolds me, Elaine, Lye and Bridge for making wrong choices in life (well, that's when she's not doing her Alma Morano dance).
We look at men: on the streets, in the office, on the internet, in the *bar, at the beach... brainless men, nameless men, easygoing men, uptight men, men who like other men.
Or we sing.
Jel sings "Ocean Deep"
I sing "Saving All My Love For You"
Elaine sings "All My Life"
Bridge sings "Til They Take My Heart Away"
Lye sings "Through the Fire"
Or we go to an underground bar to watch our favorite rock band, Kiko Machine, kick ass.
Or we have our nails, faces and hair done.

I miss my Pinks. An email from one of them brightens up my day.

Mag email nga kayo mga baklang twoh! Tigilan niyo yang busy-busyhan na yan! Huwag nga kayo! Love you!

fake it to break it

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships. (Sharon Stone)

I never imagined I would someday borrow some words of wisdom from Sharon Stone. Well, she’s right.

Relationships are very precious to me. I remember how my first romantic relationship began. It was a hot no-class day in July 2002, and we were parked in front of Ateneo’s Belarmine Hall. I told him to bring me home if he did not have any plans of getting serious, because I was not that kind of girl. He left the car, probably thinking he did not need to be put on the spot by some impatient bitch, but came back with two cups of coffee. “I want to preserve out relationship. Would you be my girlfriend?” I argued some more, never making him forget about his commitment issues, but he asked the question again. And that’s when it all started to make sense to me. A commitment is something to be treasured. Someone actually wanted to be with me and take me in from the dark cold night also known as nineteen years of singleness.

Now how real was that? No one really knows for sure. But I felt that it was. For two and a half years we were committed, happily fulfilling our promise to love each other no matter what, until one of us decided to end the relationship, and I did not bother to think whether what we had was real. Really, what is real? Well, all I know is that he was such an honest, law abiding citizen to the point of being obsessive compulsive that he could not have faked his part in the relationship.

And I realized that you can only acquire bits and pieces of information, some of them merely based on intuition or inference, in order to determine whether a man is being sincere or not. A relationship may last for decades, and still, a woman cannot be sure whether what she has will lead to forever.

Which is why I don’t want to get married. (OK here I go again, but please hear this out.) Marriage doesn’t guarantee the realness of a man, or a woman, or the love between them. And oftentimes I think that someone is finally here to let me experience the luxury of real love, but just as often, I turn out to be wrong. Nothing wrong with making a few mistakes, but there is definitely wrong with the way some men handle relationships. I didn’t ask for them to court me and stay interested in me and give me things and ask me to be their girlfriend. And in the end I would find out that everything was a big fat joke, but no one was laughing.

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.

(Robin Williams)

hangover blah blahs

lately the people i have been conversing with have either inquired about my opinion on marriage, or have maneuvered in the direction that led me to "voluntarily" divulge my disinterest in being tied down.

well, i once had a dream of being married, having white picket fences, sharing a pitcher of orange juice in the yard with the kids and my husband. In short, I wanted to be the perfect wife.

well. i guess i said goodbye to that dream. i realized that having a family is not a priority. I want to meet lots of people and travel and really LIVE.

last night while waiting for my laundry to finish i had a very interesting conversation with our housemate mike, over a couple of breezers and good wine. our talk lasted for 3 hours, and if i weren't about to drop dead from sleepiness, i'd have stayed longer for a few more glasses of wine. personal opinions on sociopolitical issues. the importance of creativity. the lack of it dubai. people in general. life. his marriage. my hair!

i realized, i can have a million conversations like this with many interesting people all over the world, and honestly, right now, that sounds much more exciting than the picture of my future family in a big home.

i can temporarily own picket fences and white sheets and a person's attention for a night. own children for a day, have a few drinks with a stranger the next.

ok maybe in time i will want a family to go home to, but right now i'm a happy nomad.

(yawn)

HURRICANE by natalie imbruglia

It came on like a hurricane
And I don't understand
And it moved me
Like a slow dance
Still I don't understand
It pushed me like a tailwind
And I don't understand
And it came in
Through the back door
And I don't understand
Still I don't understand
You're all that I could need
And I'm falling on my knees

Hurricane
You pulled me out of the past
And landed me in today
Hurricane
You pulled me out of the past
And walked me into tomorrow
Hurricane

It picked me like a cherry
And I don't understand
And it killed me with the craving
Still I don't understand
It thrilled me to starvation
And I don't understand
And it stripped me ugly naked
And I don't understand
Still I don't understand

You're all that I could be
And I'm falling on my knees

brokeback

BROKE
how do you NOT spend over Dh10 a day?
Tell me and I will kiss your feet.

BACK
my back hurts from the cold.

right brained sistah

Brain Lateralization Test Results

Right Brain (60%) The right hemisphere is the visual, figurative, artistic, and intuitive side of the brain. Left Brain (40%) The left hemisphere is the logical, articulate, assertive, and practical side of the brain

Are You Right or Left Brained?
personality tests by similarminds.com

global personality test (whatever that means)

Global Personality Test Results

Stability (40%) moderately low which suggests you are worrying, insecure, emotional, and anxious. Orderliness (23%) low which suggests you are overly flexible, improvised, and fun seeking at the expense too often of reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment. Extraversion (66%) moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity.

Take Free Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

keep in touch

i think he is not really in touch with me.
he hears random things coming from my mouth
but chooses to ignore them.
maybe there is another way of getting him to listen?

he lets go of my hand and touches it again
as if it belonged to him.
and i cannot let go nor hold his hand first.

liquor to substitute pain
and restlessness to substitute tears.
i am in a different world
but everyday is dejavu.

same same.

i know their smiles are sincere.
but they are getting the best of me.
what to do?
i have no choice but to smile back.

i think he is not really in touch with me
no matter how many times he touches my hand.
or listens to me like i mattered.

tell me.
did you ever feel this way?
if i could, i'd let you.
and if you cannot take it,
i will hold your hand and listen
as if i were really in touch with you.

no kidding.

songs with "middle" from the middle east

Why can't the boys be the toys that the girls want the boys to be? And why can't the girls see the world that the boys want the girls to see?
-Caught up In the Middle, Sugababes

tripping hard falling down onto the ground, cause I can't stand up and I can't fall down. . .and I'm somewhere in the middle of this.
-Somewhere in the Middle, Dishwalla

But it’s a game that I can’t play - not today. I need to tell youTrying to get it throughIt’s not always easy - Left of the middle, Natalie Imbruglia

You know you're doing better on your own, so don't buy in. Live right now. Yeah, just be yourself. It doesn't matter if it's good enough for someone else. It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride. - The Middle, Jimmy Eat World

'Cause he's the man in the middle, never second fiddle. Just like a spider in a cobweb. Hard as a hammer, not the kind of boss you double-cross. Cause he's the man in the middle, knows the way to diddle. He's never bothered by his conscience. Deals with the Devil, 'cause he wants to be.
-Man In the Middle

She is, twenty five, spent over half of her life. So afraid to speak her mind, it’s such a shame. ‘Cause what a brilliant mind she has.
-Back to the Middle, India Arie

older

i'm getting older.
i like older.
older is good.
older is not wiser.
maybe just different?
maybe something new?
something new for older?
interesting.

nah.
i've seen older.
it's not new.
not different either.
just...older.

i don't want to be just older.
i want to be older and better.
perhaps bolder.

yes.
i'm older like everyone
but i'm different.

older.
bolder.
not colder.
not JUST older.

oops. i had too much to drink last night.
what the hell am i saying.
well, older and drunk isn't bad.
older with a hangover?
hmmm sounds fun.

i don't want to be older and sober
but stagnant and numb.

older.
that's older-is to it.

that i would be good

"That I Would Be Good"
alanis morissette

that I would be good even if I did nothing
that I would be good even if I got the thumbs down
that I would be good if I got and stayed sick
that I would be good even if I gained ten pounds
that I would be fine even if I went bankrupt
that I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth
that I would be great if I was no longer queen
that I would be grand if I was not all knowing
that I would be loved even when I numb myself
that I would be good even when I am overwhelmed
that I would be loved even when I was fuming
that I would be good even if I was clingy
that I would be good even if I lost sanity
that I would be goodwhether with or without you

one day off

it's exhausting having only one day off, when you came from a job that had almost 4 days off.
then again, i have no right to compare two separate disciplines, even if they are in the same field (more or less).

yesterday i woke up at 1030 to find fifi downstairs, keeping herself busy with our laundry and breakfast. wow. she's the big sister i never had. hahaha. seriously, i appreciate her efforts. i fixed her stuff and cleaned up her clutter the night before, so I guess i'm not being very abusive. plus she actually ENJOYS household chores.

mike our housemate arrived at 11 am with a dozen of bacardi breezers. for us. yahoo! colin had mike buy them for us at irish village, one of the few places that sold liquor. had one bottle last night. i miss those days with the pinks, intoxicating ourselves silly, singing like there was no tomorrow, and smoking like a chimney. and the giggles! boisterous laughter actually.

2pm we were fetched by ayadh. we had take-away lunch from the automatic restaurant on sheikh zayed road. i am now a fan of lebanese food. not too spicy, but very tasty. fifi and i love it. but we love ayadh more for being our angel (and to think he's an atheist). he just goes out of his way to make sure that we are ok, having fun and not starving. hahaha. but seriously, the best part of the day was when ayadh, fifi and i shared a bottle of really good wine and just talked about anything and everything.

when we have the time and money, fifi and i are planning to go to cyprus. i have no idea why.

borderless society?

that girl who wrote that speech about a borderless society...
the world? a borderless society?
utopian.
going overseas made me realize that the whole world is
underhandedly manipulated by a caste system
that developed intricately over the centuries.
and the modern day version of it is saddening.

you think you're the most beautiful girl in the world?
be careful with your choice of words.
"world" is a big word.
in the world, where do you really belong?
come out of your shell and find out.
.

(no) other woman

hey i read this qoute on the net, hope you all can relate to it:

Don't tell a woman she's pretty; tell her there's no other woman like her, and all roads will open to you. -Jules Renard


women are unique.
today i had a clash with several women of my kind.
and believe me, they're . . . uh. . . tough cookies.

miss juliet really gave it to me via email.
she told me off for not doing something,
which is understandably appalling.

then i told fifi about it,
and i felt like she was putting the blame on me,
when we were both responsible for our action, or lack of it.
it's her time of the month, so i completely understood.
i hope she understood me too.

i don't have my period, but i'm a leo.
and leos just don't have a concept of conceding.
anyway since i am a leo and much too proud to say sorry in person,
sorry fifi.

and as for our grave offense that urged miss juliet to send us
an angry email...
i'm sure we can talk about it over french vanilla ice cream tonight.

best regards,
zeena zalamea
whimpering office woman

personality reflects name

UGLY
by sugababes



When I was 7
They said I was strange
I noticed that my eyes and hair weren't the same
I asked my parents if I was OK
They said you're more beautiful
And that's the way, they show that they wish
That they had your smile
So my confidence was up for a while
I got real comfortable with my own style
I knew that they were only jealous cos
People are all the same
And we only get judged by what we do
Personality reflects name
And if I'm ugly then
So are you
So are you

There was a time when I felt like I cared
That I was shorter than everyone there
People made me feel like life was unfair
And I did things that made me ashamed
Cos I didn't know my body would change
I grew taller than them in more ways
But there will always be the one who will say
Something bad to make them feel great

People are all the same
And we only get judged by what we do
Personality reflects name
And if I'm ugly then
So are you
So are you

People are all the same
And we only get judged by what we do
Personality reflects name
And if I'm ugly then
So are you
So are you

Everybody talks bad about somebody
And never realises how it affects somebody
And you bet it won't be forgotten
Envy is the only thing it could be

Cos people are all the same
And we only get judged by what we do
Personality reflects name
And if I'm ugly then
So are you
So are you

People are all the same
And we only get judged by what we do
Personality reflects name
And if I'm ugly then
So are you
So are you

not good? so what?

surprisingly, i am not yet tired of dubai.
the other night fifi and i explored al diyafah, the road near al satwa, where we live. we walked through a stretch of stores, supermarkets and internet shops, not minding the shawarma-filled aroma.
we bought milk for our australian housemate mike ( i think i drank some of his, sorry mike ), and two pints of ice cream that we finished in a night.
i had one cigarette and a great conversation with fifi, who was busy figuring out what her praline ice cream was made of.

yesterday ayadh picked us up and treated us to lunch at the InterContinental Hotel. a buffet that consisted of 4 different cuisines and a kingdom of desserts. wow.
then ayadh invited us (we invited ourselves, rather) to his flat, where we had a long and fun talk about the usual things --- life, love, relationships, the future. we talk about the same things, but i never cease to learn from him. he's a good man.

he said the best thing to go about it is to figure out what a man can give me, and what i want from him. if both do not match, then i have to get out of it, or else, in the end there is no one else to blame but myself.

what do i want? am i settling for what he can give me, or am i genuinely happy with this? if i spent time thinking about that, i would probably have to stop moving for days.

oh well. these are my life's hey days. i am allowed to make as many mistakes as i want and can. i know i cannot be good, or perfect, or the woman everyone thinks i am, but at least i am being myself.

cheers to deliberate mistakes and a hell-to-the-world future!

not now blog

not now, blog.
i'm busy sending CVs online.

didn't you hear me?
i'm busy.

what do you mean i need a break?
of course not.

i need a job.